Tag: Family

Constructive Criticism of UMASS Memorial Hospital’s Emergency Services


Recently, I have been going through some medical stuff. One is my back, whichI know full well, is associated to my bad herniated discs in my lower spine. The Second is a bout with controlling, my sugar levels from type 2 Diabeties and my Blood Pressure also. I depend normally, on The Veterans Clinic in Worcester, Mass. Which has done a terrific job of taking care of my medical needs.

The second I usually Depend on is Convienent MD, around the corner from me when things are not going right and they normally help me fine and things straighten out. I like it, and would use it more.

Finally, lets discuss, UMASS Memorial Hospital and their Emergency Room, Trauma Center. I went in on the basis of two things, because The Veteran’s Adminstraion told me to go there, for highh BLood Pressure and high sugar readings yesterday. I arrived early at 9 am there and complaine do my BP and Sugars being high and having pressure in my chest. They signed me in and then directed me to a EKG in the back, and took one then places me in a wheelchair outside the EKG area and left me there for hours, taking blood twice. Then they told me to go out to the waiting room, which I did. The Emergency Room Waiting area was full of people, sitting around in numerous conditions waiting to see Doctors.

People had been there ob=ver 30 hourts and counting waiting. Now, I uderstand it is a Trauma Center/ Emergency and they area busy place. Yet, the longest wait times ever exist here to see a real Doctor to even explain your test results. Sadly, people sit there, wanting to know the results of their testa nd if they are ok enough to go home, No one explains that the EKG is normal when it is or the blood tests are normal to you, they just make you wait to see a Doctor period. After numerous hour from 9 am to 12 pm, I sat waiting for the results and to see if i wa sok or not. I never did recieve the official results of see a actual Doctor. When you ask when you can see a Doctor or how soon or your numbe rin line, they look at you and tell you, We area Trauma center here and we have no place tp put people or rooms. We can’t tell you how soon you will be seen. Then, one of the nurses says to me, Sir if you don’t like our hospital you can go to another ypu don’t have to stay here. Thats just set me off honestly I had invested over 7 hours trying to get my test results and see an actual Doctor.

I stayed hoping even then just tpo see a Doctor an dmake sur emy EKG and Blood work was normal, so I was sure i was fine. By, Midnight, I had , had enough and basiclaly went up and had a nurse cut the wrist bands off an dtold her i was going home, I was done waiting. she was kind enough to cut my bands off, and tell me that if my EKG had sj=hown anything they would have whisked me in the back for immediate care. Then, before she would lalow me to leave, she took a peek at my blood test results. She said, and I quote, Sir I would never bother a Doctor with these results. That told me my blood work was fine. If i had been told that earlier i would have gone home, instead of waiting all that time. Their processes are screwed up in this Emergency Room due to the fact they are also a Trauma Center. The two in one combo does not work properly folks. And this is not the first time i have been through this experience with this Hospital’s Emergency Room. I know, if i have an Emergancy again, I shall not use them, it was a rude experience and uncomfortable and crazy to be there all that time an dnever see a Doctor. Others had been sittiing there over 30 hours waiting I found and one young lady had hurt her back at a gym she and told them she couldn’t sit yet they put her in the waiting room, in a hard wheelchair and she was crying on and off from pain. They ignored her repeatedly and just let her cry. I tried tpo help the ypoung woman, by getting them to provide her a pillow to sit on and they got one finally. But her pain persisted of course. I finallt told the young woman, you want them to help you have have two choices, one stand up and fall down on the floor and scream in pain and they will pick you up, they wil have no choice. Or make enough noice, crying till they come get you. It worked, they finally paid her attion and took her in. Sadly, that is what she had to do to get seen faster. This Hospital, is one messed up, mismanaged operation in my view.

If you are going to run a Trauma Center and Emergency Room you need to make changes to survive. 1) seperate the Trauma Center from the Emergency Room. 2) Hire more Doctors to man each,a nd more Nurses. 3) Be more picky on what Nurses and doctors you hire. The bedside manner of some of them is just crazy and ridiculous. 4) Expand the rooms you have in the Hospital for Admitting and for the care of patients. 5) You can not keep telling patients we have no rooms at the inn so to say and think you are going to maintain a Hospital and make money, you lose people we leave. 6) Then when patients who have waited long hours to see a Doctor, ask when they are going to be seen, you can not, sit there and tell them to go elsewhere is they do not like it. 7) And last but not finally, if you do not have rooms for patients due to overload, you ned to inform people immediately, so they can go elsewhere, not check them in, and make them wait forever. As a Hospital and a facility, that is supposed to help the people an dprovide for them, you must be responisible enough to say, we have no room here at the Inn so to say, much like Joseph and Mary were told, before Jesus’s birth. Be honest, put upa damn sign an d let people know you are overloaded, so they don’t wiat these long periods and get angry.

If as a Hopsital you can not afford to expan and seperate these two units, you will not last much longer. people will begin to go else where. People like myself wil lbegin to write blogs and reviews of your services and lack of services and problems. It’s not to be derogortory of your Hospital or your Emergency Room or Trauma Center, it’s a constructive critizism of it all that is intended here, with suggestion to help inprove it. The Emergency Room/ trauma Center is intirely mismanaged and not being operated correctly. If you have too many people coming in do something baout it, don’t let them suffer and wait.

The President of the Board, that Operates this Hospital is a Doctor Lynda Young, who chairs the board. She need to know these problems exist and she needs to know she has staff with lack of abilities and bedside manners too. Yet, as i wa stold she or the hospital as a whole wil ignore it all. You can’t be profitable or make money getting patients angry, or sending them else where after they come and check in. It will not work Doctor Young. so in the end likeme many will come yes, but like me also, many wil lwalk out, upset, angry and wanting to be seen by Doctors. They wil go elsewhere of course, and then in the end, it won’t make your opertaion, any better, it wil only decline not onlt in the services you provide by in the patient inflow. Wake up and fix this!

November 2025: Changes, Elections, and Game Seven


Welcome to November 2025 folks. I hope all enjoyed Halloween last nigh and had fun.

As November rolls in, the weather gets chillier, the leafs are changing and time moves on. It seems like only yesterday, when I though a coming winter would be fun. Tjhe leafs are npow colorful and falling, and it is a time of changes. Yet we all still motivate and move, going here and there without much fear. it is great to be American and to be free, even if our politicians fights over what they want or don’t for you and me. As long as America remains free, with the rights we have, of Freedom of Speech, Laws and a Constitution that is intact. One party may win the hOuse and Senate and White House too, but my friends remember that is up to me and to you. We vote an dthe majority wins it seems, even if it hurts many people and their dreams. In a few days, Elections will start once more, for those of you voting, don’t vote on who is your favorite, vote on what is best for your future and families and mine. if you don’t, who knows where the current political climate will take us, it could be communist, it coul dbe authorian, it could be democratis or republican. It’s one thing to be a liberal or a conservative, in America, it’s anothe rto bring cummunism or authoritizism tpo America. I don’t think even under todays climates in the world, the American People would go for them. But, time shall tell won’t it folks.

Tomorrow the clock move once more, they fall back to an hour earlier. Time zones and these hour changes have been a thorn inmany people’s sides for years now. Some want to do away with it all and some don’t care. Personally, I think if we just left the clocks alone it wouldn’t makea damn difference. But, again, I am not a politicain or an average citizen lol, my opinions are my own. I just wish, it wans’t so, I don’t have a voice that loud, don’t you know.

I have been writing poems, short stories and blogs for many years now. I do so as a hobby, to be heard and to have fun. I am not doing it to anger people, hurt people or to change their minds, I just try to entertain a bit, inform a bit and discuss a bit. It’s just me.

last thing today, Tonight if Game Seven of the World Series of 2025. It has been interesting to watch and quite a fight between two great teams. I know for me, this seventh game this year, is gonna be a thing to watch,a nd to enjoy and it will have many watching. Seventh Games do that folks, it is amazing how a Series that has seven games can build to a ending all want to watch. The Tension, The stress, the joy an dthe pain will be shown once more and again. One team wil win and one will lose, but, it is a game they all did choose. Thats the good thing about Sports, we cheer on who we want to win and we atch in amazement and joy. Some have their highs, some get the lows, in the end it is the game to watch, that affects us so. So, to The Dodgers and The Blue Jays and Major League Baseball, thank you.

3 Poems, from me to all! September 14th, 2025


Heaven Someday

William M. McCurrach

September 13, 2025

Life goes on day, by day,

We live it all,

Is what I say!

As we age we come to realize,

There are less, and less things,

That come as a surprise!

The years fly by,

There are laughs and tears,

The surprise is the passing of the years!

How fast they fly by,

The things we haven’t done,

Without knowing why?

As my life runs down,

There are fewer people around,

The deafening roar of silence,

Engulfs me once more.

I have my memories of fun times,

I have my memories of loves,

Yet, I hope, and pray,

There is a place in heaven for me someday.

Up above!

Don’t Lose your Mind!

September 11th, 2025

William M. McCurrach

In a world of anger,

A world of doubt,

Some of need to step back,

Take our time, and figure it out!

Too much violence,

Too much fear,

Too much pain,

For all of us,

To bear!

We feel the pain,

We feel the loses,

We wonder at the politicans,

Their plans,

and The Bosses.

But, we know the world will go on,

But at no time,

Will we surrender,

For we know, we must go on!

The World will change, and we can help it,

If we just wake up,

Pay attention,

And Stop the bullshit!

We can disagree if we wish,

We can argue if we wish.

We can discuss all of it.

But in the end the violence,

Is not the Answer to it!

It only excubates it you see,

Makes it worse for you and for me!

Lets tone it down,

Let be mature and logical,

Lets be repectful and kind,

Otherwise, we all will lose our mind!

Starting Anew

September 10,2025

William M. McCurrach

The magic of the days I knew in my past,

Come back to me sometimes in a flash.

I see the warm summer nights, the fall days of color,

The cold days of snuggling and cuddling,

Holding one another.

The days in the parks, playing simple games,

Where we would scream and laugh,

And call each other’s names.

The simple things we did to find someone,

Seems those simple days,

Have come and gone.

Or the nights in my teens, when I would dream,

Of someone who I held in my heart,

But didn’t tell.

Because I felt we would not work out,

Or we would part, not well.

The look across a crowded room.

when your eyes met mine,

and the feelings did bloom.

Ah those days when I said lets dance,

Yes I asked and took that chance,

Little did I know it would lead,

To A long Time romance for you and me.

Is it possible to do twice in one lifetime,

It’s a question that lingers,

In My Mind.

Is it possible today in a world so angry and mad,

To find a simple lover or lover,

That will make me happy not sad?

Someone who can laugh at themself,

Someone who likes people and everyone else,

Someone who is looking like I am,

For that one connection, between a woman and man.

I wonder in today’s world,

For I am older now and I am not a boy and you are not a girl.

We have lived our lives, and been either divorced or a widower once, or twice.

The hardest part of growing old,

Is finding the energy and guts to be bold,

The boldness needed to make an approach,

Without, anyone being your coach.

I miss having a companion you see,

For she used to complete me.

If I was indecisive, she would push,

If i was too bold,

She would pull me back.

So many things she did, I doubt,

I can ever get back.

But one thing I can say,

The memories remain,

They stay in ones mind, and heart,

All the same.

We may not be able to find the same once again,

But we can start anew,

And we all deserve to do it, too!

Navigating Life After Loss: A Widow’s Perspective


Yesterday, I went to lunch with my sister. we discussed many things, from our childhood days, to the results as we grew, to good times and bad. It seems, no matter what, life does have it’s ups and downs folks, and each of us color our past, to be what we prefer.

We had five us of us siblings, and as we grew, we had fights, arguements and more among us. as most siblings will tell you, you survive them and you move on in life, and in the end, you always have at least one, your close to they say. Well, in my case it has always been my baby sister, the only girl in the family.

We were raised to be self-sufficient thats for sure. As Dad and Mom used to say, never depend on anyone elese they will fail you, usually when you need them most. So, we learned to stand alone and chug along at a good rate, steady and strong. As Mom used to say, keep moving, keep going, don’t stop, time is short. Good advice for all to Learn for sure. But, Dad, had the best advice, he said, “If you put your mind to it and stick to it, you can do anything and achieve it.” He knew what he was talking about, and his wisdom shows through in many wyas in my sister and myself.

As to the other three siblings, well, they went their own ways and did their own things. Each had their own problems and so did my sister and me. But, in the end, my sister and I turned fine. The othe rthree well, One is lost and lonely and estranged himself from the family at a young age. Another, died, at 30 due to drug use and aids. And the Baby of the family I do not know what happened to him. I know he is a fabulous artists when he draws. Wheithe rhe is happy or sad, well or not, he talks to no one, so I can’t be sure. Nor do I really know where he is, anymore.

It is amazing when you look back, how, each sibling and yourself change over the years and how you grow apart, and move on in life. Some stay seperate from each other as we have mostly, due to who we marry. Some stay close. But, in the end, we all live on and wonder at times, what went right or wrong in our past, don’t we?

Now I am 69, and old in my book, but some say not really. I did things in my life I never expected to do. I survived childhood and teenage years just fine, even through in pain at times and misery at other times.

My 20’s were a world of mystery at first of military days and marriage, and the birth of two daughters came next. Then a divorce, and a changing of circumstances came.

By, my mid-thirties, I wa single once more, on my own struggling to survive again. what I learned from my parents, kept me going as I struggled and made it through, to a second marriage. The first marriage lasted ten years and took two for the divorce to finish.

The Second marriage went well, no more children, but, a steady relationship of love and respect for twenty eight years. We took our marriage vows we wrote ourselves. In which we said we would learn from one another and grow together, we did. Afte rthe 28 years, together ended in my wife’s passing from breast cancer, I find myself alone and adrift once more. It’s now over 4 years since she passed, and I really haven’t dated much at all. I am alone and tire dof it really, but, I do not know how to date anymore or even to flirt anymore. LoL! When your in a long term relationship that ends suddenly, you realize you have no idea, how to date anymore or what to do to get back out there. So, I stay alone.

The real question, when one becomes a widow or widower like myself is, how long is long enough to grieve? How long does one wait, to go ok, enough can I go find someone again? My answer has been, for each of us wheither male or female it is different, depending on the emotional attachment we had and the respect we wish to show for the one we lost. if I am wrong about that, then, so be it, but it is how I see it.

So, somewhere out there is a lady for me, but, I stop short of asking anyone out and avoid it. Maybe it’sa trust thing, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s noy being confident enough to say, want to go to dinne ror a movie or something. I don’t know. I just know alone is how I stay for now, untill I hit that stage of beingbrave enough to try once more. I know I am far from perfect, and I expect most are on both side of the genders, so to say. I do know to make things work in any relationship you want, you have to respect who you are with, be attracted to that person. and be able to compromise, to keep it all alive. So, I only hope is all.

So I question myself all the time,on that issue. Am I able and capable, will someone say yes if I ask or not? Should I, or Shouldn’t I? I wavier, and wander and wonder. I guess at some point, taking a chance is all one can do. Yet, at 69 years old, the real question is do I want to?

Coping with Loss: Embracing Memories and Grief


August has arrived folks, and the summer of 2025 is quickly passing by, soon enough it will be fall and then winter once again. Time does not stop for anything as we all know, it barrells on ahead and we age as it does. One thing mankind does is adapt to each day, it’s climate, it’s passing, it’s heat or cold, or rain or snow so to say. I have said to many people, over my years, there are things that never change the passing of time is one, and the battle between Mother Nature and Father Time is indeed eternal. That is a love affair locked into place for eternity for sure.

Well, August to me, is a time to look forward to cooling temperatures, fairer climates and of course memories. I say this because it has always been the fall months where things change in my book. When I talk change, people come and go in our life’s folks and it seems fall is when most of that happens for me. I hate seeing old friends disappear or pass, I hate seeing the loss of people for any reason. But, I know at some point the same will happen for me and I am aware of it more each day that goes by. I think all of us, are in some way, even though we try our best to ignore it or push it aside.

I have had plenty of losses in my life and I must admit that some are more important that others of course, Friends may come and go, and even pass away, but no loss is greater than when one losses a loved one. We all lose our parents eventually as we all know, and that loss or losses as you may refer to them, is painful and devastating enough as it goes. Some lose children and that must be the a very devasating lose for sure. Yet, for me, the biggest loss in my life was my wife of 28 years, in August of 2021, on the 10th of that month. It devasated me, it brought me to my knees, and caused me to reevaluate myself and my life and what I did not wish to put up with anymore. I also had to learn to live alone once more, after 28 years of a great marriage.

Today, is August 2nd, 2025, on this date in 2021, I was hospicing my wife at home, with the help of my sister. It would be an experience that made me cry daily, plead for it to be over daily, and at the same time, hope it would not end. But, as we all know, the eventual time does come and we lose the one we loved the most. When it did, I was lost, I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or how to make it through it all. If it were not for my sister, I would have never made it.

I can remember the final thing I said to my wife and what she said in return. I bent over her in bed and kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. And at the time I didn’t think she could reply, but, she did saying she loved me in return. A few days later, I went in to check on her again, and I knew it was close to the end, and I could tell. I bent over her once more kissed her forehead and I told her to stop holding on, to let go, and go join her parents, grandparents and her son, who had passed before her. I knew she was suffering being unable to eat, drink or talk or move anymore, from the cancer that she had. I just wanted her to pass and be out of pain.

The hardest thing to do, once she passed was to call and report her death, to the authorities. The waiting for them to come and take her away was the hardest to do. I can clearly remember when they finally arrived, as I let them into our home, I told them, I couldn’t watch. I walked out into the driveway and around the side of the house and did not go back in till they were gone. She was gone, but, I could not look at her being taken away. I did not want her to go.

Now it will be four years since she passed on August 10th, soon. as I write this, I cry, because i miss her warmth, her kindness, her intelligence and her companionship. I miss having her to laugh with, to go out with, to even watch tv with. The trips, the outings, the silly things and the serious things we shared. I stop and think of all of it. The shows, the movies, the plays we went to, the dinners we cooked and served together. Our life was not perfect together, but, one thing I can honestly say, is, I miss her each night and day. I wish to God she was here today. yet, I have the 28 years of memories, that well up, when I am alone or I see a reminder of all of it out there. I remember, what she said to her daughter one day, when they were discussing me, before she couldn’t anymore. She looked at her daughter and told her, Bill will be ok, when I pass, why, because he is a realist, he accepts things as they are and deals with it all, in the proper way. Time has proven her correct, in many ways, and for that I shall always love her. I write this today, because I know, I will try to push through the next 8 days and make it pass as fast as I can. It for me is now the hardest time of my life each year. And writting is how I express my grief, my pain, my sorrow, my loss and sometimes my loves and joys too.

I thank God, for the day I met my Melinda and the dances we shared. The romance we shared and the love we had. she saved me, and I her. We did indeed live up to our Wedding Vows, They stated, we would marry to learn from one another and to grow together, we did it so, so well!

Aging Gracefully: Vital Tips for Health and Happiness


As I age, I am finding things that I didn’t know could affect me. First is how I eat and what I eat. Diet and how much is important. I find I need more fruits and veggies as I age and less junk food. I also am finding what I eat affects my energy levels and how I feel each day.

Exercise is another thing. If I walk some, I feel better. Stretching my legs and keeping moving helps. If I tend to stop and lay around I feel worse. S0, movement is vital as I age. To help on this point I took up bowling normally twice a week now one day in a Senior League and the other with some friends, I made, where I live. Yet in the end, it helps, but, still I find there are some other things, I need to do, to keep going, as I age.

Reading is vital, whether for education purposes or for entertainment and pleasure. The mind is a terrible thing to waste was an old saying I heard long ago as a child. I still believe in that one folks. The more you know, the more you can protect yourself and advance yourself and your pleasures. Seems, to me all need to remember these things as we age, for when we fall off the cliff, so to say on any of the above, we tend to slowly go downhill in the life we live so to say. Our way of life and how we live it effects us in all ways. If we slow or do not engage mind and body, we lose the functions at times, and we begin to deteriotate as we go along.

I face the above possibilities, greater than most, being a Disabled Veteran. I suffer from back injuries of 6 herniated discs in my spine, PTSD also in two forms from childhood and service. How do I overcome, well I push through pain, or mental anguish, and look for a horizon of blue skies and smiles and laughter. We can’t always find such blue skies and laughter, so we must at times create them on our own to keep going. I am now 69 years old and live in a 55 plus community and I have seen others, older than me, who are happier than I, for sure. I just want to live my senior years I have left being engaged, participating in life and laughter if I can. As I told my mother when I was a child, when I do die, I hope it will be with a smile and some laughter on my lips.

The next problem with aging is a simple one folks. It is the loneliness factor many of us feel as we get older. We tend to isolate more, engage less and find ourselves spending more time alone than ever before in our lives. We read more, we do things like walking alone, we build puzzles and try to entertain ourselves more. We also as we age, tend to avoid others, who tell us to shut up, or calm down, or stop laughing. we avoid those who don’t like us for whatever reason, or who we dislike due to their actions or words. Now I know many say, I am wrong for doing so and I should just let these comments roll off my back and just keep going instead. But, for me, like I think, many others, if I can’t be me, and laugh, talk and enjoy, I am not staying in that crowd. I don’t care about the reason someone says for me to shut up, calm down, or don’t laugh, I just know, if I can’t do these things, I feel out of sorts and like I am not wanted in said groups.

I have said this before to others and I shall say it here and now, I am me, who else can I be? We are the accumilation of our experiences in life. Each of us react the way we do, due to what we have lived through. We enter each situation with the prior experiences we have and what worked for us in each situation. we reach back mentally and emotionally, look at the present and react accordingly to the current place we find ourselves in, we protect ourselves in this way and that my friends is just a fact of human nature.

Under today’s society in America and our current culture, men and women, are very careful, parinoid and cautious. We do not want to be abused, taken avantage of as we age. Nor do we wish to be taken for the money we earned or as fools. Add in the current anger in the political climate, and in this country, that is currently festering and wham, we have a mess to live through and we do the best we can. Also as we age, if you are divorced, or widowed, you tend to compare who you meet, to whom you had prior in your life, as your partner, wife or husband. When they don’t live up to those standards, styles or ways, you tend to walk away, going not for me. So, in the end ladies and gents, we end up alone, because we are unwilling to accept people who are different. So life tends to get lonelier as you age. It’s a fact, especially if you are a widow or widower. You spent many years with the person you lost, it was comfortable, it was loving. So, you tend to seek someone that is as close to what you had before. And as I can tell you, no two people are the same, so it it like Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible! These are just my thoughts and ideas and beliefs on May 9th, 2025. I wish all the best, i always do.

Reflections on Childhood vs. Today’s Digital Society


Friday April 25th, 2025 is upon us! As the year goes along the weather has been up and down folks, rainy, then clear, chilly then warm. It is typical for New England herein Massachuetts.

Anyway, let discuss electronics. As we all know and see daily, no one goes anywhere today without a cell phone, computers are practically in every home in america and as gaming consoles. They call these improvements to society. Well, I question that really and I am now 69 years old, and live alone and I have the big tv, the Xbox, Computers and yes a cell phone too. Why do I question it I am asked when I say, this? Well my answer is, the cell phones, the computers, the gaming consoles and even the tvs, isolate hmans from one another. We have begun to rely on each device in our own ways, and that, pulls us away from humanity in it’s own way, making thing more impersonal between us.

I was born in 1956 folks, which simple additionand subtraction would tell anyone. When I grew up, we had land lines for phone, no cell phones. We had tubed tvs, computers were not here, and gaming consoles were not around. We were told go outside and play, have fun, but come home for supper, and definitely get home before the street lights came on. We played games like, 1,2,3 Red Light, Tag, and sports. We roller skated, rode sleds in the winter, went to parks. Yes we found friends that way in person, we navigated through, and found people we actually liked to hang with. What happened to America, I am not sure.

When Iwa s a kid, you screwed up at home or out on the streets you paid a price. Mom would smack ya on the head or ass and ground ya. Or if the offense was bad enough, dad would step in and ya would get a beating. Today we lve in society where all of that is frowned upon and illegal. And what we get for results are ignorant, angry, nasty kids. we get more narracistic kids, too. We get more kids into drugs and alcohol also as they look for excitment, to occupy their time. Instea dof controlling their kids, parents these days let them run wild and very seldom know exactly where their children are or what they are doing. Thus, we end up witha society that lacks manners, ethics and morals, we grew up with in my generation.

What happened to, saying Thank You, Your Welcome, May I, Please? Or can I join in? what happened to trying to fit in, instead of trying to take over? Anothe rproblem I have seen as I age, is simple, folks don’t seem to undersatnd a basic fact, Ilearned in the Service, respect one another, and remember before you can be a leader folks, you have to be a good follower. By following you learn.

I noticed changes that happend in the 1980’s, when Bil Cosby had his tv show. He told everyone, you don’t hit your children, you talk to them. Well, that, doesn’t always work folks, as we all know. Then in the 1990s, I noticed more anger, more cliques and more seperations in society happening. The Republicans began their seperation from all, and things got meaner.Politically, I blame that mess, on the Democrats for not interacting and allowing it all to happen.

By the 2000’s Americans have begun lazier, more rude and antisocial. Our interactions now happen in bars/ taverns, clubs, then any where else. Dating has become online and all electronic now. Profiles are written which lie or are fake, people use fake photographs and build themselves up to be someone they arent’ to get attention. Also, there is more fear of narsacist, violence,stalking, and people out to grab your money or property. Then, we approach the biggest fear on dating sites these days, the constant questions about sexual interactions, on dates. If sex is mentioned on a first dtae, thats it for me, I am out. I was always taught, that happens as a relationship develops not instantly. So you can see the differences in society also in the stores and malls too. Parents take their kids shopping and the children get unruly, or run alone and off from their parent, or wnat everything they see. It’s sad that today’s generation doesn’t understand the word no, or you can’t. Greed comes into play, I want that, my friends have it. Peer pressure is strong in today’s society on our children, and today’s parents don’t see it. The kids do!

Then today on top of all the above changes in society, in schools and at home, even children have ahard time fitting in with one another. More fighting, arguing, happens then evever before. Anger, rules folks, and I don’t blame the children I blame the parents. Wake up folks, it’s up to the parents and adults to steer us back to calmer days once more. It will take decades, to once again, get back to an American Society that is warm, welcoming, patienent and interacting fully. There is no short term solution, to the job markets, economy, education, or lifestyle folks. We have lost so much, through the 1980s tp now, I wonder, Where did the United States I grew up in Go?

Navigating Holidays Alone: A Personal Journey


December 24th, 2024 has arrived, it is the beginning of Christmas Eve day for me. Outside it is 28 degrees here in Westborough, Mass. and snow is forecasted for today. As I look out my sliding door to my balcony, the skies are gray and overcast and it does look like snow shall be here soon enough.

As to the Holiday itself, I don’t do anything for it, anymore. Since I lost my wife in 2021, Christmas Eve and Day have become just another day for me. The normal is all I have now a days. I stay home, try to eat and drink properly and watch tv, read, and build my puzzle. Clean my home as I go, when needed. I go out these days only for certain things. 1) To see Doctors as needed. 2) Grocery shopping so I may eat. 3) Twice a week I play Mexican Train Dominos at the Clubhouse and on Monday evenings I play Billiards. While I enjoy playing them and the company of others while I do, I am cautious doing so. But, I do so, to just get out of my condo and in an attempt to be social is all. I am trying to fit in, like a square peg, in a round hole here, it is at times uncomfortable for me. Yet, it is an attempt, whether it will work or not is at times beyond my comprehension, yet at least I attempt.

At 68, soon to be 69, I have come to realize many thing regarding myself. I am not overly friendly to anyone. I try to keep a distance and not disturb others. Although invited to other’s homes, I do not attend, I hate imposing on people or being a burden to anyone, always have and will. I have never been a true social person, who interacts with others easily, I don’t have the charm, needed for that. No I am not a scrooge as some may say, nor am I really a loner, or wanderer, I just am very careful and more scared then anything. I get very melancholy on Holiday Season. I miss my wife who passed in 2021 and I am slowly trying to move on, yet, I find it hard. Is that wrong to say or do, I think not, after the 28 years I spent with her. Yes I know, I must learn to carry on without her, but my spirit remembers her too well to forget her too.

Anyway, the year is moving forward and time ticks on. Each day bring me closer to 69, and the New Year ahead. I am disappointed in the American people, because they voted Trump back in Office. I can’t change it, but it depresses me. How did the American People vote in a convicted felon as President and why? I shall never understand the logic behind it, and find it very disturbing that the American People, have fallen so low, as to do so. Yet, I face what may be my final years, living under a President who is a felon, and is being run by the likes of Elon Musk, Steve Bannon and Steven Miller. Having to live with it, will harm our place i the world, our economy and the mental health of the American People. yet, Americans chose this, so forward we go.

As a Senior citizen and a Disabled Veteran, I hope and pray we stay a Republic and Democracy, but, it does not look good for us. Sadly, I will never understand how we got here, but here we go. Trump wants to kill the Department of Education, Attack Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security and give more tax breaks to his rich cronies. he is threatening Mass Deportations and so much more. It seems to me, the American People have been conned by a con man and criminal. People fell for lies, and now the America I defended, protected, and love so well, is being taken over by a cult, led by Trump. In fact as many are now beginning to realize, Trump is not capable of running the country. It is being run and will be run by people like Elon Musk, and Steve Bannon and Steven Miller and the likes. Stop and think people, Trump is taking office at almost the same age that Biden is leaving it. Trump is physically and mentally in worse condition then Biden and will only get worse as his term goes on. You want the real scare of what is coming next, if I were you, I would pray trump hangs on till the end of his term, if not you get a President J.D. Vance, imagine that!

Ok enough politics. I have learned in my life that I must deal with what is, not what I wish. So, I go forward with a body that aches, and has it’s problems. The way I see it, I have overcome many things in my life, and at this point shall continue to do so. I believe, I am actually a miracle being in some ways. I overcame so much in my life. Seizures as a baby, Hyper-activity and attention deficit disorder were just the start for me. Battles with my mother over who my father was and where he was, got me put away for two years as a child, and she attempted to give me away three times through the state. Yet, I returned home. I overcame and persisted. By my teen years, I found a way to find my father on my own and did so, only to have a mother who had to get on her high horse and interfere anyway. After I met my father, mom found out and forced me to go back down there with her. By the end of that day, I faced my father a man who was in his fifties at the time, and scared shitless of my mother who was a whole 5ft 4 inches and 120 lbs. so, I told him, if he ever wanted to see me again, he had to make a stand and tell her, to leave him alone. He did in the end. and life moved on for me.

I served my country for 16 years in three military branches, Army, Army National Guard and Navy, and grew up there. I had no choice, I made the commitment so I lived it. I served Honorably and have a DD-214 to prove it too. I also, got injured, six herniated discs in my spine and live with them daily. I was married twice, had two daughters, my longest marriage was my second for 28 years. I did well I think, because I also went back to school and got a Associate’s Degree in Hotel Management, becoming the first in my family to do so. Two Honor Societies inducted me, Alpha Beta Gamma, and Phi Theta Gamma, not bad for a man who was 40 years old when it was done.

I have written many blogs such as this, many poems and lil stories made into small books online. I did what was right when mom died, and put her with her husband, helping my sister do so. I brought my dying wife home and hospiced her, till her death in 2021. So, I have tried very hard to do what I believed was right to all. I am not perfect, but I am smart enough to be respectful, and kind, and considerate as I go along. Whether the same consideration will be extended to me in my ending, I do not know, I only know, I had the drive to do so for others, I loved.

As, 2024 rolls now closer to it’s ending and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I shall keep going forward. I spend my holidays alone these days, and it doesn’t matter which holiday it is. I do not wish to impose, on or burden anyone in any way and I don’t. Alone is fine with me, I have my television, my internet and books and puzzles to keep me going and busy. I believe I am better off alone, than being taken advantage of by someone else in any way. As Christmas Eve gets underway, and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I Wish all a Very Merry Christmas! Remember, it is not about the material things you give or receive, it is about the time you spend with those who love you and that you love in return. And last but not least, I Wish all who read this, A Very Happy New Year, as 2025 comes rolling at us very soon. Happy Holidays to All !

Embracing New Beginnings in 2025


December 22nd, 2024, is upon us all. We have a few days left till Christmas Day, and people are rushing to the stores I say. As they do, I pray for you, that you all don’t get in each other’s way. Drive carefully out there will you please, and make it safely home, for the holidays.

I have been asked why, I stay alone on the holidays, it simple really you see, the holidays mean nothing to me. I have lost my grandparents, my parents and my wife to cancer, my children live over 500 miles away and so do my grandchildren. My sister God Bless her, is doing her things with friends, and personally I shall never impose on anyone or be a burden to anyone on a holiday or otherwise. Simple right, many don’t understand it though, but that’s ok with me.

I keep to myself, and I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and heat. I have all the lil electronic toys I need to play with too. I build puzzles, read books, watch television and movies and play on the internet is all. In my mind and heart, my children and grandchildren and sister are all better off without me to drag them down. So, by myself I shall stay, until my dying day.

As Christmas gets closer each day, I use the NFL and NBA to watch and keep my mind busy, I read books and relax. I have food and heat and a place of my own, my 956 square feet condo is my home. I moved here, so I must accept what I choose to do. The Complex is ok, the people are too, I ignore the rude and crude, the impolite and I shall survive well past New Year’s night. I turn 69 in January, of 2025, and I face my health problems as most my age do. I suffer from a bad back, PTSD, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes too. yet, I still march on in life and do what I can do.

I feel I have had a full life so far, my service years, my two marriages. all kept me going. Homes I had to care for, and people too, I think I did my best, can you say that too? It’s been a decent life for me really. I am a lucky man in many ways, I just know I miss my wife and our happier days. It’s not unusual for a man who is a widower at almost 69 to say so, it is hard for some to hear. But for me, I say, do not worry or cray a tear, for soon we all shall face the New Year. 8 days left to 2024, and onward I go to a New Year once more. I shall be fine, I shall be well, and if I am not, oh well. I did my thing, and did it my way, I have no fear or worry about yesterday. I did what was right for those I loved, I cared when I should and now they are all up above. I am alone and on my own, but, I know I shall survive, no matter what, for now, it’s a feeling in my gut. Full life i have lived and I have always found a way to smile and give.

I am working on building a Singles Group for the Condo complex here and at the same time, trying to get on The Veteran’s Board for the town too. The idea is simple for the Single’s Group, I figured many single women here and some single men, see if I can make them at least mingle and have fun. As to the Veteran’s Board position, as a 16 year disabled Veteran I believe i can help them understand what the Veteran’s need in town, and as someone else said, we need to be represented on the board for our complex. Time shall tell if it works out for me.

My thoughts on 2025 are simple. A new year, a new beginning and onward we go. As to politics, I can’t change the election results, and have to live with it. I pray we survive the next four years, I am sure we shall, we survived it before. I hope for no wars, help for the poor, and health for all mankind. I try to keep a hopeful outlook on all I see, and hope it all works out for you and me.

Merry Christmas to All and To ALL A Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Looking Back, Still here!


Saturday March 23rd, 2024, began for me at 5:30 Am, when I awoke. Chilly outside at this time 23 degrees and we are now in spring, yet it has ceased to actually have sprung, it seems. It, seems to be a morning for me of reflections and thoughts of the past mostly. I stop at times to think of my childhood, and growing up the way I did, under the circumstances my parents had and all my siblings and I.

We were never a rich family, and my step-father and my mother both worked all their lives , practically. Dad was a Machinist, who worked in a factory and mom a Nurse’s Aid, they both worked mostly the second shift 3 pm to 11 pm. To save money my elder brother would babysit us in the evening, until I was old enough to take over. He went off into the sports world playing any sport he could to escape, and I ended up the babysitter for my two younger brothers and my sister. I used to have to rush home everyday from High School to be there, when they left for work. Until, I hit a point in time, I met girls and made friends in the town we lived in. Then I basically escaped too. But, I always was forced to help dad rebuild the home, and the stone wall we had. I had to fight with my younger brother, who was mad as hell at dad for beating us and mistreating us, and he went after his younger siblings, until I stopped him. It was a position of older brother and protector I was forced into for a while and learned things from.

Eventually, I had enough and got fed up with it all and by my Junior Year of High School I quit school, got a job, and paid my parents a rent to live home. At one point I had blow-up with Dad and he threw me out into the street, clothes and all in a snow storm, I ended up in the YMCA, for a couple of years. I did The U.S. Army for about 6 months and got a trainee discharge, but, joined the National Guard. Did that for a few years, and then joined the Navy, for a good 12 years.

I was married the first time for 12 years, the last two separated from my wife and daughters and came home. My first wife I met in the Navy and it was a decent marriage until her past came back to haunt her. Once ethe divorce became final, I floundered some and move around, from the YMCA, to a apartment in a basement of someone’s building who gave me a break on the rent. I used to hang out in a friend’s apartment at times and at the Dunkin Doughnuts in town. Then I started looking for a way to start my life over, I was lonely. So I started going to Single’s Dances at a Tavern in a different town.

That’s where I met my second wife, who was really the love of my life. She was 16 years older than I, smart, pretty, a sense of humor and a lady I will love forever. We hooked dup on that dance floor first, dated some for the summer and by fall she invited me to move in with her. I did. We stayed together from there on for the next 28 years, in two different homes in two different cities. Our life was a quiet one for 28 years as we worked at first untilI couldn’t anymore due to Naval Injuries, and then lived off my disabilities and out social securities until she died. We paid off the home we had and we would always go to visit her kid, he family and the only one I saw was my sister now and then.

I was fine, because my family was never close. Then in 2005, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and the battle to keep her alive began. Doctor’s, tests, prescriptions and then ultimately chemo and radiation, until she went into remission. Then, I got lung cancer in 2013, and had a lobe and a third of my lung removed, no chemo or radiation needed and survived. Then her breast cancer returned, and the treatments came back, taking her back and forth all the time. COVID hit and she had to suffer thru the treatments on her own for a few months until they let me in with her. Then COVID restraints were lifted and we kept her on them steady. Finally at one point the Doctors told us the treatments were not working for her anymore and dher cancer was advancing, she opted to go to Immunno therapy then. I had no say, because it was the last resort for her and she knew it.

Immuno Theraphy it was for a year or so,until they shut her off and I was pushing her in a wheel chair to the Doctors each week for check-ups. She recovered some and was able at one point to be as close to normal as she could and even walked around the house and such. It was almost normal in all ways. Then, one night it was bedtime, I looked at her and said lets go to bed, she said no, she was staying in my recliner that nite. I went up to bed and went to sleep, till 3 am, when I heard the walls banging. I rushed downstairs, and found her, on the floor in the doorway to the bathroom. She had fallen and hit her head, I got her up and into a chair and tried to check her, but, she wasn’t well. I then told her I was calling an ambulance she refused and told me to call her daughter. I did, but, that only delayed me calling the ambulance and off to the hospital we went. We went through her hospitalization the first time halfway decent, took her two months to get back home after a stay in a rehab facility. I visited her daily, talking to her, watching TV with her, staying with her all I could. Then, she came home for a while once more for about a month.

One night we were atching television together, and she slumped to one side in her chair. I asked her why she was slumping, she said she didn’r know and I knew she wasn’t right. I called an ambulance again and off we went to the Emergency Room. They admitted her, treated her for two weeks the best they could then sent her off to a new Rehab in Hartford. For a month I drove there each day, spending time with her as she tried to recover once more, until a doctor came in and told her and I they were transferring her back to the rehab near our home. What I didn’t know and learned at that time was her cancer has spread to her bones and blood stream and brain and she has a small tumor in her brain. I was hocked and scarred now, but I stayed strong for her, the best I could.

My wife knew she was dying, at that point, and tried to fight back the best she could. I stayed with her, and tried to feed her the best I could,watch TV with her, talk to her all I could. But, by now it was the beggining of July of 2021, and she was fading fast. I came in one day in late July to find her trying to eat an durable to get the food to her mouth, so I fed her and went to see the Aministrator of the Rehab. I asked why she wasn’t being fed, and was upset. The Administrator looked at me and told me they are doing what they could. I asked how much longer her medicaid would cover and was told three more days. I called in Hospice and set her up to come home in two days.

The Hospice team set up a bed and equipment for her in our home and she came home to me, on July 29th, 2021. If ed her, hired a nurse to clean her daily and did the best I could. I had my sister come help me with her and tried to get her daughter too come and help. In the end, we did all we could for my wife, I know I did, On August 1oth, 2021, the nurse came to clean her, and told me she would not touch her. I asked why and she said, she had seen this stage before and my wife was on her way out. The nurse stayed for her hour I paid for and then left, 20minutes later, my wife passed. The cancer had won and I had lost. I still remember I had kissed her forehead and told her I loved her, and her last words to me were she loved me too.

Ten days later, we buried my wife, and I said my final goodbye to her by her grave as I cried. After 16 years of her fighting cancer rit was over, she was finally at rest. Thank God for that, for she had suffered bravely for those 16 years. As to me, I had to go on, which meant, selling all in the house and the house and getting out of it myself. My sister helped me thru it all and I stayed with her till I could find a place of my own, in another town and state nearer to her. Now a days, I live in a 956 ft. condo in Massachuetts, by myself, I am lonely at times and sometimes find myself reminising and looking back. I miss her everyday and I know she can’t come back and I can not reach her either. So I struggle at times, and push through the best I can, it will be three years in August of this year 2024. As to what happens to me, I do not know, I go day by day and push through the best I can, living in a 55 plus community in strange town, but, I am still here. The question is for how long and what is next ?