Writing has been a pass time of mine for years. Endlessly writing short and long stories and poems, and even songs at times, just for things to do. I have learned though that doing so does not make me a good writer, it just makes me a diary keeper or note jotter and unless I work at it harder and with passion, I can not tie it together correctly, to get it in print at all. Disjointed writings do not sell, nor do stories without a plot, or reason to them. People love hearing stories but only if they make sense to them and tell a tale of hurt, pain, love, joy or a result they can learn from. So to me, writing is a pass time that at times makes no sense to others.

I have written poems, stories and found them to be unacceptable to publishers online and off. They usually come back with comments like too long, too windy,not coherent, hard to follow, or please make this follow a plot better. Sorry to say Publishers and Editors out there, but, people write about what happens in their lives, because they need to tell it to someone, whether it is in first person, second person or even third makes no difference to them, as long as they get to tell it all and get the relief of taking it off their souls and mind.

I have numerous time started stories or tales of life and never finished them, saying to myself no one will care about it all, cause it just doesn’t matter and everyone has their own story to tell anyway. Then I am reminded in one way or another, no two human beings live exactly the same, nor do we have the same circumstances or visions. So, I may indeed write my story down and see what happens, what to call it though would be the question.

Possible titles can be things like, Survivor, Beaten, Yet not Dead, Cold Blooded Fool, or even Bastard Without a Conscience!  I know writing my story would take some time and those who would read it would go no way, your kidding, it’s a lie, that didn’t happen etc. Truth is really rough and better then fiction they say, well when I tell my story, then maybe, just maybe someone will understand!. I know not when or if I shall ever tell the true tale of my life, but it covers things more interesting then a HollyWood Heroes or Stars, because it covers factual events and times and shows how one person or child can survive a rough, hard cold childhood and still carry on.

Monday February 21, 2011, another week begins as I make preps to evict a person from my property, already the Notice to Quit is served and signed by a Marshall. Next I drop it off at the clerks office and then on 1 March take the Summary Eviction Papers in for signature and to clerk. Sometime people think they can stay forever and play games with landlords, well they can’t. The law is the law, if you don’t pay you don’t stay or play.

That said and done, the world itself is erupting in fighting and winning for democracy for a change. Isn’t it nice to see countries like Egypt and Libya and others fighting for freedoms and the right to rule themselves. They may not all be Republics like America is in the end, but they will definitely be better off in the long run. Democracy allows choice and you get a voice in your government and the way things are run as well as rights as a citizen and human being. These countries have kept their people down long enough and it looks like the changes will come sooner than later.

Now Republicans please wake up! You are not going to repeal the Obama Health Care plan and Law, You can not do what you want with the budget either. Thank God the President is the one with the power of veto, I hope he vetoes any Republican stupidity before it happens. The rich do need to pay more taxes the poorer the less should be paid. Not the other way around. The budget doesn’t balance because of it helping the people, it doesn’t balance because of ear marks and add ons in the budget, and because the rich do pay less.

Constantly I am hearing how states want to tax their citizens more each pay check for different reason and that sucks. Don’t we already pay enough taxes in Connecticut and other states too. Maybe it is time for the states and country to do some things to lower the cost of oil, gas, energy and food and clothing now. The condition of prices of everything is crazy and rising and no one is doing anything to reduce it, why? Prices are rising on meat and fish and food and clothing, not to mention oil products including gas  and home heating oils. Maybe, just maybe we should just invade a oil producing country and take over their oil assets and provide our own!. I know I sound like a nut case saying it, but, why let these countries hold us in ransom over oil and gas? Lets go electric cars and cut the gas and oil use age in all ways we can.  If I had money I would solar power my home instead of heating it with oil. SO choices are there for sure, maybe we Americans need to look closer and make decisions to change what we use for power sources?

 

IT’s been one crazy winter in Connecticut for sure. Big snow and ice storms, ice dams for home owners, trees falling over and no let up weather wise really that lasted long at all. And George W. Bush said no such thing as global warming!. Well it’s here now and evident every day this winter so far. We need to clean the air and atmosphere up and stop polluting it and more, including our oceans and the poor fish in it.   What no one has done while complaining about these environmental issues is to actually enact laws to clean the air and oceans and save the planet and make them stick. We need stricter controls and laws and make them for all not just major corporations or small ones, all at once. Ah but who am I right I am just a nobody citizen so my words don’t get noticed.

Home Owners Blues Season is what I call this winter so far!. First it is heavy snow and a driveway buried alive in it, then leaky roofs due to ice dams  and gutter clogs, now high winds and falling trees, what’s a home owner to do?

The high winds hit last night here in Connecticut and suddenly an old tree fell. It bent a chain link fence on me and scrapped my home, but it did no other damages as far as I can see so far. It’s been one hell of a winter this winter of 2010 to 2011. One thing after another, after another it seems. No rest for us homeowners who try to stay alive. Seems it doesn’t matter what you do, Mother Nature can not be fought, unless your name is Father Time, and we all know that is one hell of a long affair.

Anyway, now that I need a clean-up crew I will probably have  one cut other trees back now and clean up a lot . I have other big trees around the property I worry about falling over and getting my house so I shall have them checked and removed if needed now.

The way things have been going here, I wouldn’t doubt in the near future I may have to sell this home, due to the tightness of  money these days. The cost of running a house so big, is crazy and in the end we may have to let it go, to survive.

A Question many in the world may ask is death or the age one dies in the genes? Is the age one dies predetermined by the family members before you? Good question I always thought as I near the ages of my own parents deaths.

My parents died of cancer each one and though I smoked for 30 years then quit there is no guarantee on me not getting cancer either. Cancer is a gene passed down from one generation to another and never fully eradicated from a family, it can lay dormant for a generation or two, but resurface later I am told. So far I have been lucky in this regard, because it has not hit me. But I have lived a life surrounded by cancer and it’s victims who number from a high school girlfriend, to my grandfather, to my mother and my father on both sides of the family line.  Surviving a deadly disease like cancer is not easy for sure in a family line like mine, now my second wife has survived it also, for almost 5 years or more.

I wonder how long though, I shall survive given the ages of my parents at the time of their deaths? My father died at 55 of cancer of the lungs, my mother died at 59 of the same. My Grandfather on my mother’s side died of cancer also  pancreatic at 71   and my grandmother of my mother’s side of heart failure at age 64. So the question now is how much longer can I go in this life  and world?I am now 55 years old.  The future is there of course and I will be survived by my daughters and grandchildren of course, but, not knowing will always be at the back of ones mind.  I now take blood pressure Meds and statins too!.

When your young and running and having fun in your youth you never stop to think of these things or of your own mortality. What you tend to think is you shall be here forever, and ever and not worry as you carry on each day. But as you age slowly and gracefully, at least hopefully for all, these thoughts do come to mind. And one can not help but wonder, will I be here tomorrow, shall I wake up the next day? You take each day, one at a time and hope you do is all.

In  closing let me say this to anyone who reads this blog or writing ,  I plan on living each day to the fullest and doing what I believe is right for me and those I love and trying to enjoy what time I have. I think that is all anyone can do in life, live it to the fullest and keep going and loving. May God grant us all the time to do what we need to do and accomplish before we depart!.

Medicine has come a million miles in distance of treatments over my lifetime, that’s for sure. Yet it still can not guarantee a spinal injury operation to work. Once you damage your back and neck or any part of your spine, you tend to never heal completely, and it cost a fortune to fix it. Medical costs in the United States are crazy, just try and get some medical attention and see for yourself when the bills start rolling in.

I live less then ten miles from two hospitals, in Connecticut here. I had a TIA stroke a few years back and an ambulance came and picked me up. The ride to the hospital one way cost me $5.000.00 dollars just the ambulance!. Then it was additional bills for the doctors and emergency room, by the time the bills all came in and totaled up, was 10,000.00 dollars for the medical problem., Why? These costs are crazy, but in my case, I sent all the bills to the Veteran’s Department and they covered and paid, because I am a disabled veteran. Luckily I have served my country and was injured in the line of duty or the costs would bury me alive.

Spinal injuries, even with the advancement of medicine the way it is, are still no guarantee to be fixed correctly or fully. I suffered my injuries in 1982 aboard a Naval Ship serving my country so I fall under Veteran’s Administration for help and care. So I have had on and off bouts of spinal problems which are slowly getting worse over the years and still they don’t like the odds to operate on me. SO I suffer the pain and now walk with a cane. It is all part of a disabled veteran’s life, just stop by any hospital and see for yourself.

I get my prescription for free my medical care for free and even my dental for free now. Lucky me! But I feel sorry for those who aren’t so lucky that is for sure the costs alone would give me heart failure to see if not for the Veteran’s Administration.

Each day millions upon millions of Veterans who served for America  suffer from injuries ranging from lost of limbs and spinal injuries to head and mental injuries. And The Veteran’s Hospitals provide the best they can for sure. I only hope and pray they will always be there for me, because my condition gets worse each day. One day I may end up in a walker or wheel chair, but, I will never give up hope, or surrender until I die.

Changes it seems happen everyday and they call the changes advancements for mankind”s sake. Some I agree with entirely, like medical advances in machinery or medications or even physical therapies too. But the changes I disagree with are the ones our society and us as human beings, bring upon our own social life and family lives. I know it may sound silly, but the truth is the truth and as my parents would say, don’t bullshit me, or the world just tell us the truth and let us carry on.

Generations come and go like style sin the wind, but families in America change the way they raise their kids always. In my life time I have seen Americans family lives and styles change so much it is crazy.

As a child I was lucky to get Christmas Presents of clothes and regular toys or games. They usually consisted of clothing, board games, maybe a bike or sled or an erector set or microscope. A book was always a good thing too for quiet rainy or snowy days. But those things are not the same with today’s children for sure. They need to have electronic things, get me an X-box, or a PS3 or a Wii, or get me my personal PC. They want big screen TVs, HDTV, High end cable access for HD and Internet and more. A Little spoiled tain’t we kiddies. Then they want to bill mommy and daddy after they leave their home and family and start their own for dental and medical bills, like we are all Donald Trump or something!.  What’s with these kids today?

When I was a kid, no parent would put up with lying, stealing, cheating or disrespect either.A child knew they would be smacked upside the head or given a spanking for doing something wrong and that fear, made them fly right, not wrong.A parent didn’t care about will my child divorce me and leave my house, the kid didn’t have that right. What is with the world today?

Generations come and they go, the older generation that had recently mostly died off in America was the one raised in the 1930’s, and 40s. They were brought up with less and suffered somewhat economically and fought for everything they had. Then came the children of the 50’s and 60’s that  raised their children with more permissiveness then ever before and they grew up to be spoiled this new Generation. Then we get to the 70’s and 80’s Generation, the most disrespectful and crazy generation yet in American history. They disrespect their elders, they talk back to their parents and argue and fight with them and they want everything instantly, right now. Bullshit kiddies, not goanna happen. 

As I grow older myself, I see kids in stores crying and arguing for toys and electronics we never thought of having. You ask a kid today if they read a book, they will look at you like you are crazy, and tell you  they play video games watch TV and that’s it. Electronic Games, Video and otherwise are ruining out children really. They make them couch potatoes, and idiots in logical areas.   Most kids  today you ask them to shovel a walkway or to use a hammer or screwdriver they have no idea how to. Why, because we let them do as they please and a growing child is like running water it searches for a weak spot it can go thru and goes there to face the least resistance and the easiest way to flow and grow. Generations and times have changed indeed and so has America and the worlds children too.

Why are other countries like China, Brazil, France, Spain and Canada, out doing America on the open market and economically now? Just look at the permissiveness of the parents of these children who were born in the 80’s and 90s and onward till now and you will see, sometimes we all need to remember the old cliché, Spare the rod, spoil the child!. Sometimes a good spanking or smack keeps a kid working and productive instead of lazy and half brain dead.

Religion is always a touchy subject in America and in the world in general, as is politics, both subjects have started wars and caused millions of deaths.  Both subjects are rants and raves of mine for different reasons of course, politics causes this reaction because as we all know politicians are liars and thieves both. Politicians lie and promise things they never complete or get done! SO the solution to this puzzle with them is simple you vote for the one you think lies the least.

Religion is a totally different subject with me. I can’t believe Priest and others involved in it, lie and cheat and live off of others too. For decades and centuries Priest of all faiths have lied to people about their sexual problems and how they abuse children and others. Centuries this has been going on and the church and religions in general have denied it and avoided the subject. Sadly, too many people fall for their pitch of upper most salvation will save you. Look ladies and gents, a little  advise, no being is going to part the Red Sea, or Oceans nor is a being going to send down tablets with rules to live by or anything else. The fact is we have no proof of such a being, although most of us believe in a supreme being of one form or another. If this supreme being does exist and is guiding and watching the planet earth, then why do we have wars, murders,robberies and sexual molestation and abuse among us? The biggest criminals in the world are not the ones that are caught and jailed and tried, it is the ones that continue to abuse and molest and harm children, women and yes even men and claim they are doing it for religious reasons and tell the victims don’t tell anyone. Sadly this is true!

Thieves are a pet peeve of mine also because a thief is a thief no matter what.  Half of them don’t understand if they ask for something they can get it, they just assume no one will help them so they steal. Fear drives them, the fear of not having something, or the fear of getting caught gives them a rush and they do it for fun. Sadly humans have faults and these thing happen.

Fools are born everyday also. Those who think they won a lottery because it came in by way of an e-mail from something they never entered for instance. Or the one who believes the impossible and pays for it and then gets taken and wonders why? Folks, people lie, they steal, they cheat and they are not all moral and honest or nice and sweet. Wakey, Wakey, the world is not a kind place once you get out from under mommy and daddy’s wings.

In closing, The whole world is not the same no matter what country you go to or place. But people in general, can not be judged by color, race, religion or looks, you have to judge a person by how they act and react and how they treat you period. Don’t fall for a uniform, or costume or look or color or race, do not judge a book by it’s cover, but do judge each person as an individual and go from there.

Everyday is a new beginning, and a fresh start, except in the matters of the heart. You have one chance to make a first impression and only one chance to keep that impression as being good with other people. Once you overstep, leap or do something beyond reason or do something stupid or ignorant to people and get caught you lose!

Life is a serious of occurrences and experiences, which we all live through, but we sometimes forget others are doing the same, and we all remember if someone we love or ourselves are hurt and we tend to avoid those who do these things. Important to remember that once you do something to another human being, they tend to remember it all and hold it against you, even if they say they don’t.

Life’s biggest mysteries are love, hate, sharing and caring. IT’s not about being mean, assine, or rude, nor is it about who can beat whom up and intimidate someone. It is all about who you can be friend, love and care about and how you do it all.

I remember each day a line I was told as my step-father was dying in a hospital bed and I stop and think about it a lot. Quote; I shall die shortly my son, the minutes will tick by, the hours and the days and then the months and years. Do not waste you time crying for me, live your life to the fullest and carryon, for you too have to die one day!.

So what I do and tell everyone else I meet, friend or foe, live  each day like there is no tomorrow, don’t beg, steal or borrow, but live each day like there is no tomorrow. Smile and laugh, even cry, for someday you will want to be remembered for who you were and what you did for others, not for being a fool, asshole, or a mean person. Because if you are remembered that way, it won’t be for long!

As a disabled military Veteran who served his country honorably, for many years mind you, I don’t plan on fading into the woodwork or disappearing. But as time goes on I get more and more hobbled and need more and more help to walk.  The injuries from my service time are  now mounting up more or less and removing some mobility from me, now and then. For a person who ran track and played sports in High school days, to one who now needs a cane to walk.

Injuries come in many shapes, sizes and forms, and believe me I have more then a few. I suffer from chronic back pain, caused by degenitive disc disease. I herniated 3 discs in my lower spine, and three in my neck also. Walking is becoming painful and I have had to start using a cane now at 55, which is actually a young age. Never thought I would look at a cane in my life as a device I needed or would even think about using but I am.

Injuries come in many shapes and sizes as I said, sleep apnea starts up, then I get around to PTSD bouts, and then the back goes again. Endless cycles of pain and suffering make me want to disappear from the world in many ways.  I hate high stress and tensions and any pressures being placed upon me, and ultimately this leads to short bouts of depression. Who am I, I am an American Veteran who served his country is who I am!

As disabled veterans all over the country will tell you, we do the best we can under the circumstances we have and normally we do not cry. We have our pride, and we would rather suffer in pain and silence then cry out loud for help, unless we really need it.  Sadly though there does come a time, when we do need some form of help to carry on. It happens to all of us in the end, I believe.

You can only deny or ignore or push thru injuries for so long, before they make you ask for pain meds, muscle relaxers and more. And once you do ask for the help of these drugs, physical therapies, and more, it becomes a spiraling circle of back and forth and in and out of Veteran’s Hospitals. Sadly you can’t escape it anymore, you need the help.

Pride and Determination can only carry a Veteran so far, and we veteran’s we do not like to cry in pain. Each day we survive is a victory in and of itself for us. I am no where near as bad off as many other Veterans out there who lost limbs and more, but it doesn’t mean I don’t hurt, it just means I don’t cry!

Sadly yesterday, I had to cut internet access off from my tenant and take his cable DVR Box away as well as serve him with a Notice to Quit by way of a Marshall. He believes it was fun for me to do all of this when in fact it saddens me to do anything like this to anyone. But when you rent property and you give people extras to do so and they don’t pay their bills, one must treat it as a business decision and do what one has to.

Sadly now he is stuck in a apartment where he is not wanted, without entertainment of any form, and he wrote a letter saying he couldn’t pay for the rent or the items we took away. Sadly that left us no choice period, I am not renting it to entertain him, or to let him do as he pleases, if you can’t pay your bills this is what happens, sorry.

He writes a letter to us saying he is waiting on a Social Security Disability lump sum settlement check and hasn’t received it. Why do we care he had a Veteran’s Benefits Disability check he gets the first of each month, yet he still did not pay. He returned a car to a dealership because he didn’t want to pay for it and called it a lemon, now wants us to wait for our rent so he can buy a new car and get on his feet, sorry. Not my place to do that, nor is it my place to care or worry about where you will get your car, I wanted the rent and payment for the services. He couldn’t pay so I had to shut off what services I could and serve him with a Notice to Quit to leave my property.

Now some will say I am being cruel and not nice to do this, that is crap. If he had to pay a mortgage, or for oil or electric and didn’t pay the same would happen to him too. SO I do not feel any guilt or worry over it. Am I wrong, hell no, what 54 year old man, doesn’t pay his rent, cable and internet bills when they are vital to him? No one does that shit, keep a roof over your head first and foremost and pay what is important or lose it. Happens to everyone believe me!

In closing, the bad part of being a Land Lord is listening to excuses and trying to be fair. When you have given people months of warnings, and they have been late for months on their bills for four months in a row and gave you all kinds of excuses, you have to draw a line somewhere, especially if they don’t attempt to pay at all!.