Author: macattack56

Age 69 Navy Veteran- 16 years military, three branches Writing is my thing! Do Poems and stories and Blogs Also use social networks and chat sites MyYearBook-Domct2002 Twitter-@BillMcCurrach

Thoughts for today!


For me folks, an era seems to have gone by. I write less and less these days it seems. As I age and as I have become a widower, I find, that, there is less for me to say. I have done Short Stories, 51 to be exact, numerous poems, and numerous blogs . I have spoken of the loss of a spouse, politics in general, Trump and his antics and more. I have even delved into Condo living, and 55 plus neighborhoods. The cost of living and how it has risen has been a subject also.

As time now slips further for me, at 69, and the summer is rolling to an end for 2025, I wonder at times how long I may have left to go. No one knows for sure, because some of us are destined for longer stays on this planet than others, it seems. Personally, I never thought I would go past 40 years old, but here I am. I did many things i would have never imagined doing in the world. I never thought for instance, I would draw, I would do art, I would write. I never thought I would have two marriages, two daughters and in the end 4 grandchildren and never see any of them, due to a divorce. I never thought I would have had a military career that lasted 16 years, between three branches. Yet here I am.

I never thought as a teenager I would be a teenage dropout, who went back and got a GED, but, I did. I never thought I would actually go back to school years later and get a Degree in Hotel Management, but I did. I never thought I would be a member of two Honor societies, Alpha Beta Gamma and Phi Thetta Kappa, but, I am. It’s amazing how, you do things you never thought you would do, and make it work as you go along.

Life my friends is a challenge and an adventure too. I have played the part of a M-88 Tank Retriver for the Army and failed at it cause I hated the Army. I then did the Army National Guard and became a Machine Gunner Scout. In The end I went Navy and became a Boiler Technichan. I saw the world folks, by oceans. I did the North Atlantic, Europe, South America, and the Carribean. met many folks and experienced many cultures. I learned it doesn’t matter what country one is from, what religion you are, what language you speak, if you treat others with respect, they do so in return to you.

I have no enemies list like some do, why, because I don’t play hate. If I don’t like someone, I avoid them, and just carry on. My life is being me for who else can I be. I laugh at what I believe is funny, I smile as much as I can, and I usually talk to anyone who speaks to me. Like I told one person, if you wish to argue or fight, please don’t try me, go home, look in the mirror and do so. I told another who threatened to hit me or beat me up once, go ahead do your thing, cause when I get up, your going to prison. He stopped and didnt do a damn thing then. So, I don’t believe in violence or arguing just to argue.

Am I a paficfist, probally, am I a democrat, definitely. What I don’t do is force my views on anyone, and i don’t expect them to try to do that to that to me either. I avoid such things, if you try to force me into a box so to say, I go the other way. As I told one person, I gotta be me, was said in a song, but it fits me well.

Now that I am a widower for over four years, I have gone through grieving. I have thought of finding someone again, for my later years to spend time with. I haven’t as of yet, because I fumble and pause and halt in either fear of not being liked, or not knowing even how to flirt anymore. You spend a long time relationship with someone who passes like my wife did from cancer, you forget how to attract or approach anyone else. You get stuck in your ways, and you just do you. So, to think about asking someone for a date or approaching someone, you run through numerous doubts in your head and you stop. It’s a thing one goes through, and you just don’t know what to do.

Anyway, I don’t know how many more poems I have in me, how many more stories to tell. How many more opinions on politics I may have to put out here. There more than likely will come a day, when I stop writing, and just slowly disappear from it all. I do still like playing billards/ pool for fun, I do still like bowling when my back allows me to. I like to walk, I build puzzles and I read, I watch tv and movies. While I like women and like to talk to them, I do not cross the line and ask them out. Why, because i look at it and go, no woman wants a man my age. Most women want men with money, or power, or younger than I. And at 69, the choices for dating any woman are few and far between in my mind. Even if I had an interest in one or two, I would not know how to approach or ask them anymore, lol.

So, time ticks and the clock moves, the days pass and the weeks and months and years too. I have had a full life thats for sure. At least two of everything I can imagine. So I can honestly say, I am happy being me. So, in the end, where the rest of my time on earth leads me and whats next I take one day at a time is all. I hope all have a great life and stay healthy, and comfy in what they love best. For as we age, we deserve the best in our senior years. You have something you want to do, places you want to go, people you want to see or know, do it folks, do it now! Don’t procrasinate, don’t put it off. It only causes regrets, live your life fully, laugh, cry, smile and enjoy. We only have so much time to be here.

Navigating Life After Loss: A Widow’s Perspective


Yesterday, I went to lunch with my sister. we discussed many things, from our childhood days, to the results as we grew, to good times and bad. It seems, no matter what, life does have it’s ups and downs folks, and each of us color our past, to be what we prefer.

We had five us of us siblings, and as we grew, we had fights, arguements and more among us. as most siblings will tell you, you survive them and you move on in life, and in the end, you always have at least one, your close to they say. Well, in my case it has always been my baby sister, the only girl in the family.

We were raised to be self-sufficient thats for sure. As Dad and Mom used to say, never depend on anyone elese they will fail you, usually when you need them most. So, we learned to stand alone and chug along at a good rate, steady and strong. As Mom used to say, keep moving, keep going, don’t stop, time is short. Good advice for all to Learn for sure. But, Dad, had the best advice, he said, “If you put your mind to it and stick to it, you can do anything and achieve it.” He knew what he was talking about, and his wisdom shows through in many wyas in my sister and myself.

As to the other three siblings, well, they went their own ways and did their own things. Each had their own problems and so did my sister and me. But, in the end, my sister and I turned fine. The othe rthree well, One is lost and lonely and estranged himself from the family at a young age. Another, died, at 30 due to drug use and aids. And the Baby of the family I do not know what happened to him. I know he is a fabulous artists when he draws. Wheithe rhe is happy or sad, well or not, he talks to no one, so I can’t be sure. Nor do I really know where he is, anymore.

It is amazing when you look back, how, each sibling and yourself change over the years and how you grow apart, and move on in life. Some stay seperate from each other as we have mostly, due to who we marry. Some stay close. But, in the end, we all live on and wonder at times, what went right or wrong in our past, don’t we?

Now I am 69, and old in my book, but some say not really. I did things in my life I never expected to do. I survived childhood and teenage years just fine, even through in pain at times and misery at other times.

My 20’s were a world of mystery at first of military days and marriage, and the birth of two daughters came next. Then a divorce, and a changing of circumstances came.

By, my mid-thirties, I wa single once more, on my own struggling to survive again. what I learned from my parents, kept me going as I struggled and made it through, to a second marriage. The first marriage lasted ten years and took two for the divorce to finish.

The Second marriage went well, no more children, but, a steady relationship of love and respect for twenty eight years. We took our marriage vows we wrote ourselves. In which we said we would learn from one another and grow together, we did. Afte rthe 28 years, together ended in my wife’s passing from breast cancer, I find myself alone and adrift once more. It’s now over 4 years since she passed, and I really haven’t dated much at all. I am alone and tire dof it really, but, I do not know how to date anymore or even to flirt anymore. LoL! When your in a long term relationship that ends suddenly, you realize you have no idea, how to date anymore or what to do to get back out there. So, I stay alone.

The real question, when one becomes a widow or widower like myself is, how long is long enough to grieve? How long does one wait, to go ok, enough can I go find someone again? My answer has been, for each of us wheither male or female it is different, depending on the emotional attachment we had and the respect we wish to show for the one we lost. if I am wrong about that, then, so be it, but it is how I see it.

So, somewhere out there is a lady for me, but, I stop short of asking anyone out and avoid it. Maybe it’sa trust thing, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s noy being confident enough to say, want to go to dinne ror a movie or something. I don’t know. I just know alone is how I stay for now, untill I hit that stage of beingbrave enough to try once more. I know I am far from perfect, and I expect most are on both side of the genders, so to say. I do know to make things work in any relationship you want, you have to respect who you are with, be attracted to that person. and be able to compromise, to keep it all alive. So, I only hope is all.

So I question myself all the time,on that issue. Am I able and capable, will someone say yes if I ask or not? Should I, or Shouldn’t I? I wavier, and wander and wonder. I guess at some point, taking a chance is all one can do. Yet, at 69 years old, the real question is do I want to?

Senior Living Challenges: Finding Connection and Purpose


August is rolling to an end soon enough it seems. Already August 23rd, 2025 and weather is ok, outside at least and sun is out. Been over 4 years since my wife passed from cancer. Since then I have stayed alone and not dated much at all. I am also in a new state and place, since 2022, so trying to get used to it and things to do here is not easy. At 69, it’s harder than most things i have done in the past. I am set in my ways, and I don’t like somethings others do, and with my problems of PTSD and AD/HA, it makes it somewhat harder.

The older I get, the more touchy I get about large crowds also. Too many people and I have to leave, the stress levels rise and I can’t handle that many in one place. It’s funny, though cause I can do certain things and other things I just can’t handle these days.

Anyway, at least I do play Billards once a week, and bowl once a week at least. Not much else around here to do, besides drinking and taverns and bars. Not a drinker really, so, I don’t go there much, plus, too many people in those. Seems people still love to drink no matter what it cost them, these days.

Me I would rather walk, or read a book, or write. I like to cook now and then, but since it is just me now, not so much. I miss, doing it for my wife and I, but, I can’t change the fact she passed.

Seems to me, dating at my age is rough for sure. Caution is a thing for most my age, and finding someone to date is a game of chance these days. You never know, if someone wants your money or to abuse or misuse you, for their own purposes. Many are feeling the sameway, I have seen and heard. so, the dating scene sucks in many ways. I try to remind many, if I wanted you for money, that would be a poor thing on me. When you reach a certain age if you are not self-sufficent, then you did something wrong. Most who reach my age are ok, money wise and have a place to live of their own. and usually have their own transportation too.

Anyway, I have learned that people in Massachuetts are very cautious, very hard to get to know. So, I just joined the Bowling League I did to get out and about and have some fun. The Bowlers are fun and we laugh a lot as we play and support one another no matter how good we bowl or not.

I still write poetry now and then, when the mood or a subject hits me. I haven’t written any stories in a long time now. Blogs I do, on different subjects from politics, to dating, to Senior living and housing and more. It’s a way to express my feelings is all. So I do it.

I am glad I have tv to watch, a computer to go online with, a cell phone to calll my sister with. I do miss old friends, but, I moved here, to a 55 plus community, figuring it would be easier and better for me. sometimes, I wonder if I made the right choice, when I did it. I find living in such a community a bit hard for me. I am not everyone’s cup of tea so to say, and some are not mine either. I don’t do Community Events, because of my PTSD and problems. The crowds get larger each time it seems. My nerves fire up, and I just have to leave when I do so. Some don’t understand that, when I do it, but, it’s a part of me and my life.

Westborough, is a nice enough town to live in, though expensive at times. I wish it had more to do in it though, like roller skating, or Karyoke Places, and such. Senior Dances would be nice, if they existed, because it is easier for seniors to meet that way. But, Westborough is a growing community and town for sure.

I miss my younger days, I used to run, I used to find things to do easier and meet people easier. yet, as one ages, you worry about, protecting yourself more, financially and emotionally. It’s not something you can ignore nowadays in America.

So I live day to day, and go slow, no more running like I did before. I admire women from afar, say nothing and stay alone. Don’t misunderstand me, I love women in all ways, but, to take a chance at my age, is gonna be hard to do. I had the 28 years with my wife, I loved dearly, and would never trade one second of it. I know it would be hard for me not to compare them to her. although I know I shouldn’t think that way, since she passed. I remember she told me, to find someone and enjoy. Life is so short she said. She was right of course, but, times have changed for sure out here.

The Political Landscape: Trump, His Supporters, and Accountability


Ok, I want to straighten something out here, for those who believe I hate all Trump Supporters, I don’t, I hate Trump and what he is doing to this country, the greatest democracy and republic in the world. That is what I hate.

I served this country for 16 years total, under many fine Presidents, who stood proud and have honor and respect for the Constitution and our land. I feel sorry for those who now, are in service, and have to serve Donald J. Trump. He is stealing Veteran’s Benefits and medical and prescription coverage when and where he can from us all. He is attacking Social Security and so much more like Medicare and Medicaid. Then he is rigging elections and more , interfearing in the states rights to elect their own electors and representatives.

Trump is laughed at by other World Leaders, including Putin. Putin doesn’t care what Trump wants, and Trump threatens, but does nothing he says he will. So Putin, just yes’s him and walks away and drops more explosives and drones on Ukraine and laughs. Putin knows Trump won’t act in anyway against him, Trump kisses Putin’s ass too much to do so.

Now, Trump is still saying the election was stolen when he lost to Biden. The fact is he lost period. He lost so bad he hid for 4 years. Then came back and stole the election from Harris, and it is now coming out that he actually did, with the help, of Elon Musk. Yet, his backers won’t admit it and neither will Trump, why, simple, they would lose their great Trump.

On top of his awlful performance as President so far this term, There is the Epstien Files and relationship. How many photos of Trump and Epstein, are there, with young girls sitting on Trump’s lap and his hands in unappropiate places on these girls. How many Parties did they do together with young girls, how many times did Trump fly to Epstien’s Island, his pilot said 37 times. What do you think Trump had a relationship and friendship with Epstien for? And why did he stay friends with Epstien for 15 years?

Let’s also ask the question while we are at it, where did Melania come from, what did she do to earn a Einstien Visa, for herself and her family? She was never more than a model, and working girl before Trump. Where and how did she meet Trump, Jeffery Epstien folks, at least that is the rumor out there. So what we have now is a 34 times convicted felon, running our country, who is deporting people over immigration issues, his own wife has also. Interesting isn’t it?

So, I do not hate the people who support Donald J, Trump, I do hate Donald J. Trump himself. I hate he is a convicted felon, I hate the fact, he stole elections and messed with people’s voting rights and the laws. I hate the fact he rigged the Supreme Court in his favor. I hate the fact, he is messing with Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and Veteran’s Benefits in anyway. I hate when he tries to blame all the former Presidents for everything and anything that goes wrong under his term as President. I hate the fact the world is looking at America and going, why did you people elect this idiot to the Presidency?

In the end I just want to make clear, I do not hate the Trump, MAGA people who follow and protect his man, I hate the man himself. I do not approve of convicted felons running a country like ours, I do not approve of a pedophile, being President. He kept saying how Biden fell asleep, or stumbled in office, well Trump is doing it too now, and is just as incompetant as they come. He stumbles, he can’t speak straight, and he is laughed at world wide. He didn’t solve six wars, he can’t solve his own marriage, or his own reputation and more. he does not belong President, of my country, I defended for 16 years.

Let me close with this folks, 2026 is coming fast, the mid-terms will be here before we know it. What must happen is, The Senate and The House must become bi-partisan again and the numbers must be either equal or favor the democrats. Under the current situtation, it is one sided and going down hill quickly. we have a Secretary of Defense who is an idiot, People like Steven Miller should be no where near governement offices or leaders. Steve Bannon, was jailed folks and still, Trump listens to him, why? Well I shall tell you, convicts stick togetjher, criminals think alike, they will do anything to bolster their own lives, get money they can and take from the poor and feed themselves, at your and my expense. It’s easier to steal from the poor or middle class than attack the rich and make them pay taxes and for what we need. They fight back, they have money for lawyers and court cases, we the American people don’t. So unless Americans fight back inforce, band together and vote these republican, Maga Backers out of office, America will decline further. We are barely a step or two, above a third world nation as it is now, today. We must recover, and turn our country around once more.

Dating Tips for Seniors: Finding Companionship at 69


At 69 years old and a widower for the last four years now, I wonder what people my age do, to find a partner/ companion intoday’s World.

I am not a drinker, so bars/ taverns are out mostly, unless I go there with someone I date. I like to bowl, so I joined a league, I play billards once a week where I live.

I just would like someone for companionship, friendship and in the end a possible relationship. Is that asking too much in today’s world? I am open to dating and dinners with a lady of course. I don’t get out much so, what to do is always a problem for me. I like movies also.

So, what dating sites do people recommend for Seniors my age? And what are the ladies looking for in a guy my age? Any Ideas folks? Just figured maybe someone might have an idea or two. If so please feel free to send em to me, through my blog. Thanks all! Will look forward to them! I live in Westborough. Ma.

How is the Question, Will I Sail?


How Is The Question, Will I Sail?
William McCurrach
19 August 2025

How, not why,
Is the question that needs answered it seems,
For How do you survive?,
How do you live?

When you believe you have so much to give,
But, the pain is so intense,
You lose your common sense.

When you wake up in pain,
Day after day,
Go to bed in pain,
Night after night,
You feel it in every move you make,
And wonder how much more,
Can a human body take?

Tolarate it they say,
Medicate it they say,
Exercise it all, away.

But when each move is pain,
Each step hurts you to your core,
Each breath is harder to take,
How do you keep going?
And How long can you?
Before your spirit does break?

I have seen this before,
Watched others struggle through,
Even helped many of them,
Who feel like me, not like you.

We all can feel the pain, as it hits,
We fight on through,
Every second of it.

People ask are you ok,
You laugh and this is what you say,
I am fine, I will be ok,
I take it all day after day.

One day at a time is all we can do,
and you carry on, not telling of the pain in you.
Knowing darn well, at sometime,
The pain in the body,
Will overcome your strong mind.

How much pain can the human body take,
How much can the human brain handle?
How much does one human endure?

A doctor will tell you,
even they are unsure!

Pain comes in many forms and in waves,
It wracks a body, it stops your moving,
It then hits so hard, your mind can’t handle it,
And you know what you face soon enough,
So you hang in there, trying to be tough.

Each day your spirit, grows a little weaker,
Each day you move slower, and get by like a unoiled squeaker.

You know there will come a day,
when you can’t move,
And they will take you away.

In time, you know, your time shall end,
So, what do you do and how my friend?
You hide the pain, you hide the angish,
You laugh and play, like it is just another day.

Hiding it all underneath a veil,
For you know, it soon,
Will be time for your soul to sail.

Embrace Your Purpose: A Poetic Reminder


All We Need To Know

August 14th, 2025

William McCurrach

Waking up, each day is a blessing,

We breathe, we drink, we eat, you see,

But, we all know, The world, will never be,

The same without, you or me!

Each of us, has our own Purpose you see,

For we were put here, just to be,

To Be who we are, to help others near or far,

Because when we leave, we all become,

Another Shinning Star,

People see from earth,

Up so high and far.

Whatever you do,

Whereever you go,

Just be you,

Thats all you need to know!

And All we need to know,

All we are and shall be,

The Good Lord gave us,

Just to be you and me!

Trump and Epstein: Unraveling Their Controversial Connection


As the Epstein Case raises it’s ugly head on a daily basis, we can see the connection to President Trump. We see him in pictures with Epstein and the young girls. He denies it of course but in the end, he can not den=y the 15 year friendship with Epstien or that he is in the photos. So why isn’t Congress addressing this fully and impeaching President Trump?

The other question I have for all is a simple one, where were the parents of these thousands of girls, when all this was happening? Why didn’t they step up and ask where their daughters were and what was happening to them? I am the father of two daughters myself, if they disappeared and couldn’t be found I would be publically screaming from the rooftops, why, didn’t their parents?

The Last question I have for all is this, Why would Donald J. trump be friends with Jeffery Epstein for 15 years? Who is friends with a pedophile and sexual abuser like Epstein was, and not know it? If you ask me, Donald J. Trump has to be a pedophile just like Epstein was, for no one went to Epstein’s Island by plane 37 times, without knowing what was happening. No way, he could not have known.

One last point I wish to make, Maxwell was Epsteins’s girlfriend and assistant in this pedophile operation, and there are pictures of Donald J. Trump with her also. So, what was Donald J. trump doing with Maxwell and these young girls and with Epstein too? Can anyone explain that to me?

Why has no one moved to prosecute Donald J. trump and why is The President of the United States, moving Maxwell to a easier prison situation? She is a convicted sexual predator so who authorized her move? Was it Trump or a Trump Appointed Attorney General’s Office at Trump’s orders? If, so why did he authorize it? What did Maxwell do or say or give to The Assistant Attoney General to get this move and relocation to a easier prison? When do we get Answers America, does anyone know?

Embracing Authenticity: Let Me Be Me/ Some Poetry I wrote!


Let me Be!

William McCurrach

August 8th, 2025

I tire of anger,

I tire of hate,

I tire of people,

Who decide to judge others,

Without knowing facts.

I tire of being told I am wrong,

Like anyone else,

I also tire of trying to be,

Someone, Besides myself.

I do not care if you think,

I am not a part of anything and everything here,

For there are days of grief, days of suffering,

and days of hope and happiness.

You know not my reasons for what I do,

So, stop telling others lies and garbage,

About me,

Let me be and just be me.

I ignore your faults,

I don’t ask why your angry, or mean,

I don’t bad mouth you to anyone,

So let me be, and be done.

No I don’t need to satisfy, your wants or your needs,

I don’t need to participate, just to please.

I need to be me, why can’t you see,

Hate or love me,

Cry or laugh,

In the end I am me,

And you can’t take that back!

I write, I laugh and I cry,

I will be me,

Till the day I die.

I don’t need to explain, or tell you,

Why?

Shinning Star

By: William McCurrach

January 14th, 2025

I have loved many from afar,

Like a person staring up at a star.

To dream of what could be,

If i had just one of those I loved from afar,

With me.

The thoughts of a long journey with someone you love,

Is never lost, while there is a star in the sky up above.

So, if you are like me, and have loved,

Someone from a far, and looked up at night and seen a shinning star,

Know, what I have learned over time,

You can try and try, even sometimes cry,

But, the dream of the one you loved from afar,

Will always be represented by that shinning star.

Each night you look up and see that star looking back,

Remember, there is someone who loves you from afar,

And I will always remember you, as my shinning star!

Time and the Black Train

March 23, 2025

By: William M. McCurrach

Time goes on, day by day,

The quiet is deafening,

Since she passed away.

Each day, I miss her so,

Even knowing she would want me to to go on,

I know.

The days seem longer,

The loneliness,

Gets stronger.

Time feels like a bother to me,

For I know as I grow older,

Alone is not good you see.

I also know, what few may not.

Time does not stop,

There is no bringing her back.

So each day when I awake,

I feel like the ache will not break,

Or go away.

So, I lie in bed,

And wonder each day,

When will be my time,

To join her in peace?

Time will tell I am sure,

For the pain and ache, is pure.

The only question that remains,

Is how soon,

That burns in my brain.

Each day, I wonder when,

I shall not wake again,

And ride that black train,

To be with her again !

I Am Me

By: William McCurrach

July 10, 2025

I am me, for who-else can I be!

I may not be a genuis, or a Don Juan,

I may not be a President, or a Kings son,

Yet, I am me, and that is who I be,

I live, I laugh, I cry and I shall die.

By the time I leave this earth,

I just want to be known as a decent person,

Since my birth.

No one is perfect, no one is pure,

But, being a decent person of this I can be sure.

I may hold a door open for a lady,

I may laugh with a friend,

But, I am never shady, or a liar,

And thats how I shall be till my end.

You can hate me,

You can love me,

You can even think you are above me.

Just remember one thing ,

No matter what you do,

I am a human being just like you.

I have my faults and so much more,

That is what living a life,

Is definitely for.

So if you don’t like me,

Do what I do,

I shall avoid you,

If you avoid me too!

Why Must the Days End?

By William William McCurrach

Why do the days have to end?

Why do the nights have to come?

The Darkness rolls in,

Night reminding me,

Of, my past, my sin.

I didn’t know what you wanted or needed,

You refused to say,

So now I wonder and think,

All night and through the day.

I go thru life, a statement reverberating in my mind,

It’s one I carry with me,

And shall for all time.

My father, laid dying on his bed you see,

And these are the words he said to me:

My son he said my days have come and gone,

I shall leave you before long.

But live your life to the fullest and enjoy,

Do today what you love the most,

Enjoy life to the fullest, and love those around you the

deepest,

For though I be gone, and you may cry,

Please remember these words, I give you to keep and

hold.

Live your life with honesty and truth,

Be happy, be true, be honest and be bold.

As I leave you now, he said:

I shall be gone, and you will cry,

But remember this is not, goodbye.

We are all put here for a purpose, yes, a plan.

When we fulfill that purpose our time has come,

And our life is done, and I am just a man.

The days will pass, the weeks will come and go,

The weeks, will turn to months, the months to years,

And over time, you will, have cried all your tears.

But live your life for each day you are here,

For the calendar will continue to roll,

Time will pass before you know,

In the end my son,

We all eventually do what we have been put here for,

And our time is done.

Then he rolled his head, in his bed,

The vomit came, his eyes rolled back in his head,

And peacefully, and in silence he was dead.

I remember that day oh so well,

I remember the fishing trips, the pizzas, the laughter and

the tears,

And have carried his words, with me and lived them for

all my years.

This was written by me, when my Step-Father Died in 1990.

Coping with Loss: Embracing Memories and Grief


August has arrived folks, and the summer of 2025 is quickly passing by, soon enough it will be fall and then winter once again. Time does not stop for anything as we all know, it barrells on ahead and we age as it does. One thing mankind does is adapt to each day, it’s climate, it’s passing, it’s heat or cold, or rain or snow so to say. I have said to many people, over my years, there are things that never change the passing of time is one, and the battle between Mother Nature and Father Time is indeed eternal. That is a love affair locked into place for eternity for sure.

Well, August to me, is a time to look forward to cooling temperatures, fairer climates and of course memories. I say this because it has always been the fall months where things change in my book. When I talk change, people come and go in our life’s folks and it seems fall is when most of that happens for me. I hate seeing old friends disappear or pass, I hate seeing the loss of people for any reason. But, I know at some point the same will happen for me and I am aware of it more each day that goes by. I think all of us, are in some way, even though we try our best to ignore it or push it aside.

I have had plenty of losses in my life and I must admit that some are more important that others of course, Friends may come and go, and even pass away, but no loss is greater than when one losses a loved one. We all lose our parents eventually as we all know, and that loss or losses as you may refer to them, is painful and devastating enough as it goes. Some lose children and that must be the a very devasating lose for sure. Yet, for me, the biggest loss in my life was my wife of 28 years, in August of 2021, on the 10th of that month. It devasated me, it brought me to my knees, and caused me to reevaluate myself and my life and what I did not wish to put up with anymore. I also had to learn to live alone once more, after 28 years of a great marriage.

Today, is August 2nd, 2025, on this date in 2021, I was hospicing my wife at home, with the help of my sister. It would be an experience that made me cry daily, plead for it to be over daily, and at the same time, hope it would not end. But, as we all know, the eventual time does come and we lose the one we loved the most. When it did, I was lost, I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or how to make it through it all. If it were not for my sister, I would have never made it.

I can remember the final thing I said to my wife and what she said in return. I bent over her in bed and kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. And at the time I didn’t think she could reply, but, she did saying she loved me in return. A few days later, I went in to check on her again, and I knew it was close to the end, and I could tell. I bent over her once more kissed her forehead and I told her to stop holding on, to let go, and go join her parents, grandparents and her son, who had passed before her. I knew she was suffering being unable to eat, drink or talk or move anymore, from the cancer that she had. I just wanted her to pass and be out of pain.

The hardest thing to do, once she passed was to call and report her death, to the authorities. The waiting for them to come and take her away was the hardest to do. I can clearly remember when they finally arrived, as I let them into our home, I told them, I couldn’t watch. I walked out into the driveway and around the side of the house and did not go back in till they were gone. She was gone, but, I could not look at her being taken away. I did not want her to go.

Now it will be four years since she passed on August 10th, soon. as I write this, I cry, because i miss her warmth, her kindness, her intelligence and her companionship. I miss having her to laugh with, to go out with, to even watch tv with. The trips, the outings, the silly things and the serious things we shared. I stop and think of all of it. The shows, the movies, the plays we went to, the dinners we cooked and served together. Our life was not perfect together, but, one thing I can honestly say, is, I miss her each night and day. I wish to God she was here today. yet, I have the 28 years of memories, that well up, when I am alone or I see a reminder of all of it out there. I remember, what she said to her daughter one day, when they were discussing me, before she couldn’t anymore. She looked at her daughter and told her, Bill will be ok, when I pass, why, because he is a realist, he accepts things as they are and deals with it all, in the proper way. Time has proven her correct, in many ways, and for that I shall always love her. I write this today, because I know, I will try to push through the next 8 days and make it pass as fast as I can. It for me is now the hardest time of my life each year. And writting is how I express my grief, my pain, my sorrow, my loss and sometimes my loves and joys too.

I thank God, for the day I met my Melinda and the dances we shared. The romance we shared and the love we had. she saved me, and I her. We did indeed live up to our Wedding Vows, They stated, we would marry to learn from one another and to grow together, we did it so, so well!