November 21st, 2022 has arrived, and the Holiday Season shall be upon us all very soon, with Thanksgiving up first on Thursday. I want to wish all a plentiful Thanksgiving and fun times with their families. For many like me, it will be a slow season, quiet and filled with memories and loneliness acutually. When you start your holiday season, build the memories with your loved ones, partners and each generation, for as you grow older you will have just those memories to live on.
I know the Holiday Season for many will be filled with fun and joy, and presents and gifts and togetherness, it is the way it is meant to be. Yet, as I now know, there is a point when it won’t be so. Many like me, who have lost the partner they loved so long, are suddenly entering the Holiday Season alone, for the first or second time. As I do, I am trying hard not to get depressed or down, I am trying hard to look up and make it an adventure instead of a time to get depressed. Any Doctor will tell you, Holiday Season, can be the worse time of year for those of us who are suddenly alone. We miss the ones we loved, who have passed and we tend to shy away from involvements with others, for fear of bringing them down with us. Plus we do not want to start new relationships or commitments, so soon after our loses.
I hang onto the memories of my wife who passed due to cancer in August of 2021. Her laughter, her advise, her smile and her involvement made my life better for 28 years. I would never give up one day I had with her, I have no regrets regarding our life together, just that I could not save her in the end. we fought the fight against her cancer for 16 years, before she succumbed to it, and in the middle I overcame lung cancer too. I miss her in more ways than one, as a confident, an advisor, a communicator and much more. She was indeed my better half.
So as the Holiday Season starts this week and people rush to and fro, to get food together for the Turkey Day of 2022 and we do so in a country filled with threats and violence raised by a former President, we must forge ahead in a positive light and way. I want all on Thanksgiving to stop and step back for a second before you eat your big meal, or settle in for a football game or movie, stop and look around you, think of those who love you and you love in return, count the blessings of having them in your life and be thankful for all you have each day. Family is everything folks, it’s not, do I have a big turkey on my table or plentiy of food, it’s who you are with that counts. You will learn that as you age each year that goes by, as the numbers diminish of family around you and you begin to miss each of them and are left still.
I have come to tell myself, I have no choice in being alone, for I could not prevent the passing of my wife of 28 years. I did all I could for her and I learned I had to move on in my own way, away from the home we shared and the life we shared, otherwise the depression would have gotten me. As I sit here today, I have to steel myself for the Holiday Season coming up and keep my head up and try to keep my mind busy. I do not know why I am still here and alive without her, but I do know I am, and I must try to stay positive and as busy as possible.
Each of us deals with loneliness in different ways, some go out and search for company and enter bars and clubs and drink our way through, some of us do not drink we read, build puzzles, read books and walk alone. Some of us pick up hobbies and toys and games. For me I try to read alot, I try to buid puzzles yes, for I am that type of person. I have reached out just a bit, by playing Billards on Monday evenings and then bowling on Thursday nights. yet, as Holidays appraoch there will be periods of none of that, and it will be harder to survive and carry on with it.
I have been told to get off my ass and go out and find someone to be with. I just don’t have it in my heart to do so, nor do I wish to pull anyone else down with me in anyway. So, I don’t approach or ask anyone out, i shy away from such things, for I am not sure I can handle any emotional connection at this time. On one hand I would prefer to have a partner or friend to share life with, on the other I can’t be sure if I am strong enough to handle it again. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, as the year rolls on as I say, it is not that time for the Holidays ahead. I do wish all a Happy Thanksgiving and a great Holiday Season as it begins. I will never and never have been one to force myself on anyone or into anyone’s life, so I shall carry on alone. I shall walk, watch tv, read books, build puzzles, play video games and carry on. Hopefully it wil be enough for me. Time shall tell is what I say. Welcome to the Holiday Season of 2022 all and I hope and pray for happiness for all!