An Ordinary Man, Is all I can be!

A little discussion, without any fussing, or fueding or fighting, yes I know many expect me to be the one arguing through, but there comes a time in life, when we all have to say and do what is right.

I am an ordinary man, even today at 67, I still like country music, lite rock and roll, I still hum songs from motown and some filled with soul. I still walk alone as I always have from the day I was born, for I was born with a nature and need to be the only me, all alone.

My birth almost killed my momma I was a big baby boy, at 10 lbs. nine ounces, is the reason why. Yet momma always said I was born with a smile on my face, and it was her who told me, I had a life to embrace.

She raised me through rough times you see, when she thought for sure the seizures would end me. Medicine was not what it is today, so, momma saved my life many times in her own way. The run to the sink, when I started to shake, the running water over my head till the seizure did break. It was all momma knew to do, you see, it was her way of saving me.

By five years old, I was growing you see, turns out that the biggest baby, became the smallest growing up and life was a struggle and it became rough.I fought to survive with momma and dad, and survive the older brother, I had.

By the time I was 9 years old, I was passed to the State for being too bold. For fighting to survive and asking too many questions, yes it was very perplexing.

Alone at the time I would reflect, what I did I do, that no one, did expect. For two long years, I sat there you see in a Center for emotionally disturb children they said like me. I watched others come and go in those days, I watched drugged deathes, fights and gangs, all in one little prison it seemed. I fought being adopted out, I fought so well, it made my moma think twice, and finally come in allowing me home. It seemed to me, I was destined to be alone.

My teenage years hit next you see and the fighting continued between momma and me. I wanted to know who my father was you see, not the step-one, but the real one that produced me. I was told he was a grease monkey and a penny pitching fool and that momma worked to send him to school. I only wanted to know who he was, in my mind it was a just cause.

I waited you see until I was 18, then I bought a ticket on a bus, rode down to say hello after so much. I found a man who looked like me, a man who was doing his thing raising a family. I met 7 step-brothers and sisters you see, and then left them there to be.

I came home to face the wrath of my mom, who wanted to know what went on. When I told her i met my father you see, well she was just so angry. She dragged me down once more to see him, I saw him shake in fear when she came near, he was six foot one over 230 lbs., momma was 5ft 5, 120 all around. Yet he shook and he was so passive, it was a mistake on his side to be passive. I watched it happened and saw it through, and then I knew what I had to do.

Before we left, I pulled him aside, I asked him why he shuddered in fear, and looked him in his eyes without any fear. I told him then and I told him there, don’t let her push you around, if you don’t want her here.

In the car before leaving, I waited for mom, she got in and started the car to go. Suddenly there was a knock on her window, she opened it up and he said to her, if you come here again, I will will call the cops for sure. He came around to my side and I looked at him with some pride, he said to me, If you ever want to come back, your welcome here, and that, I never did forget.

The years would go by, the days and nights so fast, I entered my twenties and time flew past. I was a soilder and sailor, during that time, serving my country, keeping it free for my family and me.

One day, I recieved a notice you see, from The Navy that my father died on me. I did the right thing and I drove on down, to say my goodbyes and pay my respects. doing so never left me any regrets.

Later I was told how mom cried that day he died, she cried alone asking herself why. You see my father was not what she said, he was a man who worked and raise seven more kids, before cancer took him, to be dead.

I was the second of nine he had you see, I did what was right for me. My determination to meet him while he lived, proved my point, he wasn’t bad, he was good. I didn’t know him that well, but, time flew by, ah what the hell.

My life flew by and the pages of the calandar were torn off, year after year it seemed to me. I have outlived my parents, father at 55, mom at 59, step-dad at 59 too, all gone before me, by cancer you see. For cancer also almost got me. Then I lost my wife to it too, she was the second one, we had 28 years you see, and I loved her deeply.

Now I am 67 and alone, I walk, walks on my own, I stay to myself in my 596 square feet of a home, and it seems, I know I am alone. My children are grown with children of their own, many miles away. I have met them a few times in my days. I met my grandkids too you see, but there was never a place with them, for someone like me.

You don’t know me, and probally never will, I have friends I have had since 14 years old and still love still. Yet I am alone in life and in time you see, my life will end and no one will remember me.

I am an Ordinary Man, who tried to be, fair to all, who ever met me. So, when and if you ever remember my name, or have a vague memory of me, I hope and pray you will think well of me, for I am just an Ordinary Man and always will be. For an Ordinary Man is all I can be.