Writing is a process that to work must come from an emotional core and personal core at least for me. For some it is grabbing an idea and expanding on it, for me it has to be connected to a real life experience to work. Even the poems I do have a basis and connection to real life experiences I lived through. Very Seldom will I get an idea that doesn’t connect to my real life, in the case of The Scepter and Throne Mystery, I did just that took something I had an idea on, and turned it into a story that went full blown, even if it is short. I took a historic perspective and reading about the Lakota Indians and combined it with an idea of mystical stuff and poof there it is a little book. The American Indians folks don’t get much press or notice in case you don’t notice, but without them this nation would not exist and we need to acknowledge that.

My Authors Page online contains my short stories of all kinds, and poems, so here I will give ya a link to the Author’s Page of mine:

https://www.amazon.com/William-McCurrach/e/B00CQMGTSM/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

just copy and paste the link in your browser to get there!

Try my Little Book about my wife’s fight with Breast cancer turned to Bone cancer!

Recently it was revealed on television news stations including CNN, that the Russians paid Twitter, FaceBook, Google and other online services for ads that affected the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election. We all know it now to be  fact and that the russians paid and directed these ad campaigns from russia, supposedly. But that leads me to the ultimate question in all the collusion accusations and charges that are out there now. How did the Russians know what States, Cities, Towns and districts to target, in American States and areas to effectively control the election in Trumps favor? Hmmm … interesting question isn’t it folks?

Here is my thoughts on all of the collusion charges and accusations and the Trump Administration and team can deny all they want, but facts are facts. Trump went to Russia numerous times and visited with Russian big money men and met Putin even though he denies it. He and the russians got together to make him President during those trips and his son Donald Jr., Manafort and others sent messages by text, cell phone calls or the internet directing the russians on where to target the ads they were paying for. How else did the Russians know what districts, cities, towns and states to target to change the electoral votes they did? Trump is a paid and kept secret of the Russian Government and should be removed from office in my opinion and I have a right to my opinion in America and to state it also publically.This man is the worst American President in my lifetime, and i was born in 1956 under Eisenhower. I have never see a President with no, empathy, no skills at negotiations with business or other countries. The great negotiator my ass he sucks, he couldn’t negotiate his way out of a damn paper bag, he’s a phoney.

No Wall will ever be built between the US and Mexico because one has never really been needed. Yeah they have drugs problems and they do cross our borders with them, but we have always been able to police and control it for over 200 damn years. If he wants a wall let him pay for it out of the billions he claims to have all the time, and we know that number is puffed up too.

He said I will bring jobs back to America, nope not happening, he lied and can’t do what he says period, we all know it ,not 10 months into his presidency. He can’t even pass a law or write a bill that he can get through his own Senate and House ruled and controlled by his own party! Sad!

His Immigration laws or Executive orders are unlawful and prejudiced and discriminating so the Courts block him in all of them. Number three just fell to a Judge this week, but he doesn’t get the hint he can’t do what he wants in the way he wants. He is stupid and stubborn.

He has no empathy for Hurricane Victims in Puerto Rico, and treats them different than the ones in Texas and Florida. Sad, isn’t it, they are Americans who fought this country too and pure Americans. He is one sad piece of crap, faking his way through the Presidency and should be removed. he lies to the American People daily and then says I didn’t lie, more lies, it’s all he knows how to do.

The 25th Amendment was written just for the purpose of removing such an incompetent and idiotic man from the Office of The Presidency. It should be used and fully executed by The Senate and House and the Vice President, if it isn’t used we are close to the brink of nuclear war now as it is. He has angered Iran, and the world in so many ways, the Iranians are now going to make Nukes just like the North Koreans. He has isolated the United States from the world stage, by pulling out of agreements with other nations we should still be in. It’s sad, this man fails in all areas to represent the country properly and fully, and he has absolutely no empathy, and he is narcissistic and dangerous. he definitely should be removed from office before he leads America into a World War that will leave us decimated and destroy the planet we live on. He is a sad excuse for a human being and a man, for he mistreats, and abuses and sexually harrasses women left and right and gets away with it and brags on doing it too. Sad, Indeed. Those who voted for Trump should hide their faces in shame and humiliation for voting for him.

 

 

 

 

Consider what I am about to say folks and then stop and think what has happened since the time I mention.

2015  Donald Trump makes trips to Russia, sits down with Russians for dinners, and tries to sell his brand to the Russians. In the  meantime, all of a sudden out of nowhere he is declaring a  run for the Presidency. This is a man who cared nothing for politics most of his life and all of a sudden he comes down in an elevator at Trump Tower declaring a run for the highest office in the World? He has dinners with Putin and other russians and suddenly he’s a political animal? What do you think happened in Russia to Trump?

This man, decides to run, then we learn Russians used Twitter, Facebook,Google and other Internet service providers to target key states in the Election Cycle and he wins the Presidency, hmm strange isn’t it!

How many Americans do you know, that got face to face meetings with Russians connected straight to Putin, and then became President of the United States? I am betting none till Trump!

Bought by Vladimir Putin and owned and his puppet Trump is now the American President sad isn’t it! He won’t say one word against Putin or Russia in case you haven’t noticed, he avoids any discussion of russia period. He is a sexual predator elected to the Presidency of The United States with Russian connections and collusion and we the American People are getting screwed for letting it happen. No laws have passed, in over 10 months he is in office. no bills no help for the American people period, just Presidential Directives. Sad isn’t it?

No Wall will be built between the United States and Mexico and we all know it too. He wants a wall he will have to pay for it himself. He is not creating jobs or bringing back manufacturing either, none returning period. Our economy is only hanging in there due to investments in the stock markets period, not anything Trump has done. He can’t create jobs, nor can he bring them back , he is far from the great negotiator he billed himself as being, isn’t he? He has  the power in the pen he carries as President, and he has a Republican Senate and House and he can’t pass  nothing, he is not PResidential when he speaks and he talks and says stupid bullshit. It’s going on 11 months since he entered office and this man is still stuck on attacking Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama. Sad, Sad. Sad.

He should be removed from Office, by way of the Twenty Fifth Amendment. This man is mentally ill, and incapable of performing his duties as the American President. He is narcissistic, has no empathy for anyone, cares about no one but himself and his own pockets.  Check history, no American President has such an horrible record in their first ten months, especially if the House and Senate belongs to their party.   It’s sad indeed and disgusting.

Bought and Paid for by Russia, is what I call Trump, he will never say a bad word about Russia, Putin period. I call trump the Russian in The White House, it is what he is colluded with and paid for by the Russian Government, check the money spent on FaceBook Twitter and Google Ads targeting key states in the 2016 Election and you will see it yourself.

 

The biggest concerns of the American People lie in certain areas right now,

#1) Staying out of War, We are on the verge of taking on two nations who are building Nukes, Iran and North Korea because our President doesn’t know how to negotiate a damn thing and he pisses off leaders.

#2) The job Market in the United States stinks and money is tightening up. No jobs have really been created by the current President and he is not helping to do so in anyway.

#3) Health Care costs are rising for all, all because of fixing The Affordable Healthcare Act, our President is dismantling it. He is doing it only to be vindictive and to destroy everything President Obama ever did. He doesn’t care if the elderly, disabled or dying need help, he only cares about destroying Obama’s Legacy.

#4) The cost of living in America is skyrocketing for all who can’t afford it, prices rise and jobs are hard to get. It’s a sad tale and as our status drops in the world due to Trump isolating us, the nation loses ground.

#5) My personal concern is Trump is not fit mentally to be in the Office he is in. This man made promises, left and right to get elected, he in my opinion colluded with the Russians to get the Office. he is a megalomaniac, narcissist, man who needs mental help and medication. He’s unstable unrealistic and living in his own world. He should removed under the Twenty Fifth Amendment of the Constitution. If the Amendment was ever written for any reason, Trump meets it.

#6) The 2018 Election is my next concern and I am sure the same for many Americans also. When Americans go to the polls in 2018, we must vote out all the Senators and Representatives that do nothing at all, They are peacocks not doing a damn thing and the country is showing the wear and tear of them not working at all. These men and women elected to office are supposed to be working for the people who elected them and not a goddamn thing is getting done. Plus any Republican or Democrat who supports Trump, his policies or ideas needs to go, they are helping to destroy America from the inside out.

All of the above said, let me remind all Americans of a few things here, even if you voted against Trump or For him.

A) He Promised more Jobs, not happening

B) He Promised Repeal and Replace, yet is destructing what is there without a solution for it.

C) He promised to Build a wall, guess what, it’s not needed, costs too much and will never get built.

D) This man is a criminal in the highest office of the land, he is a sexual predator, who has been accused of inappropriate touching of women and even rape. And he is in the White House? Why?

Twitter,Google,Skype and other services on the Internet were used by the Russians to influence the American Election in 2016, now you tell me who told them where to place those ads, and directed them to the states necessary to have Trump win. Tell me it wasn’t The Trump People or his family or him, himself, and I will tell you someone is full of shit!

This Country was handed over to Putin And The Russians, the day Trump took office in my opinion, and if you look close enough you can see us leading to socialist influence and direction. Sadly, Trump sold us out in my opinion and so did all who were involved in his election.

I hope and Pray the American Congress, and The American People catch on before it is too late and we sink right into the communist policies and state, for we are heading there. Remove Trump, his people and lets get America back on the Democracy Train!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday is here folks, relax, take it easy and do things you love with those you love, it is what a Sunday is for really. Family time was and will always be Sundays in America, we watch ball games eat and laugh and joke with one another and seek advice from parents and siblings on this day. It has always been that way in my life when I was growing up and once i grew up I tried to keep the tradition also.

A Dad and his sons, get in front of the TV, and watch the ball games and munch on chips, pretzels, sodas and beers. Moms and their daughters cook or baked or knit or sew, or other thing like board games come into play. It is a family day, sometimes you go for long rides in the country to enjoy the foliage this time of year or to a Fair or Park. It all depends on what you consider family time, but Sunday is the best day to do it, for all are home and off work.

So many things happen in the world daily and during the week many of us end up having political discussions on Sundays and rants and raves come out about people, sports teams, books, food or places to see and things to do. It’s all about America’s way of living, we tend to enjoy ourselves all the time that we can.

Many Veterans like myself who served their country, enjoy Sundays at home too when we can with those we love. We have lost a limb, or sight or hearing or been injured, but we are not dead or forgotten, we interact and overcome PTSD and so much more best when with family.

As we the American People go on this year towards the Holiday Season which is coming fast, we must all remember to be thankful for all we have, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of choice and the right to do what we please when we please. I only ask that Americans everywhere, in the world and at home, stop for a minute and remember those of us who served and gave our all to preserve and protect the rights we all have and share. For without the Veterans and those serving today, we would all be under the socialist or communistic rule today. Veterans, fought the Civil War, World War 1 and World War 2 and The Korean and Vietnam wars so our children and grandchildren and generations of the future wouldn’t have to. we must continue to protect all we love at home and abroad. I served not for me, but for my family who I left home, my parents, my siblings, my wife and my kids, not for me. While I served in The Army, Army National Guard and Navy, I didn’t think about me or my personal health of well being, nope, I thought about those at home I left behind, and choose to protect. Men and Women join the Military not for themselves everyday folks, but to protect and defend those they love, never forget that.

Since today is Sunday and it is a day of peace and rest, in my world I will not get into the political debates and asinine reactions and lack of reactions from our current President. I will state this for all who read my blogs, if Congress, both House The Senate and house have any intelligence at all among them, they will work fast and hard , to remove Number 45 from Office under the 25th Amendment.

 

Writers tend to write in such a way as they understand. Some will write in first person, some second person, some even third person, yet it is all a personal choice, because writers do what feels natural to them when writing.  We all write for different reasons too on a personal basis that is. SOme write to tell events, other stories that are biographical, some make up what they write as they go along, others outline stories and others use life events and make them into stories they can tell. It is all a matter of what their purpose is in writing in the first place.

I know I wrote a lot of stories about real life events in my own life, then flipped to mysteries and love stories. We all have a love story in our life somewhere we can tell, and we all have minds that think sometimes of mysteries and create them out of thin air, making others think as we do. Biographical is the hardest in my mind, because if it is biographical the facts have to be perfect and if you mess them up, well you will be hearing from those you involved in telling it as characters, forever more. Some may try to call you a liar, and they think you’re lying when you’re not, what it is, is perception folks, we all see things through our own eyes. It is really that simple, but what I do and try to do is change names so to not offend anyone, who may recognize the story as involving them. Otherwise you can face libel suits and crazy people going nuts threatening to kill you and so much more. It’s a sad fact, people do not see their actions as you may have seen and interrupt them, so you write what you perceive and  see through your own eyes and tell it in the language you speak and manner, and they take offense. They are guessing you are talking about them or using what they did in your story but they will never be able to be sure if the names are changed to protect the innocents will they?

Writing is therapeutic and very helpful for those who suffer from trauma, PTSD, or mental illness also. They can write what they feel, or see in their own visions and tell it in their own way, and for them it is helpful, yet it can be hurtful to others, so what do they do, change the names and some incidents to hide the true facts or persons they are  writing about. I hope that makes sense to all, for it is indeed what writers do, we don’t just create out of the blue without a reference point for at least some of what we do write.

I have used my own family, some of my friends and events I have lived through myself in my stories. I have also made up stories whole cloth so to say, that are based on events I lived through or those I know have lived through. But in none of them is any malicious intent or vicious intent or harm intended toward anyone present. Once you cross the line and identify someone by name and people can tell who it is you’re talking about poof one hell of a legal problem arises so don’t do it folks ok. Be careful, because people get very angry and upset and some are crazy enough to drag you into court if they are mentioned by name or can be recognized in the story by themselves or those they love. Some may admire the story you told and know it is true and understand why you told it, others may object to it, so be careful.

Finding stories to tell is easy if you stop and look at your own life and the events in it. You can also hunt through others life’s and use their life stories you witnessed, and make look like another person doing it. The story can be based on facts, but the characters can be changed and the names too to protect the innocent, your self the story teller. I have watched and read things by Robert Ludlum, Dan Brown, Stephen King and many others, and admired how they phrase things or how they hold your attention by a riveting event or moment in time or an interaction between characters.All of it is great lessons for those of us who write for the pros, like these and James Patterson and others all know the language and art of writing is in how you state something and make it real enough for all to understand and get drawn into. It’s how they make their money folks and how I would love to be able to be one day, I am not famous like they are, but I do write what I can.

I worked on different stories in my time and blogs too. My Blogs can be found right here on Macattack56 @ WordPress.com. They range from political to personal. I write them for my own peace of mind and let others know what I am thinking, about certain issues.

You can find my stories on my Amazon Author’s Page here-https://www.amazon.com/William-McCurrach/e/B00CQMGTSM/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

Just copy and paste the link above into your browser, they include all kinds of stories I did and even a few books of poems.

               The Congress of the United States Government, both House and Senate, need to compile the evidence necessary to remove Donald Trump from The Presidency of The United States under the 25th Amendment of The Constitution. If that amendment was ever written for, anyone the forefathers thought they would need it for, it is Donald J. Trump. This man is erratic, unstable and assine. He is unable to accomplish anything without writing an Executive order. He has not in ten months been able to write or pass a law, bill or anything and get it through Congress in the normal way. He can’t because what he is doing is just tearing down whatever President Obama did during his two terms in office. He is a vindictive person Donald Trump and for some reason he hates anything Obama did or does, and wants to destroy any progress Obama created. It’s a sad  day in America. The vindictiveness, and  anger Trump holds for President Obama is sad to see and witness, for all Americans.

He is destroying all Agreements made by Obama during his two terms and it’s sad as hell. Paris Agreement bam, gone, Trade Agreements bam gone, Iran Nuke Agreement bam, he can’t deal with North Korea who is building nukes now at an alarming rate, and Iran too. If Obama put it in place to protect the American people in any way and it bears his signature Trump attacks and destroys it. This is a petty, vindictive, narcissistic, individual and those who voted for him in the Electoral College and in the voting booths should hide in disgrace and be ashamed of themselves for destroying the country at home and abroad in others eyes. Does anyone else see what I am seeing, or am I the only one with the eyesight to see it happening?

He attacks his own party, he attacks the Democrats, He Attacks anyone who disagrees with him period, and he gets petty and vindictive about it all when he does. Why does America want or need such an asshole for President? You Tell me now?

Everyday it s a new thing he is destroying that was in place before he came into office, now it is the destruction of ObamaCare by Executive Order! Couldn’t do it the proper way through the House and the Senate, his own party rejects him when he tries to and refuses to do it, so he does it this way? Sad, Sad, Sad.

He is destroying America’s position in the world, as a leader and protector, and friend of all nations.Yet COngress does not react at all and it sits there doing not a damn thing about any of it. BOth Representative and Senators sit in Congress everyday, and do not a damn thing to preventive this sad, narcissistic, vindictive asshole from destroying the country. Why? Are they lazy, Stupid or both, or just too asinine to realize what is going on?  They see it, but they point and say look what he’s doing, and they shrug it off or laugh at it, sad.

2018, is coming fast folks and Congress needs to change and stop their no action policy. They need to be replaced, we need new Senators and Representative with some guts and balls to fight a President of utter shame and destruction that Trump is. Vote against anyone who backs Trump, Vote against all Republicans, turn the Senate and House that is current out and send them home. Get people into office who will support you and I and make things happen and vote to rid America of Donald J. Trump, call your Senator, your Representative tell them to use the 25th Amendment to remove him from office.

No jobs are being created or brought back, no wall will be built, he couldn’t repeal and replace Obama Care, he has destroyed environmental pacts, Agreements to stop nukes from being built by two nations Iran and North Korea, and he is failing in office in every way possible. Are the Senate and house of Representatives so blind they can’t see the swath of destruction Trump is pushing? If so then all of them should be fired and sent home also for they are failing us the American People.

Remove Trump from Office by using any manner necessary, he is unstable, incapable, narrisic , assine, dangerous and just a vindictive petty individual, glorifying himself for his own purposes. I have a Siberian Husky smarter than Trump, Wake up America, ask Congress, both Houses, to use the 25th Amendment to remove Trump from office before he turns us over to his Russian friends or worse. For that’s where he is heading folks, I know you think I am crazy for saying this, but I have no doubt he colluded with Putin and Russia and that’s how he got elected, he played the Electoral college and the American People. Now he is destroying America, from the inside , out!

 

 

Thanks to many as I was growing up I have learned patience and decision making in such a way as to avoid the biggest troubles in life mostly.  I was taught as a child to watch what I was doing and what others were doing observe first, make sure it is safe, then if it will advance me, do it too. The copy, but watch what you copy method so to say.

I also learned over the years to reach back in my life and use experience to make decisions in the present that would affect the future. Both of these methods combined have gotten me to 61 years old, decisions must be made in a proper way or you will make the wrong one that is for sure. Never rush an important decision, for if you rush it, it can destroy any chance at it working for you or anyone around you. Personal decisions on your health, you need to make in such a way as to benefit yourself of course, and never give up on anything, keep at it folks, you can do it.

I learned as a boy, what my stepfather taught all of us and said a million times in his short life, You Can do whatever you put your mind to, just make up your mind and do it and you will accomplish it. He was right and it carried me through my life and helped me maintain  in The U.S. Army, then, the U.S. Army National Guard and finally in The U.S. Navy. Yes I served in all three branches and I was discharged on at least 4 Honorable Discharges, the last one under medical conditions from the Navy in 1989. Yet I didn’t let that stop me from accomplishing many things in my life. I have two daughters who are beautiful redheads from my first marriage, which ended badly, but, I also have 4 grandchildren through them and two step-grandchildren also I love from my second marriage. I persisted in my first marriage and it lasted 12 years and my second marriage has just past 17 years and counting and the relationship has passed 25 years now with the same woman. SI I learned from the first one of those too. Never surrender, unless, you can’t win and you know it for sure.

I was a High School drop out folks, I dropped out in my Junior year, and left, went into the Army at the time on a High School Equivalency . yes I earned it one year after I left High School and used it to enter the Army. I then went on to the U.S. Army National Guard and Navy as I stated earlier,, when I was medically discharged from the Navy in 1989, my first marriage was ending and I was broke and out of it. I fell into a kind of depression I fought through and found my second wife at a SIngle’s Dance I attended. With her I recovered living in her home and loving her as I do today. The journey took me to The Veteran’s Administration and back to school, Yes I got into College folks, and Graduated Magna Cum Laude , Phi Theta Beta and with a 3.7 Grade point Average at 40 years old. I recieved Awards for my studies, in Hotel Management from the School and State. I moved on to manage Hotels until I couldn’t due to my back injuries. I persisted as my stepfather said I should have. Today I am 61 years old, living on Veteran’s Disability and Social Security Disability and taking care of my second wife, who has been a breast cancer now turned to bone cancer victim since 2006. I have survived Lung Cancer also myself, in 2013, I had a lobe and one third of my right lung removed. It saved my life, I know and have faced not only my own mortality folks but my wife’s also.

I pursued writing next for a way to get out all I had to say about my life and for therapeutic reasons, I have written many over 70 Short books, they don’t sell much but they are there and I consider them accomplishments, especially the few that did sell some. So Persist folks, fight, believe and live life to your fullest, find who you are even if it takes you a while, for in the end it is what life is really all about. Persistence, and honor and honesty will get you through it all, as long as you remember what my Stepfather told all five of us he raised, You Can Do Anything you Put Your Mind To, if you just Stick To It and Want it Enough!

 

 

As a man we all strive to do things better and better and improve things, well sometimes, you don’t improve them, you destroy them. Intentions are one thing and improving things  is great, except when you figure out, ut oh I screwed up, now I need a new one! Happens to all of us guys, nothing to be ashamed of, just get a new one and fix it as fast as ya can . LIfe shall go on even if it cost ya a bit.

We try to please others and improve things in our lives and homes all the time, and sometimes us men believe we can do it all and we screw it up, what can ya say, admit it, get a new one and fix is all. So now I have to get a new ceiling fan with light kit for my office, I pulled apart the light kit on it, to improve the lighting in the office and found out the light kit doesn’t fit and in the process well shit happens. Next will be a trip to good old Home Depot to return the LIght Kit and get a new fan and light for it all.

That bring me to the Donald, yes that one who is number 45. What an asshole this man is, he hires people to do jobs for the American People and then he cuts them and destroys everything they try to do.    Tillerson is about ten times smarter, then Trump and everyone knows it, no IQ Test is going to prove it different. IT takes more than an IQ number to do things right for all involved. Trump has no common sense, logic or ability to feel for others. It definitely was one sad day in America when he became number 45. What kind of a President picks fights, ignores other leaders and acts like such an ass to women. None! THis is the worst President in the history of America and the most unstable son of a bitch ever elected to public office of any kind, in my opinion, he’s dangerous as hell. If the American Public has any brains at all, they will find a way to impeach or remove him from office, he talks a lot of shit and accomplishes nothing at all doing so. He promises a lot, Build a Wall, Reform the Tax Codes, Create Jobs, Fix Immigration and can’t pass one bill or law in ten months in office that is sad as hell. Makes him the most useless President ever elected, if you ask me. And He can keep bragging about his high IQ  all he wants, if it were a high IQ he would have passed something as a law, bill or process that works, instead of absolutely nothing. Sad!

The done and said by me, next, The Harvey Weinstein problem. Listen folks we all know men act like animals and treat women as shit, it happens everyday with sexist remarks and acts that are stupid, demeaning and physically threatening and some even go to the further reaches of rape and believe me, I hate the bastards who do it as a father of two daughters who are victims of rape in Pittsburgh. Pa. Weinstein needs prosecuted to the fullest and I admire the women who are speaking up about what he did and asking for his prosecution and downfall, he deserves it, every bit and more. You don’y touch a women without permission or consent men, learn it and never cross that line. As to Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and his wife, not saying anything at first and delaying saying anything, let me inform you all, they served there time in the public arena and they did the best they could for the people of this nation and they have earn the right to their privacy. President Obama and his wife have indeed come forward and condemned this man and I am glad they have and I am sure Mr’s clinton condemns him also just not publically yet. It’s her choice what she says and does folks not ours, she earned the right.

North Korea, Iran, nukes are my next discussion. Listen, Mr 45, you have caused the North Koreans to up the ante in the world and create nuke weapons by your mouth and now Iran had them too, even after agreements held them in place before you took office.It’s sad, since you took office the world is going to shit and people laugh at America today where they never would before. It’s sad folks, don’t you agree?

 

 

 

As a man and father, who has two daughters, I think I owe them an apology for the way their lives have gone so far. I know I am not responsible for the decisions they make daily and have made so far in their own lives, but I am indeed responsible for leaving when I did, but in my mind heart and soul I felt I was doing the right thing. The years have gone by, it’s been decades now, since the day I packed my belongings in an old Chevy Nova and drove away leaving behind two small daughters, that I wish I could have taken with me. I am sorry girls, but when I left I really had no choice and I believed then as I do now I did what was best for you both, myself, and all involved, although it did not turn out that way in the long run or did it? Reflecting on it all today, makes me believe I did do right no matter what back then, for I was not the one responsible for what happened, I didn’t ask for it and I never meant to hurt you both, I thought I was doing right when I left you behind.

Today it is 2017, then was 1990, April 14th, to be precise in Pittsburgh, Pa., I was discharged from the US Navy the summer before, July, 1989, and we held onto to the home as long as we could, but no one would hire a man discharged with a bad back. I struggled looking for a job and your mother struggled with demons I had no idea about, till I came home one day in August to find her crying on the telephone. When I questioned her as to why she was crying she wouldn’t answer me at first, then, when she finally did, I learned her parents were getting a divorce, when I asked why, I found out, your grandfather had sexually molested and used all four of his children over the years and his wife had found out, faced him and tossed him out on his ass. filing for divorce. The damage began long before I married your mother girls and I was not the one responsible and could never be.

IT was shack to me when I was arrested in December of 1991 after my mother’s death, for a charge of Aggravated Sexual Battery against my eldest daughter, it was of course a false charge. It was a way for my ex-wife to get revenge and her being vindictive, she was getting even with me for leaving, So, she and her mother, convinced my eldest to lie and try to put me away. The truth was found by the prosecutor, girls when she released me for catching the lies on the stand made by your mother and our daughter. It cost me four months of my life in a jail cell, and money to get released. But I am innocent and  the court knows that today and I was released and returned home. I did not contact my girls until they were old enough and I still suffered when I did.

They called me a sperm donor and treated me like shit and I fought through it over years of time. In the end I bought the baby girl her wedding dress and attended her marriage in a park in Pittsburgh with my second wife. I was in both girls homes more than once and did my best to meet my grandchildren from both of them. I sent Christmas Presents and invited them to my home and one came more than once.

Yet it will never be right for me, I always believed because the accusation stood over my head by my eldest daughter. It took her 20 years to realize I was right and never touched her or attempted to and she got help to figure it out too. She openly admitted it never happened to me and said it took counselling for her to realize it, and admitted she was used by her mother and grandmother to get even with me for leaving.

Time has passed and yes I miss my girls and always will period. The girls I met grown years later are not the ones I left behind. They have been raised by a family with an evil secret and it sticks to them and taints them also in many ways mentally. Both girls believe they are not good enough, that is because they were told by their mother they aren’t, it’s crap.  They were put down and pushed around and hated for being my daughters, and they were told their father was a piece of shit pervert and didn’t want them. The facts are 180 degrees the other way and they now know that, but they know no other way to live then what they were taught. Sadly, I as a man can’t change what they have become and nor would I hurt them or try to change them either. I accepted what and who they are when I re-met them. I can’t change their lives, or my own, nor can I help their mother. But I can live and Love and Learn and I have.

Recently, it has become time for my wife and I to do a LIving Trust, and we have accomplished it and it is done. As I prepare for the inevitable in my future I am now 61 going on 62, I look back and wish I could’ve done it differently girls. I wish I had had the finances to fight for you and to bring you with me, but I didn’t so, I live with the regrets and apologize for that fact here and now. All I can do is live and carry on the best I can, and finish the Living Trust, when I die I know I have done all I can for you girls 500 miles away and your children too. I tried to do what I thought was right, I wrote many stories and little books and poems and blogs. I survived despite what your mother and her family tried to do to me, I am a survivor. You girls have survived now into your 30’s, with children of your own, beautiful children indeed, Kayla , Ayssa, Chase and Ethan, and I love each dearly and always will till the day I die, just as I love you girls and always have and did. I don’t have a fortune to give you, but I do love all of you so much.

I am trying to leave behind something my grandchildren will be proud of when I write, and the blogs I produce. It is all a man can do without being there in person, I hope you will understand the legacy of it all.

Remember this girls, I loved you the day you were born, I loved you every day since and the children you have brought into the world. Never forget, I did please, and that I always will even after long gone.