Ok, I think somewhere in time, I did somethings right it seems. I overcame seizures as a baby and survived. Then I overcame a rough childhood filled with, Hyper-activity, Attention Deficient Disorder. Violence from a Step=father and a mother who didn’t know what to do with me. It was the 1960s when I grew up. They didn’t know what was wrong with me or how to handle me.
My mother handed me over to the state because she couldn’t handle me. I was instutionized for two years. During those years, my mother tried to give me up twice to Foster Homes. I refused. Then when the State decided, they contacted my real father and asked if he would take me. when my mother found out, she went nuts and stopped it from happening. It would take me making a statement into a Dict a Phone system to get me home again. Once home, it was different, not the same that I left it as.
But, I would go on to help my Step-father rebuild a home for our family. Sanding floors, hanging paneling, painting and rebuilding. We made the home livable over two to three years. By then I was 16 heading to 17 years old.
I dropped out of High School in my Junior year, and was forced to get a job by my parents. I worked till I was 18 in factories. I then decided to join the Army. It was a quick stint, I was immature and not ready, so I was given a Honorable Discharge. It was the beginning of a 16 year career for me. I went from The Army, to the Army National Guard, then to the Navy. I married and had two daughters in the 1980’s. That would end in Divorce for me in 1990 to 1992.
In 1993, I met my second wife, and moved in with her. We would have 28 years together. During it we traveled America some, bought a home together. We shared everything we could, our Wedding Vows said it all. We would learn and grow together is what we said, we did.
I went to the Veteran’s Administration for help, since i was injuries in the Navy. It was decided I needed to go to college. I entered college at 37 years old. During the next 3 years, I worked when I could, collected unemployment when I could and attended at night.
In 1997 I graduated College at 41 years old. I got a Degree in Hotel Management. Was inducted into two HOnor Societies, Alpha Beta Gamma and Phi Theta Kappa. I graduated with a 3.7 average out of a possible 4.0. Received two awards also. I went on to run a hotel for a company, till I could not anymore. I was awarded 100 percent unemployability status in 2000. My wife worked to 2006 as a bookeeper, and then she quit one day. Our life went on just fine. We had one another we started cooking together. We did everything together and rented rooms in our home for extra money to survive.
In 2006 my wife came down with breast cancer the struggle, would begin. From 2006 to 2016 she suffered from breast cancer, I would take her to appointments and chemo and radiation. In the middle of that I would get lung cancer myself. I would support her and her me. I survived lung cancer by way of an operation, they removed a lobe and third of my right lung.
After a brief couple of years of remission, my wife’s cancer came back, Back to appointments, radiation and chemo treatments. I sat through them all with her, and brought her home each time. as time marched on my wife would encourage me to write. She said i should tell the stories of my military career and anything else I thought of. She would read them and made me publish them online on Amazon. In the end I had written numerous poems, and 51 short stories.
Yet I would take her to all her appointments sit with her through each treatment. By then, we had reached 2021. Her health was failing slowly at the time. Sadly, I would watch her go down hill slowly. One evening we were watching television, and I saw her slump to one side in her chair. I ran over and propped her up by pillows and asked if she was ok. She wasn’t. I called an Ambulance and to the hospital we went. She was admitted that night. She would come home once more and be ok for a short time. Then, one night I told her it was bed time, lets go to bed. She said she wanted to sleep right where she was in the recliner. I couldn’t get her to come to bed. I went up to bed alone.
At 3 am, I was awaken by banging on the walls and ran downstairs. I found my wife on the floor in the bathroom doorway, and unable to get up. She had a knot on her head the size of my palm of my hand. I helped her up and into a chair. I called an ambulance once more. The next six months would be in hospitals and Rehab Facilities for her. I would visit her everyday, sitting with her as we watched tv, she ate and we talked some. Covid was big at the time, so I was the only one able to see her.
In the end I went to see her at the Rehab Home down the street daily. I would sit with her daily and feed her if needed. I would get there in the morning and stay as late as i could, my whole life was seeing her. One day I walked in and she couldn’t feed herself anymore it was near the end of July. I fed her and she fell asleep, I headed to the ADMINISTRATOR’S office. I asked why she wasn’t being fed. The answer i got was they had more patients then they could handle. So I asked how long she had left on her Medicare Insurance. I was told three days. I told them to call Hospice. At the end of July i brought her home. Ten days later she would pass, at home. I lost the one woman I loved more than myself, and i was utterly destroyed. we buried her ten days later.
Today I found out I am now in Public Libraries with one of the books I wrote. My wife made that so, when she encouraged my education and then my writing over the years. I miss her today, it is March 5th, 2025.
In the end, I am a widower these days and 69 years old now. I struggle in someways. I know I can’t bring her back. I also know, will never never find another like her. The real question is what do I do next. I know she would not want me to stay alone for the rest of my life. I have no idea, how to find anyone to be with. So, each day, I get up and wonder, what to do next. I have no idea, so I struggle, scared to approach any woman, and not sure of myself at all. 28 years of marriage I had with my wife and i am out of touch with any kind, of dating. I guess in the end destiny and fate has control now. What does one do now?
That’s my Question, these days! I have accomplished one hell of a lot for the Black Sheep of my family. In the end though, the loneliness may, do me in. I am not sure anymore.
Macattack56's Blog 