Hello Friday, has arrived and I have no idea what the weather shall be like outside. My fridays, are slow and steady like most of my days. I may read, or write at home, and then go bowling in the Senior League I am in, When done bowling I usually return home alone and just hang out watching tv, or building a puzzle or reading. I know it is a dormant, slow world I live in. I don’t drink or really go to Taverns or Bars which seems to be the big draw for those in the town I live in. Sadly, it seems, the town I choose to live in, is a slow town with very little to really do in it.
While I have been sent pamphlets and emails on Volunteer Activities to get involved in, there really isn’t much other than the Senior Center for those my age here. we don’t have our own bowling ally, we don’t have a roller skating rink. I have my little hobbies I do alone of course, like walking when the weather is good, reading a decent book when I can, writting poetry and short stories and my blogs. As many who know me even in passing will tell you, I am not the life of a party type of man, nor, am I a ladies man, who flirts with every woman he sees. I am 69 years old and headed to 70 if i make it, next January of 2026. I am not dead, or that infirmed that I can’t get around, so I do what I beleive, I can is all.
I remember clearly when I moved here, I had told my sister and at the time i was 65, she would find me dead in this condo I bought, right here. I know that is probally the truth folks, I live day by day alone, and mind my own each day that I do. I clean my own home, I save my money for things I may need or use and I try hard not to get involved in any other person’s business. What someone else does with their life, is not my business, what is, is how I conduct myself, is all.
I have done many things in my life, as a teenager I would help friends move or fix their cars, or whatever they needed. As a Young man I was busy in the military lifestyle, I served in three branches. I started in the U.S. Army, which I hated. Who wants to be a ground pounder, who is made to retrive tanks, so I got out. I did the National Guard as a Machine Gunner Scout, and then, I went back into the military and joined the U.S. Navy next. In Total my life service to my country came out to 16 years. Most of it sepnt in The U.S. Navy as a Boiler Technichan. When, I got injured, onboard ship, and was finally forced out of service due to my injury, I had a wife and two kids. That marriage went to hell, and life went on, after a divorce.
My life has always been slightly different than most, I am not a coventional person in many ways. So, I went back home and started over. I ended up, dazed and confused and lost in a changed society in America. I struggled and turned to The Veteran’s Administration for help. I got my benefits for medical, dental and prescriptions and then still foundering, I agreed to go back to school. The Veteran’s Administration sent me to college, I was a High School Dropout at one time, one who went back and got a GED to get into the service. Amazingly, I made a decision to commit myself to college and did well. I graduated after three years of night school, with a 3.7 out of 4.0 average. I got my Associates Degree in Hosoitality Management, the Hotel side. I recieved Awards two while in college and then I was inducted into the Aplha Beta Gamma and Phi Thetta Kapps Honor Societies. I was proud and hired to run a hotel. Boredom got to me, and so did my injuries and i was unable to keep working. I retired and got 100 percent Unemployabilty from the Veteran’s Administration and my Doctors. Being disabled due to my back injuries, my PTSD and more is not fun, but, I survive on pure guts and determination is all. I was lucky to have had my second wife, who I loved dearly for 28 years. She and I created a life together and cared for one another in all ways. we helped others by providing rooms for rent in our homes for a price. we saved, we struggled and we grew to enjoy life more as we did.
28 years after I met my second wife, she passed from Breast Cancer in 2021. In the middle of her sixteen year fight with cancer I myself got cancer of the lungs. I took my wife to every appointment she had, from Doctors, to Chemo, to radiation, to Immunio Therapy in the End. I survived a 16 hour surgery to take out a lobe and a third of my right lung and no more cancer for me. But, I could not, save my second wife, like I wanted to. Losing her devasted who I was and am today. I am not the joyful, funny guy she met, who would dance away the days or nights I could with her. Nor am I, the same man who would cook all the holiday meals and for both of us each day. But, the memories of all 28 years stay in my mind always. It is the special moments that count folks, those moments when you are alone with who you love, and cuddled or hugging, or sleeping, and knowing, you have that one person you will love forever with you. when you suddenly lose them, to a desease like cancer or anyother desease you will struggle, you will miss them dearly and you will grieve in many ways. I know I did and I know also, that at some point in time whether it is one year, two or three or even four, you realize, your still here and they are not coming back. Thats when you slowly start to feel the loneliness seep in, the individualism comes back. and you finally, go at some point, I need to get involved in something else at some point, or I have to learn to live alone, period. So, you live each day, one day at a time, and carry-on the best you can. It’s slow process folks but we all, go through it, if, and when we lose the one we love. Grief isn’t easy, too many things come up that remind you of the one you lost, and you must live with it all and push through. The alternative is not a choice you will want to make.
Anyway, I reminance and I think back many times these days and for one heading to 70 years old, there is nothing wrong with doing so. The memories help us carry-on and search for more to experience and go through. For in the end we are here on this planet for a reason we do not understand. I have a belief, that each of us, were put here on earth, for a reason or mission we need to complete. when we finally complete that mission, whatever it is, we return from whence we came. Is there a Heaven or a Hell? I do not know for sure and neither do you, but, I do know that, where ever we return to, must bring peace for our hearts, and our souls. For living on this plane of existance we currently do, at times, i think it may be that in between place they call Purgatory for me and for you. Religion is not the solution although it may calm your fears. Drinking and drugs are not the solution either. Murder, Mayhem, or wars don’t help either. In the end you find yourself, left alone and making decisions on your own, and awaiting what may come. believe it or not, in the end that is how life is done. I love life, I love people, I love converstaions and laughter, I love the ability to cry too. But, most of all, when I stop to think, I love the facts of life, and the air we breathe, and feel lucky to be here.
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