May 15th, 2025, Thurday and half of May is done as of today. Rain falls more often these days here in Westborough, Mass. than in the last three years since I moved here, it seems. Gray and dreary, wet is all we get. At least it seems so lately.
As Today starts, my thoughts go to things some may not think of, everyday and in every interaction with others. Look, I know we all build protective layers and defend ourselves, I know, we are sometimes too busy to realize what we are saying of doing, but, can we at least slow down, and stop and think before we say or do something? I ask this because I have run into some people and things said, I just shake my head at and go, does this person realize what they are saying and to whom they are saying it?
I am far from perfect in anyway. I have my flaws, I have my inabilities, I have my highs and my lows. We all do folks, but, I try very hard to listen to othe rpeople, and to consider what I am saying. Now, I know ribbing and ball busting is a thing we all do, but, conside rthe fact we are not all the same, may not be able to take it.
I say this as a person who has disabilities, as a Veteran, which range in nature from the physical, 6 herniated discs in my spine, to the mental of PTSD and Attention Deficiet Disorder and Hyperactivity. With these things constantly going on in my mind and brain and physical discomfort on and off, I try to survive in life and get along with others. I have been told I should join in more activities, well, I don’t because of all I just said here. I feel uncomfortable in large crowds, I feel pressure or pushed. I feel like I don’t fit in. I get told to be quiet, calm down, shut up, or behave or not laugh too loud. I have lived with thes ethings all my life and i am old now and sometimes just can’t handle it. There are times when I walk away, shake my head and don’t turn back. I look at people at times and wonder what the hell did I do, for you to treat me this way? I know some will not understand what I am saying, but, it needs to be said to the world and humanity in general.
Even in small groups at times i see things others don’t, feel things others don’t. I get the messages different than most and feel the rejection faster than most. Why becaus eit is built into me over years and years of living through it. Let me say this to some who may read this, people you need to consider, that there are people like me, with disabilities an dproblems you shouldn’t say certain things to, or treat in certain ways. In my case i don’t get violent, havent, since i was a child, I choose to walk away and not turn back around. If you insult me and I think your serious, I am done with you, if you tell me to shut up, calm down, don’t laugh or get too loud, I am done. If you tell me in anyway, that I am not wnated somewhere, or needed anywhere, or not liked anywhere i leave, it’s that simple. Yes, I have been told I am overly senistive and touchy, but, your not living my life with my conditions are you? No I am, and some conditions you can not heal or change. You can’t change herniated discs unless you get an operation that won’t paralyze you. You can’t change PTSD from childhood and service years. You can’t shut down Hyperactivity or Attention Deficiet Disorder either, you can take drugs they may give you, or live with the conditions i mention and adjust the best you can. That is what I do folks. I am not crying over it, I am just letting people know, not all of us who walk this planet are normal, many of us have problems you can not see, or realize. People need to stop and think before they run off at the mouth, because, they are hurting people without knowing it. It’s not good folks, if someone with my conditions, does not have good self-control, someone can get severely hurt. I learned self-control by the time I was 12 years old, I had to have it taught to me, by professionals. For at time I would lost it and bad things would happen. I overcame, so now I walk away, I control the emotions the best I can and walk away, I don’t lash out verbally or physically anymore.
If I look at you and go, OK, if you wnat me gone just sya so, I mean it. I will get up and leave, rather than stay where i am not wanted. I will not ever over burden, be a burden, impose or hurt another, knowingly. I don’t work that way, I don’t have the insenistivity to it all, that others have. I guess it is all associated with my mental and physical and emotional problems I have had all my lifetime. So, I walk away, I avoid large crowds, I walk alone, to make myself feel right and not out of place. If i don’t feel like i belong or I feel like I am not wanted as a part of a group, I leave, it’s simple. and in the end best for all around me and me. I do so to preserve myself and not to harm or hurt others.But, not many people can see that, is all. They judge me as too senistive, or not conforming, not not likeable. To them I wil say what many other sin history and overtime have said, Do not Judge a book by it’s cover folks, please don’t. Stories of life’s and times come in many different versions, from poems, to songs, to stories, each come in their own covers, whethe rthey be soft covers or hard covers. But, as we all realize when reading, not all covers give the full story, you can read or understand. So, don’t judge a book by it’s cover, you will be sorry.
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