Tag: blog

November 2025: Changes, Elections, and Game Seven


Welcome to November 2025 folks. I hope all enjoyed Halloween last nigh and had fun.

As November rolls in, the weather gets chillier, the leafs are changing and time moves on. It seems like only yesterday, when I though a coming winter would be fun. Tjhe leafs are npow colorful and falling, and it is a time of changes. Yet we all still motivate and move, going here and there without much fear. it is great to be American and to be free, even if our politicians fights over what they want or don’t for you and me. As long as America remains free, with the rights we have, of Freedom of Speech, Laws and a Constitution that is intact. One party may win the hOuse and Senate and White House too, but my friends remember that is up to me and to you. We vote an dthe majority wins it seems, even if it hurts many people and their dreams. In a few days, Elections will start once more, for those of you voting, don’t vote on who is your favorite, vote on what is best for your future and families and mine. if you don’t, who knows where the current political climate will take us, it could be communist, it coul dbe authorian, it could be democratis or republican. It’s one thing to be a liberal or a conservative, in America, it’s anothe rto bring cummunism or authoritizism tpo America. I don’t think even under todays climates in the world, the American People would go for them. But, time shall tell won’t it folks.

Tomorrow the clock move once more, they fall back to an hour earlier. Time zones and these hour changes have been a thorn inmany people’s sides for years now. Some want to do away with it all and some don’t care. Personally, I think if we just left the clocks alone it wouldn’t makea damn difference. But, again, I am not a politicain or an average citizen lol, my opinions are my own. I just wish, it wans’t so, I don’t have a voice that loud, don’t you know.

I have been writing poems, short stories and blogs for many years now. I do so as a hobby, to be heard and to have fun. I am not doing it to anger people, hurt people or to change their minds, I just try to entertain a bit, inform a bit and discuss a bit. It’s just me.

last thing today, Tonight if Game Seven of the World Series of 2025. It has been interesting to watch and quite a fight between two great teams. I know for me, this seventh game this year, is gonna be a thing to watch,a nd to enjoy and it will have many watching. Seventh Games do that folks, it is amazing how a Series that has seven games can build to a ending all want to watch. The Tension, The stress, the joy an dthe pain will be shown once more and again. One team wil win and one will lose, but, it is a game they all did choose. Thats the good thing about Sports, we cheer on who we want to win and we atch in amazement and joy. Some have their highs, some get the lows, in the end it is the game to watch, that affects us so. So, to The Dodgers and The Blue Jays and Major League Baseball, thank you.

Be Well, My Blog for today!


Good Morning September 21st, 2025, for me the day began at 5 am. It seems since my wife passed in August of 2021, I don’t sleep as much as I used to. But, I am sure I am not the only person who is a widower or widow who has this problem. we all get used to our better half being there to comfort or cuddle or just as a presense we enjoy so much we relax best around them. It’s a natural occurrance for a married couple or long time couple.

I knew when I married my wife of 28 years, one of us would go first and since she was indeed 16 years my senior, I also knew it would be her, most likely. She knew it too, and accepted it. she also told me, I would be fine once she passed, she told me I am a realist, I realize what must be done to survive and adjust. Of course she was right, she usually always was, she had more experience period.

I have learned more though since she has passed. Dating apps don’t work folks, they suck up your money and no matter what you do or say, you don’t get far in meeting anyone. You can write great profiles, you can be polite, you can be nasty, you can say almost anything to get a date, and it doesn’t work much at all. It isn’t the app itself that kills the possibilities, it’s the people who use them. I say this because I have found certain things people do. 1) They lie in their profiles, 2) They do not use their latest pictures, they use old ones to hide aging, and other problems. 3) I find many are not there just to make friends or find a partner, many want money from you, or to get into your life financially, because they want it. 4) Then, there are those who, want you to take care of them, because they are ill or injuried and need an assistant to help them through life now. All of the above is true on most dating apps these days. The fears and apprehensions that come out are crazy. Too many worries in using dating apps, they do just eat your money and they auto-renew on you, if your not careful.

If you have a bowling alley near by use it. If you have a place to dance use it, A Group to hike or walk do it. If you, can even just play a game for fun, just do it. As long as you participate and meet new people in your age bracket do it. Even if it is a book club or writting club, do it, it gets you out there among others, and we are all human and need some himan interaction in our lives, or we go stir crazy or get depressed. And believe you, me, depression is not good, and stir crazy can get ya into trouble. Some like bars or taverns, they like to drink and eat. Some don’t. Personally while I like open enviroments, and less people, in my opinion, others like large crowds. It is indeed a personal choice for us all is it not? I think it is, just like, we pick and choose our lovers and partners, we pick and choose our friends. Some you get on with easily, others you don’t get along with at all, so you avoid one another and carry-on. I was never one to force myself on anyone, in anyway. So I avoid being a bother to anyone or a burden, and I do my own thing. I write, I watch tv and movies, I read alot, I walk alot. I like to cook now and then, for fun is all. I play billards once a week and bowl when I can if healthy. It gets me out of my home, into the world and among some people. It is called seeking contact, without being too serious, lol, at least in my book. But, that is life is it not folks?

People tell me to go to the Senior Center, get involved there they say. Well, I am 69 but I feel out of place in a Senior Center still. So I try to not go, unless there is a purpose I am interested in. I guess everyone feels different about that, but, thats my feelings on it all.

Am I happy, where I live and how I live? I am happy with how I live, and do the best I can. I try to stay healthy, clean my place and keep my mind busy. I like puzzles to build when I am in that mood, I have played video games also. But, writting poetry, stories and blogs, is my thing these days. Opinions are good to have if you don’t force anything on anyone, you can voice them. Some just putter along, I walk alone when I feel the need, a little walking stretches the legs and keeps me flexiable. But as to where I live, well that my friends is a different story so to say. I think, when we reach a certain age and status in life, we tend to look for more age definded, places to live. Thus a 55 plus community, became the choice for me. I thought, it would be among those my age and easier to get along in. While the community in general is a good idea for downsizing from a large home you can’t take care of anymore, it is not necessarily the way to go. One thing about these 55 plus community is people tend to get into each others business. They talk, and it becomes much like the old TV Show Peyton Place from many years ago, I don’t go there, and it is not my thing to do so. so, I live by a Theory these days, that is out in a book called the Let Them Theory. I let them think what they want, say what they want and do what they want, as long as it doesn’t physically or socially affect me. Then I go by the other end of said Theory too, Let Me Be me. I worry less what others do or say, and more of making myself happier this way. It is something I would reccomend others should do too. Momma always told me as a child, mind your own, and take care of your own and you will be fine. It’s when you over reach or put yourself too far out there, you get in trouble. It’s true, Momma knew!

Each year, I love to watch the NFL Games and NBA games too. while I follow MLB too, I don’t watch it on tv. A Baseball game would put me to sleep, it moves too slow. Hockey no thank you I say. Olympics I love to watch when they come around. In the meantime I watch tv shows that are mysteries, crime dramas mostly. I even like just putting Utube on for music and letting it play. Yet, life moves at it’s own pace and yes I am getting older. I don’t go drinking to drink, not a party animal of any kind. I may have a beer on a social occasion to fit in only. Alcohol is not me, I dislike it, I have seen too many people get addicted to it and ruin theirs and others lives and hurt people both physically and emotionally. No thank you. I don’t do drugs either, medications are bad enough when needed. lol. so, thats me, in a nutshell so to say, I am not anything other than a normal man, who takes life one day at a time, each encounter or person one at a time too. But, thats me, not all do that, some have a set purpose or way of doing things, I believe in some flexiabily in life.

Time has shown me don’t get too involved in Politics either. It is today’s atmosphere in politics I can’t take. I am not a MAGA supporter, and I don’t like the way, our President is doing business. I won’t publically fight over it, I avoid it, too much violence and anger exists over it all. I do realize, while we must all save our money and go day by day, arguing with people you can’t sway is not the way. So, i adapt to what is there and do the best I can to survive, don’t we all?

One thing I will do, if I see someone down, or hurt or needing help, and I can help them, I will. Helping is one thing, getting too involved is another thing lol. So I try to be careful in this area too, for some take helping as an insult to them, and get made. I learned ask first before you help, don’t rush in. when you do, people tend to look at you like an invading party in war time, lol. But, life is all about being careful and not over extending yourself, so we all survive well. Thats my blog for today folks. Be Well!

Starting Over at 69: My Journey Back to Dating


September 9th, 2025 and yes I am back all. My Blog is still alive and well and in my possession once more. It was abit os a struggle with the company to get it back, but, it is worth it if you want it to be a secure one.

That said, away I go once more. Tuesdays are always slow days folks, and at my age of 69, I lose interest in things faster than before lol. I love people and i love women, I admire them from afar of course and have never approached any in many years now, since my wife passed. I grieved her fully now and i believe, I am still here, so at some point I need to find a partner once more.

I have tried different dating sites, and I have taken maybe 3 women to dinner in the four years since I moved here to Westborough, Ma. My reasoning has been ok I will try this, but then, I didn’t really give them a chance. I avoided any physical comtact and did not attempt to even kiss one. I just felt it ws nice talking with them, and they were nice ladies, but, I had to hold back. Like I said at some point, I need to start over, I am not getting any younger lol.

What do I seek I am asked. well i don’t look for a beauty queen, I don’t look for rich, I don’t care. I look for friendly, kind, considerate, intelligent, and with a sense of humor. Someone who likes to laugh some, but can also hold a decent converstaion helps.

I don’t like smokers, sorry ladies, it almost got me years ago, so no thank you. I am not a drinke ror bar or tavern person really, once in a while is all. I like movies, I like walking, I like playing pool, I like helping people. I have fun at bowling and enjoy those who do so with me, in the Senior League I am in. I am not into big crowds, and can’t handle that well, I tend to shut down and disappear really. Yet, I like’ smaller crowds, and will talk to almost anyone.

Politics wise I don’t care either wya, although I do lean democrat. I am a non-Trumper folks and non-maga person. They are destroying our country and our republic and democracy. I can’t and won’t date a MAGA Supporter in anyway.

Ok, now that said, life goes on and we are all struggling to survive in today’s world. Time is short folks, and i believe one should live it dya to the fullest, laugh as much as possible, have fun, and enjoy. Am I wrong, I don’t think so. I like movies, I like plays. I like music of all kinds, from rock, to country and blues, and even classical at times. I read a lot and I am reading The Let Them Theory these days. Mel Robbins stumbled upon a great theory and i can’t say it willwork for everyone out there, but, it helps when you use it in the right situations for your ownself.

Now for the ones who recommended I try dating sites for Seniors my age, I am at this time. I have tried Match.com, Zoosk, and I am currently trying Silver Singles. Now I hate writing profiles of myself, for any purpose folks. So I am not doing good here. But, at least I am trying and will see howit goes. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship folks, between a man and woman, but, there is such a thing as a lasting one, that works if you work at it. Just my thoughts on it all really. So time will tell if I meet someone or not.

As to dating someone in my community where I live here, well I have not done so. Why, because people speak, and even you date someone in your own community and it doesn’t work out, it gets around and itis usually us men who get the blame and bad mouthed. LOL. But, would I date anyonein the community, is there anyone interesting here for me? Of course there are ladies, but if your looking for me to approach you and ask you out, it probally will not happen, because i have no idea, how to anymore. Last time I asked someone out, to dance, I ended up married to her for 28 years. LOL, and I forget how to flirt, I just am me, for who else can I be. I hope that explains that, right1

I am glad to have my blog page back, so I can write again here. I am sure i shall produce more blogs and poems and rants. I always do it seems. It is easier to write, for me, then to try to stand up in front os someone and give speeches or presentations. Some wanted me to read my poetry at an event here, andI said no and they couldn’t understand why. In private i have been asked why, and i told the few who asked, I have PTSD from childhood and military service. So I panic and my nerves get me in large crowds. But, to each their own they say, so I leave if the crowd is too big, easier for me that way. I am not being rude or non-caring when I do it folks, I just have to.

Ok, I have ranted and written again. I have gone over some of what is on my mind for now. Until the next blog, I wish all well.

Embracing New Beginnings in 2025


December 22nd, 2024, is upon us all. We have a few days left till Christmas Day, and people are rushing to the stores I say. As they do, I pray for you, that you all don’t get in each other’s way. Drive carefully out there will you please, and make it safely home, for the holidays.

I have been asked why, I stay alone on the holidays, it simple really you see, the holidays mean nothing to me. I have lost my grandparents, my parents and my wife to cancer, my children live over 500 miles away and so do my grandchildren. My sister God Bless her, is doing her things with friends, and personally I shall never impose on anyone or be a burden to anyone on a holiday or otherwise. Simple right, many don’t understand it though, but that’s ok with me.

I keep to myself, and I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and heat. I have all the lil electronic toys I need to play with too. I build puzzles, read books, watch television and movies and play on the internet is all. In my mind and heart, my children and grandchildren and sister are all better off without me to drag them down. So, by myself I shall stay, until my dying day.

As Christmas gets closer each day, I use the NFL and NBA to watch and keep my mind busy, I read books and relax. I have food and heat and a place of my own, my 956 square feet condo is my home. I moved here, so I must accept what I choose to do. The Complex is ok, the people are too, I ignore the rude and crude, the impolite and I shall survive well past New Year’s night. I turn 69 in January, of 2025, and I face my health problems as most my age do. I suffer from a bad back, PTSD, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes too. yet, I still march on in life and do what I can do.

I feel I have had a full life so far, my service years, my two marriages. all kept me going. Homes I had to care for, and people too, I think I did my best, can you say that too? It’s been a decent life for me really. I am a lucky man in many ways, I just know I miss my wife and our happier days. It’s not unusual for a man who is a widower at almost 69 to say so, it is hard for some to hear. But for me, I say, do not worry or cray a tear, for soon we all shall face the New Year. 8 days left to 2024, and onward I go to a New Year once more. I shall be fine, I shall be well, and if I am not, oh well. I did my thing, and did it my way, I have no fear or worry about yesterday. I did what was right for those I loved, I cared when I should and now they are all up above. I am alone and on my own, but, I know I shall survive, no matter what, for now, it’s a feeling in my gut. Full life i have lived and I have always found a way to smile and give.

I am working on building a Singles Group for the Condo complex here and at the same time, trying to get on The Veteran’s Board for the town too. The idea is simple for the Single’s Group, I figured many single women here and some single men, see if I can make them at least mingle and have fun. As to the Veteran’s Board position, as a 16 year disabled Veteran I believe i can help them understand what the Veteran’s need in town, and as someone else said, we need to be represented on the board for our complex. Time shall tell if it works out for me.

My thoughts on 2025 are simple. A new year, a new beginning and onward we go. As to politics, I can’t change the election results, and have to live with it. I pray we survive the next four years, I am sure we shall, we survived it before. I hope for no wars, help for the poor, and health for all mankind. I try to keep a hopeful outlook on all I see, and hope it all works out for you and me.

Merry Christmas to All and To ALL A Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Just a fact all!


 Feb. 5th, 2024, has begun and the sun is out for a change, but the cold continues on. The weather is normal for this time of year actually, if you live in New England, of USA.

  Now at 68 years old, I wonder what can be ahead of me, or next in my life. I have been pretty lucky so far, I can honestly say. But, what it leads to or how my life goes from here on in, is hard to know. I never expected many things in my life, so, I am lucky to survive many things. Yet, I also know, whatever is next for me, I must confront and work thru and make it work in a positive manner for me. For as I know, I don’t need bador megative things nea ror around me. Best to skip the drama and crazy interactions that can occur if you fall for them. Use past experience to steer around it all is what I say.

 Now, I sometimes wonder how we got where we are these days, concerning interactions and communications in life. Today everything is a e-mail. or text or online like chat programs. The fact that face to face meetings do not happen much is no surprise. Most meetings or even dates these days between sexes, happen online in one way or another. The wall ofprotection it provides is pretty good, but, it also stops actually in person contacts. Seems that online dating sites are what people are doing these days. Create a profile, fill it in, and then search fora match. Pretty informal, and sad if you ask me. But it is the growing fad these days. The sad part is that people are doing so over the internet, and real life meetings are just a tease in reality, people have fears, and anxieties and I don’t blame them. For fears can go from the point of crazies online who are killers, to fears and anxieties, of what can happen, even is people do meet in a public place. Then we run into the loneliness syndrome, in America and the world in general. I saw a sign online one day that says it all to me, it read; Start doing meetings with people the old fashioned way, in person and actually talking, face to face, it works better. You know, go out, and havea drink in a bar and talk to people. Yet, when you do it, you willnotice as I did, few peopleactually talk toa single man or woman in aclub, bar / tavern. Why, because, if your new to that bar, or tavern/ club, it takes numerous times being there for peopleto even talk to you, they stay with those they know and avaoid the new. So, it becomes a circle really, you jump in an dgive it a try and it doesn’t work, so the loneliness syndrome continues on. You can’t break the syndrome in today’s society, why, again,it is fear, anxietires thayt raises itself each time you make or take a chance. Self-preservation comes into effect, and we steer clear of strangers, and the cycle goes on. The cynical reactions and views, come into play and people, avoid taking chances these days. Why, because many want money, many fear being hurt, and many live out their anxieties, and determine it’s easier to saty alone. Sad I knowbut true in today’s world, in Ameica.

 I personally, have surrendeed and given up at my age of 68. While Senior Centers are nice if your into them, it is not a great way to find apartner in crime so to say. Bars and taverns are not made for the elderly, they are made for the younger crowds, in their 20’s to 50’s. But, olde rpeoplelike myself have no place to go, to meet anyone. So it is an endless cycle, with no end in sight. So, dating in your 50’s and up gets tougher as you age, and many turn to internet dating sites, like Zoosk, Match and Plentyof Fish and others. I can tell you, they cost money to even use, nothing is free. Then there is no proof or guarantee that you will find anyone to even date or meet. Many fake profiles, lot sofl ying, old pics and dead profiles on these sites also. It’s acually a sad state of affairs for most. Dating sites are ok if you have money and want to give to them for helping you, but they suck your money out of you. They are not, free nothing in life is, is it?

 Well as the day gets going here, I wonder what it can bring for each of us. I don’t know and neither do you ! Surprises pop up, we run into blockades and keep going. We tend to work around them and carry on. Unless, your like me, alone, and afraid to go out and do anything, why, well at 68 noone wants an eldery person slowly them down or hindering them, or becoming a burden or imposing upon them and their lives. So, many like myself, don’t want pity, we don’t want to be a burden or impose and we have our own pride, so we stay alone. Life does indeed slow down as we age. The energy you had in younger ages, has been used up and you coast to your ending, as you go forward alone. It is funny how it isa cycle that goes from being born alone, being alone when you start and then finding so many years later, that you will more than likely go out as you came into the world alone. Thats where it is in life folks. The downhill ride begins, and you just go along, for you have no choice. Just a fact all!

 

 

Happy Holidays From Me !


Friday December 8th, 2023 started for me at 4:30 am, I awoke and went what the hell am I doing up? But, when I tried to go back to sleep my body and mind said no, so I crawled out of bed, got a coffee and here I am now. I know what most would say was go back to bed stupid, but, I can’t my mind won’t let me.

Many have tried to understand me, in my life, my first wife, the Navy, My daughters who know nothing of me and my own family that raised me. I have always been the one, they just never understood or have gotten, it’s just me. I have been called crazy, emotionally unstable, nutty, a loner, a drifter and so much more. If people knew me, better they would understand me better. I am no loner, or drifter, but when, I am hurt, tired and lonely, I do wander, and stay by myself, it’s my way of not hurting or harming anyone else. I shut down and lock myself away and wander on my own. I am a widower now for over 2 years, and I still talk to my deceased wife and wish she was with me in my own home. But, I know i am not alone in this, kind of grief process many suffer it too. So I try to handle it alone, so it does not spill over into others lives around me.

Some have no idea about who I am, what is happening in my mind and my heart or what I may be affected by. I was born with hyperactivity and attention disorder. Easily distracted and unable to pay full attention, in school or at home. I fought my way through it all, no medications or medical help and ended up sent a way for two years for what they called emotionaly instability in the 1960s. It wasn’t though it was ADHD, misdiagnoises happened plenty back then, medicine did not understand it all yet. Yet I persisted and overcame anyway.

As I grew up, it did cause many problems at home and in schools for me, ultimately it caused me to dropped out of high school, so I went to work and in the end went in the service. I served 16 years in three branches and was married and had two of everything, until I was discharged medically for an accident aboard ship that gave me herniated discs. At the sametime that was determined, I was all of a sudden in a divorce from lack of being able to support my family.

I overcame and moved on anyway, doing odd jobs and living off of unemployment, until, I found my second wife. She helped me deal with it all and helped me find a way to go forward. In return I helped her, and we ended up loving one another and living together. it would be a 28 year relationship, that I can never and will never forget, I still love her today over two years after she passed and left me due to cancer. One thing she told me and others before she passed was, that I am a realist, I will survive her passing and be fine. Well surviving is one thing being fine is another for sure I have found out. You can not replace the unreplaceable folks, the memories get you and you break down in private at times and then, pull yourself together in public and carry on. I know I am doing it these days, every day I live. I suffer from loneliness of course and not having someone in my life, because I shut down and refuse to reach out or allow any woman in. I know it is wrong to do, but, I do it on reflex, and to protect myself, I doubt I could handle losing another lover like that.

Living alone in a 596 square foot condo, in a 55 plus community, for me is not easy. I call my condo my 956 sq.ft. cell and cave I hide in. To me it’s true, I venture out to walk, put on a good face, smile and talk and kept moving never getting involved any where with anyone. Yes I shop, yes i go to doctors and dentists and medical appointments. No I do not go to bars. taverns, or social events alone. I feel out of place when I do, and I avoid that feeling everytime i can.

What to do, where to go, how to handle it all is a daily challenge for me. Yet, I struggle through and make it work, because I am still here. Yes there are times I think what the hell am I here for and I shouldn’t be here, I have no purpose in life anymore. I have considered suicide, and just haven’t found the courage to do so and can’t see myself doing so. I have seen numerous others die young and take their own lives, and end up shaking my head when I think of them.

Whats next for me I do not know, I only know I am here and it seems I have a way to go. I have always believed that we are put upon this world for a reason, we just don’t know what it really is. Each of us is born to accomplish some missions in our life time, and until you complete those unknown missions you are here, when you complete them, the Good Lord recalls you to his side and it ends. Is there a heaven or hell, I do not know, no one does, all we know is it ends for us, the beyond is not answerable is it? The Great Houdini, told his wife, he would come back from the dead, he couldn’t no one can, so we shall never know whats on the other side. We can only guess folks !

It’s the month of December of 2023, The Holiday Season is here and people are rushing to and fro, as Santa’s pop up laughing HO, Ho ,Ho. The Shopping is happening even though the economy sucks, but it shall go on, because it must. Church Bells will ring and people will smile, food will get cooked and served for a while. The joy of the Season comes every year, we all get so busy, we overlook those who cry a tear. Yet life goes on even for those who cry, for those who did die, and spirits get lifted you see. The sad part is after they do and all the smiling and laughter is done, what happens to those who are alone and just one. We shall never know, as long as they don’t affect us so and they are not apart of our lives, for all it all changes, when they become our children, relatives, husbands or wives. For the loss takes away the reason for Joy, and then we wonder why, we lost that husband, wife, girl or boy. It depresses and it messes with our will to live, and we think we do not have anything left to give. The truth be known and I am not alone, is that each of us, man, woman or child have something we can give and that is how we all live. So, I don’t surrender, but I do try to move on, to see whats next and what I must do, not for me, but for each of you. We all contribute in someway in our lifetime, there is a reason we are here, no matter if it is to teach a lesson, to take the pain, to, live in happiness or in shame. We shall not know, when it is time to go, it’s just a fact don’t you see. For in the end, all we can be, is who we are, and do what we can. wheither we be a woman or man.

I wish all The Best Of Holidays no matter your faith or belief, and I hope all will be strong, healthy and not suffer grief. We do at some point in our lifetime, as one friend said, depression is in your mind, Find a way to hol don to the good memories, and that will be so much better for you and for me, in time.

Happy Holidays to ALL !

Grief, Dealing with it


Today is December 6th, 2023, the year has been flying by for all of us and time stops for no one and we age as it does. We go through life and we never stop to think that, we may depart it at any moment, and those we care about may do so too. Now, I was watching CNN this am and Anderson Cooper was talking about his podcast he did regarding grief and loss and how one handles it in life. He even hada conversation with President Joe Biden regarding it all. Grief drives many of us, but, it also holds some of us back, from being the best we can be. It is a two edged sword in it’s own way. One one side, we miss those we have lost and we get quiet, sad and depressed. Some go to the other side and use their loss, of one they loved to drive them forward inlife and to do good. Each of us are different of that much I am sure.

I have lost my wife of 28 years in 2021 to cancer, and I know about grief for I live with it daily. I find myself, remembering her daily, and even at times talking to her, wishing she were still here with me. I have to say, I lost my grandfather to cancer, my father to cancer, my mother to cancer, even my stepfather to cancer also. And yes eaxh affected me differently in my life when it happened. For you have different relationships with each member of your family and no two can be the same. But, one thing is common in all of them and the loss for each, it does, remind me of my own humanity, my own vunerabilty and depressed me, because I miss the one I lost. Depression, isa natural part of grief I am told, and how you handle the loss and grief is vital to your life. Some of us withdraw and hide from society, and I have done that for the past over two years since my wife passed. I have questioned could I have kept her alive longer, was there something I could have done for her. COuld I have stopped her from dying? I was even accussed of killingh her by someone because I gave her morphine as instructed by the Hospice NUrses and Doctors to kill her pain. All of it affects me daily, as Is it and wonder, and think of how much I miss her.

I know, the depression and the missing of her has stopped me from venturing out and being open to asking another woman to be a part of my life or to date. Fear the intimacy and closeness and losing someone again, that I would be so close with. The commitment it takes to be in such a relationship is big and in the end, no two are the same. So when you lose someone you were with for a long period of time, that relationship, has shaped your life, your thoughts, your emotional makeup and so much more. You suddenly find yourself adrift, lost, alone and tend to aimlessly, try to find a way to hold on, and move forward alone. Then you do not wish to put that depression or feelings on anyone else to burden then, or to impose on them or to have them feeling sorry for you either. So you stand alone, and try o move forward on your own, and find yourself thinking about the missing one you lost, and end up at times staring at their photos, or at times talking to them, when you know they are gone. So, what does one do, to face depression and these emotions and feelings that happen in loss.

My thought on how to overcome all of it is not simple. For grief is something all have to go through at sometime in their life. SO I look at others, I try to talk to others, and in the end, many do not wish to hear it. Some go enough, get over it, move on, let it go. Yet, I can’t, because Iw as so involved and attached to her. Then I come to realize, I am not doing anymore for her, I can’t elp her anymore, I can’t save her anymore, I can’t bring her back and I cry. Then I hide for days on end, embarrassed by showing the emotion or tears and don’t want anyone to see it. It takes time, for those tears to dry up and stop folks. It takes time to make peacxe with yourself, and all you can do, is try to calm down and put it in perspective in your own heart and mind, and try to open up again. Am I wrong if I try to find someone else to be with, am I wrong for wanting to be with a partner again, and to try to find some more joy in my life? I don’t know yet, and it’s now been since August of 2021. I know I miss her, but, how do I stop, myself from comparing her to someone else, of stopping the memories of her from coming up again. Is there a way trough this grief?

I thank Anderson Cooper for his podcast and his thoughts and his discussion with The President of the United States Joe Biden. I think, if both of them can talk about it and give us some direction on to handle it and to deal with it, they have both done us a favor. They have opened up a flood gate for those of us dealing with grief that shows we are not alone in dealing with it all. There are many of us, dealing with it, and in the end, i think all of us, must help one another in someway, even, if it means, finally finding a way to move on and find someone else. It’s the how, that is hard for sure. Yet we all know we must, for we are still lhere and they are gone.