My Life is a slow paced moving one and at 70 even slower than ever before. Why, some may say, well, I am not Mr. Popular, or Mr. Comedy, or Mr. Music or Mr. Know it all. I am not Mr. Handsome or pretty either. Years ago I wrote a short story and called it An Ordinary Man thats me. Someone who plows through each day at a steady pace, takes care of just what I need to and doesn’t interfear or bother anyone else. I gave up on trying to fit in all the time. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore, I am 70 now, I did my life and did it decently.

I started slowly as a kid and was not really liked or wanted even by my own mother. I have attention deficiet disorder and hyperactivity and it always got me in trouble. I didn’t like school like other kids at 5 years old and I fought the system and wanted to do my own things always. By, my 10th, birthday, I was such a bother and pain in the ass, my mother signed me away to The State and had me put away for two years. I survived that too in my own way. While put away I saw drugs used for the first time, I saw a suicide happen, and saw fights like never before. I argued with the State and Social Workers for the two years and always avoided physical violence. At least the best I could, for my own safety.

By the time I returned home, The house had all new furniture and carpets. My living was arranged, in such a way I was on my own mostly and got shafted by my elder brother into caring for our younger siblings as our parents worked. I had a step-father who was physically abusive to me and a younger brother too. My elder brother escaped into sports and still says to this day that is his excuse for abandoning the family. It is all kinda sad in many ways.

By the time I left High School, I had, exactly one girlfriend who I drifted from easily. I had a handful of friends was all, and I was basically on my own. The High School, Suspended me for something I did, and they wanted my parents to come in to get me back. My Parents refused, so I was told by my step-father, get a job or get out of the house, pay my way. I did for a few years. But by the time the job went under, I still had to move out. He refused to pay for a kid not in school anymore. I moved in to the YMCA in town for a while, about two or three years. Doing odd jobs and jumping from Factory to Factory which I hated.

I surrendered one day and joined the Army and I hated that too and was given a Trainee Discharge, under Honorable conditions. Army life was not for me and I knew it and so did The Army Drill Sargent, who recommended it. I went back home to the YMCA basically and lived alone again, till I couldn’t find a way to survive. I wandered ito a U.S. Navy Recruiting Office one day and signed up and became a US Sailor for 12 years after being a National Guardsman for 3.5 or so. In the End I ended up serving my country for 16 years total. I grew up and matured while in the Navy mostly, and even married and had two daughters. I lost them, when my first wife divorced me. But, life went on anyway and they did grow up ok in their own way. For me, it was a lose, that was hard to overcome but I did do it. I moved on and fought, and ended up marrying a second time for 28 years and no more kids. The total of years I was married came out to 40 total between the two marriages, believe it or not. 12 for the first, 28 for the second. Not bad I say for a 70 year old man.

The Veteran’s Administration put me back to school in my late 30’s and I graduated from college with a Hospitality Degree, two Honor Societies and Awards in 1997. I won a Reward for the best Hospitality and Hotel Management Student and more. While the education was vital and helpful, it didn’t do much for my job prospects or the way I did my life. I lasted a few years running hotels until I couldn;t anymore due to my back injury from the Navy. My Honorable under Medical Conditions DD-214 was vital, I did something right for sure.

Life would move on for me, and in the end I can honestly say, I think I did ok. My second wife was a blessing in many ways, patient, understanding and guiding me. I loved her to pieces believe me. we had a beautiful home and a life of joy and laughter and love. I dealt with all she threw at me and vice versa I can honestly say. We rented rooms to many individuals over the 28 years together and made friends with many. We had friends all over the place, but, by the time my second wife, passed of cancer in 2021, we were always together and alone.The runs to the Doctors, tests, scans, chemo and radiation were killers and took our times away. Yet, we always had one another and I stayed with her always. 16 years, we fought her breast cancer and kept her going. Scans, doctors, Mayo clinic and more. Each day was run to the Medical Hospital first when she needed it. In the end the battle was a great one to keep her alive, as long as we did. I also suffered in the middle and ended up with lung cancer in 20213 an dhad a lobe and a third of my right lung removed, no chemo, no radiation, nothing I survived.

Then, one day it all came to an end suddenly. we were watching tv, in the evening when she suddenly slumped to one side. I propped her up with pillows and tried to keep her comfortable. Then I called an ambulance and away we went. The emergency Room was first. Then a few days later she came home again and seemed normal. We were watching tv and it was bedtime again, so I asked her to come to bed. She said no she was staying in the recliner and sleeping there. I couldn’t get her to move. So I went to bed alone.

At 3 am, I was awaken by banging on the walls. I got up and ran downstairs and there she was, in the half bathroom doorway on the floor and couldn’t get up. I examined her and got her to her feet and to a chair. Told her i was calling the ambulance again. She fought me over it and I had to call her daughter for help. The daughter called her mother’s sister, and the debate went on too long for my liking I called the damn ambulance and followed her to the Hospital. It was the beggining of the end folks. The hospital admitted her, did all testing and scans over the next few days, and held her. Then, they transferred her to a Rehab Facility and tried to rehab her. She would never come home again with me. From the Rehab Facility she was transferred to a Covalencent Home down the street from our home. Every Day I would get up and go see her and sit by her side as long as I could watching tv with her, feeding her and talking to her the best I could. It became a routine, Wake up, shower, shave, get dressed rush down for visiting hours and stay. I ate very little and tried to keep her company. we had covid at the time in the air and, many were not allowed to visit patients except immediate family.

So July of 2021, at the end of the month to be precise, July, 29th, 2021, I went to visit her like always. I walked in and she couldn’t feed herself anymore, her arm would not respond to going to her mouth she was frozen trying to eat. I fed her and she fell to sleep. I decided then and there to find out what was happening here. I was upset po one was feeding her or taking care of her anymore. I went to The Administrator’s office and asked why. The answer was they had too many patients and were understaffed. I then asked how long she had left on her medicare coverage. They said three days, and it would be 350.00 a day to care for her. I asked for Hospice to come in and evaluate her for home care and they did. The next day the equipment showed up at our home and, she was delivered at home on August 1, 2021.

I called in my sister and we took care of her the best we could. It would only be ten days. I had to sign a DNR for her, to be on hopsice and get help. I talked to my wife and she knew she was on a DNR. I went in and talked to her on August 8th and it would be the last time she talked. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her dearly and to go ahead and join her parents, and rest peacefully. Her last words to me were she loved me too. She never spoke again to me. On August 10th, at 5;45 pm, she took her last breath and departed this planet. I miss her deeply thats for sure. My life changed forever more and I am humbled and sad when I think of her these days.

Never once in the 16 years we fought her cancer, did she complain, cry out in pain, or anything, She kept a positive outlook, and always helped, all she loved. I still remember the day I married her and what our vows were. we promised to love and cheerish one another and to learn and grow from one another, we did for 28 years. God bless her for all she did and all she was, she is well missed in many ways these days.

As to me these days, well, I am 70 now, I sold the home we had and everything in it with my sister’s help. I couldn’t stay there where my wife had passed, I couldn’t handle it emotionally. I ended up in a Condo in Massachuetts alone of course. These days I remind myself of our life together and think of the memories each day. I live alone in a 55 plus community, and stay by myself, afraid of getting involved with anyone. No I don’t date much, no, I am not chasing women around, for any reason. I still love women and alwys will, but, I have learned over time and my life, any relationship is a two way commitment and I can’t afford taking care of a woman constantly anymore. It’s nothing personal against women, it’s just a logical fact to me, from a finacial stand point, anyway. I am a Disabled Veteran, who lives off his disability and social security, and no woman wants a a man, my age anyway. When you reach 70, you learn, these things and accept it all and just try to enjoy what time you have left. So, I try to stay mentally active by writting poems, blogs and stories. I play pool once or twice a week, depending on moods and weather and such. I try to bowl when I can, for fun and even joined a Senior Bowling League for fun. Otherwise it is a date or dinner here and there, now and then, and I walk alot, alone, these days. I sometimes stop and wonder, did I do right by moving to a 55 plus community or not. I do not participate in Community Events here. I can’t take large crowds, I shy from them, most people find me noisey and loud at times because I laugh. And some even have told me to tone it down so others can think to play games. So I did, I curtailed any appearances at public events, I don’t attend them now. I stay alone and talk to very few people, I find myself, just thinking and hoping I go out in my sleep. But, I am still here so, I go on the best I can. That is where I am now, alone and writting this blog. God Bless, to All, time shall tell what is next for me.

I have like all, lived through stages of life. Childhood, Teenage years, leading to first loves. First relationships and on of course. I also survived dropping out of High School, and wnet back to get my GED. Then Joined the Military, and became a husband, a father of two, and went through a divorce I didn’t want. I survived that and military life for 16 years, and became disabled asa Veteran. The VEterans’ administration put me back to schooling, and I got a Associates Degree in Hotel Management at 41 years old. Yet the Disability stopped me from working. I married a second time and between that and my first marriage I was married 40 out of the 70 years I have been alive. Not bad if you ask me. My second wife passed in 2021 and I am still here.
Now i have entered the closing years i believe. My bodt aches, the pains ramain and i carry on the best I can. The final question still remains for me, how much longer can my life be. A great question no one can answer abouth themselves for sure. So, I try to carry-on the best I can, laugh when I can, and enjoy what I can do. The slow coasting to an end, will happen I know, so all I can do is let it. we all face the ending at some point, I know, I have outlived my parents who died respectfully at 55 and 59. My Grand Fathers passed, at 74 and 72. I am now 70, I await what God and Destiny and Fate have in store is all, and that my friends, is all a man, can do.

May 3rd, 2026, has arrived. As we head into the end of spring and beggining of summer for 2026, I believe Americans need to realize some facts. Number one- We elected the wrong man to the Presidency for a second a term, and he choose a worse person for his Vice President too. Secondly, the American Economy is now shit, prices rise daily on all items from gasoline to food to clothing. Thirdly, Health Insurance is now, too costly for the average American to Afford and needs to be brought down. 4) Forthly, We do not belong in a war with Iran in anyway. We are not the world’s police force folks, our people are dying and the Strait of Hormus is not gonna get opened by what is being done. Sadly, Trump is not smart enough politically or otherwise to win in this case. We can not maintain our military posture halfway around the world and win.

We need Health Care help for Americans, We need Social Policies to save our own people. We need jobs, we need lower prices on everything, we need help. Americans made a bad choice for President and now we must deal with it properly. The Mid-Terms must balance the power in the House and The Senate now. That will have to be the first major change needed. Second Trump must be held to to the War Powers Act and he must turn to Congress if he goes any further we are over the 60 day limit now. Trump is breaking U.S. Policies and laws in all ways. We should have known this when he was reelected. Americans were foolosh enough to run from electing a female President now twice, instead it choose to elect a 34 times convicted felon, a con man, a suspected pedophile, why? Where are the rest of the Epstein files too?

Let me say this as plain as I can, America is not the world’s defender or babysitter. We can not continue to support and defend the world when we can no longer take care of our own at home here. We have homelessness, hunger, joblessness, Veterans begging for help, jobs lost and losing more and an Economy thats in the trash, look at the numbers. Gas prices are topping 5 dollars a gallon soon or more across the country. Food prices climb daily, health care prices are high and getting worse. Folks if we can not get our own country in order and fix our own economy, and health care and help our own domestically, we can not and should not be spending BIllions and Billions on fighting a war elsewhere. we have children who need medical help, Seniors and Veterans who need help here at home. if your an American and don’t realize what I am saying here, then you are blind to what is really happening, to Amercia these days.

We need to help our own before we babysit and correct the world. We have no business, fighting Iran on our own, no business correcting Ukraine and Russia or listening to Israel. There comes a time Americans when we must pull back and tell these countries, they must fight their own wars and we must defend and help our own. We are falling in social and political status in the world and slowly but surely under Trump, becoming a third world nation and not maintaining our Republic and Democracy well, at all at home. here.

Now, let me say this, and I say it with pride as an American Veteran who served his country for 16 years, we need to help our own first. The American Military does not belong spread out, and fighting wars we have no business in at all. Iran having Nukes or not, is an important issue yes, but, it should also be a concern for all nations, and all countries around the globe. The Strait being closed is an issue not just for Americans but for the world, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Greece and more should all be working and fighting to open the Strait. The fact they are not tells us they are weak or scared to do so. We as Americans are not the world’s police force folks and nor should we be. Why are we doing this and why has Congress not curtailed and stopped Trump? Sadly, it is based in a major mistake made by the American people. Simply put, we should never again allow one political party to control the House, The Senate and White House at one time. We should be embarrassed and humiliated that The King Of The United Kingdom had to come to America to remind Congress that no leader or King is without checks and balances, or beyond control. He reminded Americans that the Magna Carta was written to prevent a Leader from starting wars on their own. Checks and balances were built in for a reason folks, wake up, it’s time Congress and the American People put in use the checks and balances they were given now.

Let me conclude this in this way folks. There is no shame or humiliation in admitting Americans made a mistake in Electing Donald J. Trump President! There is no shame in saying enough either, or stopping what he is doing to us and the world. There is shame in not admitting the mistake, covering it up or ignoring it. There is shame in allowing one man, the power to destroy what it took America 250 years to establish, and enjoy. The Free Press, Freedom of Speech, The Civil Rights Acts, the power of the People to Vote, All vital in America folks. The killing of the 1965 Voting Act is a serious problem and infringement on the Rights of the People of America no matter the color or race they are a part of. Yet, here it happened and the Supreme Court Trump put in place killed it, why? It worked just fine from 1965 till 2026, so why kill it? Simply put Trump wanted it gone is all and sadly they followed him and his wishes. Don’t you get it folks, Trump is hiding his crimes, stealing from America left and right and getting away with it. Why? Simple folks you allow him to do these things, you did it it, you voted him President, you voted the House and Senate, all one party. Now in the end Americans and our country are in serious trouble and no one is acting to stop him yet. How Far will Americans allow this to continue?

I was told when I was young, to always be careful and think before doing, and then get it done! Dad, was a machinist and a fisherman and musician, mom was a Nurse life would go right, so we were warned to be able to make adjustments as we go. It is a lesson, I think all learned as we grew up.

We adjust to losing friends, lovers and yes spouses. we adjust to losing parents and relatives too. Jobs come and go and we all know, not every job is for us. we make our money, we take our loses, we enjoy our victories and we go on. Moms and Dads, build into each of us, the drive to survive, and the knowledge to do so. And as kids we do not realize it until it hits us in later life. The realization that they were right when they taught us, hard work, dedication, loyality and determination. The realization when they taught us, don’t be too greedy, don’t treat others with disrespect, be kind, but, be careful. It’s amazing, the things, that are passed on from one generation to the next in families.

We carry forward traits, talents,patienance, determination. We carry forward the ability to learn and grow and we pass it on to our children too. What no one can teach, although we try to, is how to overcome grief. How long does it take to do so? That is not handed down or found in any text book or podcast or blog. That is a feeling of knowing for yourself, inside, how long to grieve for the ones you have lost. Each of us do it in different ways. Some walk alone forever once a spouse is lost. Some, move on overa period of time and let the memories stay, but the connection evaporates, and we determine it is time. It is a process I know, I have lived it now for the past 5 years come August of 2026. Yet, I also know as i was recently told, it is one thing to survive and be a live, it is another thing to be alive and actually live fully, and enjoy life. many see us daily, he ones who have taken the loses, and just scan right by and go, oh they will be ok. And thats fine in such a fast moving world and society that we live in. Few slow down enough to realize, they are leavingbehind the ones who took the biggest loses. And until we the ones, who suffered said loses, wake up and go, wait a minute, I can change this, and be happier, we don’t do it, do we?

An old saying comes to mind as I write this, time heals all wounds. It heals illnesses, that can be healed, broken bones, broken relationships if you try and make it so. Time also eases the pain of loses folks, and the grieving will always be a part of me, yes, but, I also know, no two people are the same and the world goes on. As my deceased wife who passed in 2021, told her daughter regarding me, after she died, ” He will be fine, fo rhe is a realist, he knows what he has to do to continue on and will do so at his own pace!” I believe fully she was right, she knew, she knew me well enough, she knew how I thought, how I react and that I would grieve her, but she also knew there would come a time, when the loneliness, would be too much, and I would have to move on to live more. She was wise, she was loyal, she was kind and she was pure smart. I miss her counsole, I miss her guidance, I miss her wisdom, and I miss her love and kindness. I am now without it all, and have learned such a relationship, is not easy to find in todays world.

So I do what every other person who is widowed does, I struggle through day by day. I take care of myself the best I can. I try to find what I like to do and do it, for we are only here for so long. I read when I want, I write when I want, I walk when I want. I play games when I want, and I go for drives when I want. Each day is a challenge to wake up to, what pills must I take, what Doctors must I see, what can I find to do, to make me busy and happy? It is all a challenge as we age is it not? What makes it a harder challenge, is when you lose the one you were doing it with. Then you begin to fly in circles, that can turn into a downward spiral if not careful. So, you have to come to a time when you realize, I have to climb up out of the despair and grief, I am still here and alive. That is where i find myself folks, looking for that magical connection, that one thing or more, that will make me want to live again, in happiness. Is it out there for me, I do not know, but like one person told me, if I don’t look and be open to finding it, it won’t just find me. So, I try to stay open, I try to laugh, I try to talk, I try to interact. I amnot good at it of course, I spent 28 years with the same woman, married and happy. We fall into patterns of life we know, and when we lose out spouse, we try to keep the direction we were in, but like a bird with abroken wing we falter some, and learn to slow down and not run. I am not looking to run again at 70, but I want to briskly walk on, and find that one woman who can walk with me, laugh with me, converse with me, and enjoy life again with. Is it asking too much at 70? I don’t know, but I will be damned, if I won’t at least stay open enough to try!

Saturday evening has arrived on March 21st, of 2026. and like usual I am home alone, and nothing to do, and no one to talk to, except myself, lol. I knew when my wife died in August of 2021, my life was going to be over in many ways. I just didn’t know, how much so that would be.

I do not drink so I do not go to bars or taverns. I do not smoke or do drugs, so, I just do me each day. What does my normal day look like some may ask, well, here it is. I awaken each day between 4 and 5 am. I have coffee and move my broken arm in circles and try to loosen it up. I get dressed by 7 am if I can and take all my medications, I need to take.

By, 8 am I am eating breakfast and watching the news on CNN. Then I head to my laptop and either write a blog like this, or look things up. Then it is on to TV and puzzles, and maybe reading. I do my shopping as needed, my laundry as needed and I clean my condo, which I call my 956 Square Foot cell, in a community of such.

I check for Doctor appointments daily, I look and see if I need to shop. Otherwise the day is then filled with watching the news, playing video games, and walking. Dead silence greets me daily, without a partner to talk to. I am now used to it since my wife passed from cancer in August of 2021. Boredom comes fast when you live this way, and I will get in my recliner, start to watch tv and pass out for an hour or two. Wake up, eat and then if I feel well, walk for a while outside, alone, of course.

Now some have said they are worried about me, I am not worried. I have no fear, of what loneliness can do to me, for I am 70 and on the downside of life. On Mondays I play pool, on Wednesdays I play Dominos if I can. I used to Bowl on Wednesdays and Fridays, until I broke my right arm, in Febuary. I try hard to avoid people the best I can, for I do not like answering questions and I try not to ask any either. I know myself well enough that I check myself before I open my mouth about anything or anyone, I do not want anything coming back at me .

As I said before, and I shall say again, I am not a social butterfly of any sort. I avoid crowds or events. I am not Mr. Handsome that the ladies like either. I am not Mr. Comical and Witty either. I am just me and many women, don’t even notice me. I know that. I have no chance at finding anyone to spend time with in anyway, especially, anyone, of the opposite sex. So, I know to walk away all the time and not try to say a thing. I never learned to flirt and even if I knew how, at 70, it would get me, no where, and I know it.

I tried dating apps and surrendered to them, because they just don’t work. also, most who would answer me, want something from me, like money or me to do work for them or something along those lines. Not for me at all. I do not want a woman’s money, I have my own, I do not want a woman’s belonging or to abuse them. So knowing all of that myself, I avoid any involvement at all. Now thats honest, and the truth of my life these days.

I may write poetry or stories or blogs if inclined to do so and the mood hits me. Otherwise it is stay home alone, watch tv, play video games and walk, when weather permits and my health permits. No woman wants a 70 year old man, it’s just a fact of life, they want younger men. I know it and so do they, lol.

I moved into a 55 plus community four years ago as of 22nd of March 2026. I was looking forward to meeting people and having fun in my older days. Yet, DWCL, where I live, not only discorouged me, and I lost any purpose I had and fell into decline and depression here. I tried participating in events and happenings here, and found myself nervous, scared, and not fitting in and then, cast aside by some, with their words. I don’t handle rejection well, so all you have to do is tell me once and I leave permanetly. I don’t care, I know, when I am not wanted.

I accept myself and the fact I am not a very popular person and I know it. I live with it and I deal with it daily. I see people when I walk and say hi and bye basically, have very few conversations with anyone and move on. I am intelligent enough to sense when I am not wanted, and smart enough to not return when that is so. I started life alone and I am guessin, I shall end it that way, too. It’s not a big deal, to me, anymore.

I did it all in my life as far as I am concerned. I survived childhood and my teenage years. I survived military life for 16 years too, serving my country. I survived two marriages one 12 years and one 28. I have two daughters and four grandkids as far as I know and see none ever. So I am used to being alone. I will never be a burden or pain in the ass to anyone, I refuse to be so. I don’t ask anyone to help me and I would never do so. I am alone and used to it. This is not a plea for help, or for someone to pay attention to me, it is just the facts.

I am proud of who I am and smart enough to understand I can indeed stand alone and be fine. As my years move on and I age, I am determined to live them out alone. Why, because people take, they use, they abuse, they insult and have no care about whom they hurt or how. And for me I don’t need it, I have had enough pain and suffering in my life as it is, I don’t need anymore. I hope that makes sense, to anyone reading this. Look, life is great if you have someone to share it with, engage with, and enjoy it with. I get it, I do, but for me there is no one, so I go on alone. I don’t want to be matched up, hooked up or setup either. My relationships in my life, with women, I can count on one hand. The biggest, were the two marriages. One I met in the service, and the second I asked to dance and, between the two I got 40 years total, I would never trade in, for anything.

When I was a boy, I was told , I would never amount to anything. I was told I was a loser and failure. truth is I wasn’t, I suffered from Attention Deficiet Disorder and Hyper-Activity. No one knew what they were in the 1960s or how to handle a child with them. I overcame anyway. I overcame the physical violence from my step-father, the anger from my mother and my elder brother too. I went thru it all and came out the otherside. I went on to Military Life, to Two Marriages, to Getting a college Degree at 40 years old. I earned membership in Two Honor Societies- Alpha Beat Gamma and Phi Thetta Kappa. So, I did fine on my own. I ran Hotels and Resturants also. And in the end when I couldn’t work anymore due to six herniated discs in my spine, I took care of my second wife and home and hospiced her till she passed. That folks is how life goes sometimes.

Now I am 70 years old, and have lived in this 55 plus community for 4 years. Others find it a fun place to be and they have fun. For me it is not that way. I look at it, as a return to my childhood days, when I lived in the Projects in Connecticut. For me like i said, it is a 956 Square Foot cell, in a prison yard enviroment. Sounds extreme does it? Well it is how I feel about it all. For me, it is like building a puzzle in life, all is great, as long as you have all the right pieces and can finish it. But, if you have been building one all your life, and you get near the end and get a feeling a piece is missing what do you do? You keep searching till you find it and plug it in. Thats the point I am at these days. I find myself surrendering to the facts and the times, I live in and with, is all. Best to be honest with myself, is all.

I face each day the same, and hear people say, they want me to live a life, I tell them I am surviving, and fine. It is what I know to do is all, survive and keep going, till my mission whatever it is on this plane of existence is done and I am recalled, to, from whence I have come in the beggining. The cycle must be completed and the mission completed, by me, even if I do not know what it is, for it is not my choice but the choice of the good lord who puts us here.

March 20th, 2026, the day starts early for me once more. I awaken from pain, in my right broken arm again. Since I broke it back in Febuary, sleep has been a problem. No position is comfortable for me, and my sleeping only goes at best 6 hours a nite at worse 3 or four. Yet, life goes on, and I do the best I can with it.

Physical Theraphy helps for a day, until it tightens backup again, over night and the next day is a painful one. Then it will start to release a bit overtime, unless i move it the wrong way by accident of course. Stretching, when I awaken is not good for me, for the arm will pop on me and the pain begins, and each time I do it on auto-pilot so to say, the pain lasts for a good 30 to 45 minutes before it starts to recede. So careful is indeed what one has to be. Very gingerly, is how I use the arm. I played pool with it now twice, the first time was fine, the second well it became sore on me and I had to stop. But, I have few things I like to do, these days at 70 years old, one is pool, the second was bowling. So, I figured pool is light weight and I would be fine. The only thing I have going for me, is, I have been through pain before, that was worse than this, six herniated discs in my spine from my Navy time. I deal with that daily since the injury in January 1982. So, tolerating pain has become something, I learned to do.

Anyway, next subject. The world is going to hell in a handbasket under the current President. Everything is costing more and the violence and wars have now doubled, in the world. I can’t change it I know, no one can now, but, somehow, it must stop for us to survive.When it stops is no longer up to me or you, folks, how many Americans must die in Iran, before it does? Time will tell, won’t it?

I was up once more early at 4:30 am today in pain, As I tried to walk off some pain and stretch the arm some, I think back on life and wonder sometimes, how I got here. By here I mean how the hell did I ever get to 70 going on 71? I never thought I would go by 40 to be honest, it is just the type of life I have lived. I am actually, surprised I survived my childhood, the way things went, but, I did. There are many things people don’t see or know when they see you as an adult. They do not know if your parents were kind or mean, or violent or not. They can not see the emotional bruising you suffered for you never show it. They can not see, the torments of watching parents fight with one another all the time, or flying silverware and dishes that were thrown. They do not see or know of any physical violence that happened either to you as a child, why, because as you grow up, you learn to hide it and escape it, on your own. I know I did.

When you reach an age where you can run and hide in anyway you can and still survive you do so. Until then, you are locked in that cycle that seems endless you see. Then, one day you finally grow up enough to go no more, and get away from it all. The scars emotionally, physically and mentally never go away folks, we live with them and we hide them well. So never judge, a book by it’s cover or a person by their looks, For they can look like Marilyn Monroe or Rock Hudson, and be the biggest mess inside that you can never fathom. It’s a fact folks.

So to the parents out there raising a child today, some advice, be positive with them, do not hit them or physically abuse them, and don’t constantly put them down. You destroy their chances in life by your negativity, your physical abuse and the emotionaly damage you do. Don’t do it, please! Show your child love, respect them, listen to them, help them, teach them, and guide them. Force, Pressure,Physical Violence or Emotional and Mental Violence kills, don’t do it please.

Anyway, as I have grown older, I have written many blogs here and poems and stories, short and long too. My short stories are not great, yet they sit out there online, as do my poems and these blogs. I do not write to make money, or to get famous either, for I never will. I write as a process of getting out what I need, to say in a way, few can. It is more of a relief valve situation for me, and it helps me. in someways. And when I put them online, I hope in someway, it will help others also to read them. NO I am not a Doctor, or expert of any kind, but, it is more of a mental process and emotional relief valve for me. If by circumstance, it helps someone else to help understand themselves or the world, I am grateful, if not, I am fine with it too. Life is a mystery says the old song, they do not know how right they were, do they?

I had numerous experiences in my life, that made me who I am, like everyone else. Each of us, have unigue experiences that make us who we are each day, we live. Climates, seasons, locations all add in, and then it is in the end the people in our lives that make us who we are. Our Parents, Siblings, and Friends we grew up with. The places we lived, the times and era we lived in all add to our make up of who we really are. Then, on the other hand, some still grow up and old and are predijuced or they discriminate against others. I don’t. I learned long ago as a five year old boy color, race, creed, nationality, ethinicity, mean nothing when it comes down to getting along in life. For we all breathe, we all laugh, we all cry, we all experience pain and suffering and we all have our moments of joy too. The color of our skin means nothing, we all live the exact same way day by day. Yet people get blinded or get stupid because of differences, it is why wars are fought, why killings happen too. It’s how we handle ourselves in life that makes us who we really are, is it not?

I like writting, I like reading, I love music as I said. The arts have always been special, I do drawings also, but I suck at real drawing, I play around for fun. There are many things that make each of us different in many ways, but under it all, are we not all the same. we want respect, we want caring, we want sharing, we want happiness and we want to live in peace, do we not? Yes we do and we all know it too. The scariest part of life, is acually living it, among others. people tend to force their way of life upon you many times, and you get lost in it and try to accept it and fit in, but, it doesn’t always work out. So, we adjust, we try to change to fit into a society we live in, among others. Some fit better than most, some on the average just are fine and some are not fitting at all. IT’s human nature to protect yourself from what one percieves as harm coming. so we hide, we shy away, and we stay alone. That is life for some, and not all, and for those who go through it, it isn’t easy, we struggle and we do the best we can is all.

As Elvis said, Don’t be Cruel, while I agree with that idea and thought, I also know, I live by another saying, in a Song called The Hard Way Everytime, by Jim Croce. I grew up in a world of and a time of some of the greatest music ever produced on earth. My Musical preferences run from Jazz, to Motown, From Rock to Country to Folk and yes even classical music. The music makes us sway and enjoy. It makes us think back over times we had good and bad. Music my friends, keeps some of us alive and prevents our end. For others it is a noise in the background, but for me it is a heartbeat that keeps people like me going.

Let me close this blog today, by, talking about 55 plus communities and how they affect some. I entered this community as a 65 year old , widower, alone and on my own after 28 years of marriage and the loss of my wife to cancer. I figured ok, I will be among people in my age group and I would be fine. It doesn’t always work out that way folks, sometimes, it goes along a different path then we seek. I came in smiling and happy and open to make new friends, and take chances to find someone new to spend time with. No, I did not come seeking love or a companion either. I came thinking this is a good place to live and it will be nice. It is not always so, for sure. We are not all the same, we do not all react the same, no matter our age. we have difficulties getting along with others, we don’t like things said or heard or people talking about us behind our backs, either. Look, I live in this community, I mind my own business and I tend to stay a loner. Why, because people can be cruel, mean, vicious and uncaring. I don’t go there, folks, I tend to avoid involvements. I also tend to avoid large crowds, too. I am not a church goer, I am not an event attendee, I am a walker, a loner on purpose. Why, people can be cruel, I dont like crowds and I will not be the center of attention or a burden to anyone. Not the way I was raised and taught. Just me folks, not your fault, not my fault, just me being me. I grew up, being myself in a world of others who liked to follow. And my choices are my own of course. So, when you look at others an dthey don’t fit the pattern of people, you expect, don’t judge them, talk about them behind their backs, learn to accept them as they are, and let it be. Never force, just accept, you may find the best is ahead, yet!

As we age certain events happen to all of us. We age slowly, we slow down, we do less, we lose people we loved and in the end we end up alone. It’s just a fact we all face and learn to deal with as we go along. In the end we make decisions based on what we believe is best for us as individuals, of course. It is important to remember we do not control all circumstances we live thru, we just deal with them as they happen and try to control what affects or does not affect us.

Anyway, lets talk about how I ended up in Westborough, Massachuetts here. I was a resident of Connecticut for most of my life. I left it, when my wife passed, because I could not live in the home she passed in, so I sold it. I needed help to do so and clean it out and to find a new place to live, so, I asked my younger sister to help me thru it all. Thus upon my wife’s passing, my sister helped me to sell the home and all in it and helped me, find a new place to live, supposidly to be closer to her. It is now four years this month, since I move here and frankly speaking it has been a move I regret in many ways. I am alone, my sister went back to Connecticut with another boyfriend, so, I know no one or nothing around me.

I bought a Condo in Dell Webb Chauncy Lake here in Westborough, Massachuetts. I am finding it lonely, isolated and not worth what I paid for it. Dell Webb built these condos and are working on finishing the 14 buildings they started. Everything they do is construction grade from the build to the appliances and even the heat and hot water and Air Conditioning. The Hoa rises yearly due to the newer buildings being built, and of course it is pay or leave, up to each person. Thats normal enough of course, but, the compound as it goes along is quickly, heading toward a project like atmosphere and living space. I know this because as a child I grew up in the projects of Waterbury, Connecticut.

Dell Webb Chauncy Lake here in Wetsborough, Massachuetts looks nice when you come to check it out, Anything new does, but before you buy, make sure you talk to many who live here and spend sometime watching, how it really works. For you will find some very disturbing things here.

I have seen arguments between, people, I have seen, people isolating others, and objecting to the way they act or do things. But, these are normal you would say, but not in my book. I do not need people telling me, I can’t relax and laugh, because I am making too much noise, at a public event. I do not need people asking me who moved in and out daily. I don’t care who leaves or stays. I am also not a very engaging, social type, butterfly. Please do not misunderstand me, I like people, but I suffer from Attention Deiciet Disorder and Hyperactivity also. So large crowds, I can not handle.

Now lets discuss, living in Dell Webb Chauncy Lake Condos here. As they build more the HOA’s rise of course. Repairs become a cost when the appliances they gave you break down, or the Air Conditioning or, Heat and Hot Water Units too. You must save to keep going here period, unless your rich. Now all of that is normal too no matter where you go. What is not normal are the attitudes of the people who move in here, and how they wish to control the enviroment and neighborhood, so to say.

My biggest mistake since my wife’s passing in 2021, was buying a condo here and moving in. What I have found is too many people with nothing to do, rushing to and fro, playing worthless games from sports to mind games, and just being rude to one another, or others they don’t like. I grew up and was brought up by parents who taught me a simple thing all need to learn. I don’t care about your color, race, your heritage, your nationality, your ethinicity. I care about whether you treat others with respect, and caring. If you don’t like someone, walk away from them don’t be rude. If you can’t understand someone, ask questions. If for some strange reason, you don’t like someone, for what they do or say, ask them politely not to do or say it to you again. You don’t just tell someone, tone it down, or you laugh too loud and are disturbing others. You don’t ask others, why someone moved out or in, and think we shall know, because we don’t. Look, I was a child when Payton Place was a Television Show on tv, I never thought I would move into a place that was like it. But, here it is.

Let me say something else, recently, I was told two people committed suicide here at Dell Webb Chauncy Lake Condos. Why, because they became disillisioned and isolated because others would not accept them. It’s not a lie, it is a, fact. When you do not accept others, or treat them with disrespect, people tend to isolate and avoid you. So, if you are intergrated in the community, do plenty of events and items, and you treat people this way, and you wonder why some stop showing up, well here’s your reasons. I know as a man and individual, I do not accept or appreciate people who think their shit don’t stink, or think they are better than me and they try to tell me how to act or not act. So I walk away from them and the groups they are associated with. I don’t care if you are hosting a game or event, or show, or dance or anything else. I won’t go where you go, because I don’t like being looked down on and treated with disrespect.

It happens to many who live in Dell Webb Chauncy Lake Condos here, and the ones that have it happen to them, do just what I am saying. They do not get involved in community events here. They stay alone. So, this causes an isolation problem for these individuals, who end up, alone and of course leads to depression, and issues with self-esteem for each individual.Thus we end up with Suicide cases in our community.

Let me say this also, Westborough, Massachuetts, even thou it has a Senior Center and is building a new Community Center is not geared for the acceptance of 55 plus communities. While I believe the Seniors who live here do appreciate the efforts that are taking place, they are far from enough. There are no Movie Theatres, there are no Bowling Alley’s, No Roller Skating Rinks, no Bocce Courts, or even Senior Dances. Westborough means well with all it is doing, I just think it is not aiming in the correct direction to be hosting 55 plus communities, like Dell Webb Chauncy Lake. The town thinks we are thier wallet, to make improvements. We are not folks. We are limited individuals living on Pensions, Disabilities and Social Security and our savings. we can’t continue to pay higher tax rates, to the town or State or Uncle Sam. We have to conserve and save to stay alive and to be comforatble ourselves. Anyone younger is doing the same thing folks, so slow the boat to china so to say, and lets, not tax out the senior communities in town. We are a resourse yes, for knowledge and know how. We are not an endless river of money, you can drink from whenever you wish, Westborough. Please keep in mind, we may be elders, but we are not stupid enough to let you drain us. So, please reevaluate what you are thinking and doing to the Seniors in town and in Dell Webb Chauncy Lake Condos here, we do pay attention and will fight back.

I know, some will read this and go, well if your not happy where you are move. It’s never that easy folks, when your 55 and up. It involves selling, buying, moving all over again. No Senior wants to do that unless necessary and in today’s economy, people who do are losing money on their condos they bought. Some are disabled like myself or worse and couldn’t do so if they wanted to. So, please remember when you say, don’t like it move, your wrong for saying so. Because your have no idea of a person’s physical, emotional or mental condition, do you? Or why they moved here in the first place, you make assumptions yes, I am sure, but, as people who served in the military will tell you, don’t, assume, it makes an ass out of u and me. Wake up.

I was asked to write some blogs more positive and happy. I asked why, when I am not happy here in the first place? My answer remains the same, why, write of being happy, when there is no happiness to be found here? What I found is disappointment, and isolation and anger, here. Not Pleasantries, or happiness, of joyfullness. The problem is, you can build a place to look nice, try to include all the amenities you wish, but, if, the people who live in it, can not get along, be polite and help one another, well it becomes a project, no matter the cost of the build or buy. People make it what it is, not the property. A person can have every materialistic thing in the world they want, but it doesn’t stop the loneliiness, The isolation or depression, that hits them, when they live here, for in life we all need someone, don’t we? Those who get depressed, do so because they are outcasts, from the society they wish to belong too and they don’t fit in. They walk alone, they don’t talk much, they hide and isolate, and become like hermits who only pop up now and then, trying to find their place and not finding it. They recede once more, to ultimately, talk to themselves, and no one else. It’s a problem with human nature and communities like Dell Webb Chauncy Lake, and most Senior Communities, in America. It will remain a problem, until people realize it and do something to overcome it. Thats life isn’t it folks? Sorry, if this is not a happy post or blog, to make you smile. Yet, in order to write a happy blog or post, one must feel the happiness, and in my case I do not feel it. I feel a lose of my wife, a lose of the life I once had. I feel an immpossible climb ahead that is hard to do, because of where I live. So, as I told one person, endings are not always good, in movies, plays or in real life, are they?

Last thing to mention for me. All my life, I have had a belief, the Good Lord put us here for a reason, and purpose. Each of us, were created for a certain purpose of which we do not know. We live on this planet to complete that purpose, it is like a mission. We do not know, what it may be, it can be to change politics, religion, minds, hearts or souls. we do not know. But, one thing is certain, when you complete the mission assigned to you, you pass away and return to, from whence, we came. The old saying of dust to dust, is true. And that my friends, is all I can say to anywho!

I will never be a burden to anyone, a pain in the ass to anyone, nor would i interfear or disturb anyone. It is in my nature to be me, and do it alone. For no one owes me anything, nor do I owe them. we are all responisible, for ourselves, in all ways, are we not? I think we are. No I am not suicidal folks, but depressed and angry and sad yes. For life is supposed to be a celebration, not an isolation, not living like a hermit.

As I age, I wonder why it is so hard to find seniors who are single and needing companionship. I see people daily in stores and walking alone. It seems extermely harder as you age to find someone to spend time with of the opposite sex, I am straight, 5 feet 8 about 180 lbs. and in decent health, clean and discreet. I like playing pool and bowling and walking, movies. I am a non-drinker, and a non, smoker too. I try to maintain myself well and dress decent also if I go out. yet, i find no single women in the age range of 65 to 75, near me interested. I guess, as we age we lose interest in dating or trying to. I don’t think I am alone either for it seems to be aproblem across Massachuetts and the whole country.

Some recommend trying web site/ dating sites. I disagree, they eat your money and most get you no where. Too many fakes and silly profiles. I looked thru Match, Plenty of Fish, Silver Singles, and more. I find nice converstaions at times, but very few who are real or wanting to actually meet or get together. Fear of being taken for money, or belongings, or fear of stalkers, iare main reasons. I get it I do, but, in the end, it leads to just more lonely people stumbling thru life, trying to get along on their own. I don’t see, Singles Dances around at all, like back in the day when I met my wife years ago. I don’t see many events made or geared to people finding love or companionship either. Most are now, Dating Sites that take your money and get you no where. So what does a Senior person do these days? I have no idea.

I do live in a 55 plus community, but, I will not date a woman here, no matter what Ithink of her. Why, simple, these communities are like Peyton Place, everyone talks. everyone is in everyone else’s business all the time. So, if your a man and date someone here, and it goes wrong, your whole reputation and life gets ruined, because you will be judge as the reason it all went bad. Just a fact folks. So the real question is what does one do, in this situation these days?

Basically, I see no solution, because of fears, economy, and many avoiding dating, due to all. My guess there will probaly be more Lonely senior like myself as time goes on with the same fears and worries. Will it change I doubt it, for the older you get the worse the possibilities get too.

Morning all! I broke my dominant arm back on Feb. 4th and it is still healing, after almost 6 weeks. The Black and Blueing is gone, the bone has knitted, but the tendons are shot it seems. So I start Physical Theraphy today, for 15 sessions that I know of so far. Now, I know it will take time to get back to the things I like to do like pool and bowling, and I understand it, but, it doesn’t make it any easier to miss what I like to do. yet, when ya break an arm ya live with the consequences, until it heals. The worse part of it is the tendons, they do not heal easily and hurt like hell and interfear with my sleeping, waking me in pain nightly. I sleep in a recliner these days, because i am afraid to sleep in my bed, due to rolling over. The pain is worse when prone at all times. So I try to sleep at a 45 degree angle. Doesn’t always work and i wake up twice a night in pain. They say it wil heal in time, I just wish it would hurry up, the dull throbbing pain is awful.

Anyway, life goes on and I do everything I can by myself. I still cook, eatr, clean drive and do my things i can do, broken arm or not. One has to struggle thru and hope to get better is all.

Enough of my pain and misery here lol! As momma once told us all, ya can cry all ya want, it doesn’t help ya, and no one cares really. They just sympathize and shake their heads and move along. Life isn’t easy for sure, but I have lived over 70 years now, so I get it.

I am not happy with our economy, nor am I happy with our involvement in a war in Iran we started at Trump’s whim. We are losing munitions, and now people too. Trump gave no reason for the war that makes any sense and he never even cleared it with congress. Sad really.

Ok enough of that too, for no matter what I say or do, it won’t change the facts.

I can’t change much and I have learned all one can do is live with the circumstances and times we are in today. Society changes and so do the rules between the sexes and for dating purposes too. I think, as i age i have come to avoid dating these days. I don’t like dating apps online, and i never ask any woman out, any more. The last woman I asked out wa smy wife way back in 1992. And we last 28 years together, til she passed from cancer. Miss her in many ways, and I would never trade one day of those years for anything. But, she has been gone now since August 2021, and the loneliness syndrome has hit me big time.

I don’t ask women out, no matter how much I may like them these days. I am 70 so most women laugh at me, due to my age. No woman wants a 70 year old man. Secondly, I hate rejection and fear it more than anything in life. No one likes rejection and yes we all suffer it at one time or another, yet, in my case, I do not have the nerves or ability to handle it anymore. I remember, even in my teens I was a quiet guy, and kept to myself, some called me a loner, they may have been right. Never thought I was funny, or handsome, or even cute, I am just an average guy and most women look once and then never again, at me. I blend in or I stand out too much. Never did learn to flirt at all. Guess I never will either.

Anyway, time is flying by, as I age so many changes in dating I could never keep up. Which apps to use, what to say, how to approach, when to approach, what to say or how to act when you do. Complicated and not the same as when I grew up, in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Funny how you date ok in high school years, get married in you 20’s, and then bam one day your married an dthe next divorced. It doesn’t work out always. I was a lucky one, my first marriage went 12 years and two daughters. The second I managed 28 years and enjoyed it all. So, make it a total of 40 years being married out of 70, not bad ya ask me, I did ok. But, the hardest part of life, is when you lose that mate, or spouse, and ya get lost in it, and grieve away for years. Yet we all do it, don’t we folks? It’sa natural progression of losing one ya loved and were so close with, it’s like losing a wingman if ya a pilot. LOL

Todays dating scene is not for me I think, Why, well, lets see, women are tougher, they are smarter, they are not easy to get along with either. They have things they want and if you don’t provide it, bam your gone.I just know i don’t want a woman, who just wants my money or what I own. And i don’t want theirs either. I don’t looka t materialistic shit, don’t care really. I don’t search for Marilyn Monroe or Raquel Welch either. Ya might say I am not like most men. While a woman has her curves and charms an dthey are greta to see and enjoy, those alone wil never get me. I look for intelligence, humor, caring, passion and adventuriousness. Some one who can laugh, hold a decent conversation and shows empathy too. In my mind thats what all should seek really, someone ya can enjoy life with, through the ups and downs is all. Material things come and go, money does too, but a real friend and companion is forever.

Anyway, just figured I would write this out and see how i feel when done. LOL! Just my thoughts at this tim ein ealy morning here. Have a Great Day all!