Tag: Christmas

Navigating Holidays Alone: A Personal Journey


December 24th, 2024 has arrived, it is the beginning of Christmas Eve day for me. Outside it is 28 degrees here in Westborough, Mass. and snow is forecasted for today. As I look out my sliding door to my balcony, the skies are gray and overcast and it does look like snow shall be here soon enough.

As to the Holiday itself, I don’t do anything for it, anymore. Since I lost my wife in 2021, Christmas Eve and Day have become just another day for me. The normal is all I have now a days. I stay home, try to eat and drink properly and watch tv, read, and build my puzzle. Clean my home as I go, when needed. I go out these days only for certain things. 1) To see Doctors as needed. 2) Grocery shopping so I may eat. 3) Twice a week I play Mexican Train Dominos at the Clubhouse and on Monday evenings I play Billiards. While I enjoy playing them and the company of others while I do, I am cautious doing so. But, I do so, to just get out of my condo and in an attempt to be social is all. I am trying to fit in, like a square peg, in a round hole here, it is at times uncomfortable for me. Yet, it is an attempt, whether it will work or not is at times beyond my comprehension, yet at least I attempt.

At 68, soon to be 69, I have come to realize many thing regarding myself. I am not overly friendly to anyone. I try to keep a distance and not disturb others. Although invited to other’s homes, I do not attend, I hate imposing on people or being a burden to anyone, always have and will. I have never been a true social person, who interacts with others easily, I don’t have the charm, needed for that. No I am not a scrooge as some may say, nor am I really a loner, or wanderer, I just am very careful and more scared then anything. I get very melancholy on Holiday Season. I miss my wife who passed in 2021 and I am slowly trying to move on, yet, I find it hard. Is that wrong to say or do, I think not, after the 28 years I spent with her. Yes I know, I must learn to carry on without her, but my spirit remembers her too well to forget her too.

Anyway, the year is moving forward and time ticks on. Each day bring me closer to 69, and the New Year ahead. I am disappointed in the American people, because they voted Trump back in Office. I can’t change it, but it depresses me. How did the American People vote in a convicted felon as President and why? I shall never understand the logic behind it, and find it very disturbing that the American People, have fallen so low, as to do so. Yet, I face what may be my final years, living under a President who is a felon, and is being run by the likes of Elon Musk, Steve Bannon and Steven Miller. Having to live with it, will harm our place i the world, our economy and the mental health of the American People. yet, Americans chose this, so forward we go.

As a Senior citizen and a Disabled Veteran, I hope and pray we stay a Republic and Democracy, but, it does not look good for us. Sadly, I will never understand how we got here, but here we go. Trump wants to kill the Department of Education, Attack Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security and give more tax breaks to his rich cronies. he is threatening Mass Deportations and so much more. It seems to me, the American People have been conned by a con man and criminal. People fell for lies, and now the America I defended, protected, and love so well, is being taken over by a cult, led by Trump. In fact as many are now beginning to realize, Trump is not capable of running the country. It is being run and will be run by people like Elon Musk, and Steve Bannon and Steven Miller and the likes. Stop and think people, Trump is taking office at almost the same age that Biden is leaving it. Trump is physically and mentally in worse condition then Biden and will only get worse as his term goes on. You want the real scare of what is coming next, if I were you, I would pray trump hangs on till the end of his term, if not you get a President J.D. Vance, imagine that!

Ok enough politics. I have learned in my life that I must deal with what is, not what I wish. So, I go forward with a body that aches, and has it’s problems. The way I see it, I have overcome many things in my life, and at this point shall continue to do so. I believe, I am actually a miracle being in some ways. I overcame so much in my life. Seizures as a baby, Hyper-activity and attention deficit disorder were just the start for me. Battles with my mother over who my father was and where he was, got me put away for two years as a child, and she attempted to give me away three times through the state. Yet, I returned home. I overcame and persisted. By my teen years, I found a way to find my father on my own and did so, only to have a mother who had to get on her high horse and interfere anyway. After I met my father, mom found out and forced me to go back down there with her. By the end of that day, I faced my father a man who was in his fifties at the time, and scared shitless of my mother who was a whole 5ft 4 inches and 120 lbs. so, I told him, if he ever wanted to see me again, he had to make a stand and tell her, to leave him alone. He did in the end. and life moved on for me.

I served my country for 16 years in three military branches, Army, Army National Guard and Navy, and grew up there. I had no choice, I made the commitment so I lived it. I served Honorably and have a DD-214 to prove it too. I also, got injured, six herniated discs in my spine and live with them daily. I was married twice, had two daughters, my longest marriage was my second for 28 years. I did well I think, because I also went back to school and got a Associate’s Degree in Hotel Management, becoming the first in my family to do so. Two Honor Societies inducted me, Alpha Beta Gamma, and Phi Theta Gamma, not bad for a man who was 40 years old when it was done.

I have written many blogs such as this, many poems and lil stories made into small books online. I did what was right when mom died, and put her with her husband, helping my sister do so. I brought my dying wife home and hospiced her, till her death in 2021. So, I have tried very hard to do what I believed was right to all. I am not perfect, but I am smart enough to be respectful, and kind, and considerate as I go along. Whether the same consideration will be extended to me in my ending, I do not know, I only know, I had the drive to do so for others, I loved.

As, 2024 rolls now closer to it’s ending and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I shall keep going forward. I spend my holidays alone these days, and it doesn’t matter which holiday it is. I do not wish to impose, on or burden anyone in any way and I don’t. Alone is fine with me, I have my television, my internet and books and puzzles to keep me going and busy. I believe I am better off alone, than being taken advantage of by someone else in any way. As Christmas Eve gets underway, and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I Wish all a Very Merry Christmas! Remember, it is not about the material things you give or receive, it is about the time you spend with those who love you and that you love in return. And last but not least, I Wish all who read this, A Very Happy New Year, as 2025 comes rolling at us very soon. Happy Holidays to All !

Embracing New Beginnings in 2025


December 22nd, 2024, is upon us all. We have a few days left till Christmas Day, and people are rushing to the stores I say. As they do, I pray for you, that you all don’t get in each other’s way. Drive carefully out there will you please, and make it safely home, for the holidays.

I have been asked why, I stay alone on the holidays, it simple really you see, the holidays mean nothing to me. I have lost my grandparents, my parents and my wife to cancer, my children live over 500 miles away and so do my grandchildren. My sister God Bless her, is doing her things with friends, and personally I shall never impose on anyone or be a burden to anyone on a holiday or otherwise. Simple right, many don’t understand it though, but that’s ok with me.

I keep to myself, and I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and heat. I have all the lil electronic toys I need to play with too. I build puzzles, read books, watch television and movies and play on the internet is all. In my mind and heart, my children and grandchildren and sister are all better off without me to drag them down. So, by myself I shall stay, until my dying day.

As Christmas gets closer each day, I use the NFL and NBA to watch and keep my mind busy, I read books and relax. I have food and heat and a place of my own, my 956 square feet condo is my home. I moved here, so I must accept what I choose to do. The Complex is ok, the people are too, I ignore the rude and crude, the impolite and I shall survive well past New Year’s night. I turn 69 in January, of 2025, and I face my health problems as most my age do. I suffer from a bad back, PTSD, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes too. yet, I still march on in life and do what I can do.

I feel I have had a full life so far, my service years, my two marriages. all kept me going. Homes I had to care for, and people too, I think I did my best, can you say that too? It’s been a decent life for me really. I am a lucky man in many ways, I just know I miss my wife and our happier days. It’s not unusual for a man who is a widower at almost 69 to say so, it is hard for some to hear. But for me, I say, do not worry or cray a tear, for soon we all shall face the New Year. 8 days left to 2024, and onward I go to a New Year once more. I shall be fine, I shall be well, and if I am not, oh well. I did my thing, and did it my way, I have no fear or worry about yesterday. I did what was right for those I loved, I cared when I should and now they are all up above. I am alone and on my own, but, I know I shall survive, no matter what, for now, it’s a feeling in my gut. Full life i have lived and I have always found a way to smile and give.

I am working on building a Singles Group for the Condo complex here and at the same time, trying to get on The Veteran’s Board for the town too. The idea is simple for the Single’s Group, I figured many single women here and some single men, see if I can make them at least mingle and have fun. As to the Veteran’s Board position, as a 16 year disabled Veteran I believe i can help them understand what the Veteran’s need in town, and as someone else said, we need to be represented on the board for our complex. Time shall tell if it works out for me.

My thoughts on 2025 are simple. A new year, a new beginning and onward we go. As to politics, I can’t change the election results, and have to live with it. I pray we survive the next four years, I am sure we shall, we survived it before. I hope for no wars, help for the poor, and health for all mankind. I try to keep a hopeful outlook on all I see, and hope it all works out for you and me.

Merry Christmas to All and To ALL A Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Embracing New Beginnings: Community and Growth in 2024


As the year of 2024 heads towards it’s conclusion, America faces a Second Trump Presidency, high home costs and food costs too. It faces a President who shall run it like an Autocrat, and will have to fight to survive it. The battle will be to keep the Democratic/ Republic the Founding Fathers found it.

For me, I am moving forward in my own ways. Medically being checked out, because I am turning 69 soon enough. Eye appointments, pet scans, and more. Then, I am tired of being alone so much, and at almost 69, I am looking to meet more people. Loneliness kills actually so I am stepping out in two ways. First I created a singles club here in the condo compound i live in. The idea is to see if we can get the two genders to interact and get along, and go out having fun. It is not intended as a dating thing, but a friendship thing, where we all have fun. From that who knows what may grow.

Then I was told about a volunteer position for the Town or Westborough, as a member of the Veteran’s Board. I applied there hoping to join in to help fellow Veterans of all kinds and myself included. As a 16 year Veteran who was disabled serving my country, I want the Veteran’s here to have all they need and can get for help, from The Veteran’s Administration and the Town we live in. If there is anyone who deserves help, it is our Veteran’s who served Honorably.

I am hoping by getting involve in these programs and clubs, I can expand my own involve and have fun doing so. If it works out, I will be happy.

As 2024 passes for me it is now over 3 years since I lost my wife to cancer. Yes I still miss her, and yes I will always miss her. But, as I told one person, those of us who suffer such a loss of a loved one, must take the time to grieve and then move on. For with our loved once lost, we must steady ourselves, take one step at a time, into getting out again and interacting more. We the survivors and widowers and widows,, can only deal with the grief in our own ways, and for each of us, it will bea different time line for sure. If you are one like me, you will, hit a time, when you feel you are still here and must do something for yourself again and on your own. We deserve to find a partner, or a friendship with the opposite gender, to make our lives whole again.

So, as, we head into the Christmas Season this year, I want to wish all, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead. I hope all can find someone, something, or someway to carry on and enjoy life in their fullest. For as the New Year of 2025 comes at us, we deserve to be happy, content like all the rest, it is up to each of us, to make the best out of what we have and can do.

As 2024 runs out at a fast pace, it is time to lift ourselves up, save our money, hold our homes and find some happiness and contentment in our own ways. God Bless all and may 2024 as it ends, disappear slowly and comfortably for all, ad Mat 2025 bring Happiness, Joy, Contentment, and relationships for all of us, who need them most. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All !

Happy Holidays to All !!! 2023 becomes 2024 soon!


The hard days are here once more,

The days when we spent time together,

We laughed, we exchanged gifts,

We saw family, yes, you and me.

The Christmas Wreath would hang over the fireplace each year,

The cards on a string for us to read,

The music would drift from the stereo, for you and for me.

Christmas time was special with you,

All because we were together it’s true,

Our hugs, our kisses, are some of what I am missing,

But, most of all, I miss talking to you,

Listening to you, just having you close,

God Bless you, my deceased wife,

For in fact, you were the happiness in my life.

Now Christmas is upon me once more,

And you are gone from me,

The lights mean nothing, the music and Ho Ho Hoing,

Are noise in the background to me,

For I miss you so much,

I am out of touch,

But I shall always have you in my memory,

So, to all out there, who have someone they love,

Hold on tight to them now,

For if you are like me,

Christmas and New Year will not be the same, once they are gone,

So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone,

There is no replacement or time, when your love one will leave your mind,

Yet, it is indeed Christmas Time and the New Year lies ahead,

I don’t feel like climbing out of bed,

My spirit is low, and my mind does drift,

But I shall carry on, say Merry Christmas to All And Happy New Year too,

As I keep remembering are those moments with you.

Happy Holidays to All !!!

My Thoughts,On The Holiday Season !


The last Christmas, I had with my wife, I took her to her daughters and sat in the background as she talked, and chatted with her ex-husband’s widow and her own daughter and her grandkids. I sat in the livingroom on the couch, and played video games on my cell phone is all. The same took place when we went to her sister’s across the state from where we lived in Connecticut, for the 28 years I was with her. On Christmas Eve I would go to my sisters and exchange presents with her and her man. Watch a movie and pack it in and go home. So Holidays to me, never were fun and never will be, but, since she passed in 2021, I find it hard to celebrate at all.

 It has now been 28 months since she passed from cancer and I hospiced her. I worked overtime, selling all I owned when she passed, and sold the home we had also. I moved north to Massachusetts, and bought a condo up here. I thought it wasa good iswa because i would be closer to my sister. Yet, that changed fast, once she found a new man in her life and moved away. I have been alone now for a pretty good amount of time, no one to really talk to, or be with, just me. I play billards oncea week with some people here at the condos I live in on Monday evenings. Other than that, I am alone, and walk, or read, build puzzles and watch television or movies as I go. I walk a mall near me some days, just to get out of my condo for a while. I shop for food as needed and go to doctors or dentists is all, otherwise. Meeting someone is not apossibility for me, as far as romance goes, because i do not like bars or taverns, so I stay home. At 67 going on 68 I have no plans to join a gym either. So at times, I wonder what I can do, to keep going, day, by day. As I see it, I would go stir crazy if it were not for the NFL, NBA, on tv, or the Billards Club on Monday evenings once a week.

 I don’t do resturants on my own, some people do, but, alone is uncomfortable for me. I tried doing breakfast alone this past week and ended up eating, alone and basically coming home. I find the people in Westborough, Mass here, very cold toward people my age. Ageism in modern america is a large factor, but, it seems even more so here. I am not sure, anyway, if I am able to handle it, if i did meet someone. I shy away and avoid talking to most, I am very aware of my age, and know most women are married and taken, in my age group. Finding a woman in my age range is impossible here in Westborough, Mass. all are younger or married it seems, or I have no idea where to find any to meet and talk to. I am lost in attempting it. When you were married for 28 years, you get set in your ways, and the whole dating scene has changed to, dating sites anyway. It’s a different world out there for sure. Dating sites cost money and most don’t work anyway, women are scarred in todays society and personally, I am too.

 So my Christmas will be one alone, at home, reading, watching tv, walking, building a puzzle and playing either video games or writing blogs like this one. New Year’s wil be the same too, there are going to be events at the clubhouse here where i live in my condos, but I do not attend them, for I feel out of place and strange when I do. It’s very uncomfortable for me, so I stay home alone. I am very aware of my age, my lack of looks and that many don’t like me here. So, I am better off alone. Whether i can keep going alone is the only question I face, and for how long I can last. There are times when I get depressed feel alone, and down, and think about what to do, I have even thought of ending it and joining my wife. Yet at the moments and times those thoughts hit me, I seem to be able to pass through it and survive. I know I am facing the hardest part of the year for me, right now, these Holidays. The hardest time is now upon me the final days of 2023 and New Years Day. I have to mak eit through alone now, and it will bea struggle. I will keep day by day, thinking one thing, survive.

 

 

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year


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        The snow has fallen this year already, the season of the Holidays is now upon us all. It is time for love, laughter, joy and giving and helping other to keep on living! Please remember what i always tell so many others, Christmas is about giving, loving and enjoying the ones you love, not about what you receive. The roads may get icey and the fields covered in white and the sun may set early all on Christmas Eve Night. But through it all comes a man in a  sleigh, he Ho Ho Hos almost all the way to bring children some delight. It’s all about the hugs and the kisses not the things one misses, it family and love you see. So as we all settle in for Christmas Holidays and soon to be the New Year, lets do it with laughter, lets do it with love, lets do it with care, for the ones of whom we share our loves.  

       From my home to yours I send these wishes, May your Holiday Season be filled with Joy, Peace and Love, and May each and everyone of you who read this remember, The Holiday Season of Christmas is about Faith, Beliefs, Caring and Sharing, and then it is followed by a New Years Beginning, 2014 is a coming fast, so Happy New Year to all and may your New Year beat the bad ones in your past!

A Christmas Message for all!


        Welcome to the 14th of December 2013. In ten days from now people will be rushing around getting last minute things for the smiles of the children they may bring. Parents will buy and wrap and do it fast, as the white snow drops to the ground to which it will attach. The sleds will all be out and about, the ice skaters will be sliding and falling around, and the laughter and joy will be the sounds. The kids will want toys, the wife shoes and clothes, and the men will be digging all out, with holes in their clothes. The snow will be here and so will the cheer, and lets hope all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

           Ten Days to Christmas Eve, yes I know it is hard to believe. The year of 2013 will be coming to an end, as families and friends gather round, songs of Christmas Joy will abound. Hopefully the children of today, will learn peace, joy, caring is what I say. No more wars please, no more shootings or pain, can we just have a Christmas and Holiday Season with a way to a good end?  Across the world the Holidays are celebrated in so many different ways, traditions are all out and about, be friendly and ask neighbors, passersbys  and more what theirs means to them and find out what it is all about.

             By The time 2014 comes  into the present, lets hope peace can now come into being, for all the children of the future to be seeing. Happy Holiday Season to All, Whether young or old, white of black, rich or poor, I wish you all enjoy it more. And I hope there will be no War forever more!

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Black Friday Sales/ Holidays/


       Black Friday the rush to buy things on sale is happening across America! People are shopping til they be dropping for Christmas Presents! It becomes a crazy time this Black Friday weekend. Yet some Americans like myself will not be spending as much as last year or anything at all this year. Times are rough, no jobs available, or no ability to work anymore like me, disabled in more than one way at a time. Yet, Christmas Season hits every year and I struggle on through it, because it is a Holiday and everyone else loves it, so I will never ruin someone else”s holiday. So I continue on, even after 57 years to do the Holidays for the loved ones in my family never for me. My Christmas times, have always depressed me, for it is when no one watches the poor or wretched or cares for them, they are too busy with family and friends, while some have no one. So to me, Christmas is no big deal, no big smiles, no big laughter or anything else, just a day people celebrate for the wrong reasons and it’s been monetized and commercialized so much it’s crazy. Does anyone really remember the real Christmas. the one where the simple present or visit would do? I guess not, for today it’s not the we society anymore, it the me society, me, me, me and the hell with you, I got mine! Sad huh!

        So to remember earlier, simpler times in my life, I wrote three Christmas tales as short stories for all to see and read and placed them on Amazon’s Kindle E-books for sale —–

“Three Christmas Tales for All!”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GOZO6XC

My Three Christmas Tales of Past Holidays for all to read and enjoy.

 

You can comment or review them when your done, Thank You for reading my blog!

PS: My latest story I am writing I have called it The Hanging is in progress and the name may change but I am working on it currently adding twists and more as I go along, now over 7 chapters long and 7,000 words long and growing!