I have reached a stage now, at 70 years old, where I admire women from a distance or even up close but never move or ask them out. I havea total of 40 years of marriage in my past, between two women. Now, when my second wife passed from cancer in 2021, I knew I would probally be alone, for the rest os my life. Because after 28 years with the same person, you are used to certain things and ways, and familiar with one another. To such a point you have ahard time, seperating the memories from realities and determining what to do next or how. Mainly you become someone stuck in a gear that was the marriage and afraid to break out again. I have tried to sit down and break down why I am still alone now, going on 5 years since my wife passed from cancer. and I have come to some conclusions.
First, age is a problem, I am 70, still basically healthy, but, kinda set in my ways. as we age we get used to things we do, and how we do them, and hardly ever break out of those routines that got us to 70. So we get stuck in a mode, we don’t know how to break out of without help.
Second we fear rejection, and we know it will happen so we steer clear of it. By doing so we eliminate any chance of connecting with a woman who is single in our age group, because they can feel the edginess and lack of confidence we carry with us.
Third problem, when ya reach 70, you tend to forget how to flirt period. You haven’t flirted in so many years, your awkward, rough around the edges, and scared to do or say something wrong. In my case i always stop, and walk away before i put my own foot in my mouth. So, there is that lack of confidence and awkwardness, that gets in the way.
Fourth and not least, when I was younger and about and even looking, I have venues I could attend to meet women in my age group. We had dancing, roller skating, and such and would go have fun and meet there. Today these venues are few and far between. I don’t feel comfortable in tightly packed places full of people I do not know. So, I feel unease, and end up leaving quickly.
Yes I know this is not a logical post or blog and to many it sounds like complaining, or bitching. But to me it is not either, it is just trying to figure out what to do next and how to get there, in someway. I do not wish to hurt anyone trying, or compare them to my late wife. I also do not want to be compared to any other man someone has dated in the past. So, there is also that line to watch out for. I don’t know if I am making sense here or not, but in my mind, all of the above contributes to my being alone now going on five years after my wife passed. In someways it feels once again like i am that shy teenage boy, who is a virgin again and lost about how to overcome it and struggling through. I don’t know if that makes any sense but, it is at times, the way, I feel.
As I try to navigate through this, and think it out, I often wonder what to do next. I meet someone, talk to them, like them, and may want to date them but, don’t ask or react. So, I know women expect men to approach first and ask, yet I stop short. I have my own fears of doing so. I fear rejection like anyone else, maybe more so. I know i am not Mr. Handsome, or Mr Charisticmatic. Nor am I Mr. Funny man, or a musician. I am an ordinary man is all. So, I falter, I stop, I walk away and say nothing. I was always taught a woman, would show their interest if interested in their own way. So, I am lousy at pursuing. LOL!
Anyway, I figured i would walk through it, by writing it out and hope it will help me in the end. Yet, I doubt if I can change it, at 70 and at this point in my life. I don’t want a woman for her money, or possessions. I have my own and i am self-sufficient here. I hoped at some point I could find a companion, someone I get along with, and can share life with and make one another smile again. Yet, I find the enviroment in Massachuetts, and my area full of fears and avoidance issues not only on my part, but on the part of the women here too. Money is tight, politics is awful, divisions are not easy to overcome. I can honestly say, I avoid religion also. I know many say go to Church ya will meet someone, no thank you, I will not have the place fall on my head lol. Senior Centers bore me also. I am not a drinker so bars are not for me either. I don’t smoke.
I guess, I am too set in my ways, to ever find a woman to be with opr to enjoy life with again. Maybe it’s because i talk too much, or I laugh too loud. maybe it’s becausei am not handsome, or overly sweet. I don’t know, but I do know what one guy told me may be true, Nice Guys finish last!

