I wonder at times, why I live where I do in Westborough, Massachuetts these days. I have lived here since March of 2022. I have driven around the place and tried to find things to do in it, that would be fun or interesting for a man my age of 67 years old. I walk all I can daily trying to stay fit and healthy. I can’t walk outside in the cold of course so I drive to the area mall and walk it for an hour or two. I may eat there if I get hungry.
I have explored some taverns and bars in Westborough and one in Northborough around the corner from me. While the bars and taverns are ok, I am not a drinker, and I get bored fast in them. Westborough has many banks, and churches here and while the banks are for business of course, the churches, I have no interest in. Westborough has Shopping Centers and Auto Dealers a plenty for sure. One Bookstore is it for Westborough. To Bowl you have to go to Shrewsbury or Marlboro, Shrewsbury has Bowlero and Marlboro has The Apex Center. Some have recommended I go to The Senior Center, I have now three times and only once has anything been happening there, a Yard Sale I walked through. As to food, Westborough has plenty of places to eat, if your into food, that is.
While I am not really knocking Westborough as a city/town, I really don’t see much for the Seniors that live here to do. There are no Singles Dances or events for Seniors really that I have found. Movie wise there is a Theather in Marlboro at the Mall I walk. So. what does one do in Westborough, Mass. that is worth doing or fun to do. I am not a Golfer either, I know some like to do that.
When I moved to Westborough and into a 55 plus community here, I thought well this will be fun and there will be people to socialize with and do things with, because, the community itself has clubs and events. Well, I find the people here ok, honestly, but, I am now a widower at 67, and alone. I feel out of place here, I do not have a wife or girlfriend and live alone period. As a single, I feel I do not fit in. I feel like a square peg, trying to fit in a round hole. Now, there are stories of romances happening in such communities, but, intelligence and common sense tell me, no dating of anyone here in the complex it, can only lead to trouble.
I have looked at Dating Sites like Zoosk, Match .com, and others. What I found was, people are not interested in older men, they want money, not relationships. I did try to meet a few women through these apps, one I met and walked with and went to lunch with, but, I found to be controlling, the second I met was a very good looking woman, who lied about her age, and then wanted to go to a bar and drink. The third woman was a nurse who worked many hours a day and I had no attraction to. Most of the women on these dating apps, want younger men and they want a man to provide for them. Sadly, I am not going there. I just want a female companion, friend first, and then see if anything develops. I do not want instant gratification or sex immediately. Dating off the internet, is a bad choice for anyone in my opinion,it doesn’t feel right to me, there are trust issues, fear issues and the possibility of being taken for money. The apps charge to even message someone, none are free.
I do miss my wife, I wish she was here, and I am sad she passed from breast cancer in 2021. I think about her a lot and how I miss her and wish she was still here. I chat in some chat rooms online for entertainment, and many have told me I need help, and should get grief consoling, I have reached out for that and am waiting to see. I do not like, being isolated or as one woman called me a drifter or a lone wolf, I wish I had someone, but I don’t. I fear trying and getting shot down, rejection happens easy to the elderly. I get down on myself and at times depressed, and I don’t go anywhere unless i must, these days. Doctors, Dentists, or Shopping is it. I take short drives, just to get out.
In the end, as I told my sister, I am not moving again, I don’t wish to go through it again. So, as I told her, the condo I live in is it and this is probaly where I shall pass and join my wife. Many times i find myself talking to myself and her photo, telling her I will be with her soon enough, because one can not live in isolation for too long. I have surrendered to the inevitable, that shall happen. Some days I just wish it, would happen, in my sleep. I refuse to be pitied, or to impose on anyone else, or to be a burden to anyone. So time shall tell what comes next, for me, but unless you have a reason to go on, a purpose or motovation for living, you do tend to surrender and give up. It’s not easy to live in isolation, alone, by yourself and scarred or unable to connect because you can’t, face rejection, and have low esteem. Like I told some before, I am like those two guys in that old movie called Grumpy Old Men that starred Jack Lemon and Water Matheu. Feeling lost and stuck and noplace to go. Thats how my life is to me. Can it, will it change for me, I don’t see it happening really, but time shall tell !
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