That is my fate and destiny

Life is not just existing, or having material things, or a home of your own, or a car. Living is more than that, to me. Life is interacting, with others, having people to talk to and live with that, you can get along with, and having a special someone to come home to. I have a condo worth money, a car that is almost brand new, computers, tvs, furniture and more, does it make me happy and keep me, happy? No it doesn’t, you have to have more than money or material things, you can’t stay upbeat and happy otherwise. I have lived now 67 years and soon enough I will turn 68, in January of 2024. My life has always been a steady flow of course, I have had a decent one I believe. Yet, as I age and after the passing of my wife in 2021, I find myself, depressed, and I stay away from people mostly. I am not stuck on my wife passing or in a grieving stage either as some would say I am. I am at a stage now, where the grieving has been done.

Did I make the right choice when I moved here to Westborough,Massachusetts? I am beggining to believe I didn’t, no matter if I choose a 55 plus community in a decent town. The town is a nice one of course, but it is not geared to hold a community of 55 plus people. While the City of Westborough has tried and is trying to help it’s senior population, more of us are here and the city knows it.

Westborough, has many banks, bars, and stores in it, and is located off the highways that lead to Boston, 33 miles away. That to me doesn’t mean much at 67 years old, I am not interested in going there. Too much driving for me and a big city is not for me either. It’s nice to visit of course, but, I don’t do so, why would a single man my age want to, I am 67 and a disabled veteran. The city of Westborough has a Senior Center and I have been there once or twice in the year and a half I have lived here, but, I havent seen anything to do there to meet anyone, it is usually very quiet.

I don’t do bars alone and never have really, I am not a drinker except for social occassions. I don’t smoke either. Bars make me feel uncomfortable at my age, especially if I attempt to go alone. I end up sitting alone and talking to no one, I may eat something, and have a drink, but, I was taught to mind my own, so I don’t interact well. So what do I do, right, well, in my case, I walk alot, I read a lot, I use my computers and tv, basically. I don’t go to many events here at the condos I live in either, because again, I feel uncomfortable at them. As a widower, I am alone and probally will be till I die. I know I am old, I am 67, I am not a handsmome man, nor am I a great communicator, or a social butterfly so to say. I am average in all ways, when it comes to looks. Otherwise, I will not, get in any relationships with any women who live here either. It is stupid to do so and take that chance, why, simple, once you step over that line and something doesn’t work out, it is always the man, who is wrong and that would mean, in the end selling and moving. So, it is a no, no, for me.

I have honestly been thinking of selling and moving from Chauncy Lake here. The only question is where to go, I am alone. I would have no idea actually, for I think it would be the same anywhere I go, why, simple because I won’t take a chance of approaching any woman. No woman wants a man my age of 67, set in my ways, they all want younger men. Plus, I am not handsome in my opinion, I am not a person who ever learned to flirt, or has the confidence to approach any woman, I walk away, I don’t know how to approach, never have. Women want men to approach them, and to take the lead, at 67 I don’t. Anyway, there is no place in Westborough geared toward people my age.

So, I go day by day, watch the news, walk, build puzzles, read books, write some like in this blog, I even have an XBox for video games, but that got boring too. I do my grocery shopping on my own I cook on my own when I want, I go to Doctors as needed and Dentist too. But, I am always alone, my guess is that is my fate and destiny, at least for me. Life will move along for me, like everyone else as far as the clock and calander go, but thats all that changes for me.