Yesterday, I went to lunch with my sister. we discussed many things, from our childhood days, to the results as we grew, to good times and bad. It seems, no matter what, life does have it’s ups and downs folks, and each of us color our past, to be what we prefer.
We had five us of us siblings, and as we grew, we had fights, arguements and more among us. as most siblings will tell you, you survive them and you move on in life, and in the end, you always have at least one, your close to they say. Well, in my case it has always been my baby sister, the only girl in the family.
We were raised to be self-sufficient thats for sure. As Dad and Mom used to say, never depend on anyone elese they will fail you, usually when you need them most. So, we learned to stand alone and chug along at a good rate, steady and strong. As Mom used to say, keep moving, keep going, don’t stop, time is short. Good advice for all to Learn for sure. But, Dad, had the best advice, he said, “If you put your mind to it and stick to it, you can do anything and achieve it.” He knew what he was talking about, and his wisdom shows through in many wyas in my sister and myself.
As to the other three siblings, well, they went their own ways and did their own things. Each had their own problems and so did my sister and me. But, in the end, my sister and I turned fine. The othe rthree well, One is lost and lonely and estranged himself from the family at a young age. Another, died, at 30 due to drug use and aids. And the Baby of the family I do not know what happened to him. I know he is a fabulous artists when he draws. Wheithe rhe is happy or sad, well or not, he talks to no one, so I can’t be sure. Nor do I really know where he is, anymore.
It is amazing when you look back, how, each sibling and yourself change over the years and how you grow apart, and move on in life. Some stay seperate from each other as we have mostly, due to who we marry. Some stay close. But, in the end, we all live on and wonder at times, what went right or wrong in our past, don’t we?
Now I am 69, and old in my book, but some say not really. I did things in my life I never expected to do. I survived childhood and teenage years just fine, even through in pain at times and misery at other times.
My 20’s were a world of mystery at first of military days and marriage, and the birth of two daughters came next. Then a divorce, and a changing of circumstances came.
By, my mid-thirties, I wa single once more, on my own struggling to survive again. what I learned from my parents, kept me going as I struggled and made it through, to a second marriage. The first marriage lasted ten years and took two for the divorce to finish.
The Second marriage went well, no more children, but, a steady relationship of love and respect for twenty eight years. We took our marriage vows we wrote ourselves. In which we said we would learn from one another and grow together, we did. Afte rthe 28 years, together ended in my wife’s passing from breast cancer, I find myself alone and adrift once more. It’s now over 4 years since she passed, and I really haven’t dated much at all. I am alone and tire dof it really, but, I do not know how to date anymore or even to flirt anymore. LoL! When your in a long term relationship that ends suddenly, you realize you have no idea, how to date anymore or what to do to get back out there. So, I stay alone.
The real question, when one becomes a widow or widower like myself is, how long is long enough to grieve? How long does one wait, to go ok, enough can I go find someone again? My answer has been, for each of us wheither male or female it is different, depending on the emotional attachment we had and the respect we wish to show for the one we lost. if I am wrong about that, then, so be it, but it is how I see it.
So, somewhere out there is a lady for me, but, I stop short of asking anyone out and avoid it. Maybe it’sa trust thing, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s noy being confident enough to say, want to go to dinne ror a movie or something. I don’t know. I just know alone is how I stay for now, untill I hit that stage of beingbrave enough to try once more. I know I am far from perfect, and I expect most are on both side of the genders, so to say. I do know to make things work in any relationship you want, you have to respect who you are with, be attracted to that person. and be able to compromise, to keep it all alive. So, I only hope is all.
So I question myself all the time,on that issue. Am I able and capable, will someone say yes if I ask or not? Should I, or Shouldn’t I? I wavier, and wander and wonder. I guess at some point, taking a chance is all one can do. Yet, at 69 years old, the real question is do I want to?
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