Writting and Poetry !

Good Morning December 28th, 2022! My eyes have opened once more and I am still here, alive, and for that alone I should be blessed and so should everyone else in the same way. Life I always say can only be controlled by mankind in ceratin ways, we can control our own reactions to others, we can control what we say or do, and we can control how we take and give back to trhe planet and each other. In the end, we are at the mercy of somethings also, 1) Faher Time, 2) Mother Nature, and they have a long term, relationship no man or woman can change or control. We live within the means and enviroment we are destined and fated to be in. We can move locations to change the weather and temperature, but, all of that depends on factors too. The biggest is money and the ability to pay for where you want to live and how you wish to live. If you can not hold a job, you can’t maintain a lifestyle you want. Yet with all the economic factors and the envormental ones too, mankind seems able to adapt better than most don’t we? Just an observation I have made this am, as I started writing here.

Well, next subject, writting itself. As some may know i write these blogs and some do read them. I also wrotes some short stories and many poems too. Writting for me can be therapatic, it can be a way to release feelings and emotions, and in the end it can just be a way to make money if your good enough at it. I di remind those attempting to write stories, poems or even blogs, whatever you write must be that which can catch someone’s attention, hold their attention, and by word of mouth shall be passed around, so in the end people rerquest more from the writter. That is if you are trying sell your works. Coherence is needed in story line and plit and characters.

Poetry however is a little different in many ways. Poetry for the Poets who write, hasa special meaning to themselves, That meaning and the words as they are framed and presented, usually show emotions, feelings, or situation the individual has lived through, or experienced in someway, and it is their way of putting it out there and revealing it, to others. Not every poem is loved, and some fail, and when some do hit, they live on forever. Many poems unknown or realized by many, beome somgs or song lyrics. And for those, it becomes the combination of music and lyrics/ poems that sells the song. So, for this December 28th, 2022, I will leave you with a poem I wrote last year at this time of year:

Imagine, What Shall Be, Shall Be

BY; William M. William McCurrach


Imagine you were me, and in a place of growing old,

I wonder why, as you age, life seems to turn each little page.

We learn as we age, what to do or not to do,

In the end we know what is right or wrong,

Yet we know we must go on.

Now imagine, a room, filled with dim lights,

Music playing and singers in the night.

The door opens across the floor,

In she walks and your ‘re lost in her beauty

Her smile and her style. Forever more.

You know you have no chance, you know she is beyond

your reach,

No matter what you say or do or how you preach,

She will forever be beyond your reach.

Imagine what would happen, as you hear her sing,

Her smile beams across the room, and it brightens any


Each man sighs and smiles at her, and she sees all of them

you see,

But all I can imagine is ,would she notice me. That I cannot


There is a dream in everyone’ s life

There has to be you see

For in all our lives there shall always be,

One that gets away or one you can not reach.

Take it as fate, or destiny

Take it anyway you can from me,

There is an old saying out there,

What Shall Be, Shall Be,

In the end, imagining is all I can do,

That’s all I can say to you!

I learned early and so young

Somethings you just can’t do or get done

The reach is too far, the distance too much,

So, it remains a dream in one’s imagination.

Yes so far, out of touch.


Merry Christmas to All and Happy New Year too!

Merry Christmas world! May your Christmas day be filled with family and friends, may it bring you joy and hope and presents that you want and need. Just remember it is about gathering, family and friends, not about material things at all.

As the Christmas day begins for all world wide, I hope it brings out the good in all, from them inside. May you laugh and play, may you eat all day, may the company you have be cheery not mad. May the Day be filled with all you wish, from nice presents and good and special people, who should be your best gift. For as we celebrate the religious part of it all, remember not all are as lucky you see. So be good to all and make it a season to be bright.

That said, next up will be New Years and a new beginning world wide. Lets all hope the New Year is better than the last. Lets hope it brings new friends and some from the past. Lets hope the money to live is plenty and we all can survive as we need to, that way we see our way through. As 2022 begins to wind down, don’t forget the ones you loved, or who helped you and were around. Don’t, be mad, or angry, or sad you see, for the New Year is coming and it will be, 2023.

We can’t control the elements, ot the time and we be here for only so long. Remember you are remembered for how you treated other when you are gone. You want people to have good memories of you when you are gone. It is the ones who treat others with respect and caring, that their memories become worth caring and sharing you see. So before you make judgements, or mistreat someone, remember it is part of your legacy that it will stay on. New Years are meant to be new begginings in all traditions world wide. why, because we all really want things better and we know it inside. Don’t run, walk my friends, walk and let the world know you are proud, you are true and you care too. For in the end when our time is done on this planet, we return to from where we came, to sit down next to our Lord and be judged without pain.

As Christmas Day starts in 2022, I am sure there are family with many of you. I am sure children are plenty and waking up happy, and parents will laugh and cry and even get sappy. As the afy goes on and yes it will, the children will play, the adults will talk and in the end, we all take a walk into contentment and peace you see. Yet we must remember, the next day shall arrive and we have to be ready to do what it takes to sray alive. So be careful and have fun and remember our lives go on and we are here till whatever mission the Good Lord gave us is done, then we are recalled. Life is short in all reality, for it goes by quickly you see.

Onward we must go, for humanity has a path to hoe, we must keep striving, learning and grow, just so we can be better as human beings don’t you know. Happy Holidays to All, and May your time be filled with those you love and care about, and in the end I hope we all figure it out. Be safe, be happy, find contentment, and be the best tou can be to each other.

Merry Christmas to All and Happy New Year too!

Happy Holidays/ Personal/ and Trump, December 24th, Christmas Eve

December 24th, is upon us! The shoppers will be rushing for the last minute items today and the weather is cold, be careful for ice and the like. I know we all want to please our loved ones, mates and children too, but do it right and no accidents ok? Happy Holidays to all of you out there.

The world is still here spinning and fine, yes we have wars going on, but it has been that way in history for all time. As Americans always do, we support the underdogs in each war and we want the peaceful people left along. It is how we Americans like it and in our own way, we as a country do it.

Next subject folks, some want to know how I am doing alone now, on my own without my wife who passed now over 16 months ago. My answer is I am slowly easing back into a lifestyle as a single man. I have not dated anyone or asked to either as of yet. I am cautious and fearful of rejection when I do try to. I have been told by many I am a handsome guy, I don’t buy it. Never did and I guess never will. Many will tell me, oh, your good looking, you will be fine, you will find someone, to ths I say, if, I shy away it is my own fault I am alone.

On the dating front I have tried online websites and no luck so far. I talk to some a few times and they disappear on me, what I am saying ot doing wrong I do not know. I know I am not like the jolly ole english lad who laughs alot and dances a jig, I am 66 soon to be 67 in a month. Age has a lot to do with it that is for sure. I am trying to ease back out there, I bowl, I play pool and I walk alot. I don’t see many my age doing the same and so I don’t talk a lot really. Maybe thats it, or maybe it is I am too guarded in many ways. Whatever it is, it looks to me like my loneliness will not change very soon at all.

Next the turmoil and problem of Donald J. Trump, is beyond measure in America. No Man who ran for President, was President and wants to be President again has ever done all the criminal acts he has. IT is sad to see a portion of Americans still running around with Red MAGA Hats and supporting this man. The facts are the facts with Donald J. Trump and if your one of his supporters still, then you are blindly following someone, you shouldn’t.

Lets talk Trump facts now and I shall list some for you here:

  1. Domald J Trump is well known in New York and business, as a con man who paid contractors pennies on the dollar for work they did.
  2. Donald J. Trump failed to sell water, with his own name on it and steaks too.
  3. He created and was responiable for Trump University and cheated people out of thousands.
  4. He promised many things when running for President in 2016 and delivered on one only.
  5. He delivered on a tax bill for himself and his rich cronies is all
  6. He failed as a President and was laughed out of the United Nations, when he appeared there.
  7. He failed in dealing with the covid pandemic period and suggested Americans drink bleach to beat it on public Television
  8. He failed to build his border wall on the southern border and the proof still sits there in shambles.
  9. He lost his reelection campagain, by the same margins he won his Presidency and refused to concede the Election.
  10. He has been shouting election fraud from before the 2020 election and ever sin, all lies.
  11. He gathered and created the mob and directed them to attack the capital and tried to stop the certification of the results.
  12. He snuck himself into a treatment for covid and hid it from the American People
  13. He committed insurection against his own country and goverment
  14. He, when he left office took with him secret and top secrets documents to his home, illegally.
  15. He hid said documnets for over 16 months untill it caught up with him. Over a hundred os them.
  16. He refused to return said documents to the people and my question remains what was he doing with them, why did he have them. Who did he show them to?
  17. Now we have the States of New York, Georgia and the Federal Government building cases against him and Trump still talks election fraud bullshit.
  18. Now he has declared himself a candidate for president in 2024 once more, he must be banned from doing so and removed from any ballot in my opinion.

The Above list is not all of Trump’s failutres, but a good part of them publicaqlly known. I submit my fellow Americans, Donald J. Trump is unfit to hold any public office and he should not be allowed to run again in anyway, for any public office, he is unstable and dangerous. To Congress, create a lever for the 14th, Admendment and enforce it immediately, lets stop the farce and danger of Donald. J. Trump now, lets save American democracy and our republic and our Constitution too. For Donald J. Trump wants to throw out our constitution, and that is the foundation of America. So No! Stop him now or we shall face the same mess and dangers we have already been through, once more. Stop Donald J. Trump now!

Two days to XMas and tis the Season !

Hello December 23rd, 2022, for the first time in 30 years I shall be spending it alone for both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Times change and so do circumstances folks as you age. In my case, I had my wife for those years and then we would vidit my sister on these holidays. Now my wife has been gone for over 16 months and my sister is in a relationship once more and I do not wish to intrude on anyone. Some tried to get me to come to finner at their home here, but U don’t interfere in anyone’s life, especially in th eHoildays each year. As I told one person, i have spent many days alone aboard Naval Ships on the holidays, so it will not affect me much at all, there will be movies to watch, the internet to chat on, a book to read, of X-Box to play.

As I age, and do so alone these days, I now know, I do not enjoy being alone. But, I also know at 66 years old, it will not be easy to ever find a new female to date and get to know. You get to a point where you do undersrand, that your age affects how others look at you. Women havea radar for any sign of negativity in men, any sign of anger in men, and many in my case just don’t like me I have noticed. Maybe it is the negative thing, or the age factor, I can’t be sure, or it may be the fear I have of approaching them. I love women, always have, I just never felt I was attractive to women and as you get older, the doubts and excuses you make get worse. So what do you do, there are no dating sites or clubs for older people, plus even if you do meet someone you like, you have self doubts in approaching them, fear of rejection kicks in.

Whats next now that the January 6th, Committee is done investigating? IT’s full report is out and it points dead at Donald J. Trump, as the creator and architect of the plan to change the election results and stop the certification too. He set it up, called for it, and pointed then dead at the Capital. Congress now has Trump’s Tax Returns also. The Charges in Geotgia keep growing, the accusations in New York is growing and prceeding and then the Federal Governement, in The Department of Justice is hot on it all. Now the only question is, will somebody stop Donald J. Trump from holding any public office and vote to ban him from the ballot in each state? The Congress has more than one way to do so, including the 14th admendment, then each state can ban Trump from the ballot, for a criminal should not be on any ballot. The sa dpart of all of this is simple, all those who did what Trump said on January 6th, the Proud Boys, The Oath Keepers, and more, now have their leaders and members in prison, and they aree paying the price. The man who told them what to do, creqatede the plan to do it, is meanwhile sitting in Mar a Lago, in Florida and playing golf, giving speeches and eating steak and having fun. The alone should bother lal who followed Trump, on January 6th. The Only Question is, does the Justice Departments, Federally, or in Georgia, and New Yotk have the guts to charge, indict and prosecute Donald J. Trump? I know the Justice Department in each state in question and the Federal Justice Department are hesitatnt to do so, yet if they don’t, they Justice for All, is no longer the truth in America is it?

Amercian Justice has to be applird to Donald J. Trump, he is no longer a President so he has no privaleges at all. He is just another American Citizan who has committed numerous crimes now. So, why isn’t he charged yet? Why is there such a delay or stop to doing so? Pleaase tell us Department of Justice and Attorney General Garland!

One woman, years ago took one secret document home by accident, and ended up serving 5 years in prison! Donald J. Trump took home hundreds and he is still walking free, what happened to equal Justice for all? In the end, if anyone deserves to be charged, indicted, put on public trial, for all to see it is Donald J. Trump and his children too. The American people, need Justice done in this case, we need to know that Justice for All is real in America, and applies to everyone, not just the poor! Let’s Charge DOnald J. Trump, and his children and all who, followed him, helped him, in this Attack on America! At Donald J. Trump’s behest and direction, the riotors, destroyed governement property, Donald J. Trump should pay for it all!

That said now, I want to Wish All, Happy Holidays this 2022, yes it is cold outside as can be. Yet remember, the holidays are not about material things, these Holidays are about the gathering of family and friends and peace on Earth. God Bless All and may your Hoildays be Hepp and Gay!

Lets end the farce of MAGA BullShit, Election Result denials and anger that is still happening now!

December 21st, 2022, welcome to a few days till Christmas! As people rush to and fro, the items fly off the shelves you know, the malls are bust and all the stores, as people buy things for thos ethey love more. A gift for this one, a toy for that one, a drop off , thats a fast one. All a part of the holiday cheer, it’s the wya this time of year. So From me to you and anyone who is true, be yourself, have fun, don’t do anything dumb. A New Year is next after this Christmas, a time for New Begginings, new friends, is close once again.

As we all celebrate Christmas or other holiday celebrations, we must be careful and safe, so all do so ok.

Now on to the real world, in America. Many Americans in my opinion, do not understand the true crisis at hand for us all. In 246 years of American History here in the United States, we have never seen what happened on January 6th, 2021 before and I pray and hope we never do again. I know we all have our own political and religious views and we have that right in America, because we have a Constitution and a Republic here. I have a problem witrh what happened on January 6th, 2021 and I think all Americans should too. Our capital and way of life was attacked, property was destroyed that belongs to us the American People and we had to pay to repair and replace it too. On top of this the violence that occurred was gross and incited by a sitting President at the time, who watched it unravel on television for hours before he asked them to go home. He brought them to Washingtom, DC, he incited them with his speech and then sent them to the Capital to find Mike Pence his own Vice President and to hang him. All for what reason, simple, he didn’t want to leave the Presidency, but he lost the election.

It is now going on two years since he lost said election, and Donald J. Trump has been a civilian once again. His tax records are about ro be released, he is recommended by a Committee for up to six different criminal chafges for what happened on January 6th. On top of that he is under investigation in Georgia, New York and Washington,DC. Yet, people still wnat to back him and let him run for the Presidency again, this is a sad state of affairs my fellow citizens. Are we really so blind we can’t see the damage Donald J. Trump has done to America, and it’s way of life, are you that blind? Why would you follow and promote a criminal who has stolen well over 100 secret and top secret documents on top of all else he has done, and what was his purpose for having them and who did he show them to? Why folks?

In American History, the United sSates has never had an American President who has done so many criminal acts, and endangered our peace and security more then Donald J. Trump. he conned business men, he has conned the common man and women of the country too in many endeavers and yet he was elected President.

Sad to have seen!

We have had this drama carried out now over the years since he came down the escalator in his Trump Tower now. It needs to end folks, and the Department of Justice should and can end it all now. The January 6th committee has done it’s job and is handing all to the Justice Department for criminal referrals. The State of Georgia is working on a case against Trump and his supporters, the State of New York is also. And of course the Federal Justice system is compiling it all together. Let me say this Americans, if Donald J. Trump is not inicted, charged and tried for the crimes he committed, you are setting the stage for it to happen all again, and the outcome may be different next time, and we may lose the Republic and Democracy we live under and constitution too, Never has an American President said ban the Constitution before and never should one get away with saying it either. If Donald J. Trump, does not like the Constitution, I submit he will not abide by it if reelected to The White House once more. Which means he is trying to over turn our governement and way of life in America. Is that what you want americans, to become a dictatorship, or communist country? Sadly, I pray it does not happen in america in my lifetime, I defended this country, by serving it for 16 years of military life. and I do not wish to see it destroyed, nor should any patriotic American or American citizen, we are the greatest country in the world period. We don’t need to Make America Great Again, we are great and have been from our inception as a nation. Want proof, ask every other nation why they want to be us and why they depend and rely on ys and try to imtimidate us? Simple we are and will always be the best country in the world, it is democracy, it is the Republic, It is the Constitution we follow that makes us so.

To The Justice Department and legal authorities in Washingtom,. DC, New York and Georgia and any others examining and investigating Donald J. Trump, it matters not how much money he has or how much political power he may weld, from his followers, Justice is to be equal for all of us, regardless of stature or position or money. if you or I did all Donald J. Trump had done, we would be behind bars for life, and it would have happened long ago.

One woman years ago now, accidently took home one secret document from her job in the governemet. She was arrested and charged and convicted and served five years in prison for it. Donald J. Trump took home hundreds folks, doesn’t he deserve to serve in pirson also like she did. What makes him any better then her? Nothing! Equal Justice for all is the motto of the Justice Department, the laws apply to all of us and that should include Donald J. Trump, his advisors, his family and friends if they break the law they should not be above it, anymore than you or I ! If The Justice Department does not charge, indict and publically put on trial Donald J. Trump, his followers and friends who helped him in all he has done, it will definitely look like prefffential treatment, and it will look like the Justice Department is scared of Trump and his followers. It is time Donald J. Trump is caught up tp and made to pay for all he has done. The only question that remain in my mind is, does the Justice Department, Attorney General Garland and his Special Prosecutor have the guts to do what is right here? We shall see! The fact Trump is a ex-president should have no bearing here, he has no executive privileges once out of office and he is responisible under the law, for all he didin office or out of it. No special treatment should be given Donald J. Trump and while Congress and Justice are at it, they should make Donald J. Trump pay for all the damages to our capital that he caused by inciting the violence on January 6th, it is what he owes and deserves and we the American people should not pay for what he did, he should. Lets end the farce of MAGA BullShit, Election Result denials and anger that is still happening now!

December 20th, 2022/ Journal

December 20th, 2022 has arrived now. The weather outside is cold and dry, the winds if you walk will put tears in your eyes. It’s now been over 16 months since I lost my wife to cancer and each day and night is a struggle for me. I find myself walking everyday and avoiding others, and not sleeping at night much, only 3 to 4 hour stretxhes at a time. I end up talking to myself or to the pictures uf my wife, I know it’s not normal or right, but the loneliness eats me up inside.

Tis the Holiday Season that has begun now, christmas lights are up all around and people smile and are happy. But, for me, I may talk, I may laugh, around them/ when I see or walk by them, yet inside I am not right, my heart is not in living right now. I stay alone except for two days a week, one night I play pool, the next night I go out and bowl. Every other day or night is the same, walk, walk, walk, play video games, build a puzzle and read. or watch television. The only changes in that schedule is for dental work, and for Doctors visits. It’s a long boring life that is slowly wearing me down, to a point of depression and sadness I can not escape at times.

As, the year slowly rolls towards Christmas Day and the New Year is not far behind, I wonder to myself, what shall become of me. I watch the people around me come and go and they smile each day, it seems it is so. I hear them laugh and talk to each other, and watch them interact and then go why bother. I know I am not the handsome one, and my humor at times is off and taken wrong by some. I know I don’t always fit in, so I avoid people.

Now recently, I was walking again and said hello to my neighbor. I asked what she was doing and she was setting up a party, for an event for a group. I was like another party huh, so she said and I quote, You have a negative pronlem, I laughed and walked away. As I walked I began to think she may be right. I have a negative outlook on myself, so it affects all around me and all I do or say, so I try to say less. And I stay more to myself, it is a vicious cycle for sure. But that is what ends life for many of us isn’t it, it’s the beggining of the downward spiral to our own ending and death. I don’t wish to anger or upset anyone around me, or drag them down with me, so I choose avoidence.

Life, I had life and lost it when my wife died. I lost and am not sure if I can ever recover again, I doubt it. I am scared actually of getting involved with any woman period. On one hand, as a man I have a need for companionship from a woman, on the other hand, I deem myself ugly, old and know they don’t want me. It is like a see saw battle between wanting and knowing you can’t have what you want. Why, some will say, simple. I really don’t approve of myself and think lowly of myself, and i am afraid women don’t like me. So, I avoid them as much as I can.

I really shouldn’t complain though, for I had two marriages, how I did that even I don’t know. The first was a 12 year one, and yes we had two of everything. Two cars, two kids, and nice homes. It ended not due to me, so I had no choice but to leave it behind and move on. The second marriage lasted 28 years and we had it all. Again it ended, but this time, it was cancer that took her from me. We spent the last 16 years fighting her cancer and my own, in the end she lost her fight and I survived. I guess, I am left here alone for some reason and the good Lord has not informed me or shown me what it is for that I am here.

The silence in my life, drives me crazy, the holidays are now here once more. I am slowly, pulling back and hiding away in my condo, more each day. I am not buying people presents, nor am I going to parties or celebrations of any kind, I can’t handle big crowds, I avoid them. Others get together and mingle and chat, and laugh, I end up alone and end up walking home and away from it all. I get the distinct feeling I don’t belong and that I do not fit in here, or anywhere anymore. I am like a old shoe, you find in your closet years later and no matter where you look you can’t find the matching one.

I have tried online dating sites and match sites, doesn’t work for me, I guess for I am getting no where with them So, I surrender and give up on them one by one is all. I walk more, and mind my own, admiring some I walk by, but never saying a word. I smile at them some smile back, and I never talk to them, or they to me. It’s like there is an invisinle barrier between their world and mine, I can see through it, i can’t reach it anymore, because i fear attempting to, I fear rhe rejection that will happen is all.

Anyway, there is no reason to keep going over the same problem now. I am stuck in an endless trap in my mind, my heart and my soul. It is what is happening to me. As I told someone, I never learned to flirt with women at all, even though I was married twice. I am uneasy and uncomfortable trying to. 66 years old is not the age to be learning how to, is it? I smile at the ladies, I wave at them as they go by, and I carryon and thats my life now. Like from a distance, don’t touch, don’t hurt anyone or get hurt by anyone. So, I shall as I told my sister and others, ultimately, more than likely die alone in my condo I bought here in Westboro, Ma. At least I have my own 956 Sq. Feet to do that in.

I turn on the news and the world is angry, it’s sad, it’s depressing. Wars, people dying who are famous, political turmoil is all around, and bad people, hurt others. I tire of it all really, and to be honest, no matter how I look to the outside world and those who see me, inside I am slowly ebbing away in loneliness. I am sure, as I told someone before, I will be lucky if I make another five to ten years . Time shall tell if I am right.

So all I can do, is go on day by say, struggle through and muddle through too. Some believe life is a fun time, some believe they are blessed and i don’t blame them. For me though, life nowis more like a course I am living out, because i have no choice. I hope that makes sense.

I have been upnow since 3 am, sleep is escapes meonce more. The silence here bears on my heart and my mind and soul. My mind just races over the past and memories is all I have to carry on with now. I am at least rhankful for those and rely on them as i go forward trying to fit in.

Thoughts, in Holiday Season for me!

December 16th has arrived! 2022 is passing quickly and it seems to me, I am more alone than ever before in my life. With the passing of my wife over 16 months ago, I find myself wondering what to do next. Boredom can be the biggest killer for me, and I hesitate to talk to women, for I do not wnat to hurt anyone in anyway, by comparing them to my wife who died.

It is Christmas Holiday Season, and I am alone so it is depressing to me. But the Holiday is not what depresses me, it is knowing I have no one to share it with, or to be with at all. While I have lived alone before in my life, I know being alone is not good for me, my soul and who I am as a person. Yet, I fear, rejection, I fear senial, I fear not being wanted, and I know, I am not the most loveable person. So when youhave fears, and you isolate yourself you lose out and it drives you deeper into isolation and ultimately, depression can get to you. So I fight it an dtry to carry on daily, it is what I do.

Others are preparing to visit family, and friends, so they are busy all around me. They rush to shop, or to be with family, friends and i stand by and watch it all happen. My wife died, my parents are gone, the only one I have left is a sister and she has her life to live. So, whenyou have npo one like i do, you wander, you walk, and you just try to keep the mind busy and hope is all that keeps you going.

I have no decorations, I have no p;lans you see, I have only myself, to supply for and keep going. The Christmas Lites just bring back memories of past times, and they make me smile for a moment and then the smile fades, for I know at 66 years old, there will be no more smiling days. My life is and has always been a lonely one, even though I have been married twice, Don’t ask me how they happened, because to be honest I never learned to flirt, not once in my life. Other men know how to flirt and how to find someone tpo be with, I do not. Never did, I just wander and roam and carry-on all alone. What my purpose is in life i have yet to figure out, but here I am still alive, only the good Lord knows why.

I write blogs, I sometimes write stories if I have the motivation to now a days, or poems if I get inspired by a feeling or someone or something I see. MY life is cleaning my condo, doing my laundry, watchingtv, playing X-nox, reading a book,walking, and twice a week I go out. I play pool one nite and bowl another and then return to my cave, like a bear, and hide till the next time. I see my Doctors when I have appointments of course, for medically and dental wise i need help and repairs, lol,

In the meantime the world rushes by and I hold stillalone in my own place in it. Maybe it is just my fate or my destiny I do not know anymore. I know I have done all I could for my family growing up, my friends in my teen years and early 20s, I did all I could for my first wife and my two daughgters, till they turned on me for some reason. Then, they were gone too. I have no contact with my daughters, my grandchildren in anyway and they know nothing of me. So, in a way, in my first marriage I had two of everything, then it all went bye, bye, after 12 years.

My second marriage, lasted 28 years, and it ended in her passing from long cancer battle that I walked and helped her through over 16 years of our 28n together. Now that she is gone so is her family, I became a part of, and the home we shared is gone, I sold it all, because i could not live in it, after she was gone. So, I bought a condo for myself, I write blogs, I write poetry and short stories, I chat on the internet when I can, I watch tv, play x-box, read a book, build puzzles, if I can keep my attention on them and walk whenever I can. But, I am missing the connection, sommunication, companionship I had with my wife. The support, the caring, knowing there is that one person you can say anything you want to and know they will respond in a helpful way and give you advise. Certain things in relationships i miss, the trust, the honesty, the input, the togetherness, the physical closeness. I doubt there is anyone out there who will want a 66 year old man, so I stay alone. Self doubt gets me, and I hesitate and just go on alone.

I try to deal with the facts in life always and just accept life as it goes along. It is what a person does, in my mind. I accept the fact I am alone, I accept the fact I have my imperfections, and difficulties, as well as physical and mental ones, and I handle them without harming other or bothering others. I don’t drinlfolks, Idon’t smoke, or do drugs, so no, can’t blame any addictions for anything that happens to me. I blame myself for how I am, for i spent my life so far this way, I am like the lone wolf of the world who roams, and roams, and deals for himself, till at sometime i run into a pack, spend sometime with that pack and then move on alone again. Is it wrong to be that way, I know not, I just know as a jud i wa sthe same and it never left me. I run alone, and only slow down, when I know I am safe or comfortable.

Lone Wolfs do the same in the woods, the reason they do so, is they instinctly know, if they stay in a pack too long the pack turns on them. I have been told in the past, I am not competitive enough and i don’t play to win. There is a reason for that, for when I concentrate and actually compete I win, andit turns people off when all you do is win. They get upset, they get angry, so to avoid making people angry or upset I just play for fun. Lone Wolves do the same thing, in packs, I do not want to ne the leade rof the pack and compete all the time or fight always. There has to be a peaceful way to survive and rhat is all I have always seeked. To exist and survive in a world where I have no choice, but to survive, is all I want to do in peace, is it wrong, I doubt it. I am of the oldopinion, live an dlet live and mind your own, old school the way I was raised.

December 13th, 2022/Personal/Politics too

Hello to all, on December 13th, 2022. as the days tick toward X-mas and the New Year, I hope all becoming filled with laughter and cheer. Tis is the Season for shopping and presents, laughs and sometimes tears, but it is a time for all to be with family and friends I believe.

For me 2022, will be the first full year that has passed that I am alone again in many years. Learning to live alone again after a long relationship and marriage is not easy, but we all adapt top the circumstances we go through don’t we. Learning to pay my own bills, do my own laundry and dishes and such, hasn’t been too bad on me, for I did it while married too. The hard part of being single again, is the simplest part, the quiet, the being actually alone most of the time and trying to occupy my own mind and find things to do.

So, I do puzzles, I read books, I clean my condo, I walk the area around me and the malls. I try to chat online in chat rooms, I play X-box on and off these days too. I have looked into Dating Sites like Ok Cupid and Zoosk and such and found that most are just money grabbers, and many profiles are either old or fake in them. So, I try to just look and not react to any of the e-mails from them after i join em. Seems, there are no rral ones out there, that won’t cost a guy or girl my age a fortune to try or get into. Everyone wants your money these days and many women know what they have and how to use their bodies and looks to get it too. But that is normal here in America and in the world these days, and it is just a fact of life is it not?

As to what is next I still do not know for me. I continue to write my blogs as you can see here. I haven’t lately gone back tpo story writing, or poetry much, only when a thought hits me, doI do so these days.

Politics is maddening in America to watch and the corruption and dishonesty that is happening is gross today. I don’t care what anyone says, whether Donald J. trump was President makes no difference, the crimes that occurred on January 6th, need to be tried and convicted an dpunished or they will happen again. I remind all, Donald J. Trump was handed millions when he turned of age, then he started cheating contractors out of money by paying them cents on the dollar and workers too. Then he failed at selling water, steaks, and he duped millions out of money with his Trump University scam and got richer. Then one day he decided he is running for President and he conned America into Electing him,sadly enough.

I remind all Trump supporters, he did nothing for you or me, he put through a tax bill that saved him and his rich cronies money, he failed to build he wall on the Mexican Border. He screwed up all reactions to COvid and even suggested people drink bleach to kill the virsus. Then he got the covid virsus in the White House, and hid the fact he was treated for it and survived it.

Then he reran for President for a second term and failed, Instead of being a honorable man, and comceding to Joe BIden, he decided he was going to try to stay in The White House, by causing riots and sedition against his own governement, Sad. The Capital, our Capital came under attack because he denied he lost the election and tried to stop the certification of the votes. He almost killed Senators and Representatives by the attack on the capital, and he siced, people on his own Vice President too. Sad indeed.

Then when forced to leave Office he ran to Florida, taking with his top secret and secret documents he has no reason to have with him. Stored them on his property, hid them from the governement and got caught doing so. Some please tell me what he had those documents for, who did he show them to in Mar a Lago? Then, he is served with Search Warerents to retrive said documents,, turns some over and hides more. I remind all he had hundreds of top secret and secret documents, and hid them not once, not twice but three times, the last few werefound in a storage unit belonging to him, just lately. Now, I want to say this carefully so all understand this, if you or I, civillians who are citizens of America, did the same with these documents or any documents of the like, where we would be right now, locked up and not seeing daylight for many years. So why doesn’t The Department of Justice Arrest, charge and indict Donald J. Trump? To me he is traitor, a insurrectionist, a sedious son of a bitch. He stays in Mar a Lago and runs for reelection again, and no one is stopping him, why is that? I remind all in The Justice Department, and all American Citizens, heis now just another American Citizen with no protections from prosecution, indictments or charges and he should be arrested and put behind bar, not be running for President again!

No wherer in America’s 246 year history, has any President led an isurrection and attack on our capital before. Never has an American President asked people to hang his Vice President either unto Donald J. Trump did. Never did a President sit in the White House and watch such an event happen and do nothing about it. Donald J. Trump did! Explain to me how he is still free and able to run for President again, Congress and the Americna people!!!! Please Explain it to me and others, for I see no way it should be allowed.

2022 is rolling to an end folks, and the debacle that is Donald J. Trump and all he has caused and done should be rolling toit’s end too, if it doesn’t we shall be in trouble in America. This man had the gall to call for the end of Constitional Rule and the shunning of our Constitution here. You really think a man who doesn’t believe in our Constitution should be able to run for President? Stop him, arrest him, charge him, indict him amd end the farce that is Donald J. Trump now!!!!

If he allowed to run for the Presidency again, we shall see more violence, more damage and more anger. Stop Donald J. Trump Congress, only Congress can stop him from running again by banning him from ever holding a public office again in America! Let’s Ban DOnald J. Trump now! Call your Senators, your representatives, and lets not let him on the ballot again!

I wish all a Very Happy Holiday Season of course!!!

Hello December 11th, 2022, and yes I am still alive and kicking here! I know I have not been writting blogs lately, I am trying yo settle in to a new home and a new life in a bew state and town here in Mass. Westborough is a cozy little town to live in and is mostly quiet and peaceful. You may even call it boring actually, because not much really happens here. I have been here since Maech of 2022 now, living in a condo unit in a 55 plus communinty. As the community grows I am sure it will get a little more intersting for sure. Yet for me I go day by day, I walk a lot, I read some, I write and chat online,I play X-box, I read, Once a week I play pool at the clubhouse and once a week now I bowl for fun in the league here. Other wise I mind my own business basically, and hope for the best.

It’s now been 16 months since the passing of my wife, each day I think of her. Yet I have come to realize she can not come back to me, and yes I miss her still. I am trying to deal with the present now, leave the past behind, it does not mean I shall ever forget her, it just means I am alive and must carry-on in life. IT is a decision all widowers must make and learn as we go along I believe, or we do not survive on our own very long.So forward is where I am trying to go, to try to find someone to make me laugh again, someone I like sharing time with, and someone who I am compatable with near my age in my area here.

Christmas Season is now upon us once more. I am sure most have family and friends to share the time with and exchange gifts with, I do not. So, I shall more than likely be alone through the season and intoi the New Year of 2023 is I survive it all. Hopefully I shall, but like I always say no one control fate or destiny, nor does anyone control mother nature or father time. So each day I wake up I basically wonder, why am I here, what purpose is my being here for? I have not found a reason or answer as of yet. Hopefully something will happen to show me the way, as i carry on day by say, just being me.

Life is a mystery folks in many ways, for we do not know why we are here on this planet, what our purposes are for real, do we? Yet we live upon this planet, scurrying to and fro each day, interacting with one another, yet seperate from each other in our own ways. Who knows our real purpose for being here asa part of humanity? Our creator is the answer, I havea singular belief, that we are all placed here on this planet to complete missions, preprogrammed into us genetically at birth, to complete certain things in life. When we complete the missions assigned to us, we fullfill our purpose and missions and we are recalled, back to whence we have come from. That is my belief and as to what those missions or purpose may be, we are not allowed to know, just do as we go.

I have certain things I do, and so do each of you. Some of us are destined to shine brightly and bring light to those around us and others are meant to do the opposite. I think we balance each other out in the end.

I write as I say, these blogs, I have done short stories and poems too and posted them online. I don’t care if people like my work, or the stories I tell are complete or incomplete, I just do them. It’s to entertain my mind, to occupy me as a person and keep me going. Some do it to make money and are very prolific at it, I am not and never claimed to be. Yet I write.

I walk to keep my joints working each day, for at my age one must have some form of exercise to keep moving. I have been told my sense of humoris strange by some, by others I am said to be funny. I can ve sarcasic, bombastic, silly or serious. We all can I am sure.

Now for those who I have met in my area and place i reside and live in, let me say this, I find many people nic ehere, we are all in the same age range. I have been here now since March of 2022, and met many. I avoid involvements with women here for a reason, its only common sense. As my sister told me, you don’t want to shit in your own backyard, it comes back to haunt you. A condo community, talks, it will spread rumors and ideas and thoughts and people point fingers. I want no one pointing at me about any relationships I may have, so I stay alone. Secondly, I don’y know if people realize, but, I do not take to being compared to other men, in meat market comparrison very well. So, I avoid such things by minding my own.

Now, I am not saying there are not women here that would interest me, I am saying I shall not go there for fear of the meat market comparrison and the too close knit community item I have mentioned. I have looke don dating sites also, of course, any normal man would who is single in this day and age. I have not found anyone in reasonable distance from me to meet, nor do I believe the dating sites really work. It’s just a way to have fun is all now-a-days. Am I lonely, yes, do I miss female companionship yes, yet, I know better than to do so here.

As, you can see, many things go through my mind, if you have read my blogs before. I cover politics, I write books, short stories, poems and blogs. Overall I never know what I shall write next, so I just write. I hope by doing so, I voice what I feel, what I know to be ral and what I dislike too. It all helps balance me as a man.

IT is now December 11th, 2022, the Christmas Season is in it’s swing now, there wil be parties and celebrations right through the New Year. I hope and pray for all, that they are happy and fun for all involved. I wish all a Very Happy Holiday Season of course!!! May your Holiday Season be filled with smiles and cheer,! May you family and friend stay very near. May you rloved ones be healthy and you be fine, For now my friends it is Christmas Time!

Welcome to the Holiday Season of 2022 all and I hope and pray for happiness for all!

November 21st, 2022 has arrived, and the Holiday Season shall be upon us all very soon, with Thanksgiving up first on Thursday. I want to wish all a plentiful Thanksgiving and fun times with their families. For many like me, it will be a slow season, quiet and filled with memories and loneliness acutually. When you start your holiday season, build the memories with your loved ones, partners and each generation, for as you grow older you will have just those memories to live on.

I know the Holiday Season for many will be filled with fun and joy, and presents and gifts and togetherness, it is the way it is meant to be. Yet, as I now know, there is a point when it won’t be so. Many like me, who have lost the partner they loved so long, are suddenly entering the Holiday Season alone, for the first or second time. As I do, I am trying hard not to get depressed or down, I am trying hard to look up and make it an adventure instead of a time to get depressed. Any Doctor will tell you, Holiday Season, can be the worse time of year for those of us who are suddenly alone. We miss the ones we loved, who have passed and we tend to shy away from involvements with others, for fear of bringing them down with us. Plus we do not want to start new relationships or commitments, so soon after our loses.

I hang onto the memories of my wife who passed due to cancer in August of 2021. Her laughter, her advise, her smile and her involvement made my life better for 28 years. I would never give up one day I had with her, I have no regrets regarding our life together, just that I could not save her in the end. we fought the fight against her cancer for 16 years, before she succumbed to it, and in the middle I overcame lung cancer too. I miss her in more ways than one, as a confident, an advisor, a communicator and much more. She was indeed my better half.

So as the Holiday Season starts this week and people rush to and fro, to get food together for the Turkey Day of 2022 and we do so in a country filled with threats and violence raised by a former President, we must forge ahead in a positive light and way. I want all on Thanksgiving to stop and step back for a second before you eat your big meal, or settle in for a football game or movie, stop and look around you, think of those who love you and you love in return, count the blessings of having them in your life and be thankful for all you have each day. Family is everything folks, it’s not, do I have a big turkey on my table or plentiy of food, it’s who you are with that counts. You will learn that as you age each year that goes by, as the numbers diminish of family around you and you begin to miss each of them and are left still.

I have come to tell myself, I have no choice in being alone, for I could not prevent the passing of my wife of 28 years. I did all I could for her and I learned I had to move on in my own way, away from the home we shared and the life we shared, otherwise the depression would have gotten me. As I sit here today, I have to steel myself for the Holiday Season coming up and keep my head up and try to keep my mind busy. I do not know why I am still here and alive without her, but I do know I am, and I must try to stay positive and as busy as possible.

Each of us deals with loneliness in different ways, some go out and search for company and enter bars and clubs and drink our way through, some of us do not drink we read, build puzzles, read books and walk alone. Some of us pick up hobbies and toys and games. For me I try to read alot, I try to buid puzzles yes, for I am that type of person. I have reached out just a bit, by playing Billards on Monday evenings and then bowling on Thursday nights. yet, as Holidays appraoch there will be periods of none of that, and it will be harder to survive and carry on with it.

I have been told to get off my ass and go out and find someone to be with. I just don’t have it in my heart to do so, nor do I wish to pull anyone else down with me in anyway. So, I don’t approach or ask anyone out, i shy away from such things, for I am not sure I can handle any emotional connection at this time. On one hand I would prefer to have a partner or friend to share life with, on the other I can’t be sure if I am strong enough to handle it again. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, as the year rolls on as I say, it is not that time for the Holidays ahead. I do wish all a Happy Thanksgiving and a great Holiday Season as it begins. I will never and never have been one to force myself on anyone or into anyone’s life, so I shall carry on alone. I shall walk, watch tv, read books, build puzzles, play video games and carry on. Hopefully it wil be enough for me. Time shall tell is what I say. Welcome to the Holiday Season of 2022 all and I hope and pray for happiness for all!