Decisions we make, affect, how we go on in life as we all know. I had to make one in August of 2021 when my wife passed from Breast Cancer that spread. I was faced with the decision to stay where i was in a big house alone, where she passe dof leave. My choice was to sell the home and get out. The reason was somple, I couldn’t maintain a four bedroom home, pay all the bills and live in the house where my wife had passed away. The emotional turmoil from her passing made it impossible for me to stay. So I sold and left, and made a decision to move north to Massachuetts from Connecticut, to be near my sister more.
Those decisions now form my life as it is now. I live in a condo on the fourth floor. I havea whole 956 square feet to myself with a balcony too. While the size of the condo is fine for a single man and comfy, it is also lonely even though I live in a 55 plus condo compound. The problem with doing this, as a widower is simple, you have no chance of finding anyone to share life with anymore. I am 69 going on 70 soon enough. I won’t date my neighbors who are widows or divorcess, because that would cause problems, if the relationship went bad and I won’t move again. I invested my money in my condo and don’t want to move again.
So because of my decision to leave the home and sell it and move here to Massachuetts I find myself alone all the time. I am not a social person who loves going out drinking or to bars, nor, do I attend Senior Events around me. Yet, I feel lost and alone all the time. So, now I am at times, regretting my decision to leave the home I had with my wife for 21 years.
New area, new state, new town, new crowd and I don’t really feel like i fit in. So, I basically do small things to keep going. I clean and care for my own condo. I walk a smuch as I can for exercise. I like to bowl and play pool so I do those, weekly. I read when I can, and watch TV and movies. And then I play XBOX, to pass the time. Other than that I avoid people as much as I can, because I don’t seem to fit in here. When I do join in events, I try to avoid large crowds, I shy away from them. And yes the community has a club house and swimmomh pool, but I don’t use either much except to walk through as walking or to play pool once a week.
Now, I tried dating apps and looked into Meetups too. Dating apps cost money and more than half of thos elisted are not who they say they are, their photos are fake, or they lie in their profile. Meetup is a decent app, but, I am not interested in traveling or driving miles to get involved in much, I would rather stay home. Gas cost, car repairs cost, the economy now sticks and prices are rising. Where the American economy is headed is not good currently, so saving money is vital, when your like me, a Disabled Veteran, living on Disability and Social Security. You budget and get by the best you can is all.
Once a week I may go out and eat at Panera Bread or something, for something different. Grocery Shopping and then Doctors are next as needed. Otherwise I may stop by the book stor ein town to see what there is new to read. I have learned that what other sthink of me is not important these days. i am neat, clean in appearance and shower daily I dress properly for my age and stay comfortable. I try to be as well mannered and polite as I can and carry on minding my own business. I speak to only people who speak to me first, basically. So, I am basically, behaving myself.
Did I make the right decision to give up the big home, I think so . Did I make the right decision to move out of the state I lived in to be closer to my sister, yes. Yet in the end, life doesn’t go as you plan it, does it. My Sister is busy, and hasa life of her own and she deserves it. So I live alone, keep to myself, and carry on the best I can in strange state and town, that seems nota great fit for me. No I do not wish to sell and go elsewhere, for no matter where I go, it would be the same for me. As I said, I am not your smiling social butterfly type, I am not your loveable person to many, and in the end I can give a shit about it, these days. My only question is this, now that I am here, and loving this way, how long can I be like an island unto myself and alone , and survive? There is no telling is there? That is what decisions are about folks, you make them as you go and sometimes, you love the results and others times you don’t. But Decisions you make, carry you forward is all amd you do the best you can with them.
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