Navigating Life’s Regrets: Understanding Choices

As we go through life, we make mistakes, we make errors, but, some we don’t realize until later and than it is far too late to change them. We rush into things and make decisions we later regret, of that there is no doubt, for some of us it is marriage, or divorce and for others it is job choices,, school choices or partner choices also. Life is not perfect and we male decisions based on what? 1) What we have been told or advised of. 2) Lack of care 3) Being foolishly happy or joyful in the moment. 4) Peer Pressure and finally, we make choices based on, others opinions or desires or wants or needs, not our own. 5) The worst decisions we make come from situtaional predictaments. Like a spouse died, or a parent died, or a severe incident happened. All of the above is why bad decisions happen in one’s life, and we later learn to regret them, yet learn to live with them.

Personally, all of us, have regrets. we have regrets of not listening to our parents, we have regrets of things we did, we should never have done. We regret relationships, we thought were great and turned out bad. Or decisions to move, or live somewhere. We sometimes regret what we bought, or what we threw away also. What makes this happen though is, not stopping, thinking it out and then, making the proper decision by looking at the entire circumstances surrounding it all.

I have told many people in my past, we all make mistakes and some look at me like I am crazy, I am not. Mistakes are actually things we learn from as we grow up, mature and settle into the lifestyle we have as adults, parents and senior citizens over time. I have made many decision I regret and look back today and wish I had done differently. Life is complicated folks, and we all, make snap decisions, or quick decisions or improper ones we must, live with later on in life.

I have made some myself I regret more than others of course just like you. I know, one of the biggest mistakes I made is how I am living right now. I live in a 55 plus community in Westborough, Mass. here. I came here after my wife passed from cancer, because my family and friends advised me to. Also, because I felt I had no choice but to get out from under a big home I owned with my wife, because I couldn’t live in the place she passed in.

I have learned since moving here as a widower, people are cruel, mean spirited and as I see it, non-caring about anything but themselves. So I tend to stay alone, protect myself and it is a lonely life. I live it because, it is better to stay alone, then get told to shut up, or don’t laugh, or you make too much noise or, told i said something wrong to someone else. I have also, learned as I age people get set in their ways, and they are not about to change or accept anyone different, in their lives, they don’t have to. They have their income and homes and families, and it doesn’t matter what I have or don’t have to them. So, I keep to myself.

Condo living is for me, like being caged in a 956 square feet cage. You can roam it alone, you can pace it, clean it, and eat and dress in it is all. You sleep in it and, thats it folks. So in the end you pace it, look out it’s windows or doors, and avoid contact with others. At least that is what I do. I will walk the stairs for four floors at 69 going on 70 in six months, to avoid people. Why, because you never know what mood they are in and how they will act or talk to you. I don’t want anger, I don’t want nasty, I don’t want people telling me what to do or how to do it either. Suggestions I am open to of course, but don’t force anything on me and I won’t do it to you, is my stance.

When I moved in in 2022, I thought I had the perfect place to live out my remaining years. A place to talk to others in my own age range, to interact and have fun as I get older. It is not what I have found here. I have found rudeness, impolite people, angry people and upset people. Kindness is rare in this life and this neighborhood really. Since 2022 when I moved in, I do only very few things here in my community. I play billards once a week for fun, I go bowling once a week with a few people here, and then bowl in a Senior league. Then, I play dominos once a week now for fun. I gave up the second time of playing dominos because people would tell me I am too loud, make too much noise, laugh too much and they can’t concentrate to play the game. So, I said ok concentrate all you want, I am out. Otherwise I read, I write, I watch television, movies, or Utube. I build puzzles is all, or I walk when I can. I will walk a mile to avoid people here, because they are upset, or angry. I don’t want it near me, and I am not the social animal others are around me. Some have the ability to take criticism and brush it off, and carry on, I do not. I don’t mind being told I am wrong, I just can’t handle people, who act like they know it all. Nor can I handle people who don’t listen well. I am at 69 a lifetime sufferer of Attention Deficiet Disorder and Hyperactivity. I also suffer from PTSD from childhood and the Service. I will walk away from a fight faster than you can turn your head and cough. It’s me. I can’t handle large crowds, so you won’t see me at big events at anytime. Conversations move too fast for me, and I get confused in those circumstances.

I have some regrets in my life like many others do. I regret the fact there was a girl I never told I cared about. I regret not being closer to my daughters, from my first marriage. But, in the end, I regret I think the most, moving in such a 55 plus community like this that I did. I find it boring, and full of angry people, who suddenly go off on others for no reason. I also, hate when this happens. Look, folks we are 55 and up here in the community, live by the rule of it please. Pick up after your dogs, don’t damage property, or common areas. Be peaceful and be polite. Manners come into play and if you don’t like a conversation, or what is said, step back and drop out of it, not argue over it. We are no longer young folks, we should know better.

I feel at 69, I shall probably be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t look for a lover, or friend with benefits anymore. I am too old to care folks. I like women I do, I just do not have the patience, to go through building another relationship and trying to make it work. As I said we are now over 55, and set in our ways, we do not want to change who we are. we want to be ourselves and live in peace, so, as I told one person, I know damn well, I am not everyone’s cup of tea so to say, but, teas come in many flavors and blends, if you don’t like it, try another. But don’t hold it against me, if I don’t fit what you want. and I won;t hold it against you in return. I know as a widower who also was divorced once, that not all relationships work out, and I don’t expect them to. Neither should you. lets live and let live, lets laugh and let laugh, let’s cry and let them cry. As life goes on there will always be, ups, downs,loves and regrets. lets just work to make it easier for all of us, please.