Tag: holidays

Navigating Holidays Alone: A Personal Journey


December 24th, 2024 has arrived, it is the beginning of Christmas Eve day for me. Outside it is 28 degrees here in Westborough, Mass. and snow is forecasted for today. As I look out my sliding door to my balcony, the skies are gray and overcast and it does look like snow shall be here soon enough.

As to the Holiday itself, I don’t do anything for it, anymore. Since I lost my wife in 2021, Christmas Eve and Day have become just another day for me. The normal is all I have now a days. I stay home, try to eat and drink properly and watch tv, read, and build my puzzle. Clean my home as I go, when needed. I go out these days only for certain things. 1) To see Doctors as needed. 2) Grocery shopping so I may eat. 3) Twice a week I play Mexican Train Dominos at the Clubhouse and on Monday evenings I play Billiards. While I enjoy playing them and the company of others while I do, I am cautious doing so. But, I do so, to just get out of my condo and in an attempt to be social is all. I am trying to fit in, like a square peg, in a round hole here, it is at times uncomfortable for me. Yet, it is an attempt, whether it will work or not is at times beyond my comprehension, yet at least I attempt.

At 68, soon to be 69, I have come to realize many thing regarding myself. I am not overly friendly to anyone. I try to keep a distance and not disturb others. Although invited to other’s homes, I do not attend, I hate imposing on people or being a burden to anyone, always have and will. I have never been a true social person, who interacts with others easily, I don’t have the charm, needed for that. No I am not a scrooge as some may say, nor am I really a loner, or wanderer, I just am very careful and more scared then anything. I get very melancholy on Holiday Season. I miss my wife who passed in 2021 and I am slowly trying to move on, yet, I find it hard. Is that wrong to say or do, I think not, after the 28 years I spent with her. Yes I know, I must learn to carry on without her, but my spirit remembers her too well to forget her too.

Anyway, the year is moving forward and time ticks on. Each day bring me closer to 69, and the New Year ahead. I am disappointed in the American people, because they voted Trump back in Office. I can’t change it, but it depresses me. How did the American People vote in a convicted felon as President and why? I shall never understand the logic behind it, and find it very disturbing that the American People, have fallen so low, as to do so. Yet, I face what may be my final years, living under a President who is a felon, and is being run by the likes of Elon Musk, Steve Bannon and Steven Miller. Having to live with it, will harm our place i the world, our economy and the mental health of the American People. yet, Americans chose this, so forward we go.

As a Senior citizen and a Disabled Veteran, I hope and pray we stay a Republic and Democracy, but, it does not look good for us. Sadly, I will never understand how we got here, but here we go. Trump wants to kill the Department of Education, Attack Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security and give more tax breaks to his rich cronies. he is threatening Mass Deportations and so much more. It seems to me, the American People have been conned by a con man and criminal. People fell for lies, and now the America I defended, protected, and love so well, is being taken over by a cult, led by Trump. In fact as many are now beginning to realize, Trump is not capable of running the country. It is being run and will be run by people like Elon Musk, and Steve Bannon and Steven Miller and the likes. Stop and think people, Trump is taking office at almost the same age that Biden is leaving it. Trump is physically and mentally in worse condition then Biden and will only get worse as his term goes on. You want the real scare of what is coming next, if I were you, I would pray trump hangs on till the end of his term, if not you get a President J.D. Vance, imagine that!

Ok enough politics. I have learned in my life that I must deal with what is, not what I wish. So, I go forward with a body that aches, and has it’s problems. The way I see it, I have overcome many things in my life, and at this point shall continue to do so. I believe, I am actually a miracle being in some ways. I overcame so much in my life. Seizures as a baby, Hyper-activity and attention deficit disorder were just the start for me. Battles with my mother over who my father was and where he was, got me put away for two years as a child, and she attempted to give me away three times through the state. Yet, I returned home. I overcame and persisted. By my teen years, I found a way to find my father on my own and did so, only to have a mother who had to get on her high horse and interfere anyway. After I met my father, mom found out and forced me to go back down there with her. By the end of that day, I faced my father a man who was in his fifties at the time, and scared shitless of my mother who was a whole 5ft 4 inches and 120 lbs. so, I told him, if he ever wanted to see me again, he had to make a stand and tell her, to leave him alone. He did in the end. and life moved on for me.

I served my country for 16 years in three military branches, Army, Army National Guard and Navy, and grew up there. I had no choice, I made the commitment so I lived it. I served Honorably and have a DD-214 to prove it too. I also, got injured, six herniated discs in my spine and live with them daily. I was married twice, had two daughters, my longest marriage was my second for 28 years. I did well I think, because I also went back to school and got a Associate’s Degree in Hotel Management, becoming the first in my family to do so. Two Honor Societies inducted me, Alpha Beta Gamma, and Phi Theta Gamma, not bad for a man who was 40 years old when it was done.

I have written many blogs such as this, many poems and lil stories made into small books online. I did what was right when mom died, and put her with her husband, helping my sister do so. I brought my dying wife home and hospiced her, till her death in 2021. So, I have tried very hard to do what I believed was right to all. I am not perfect, but I am smart enough to be respectful, and kind, and considerate as I go along. Whether the same consideration will be extended to me in my ending, I do not know, I only know, I had the drive to do so for others, I loved.

As, 2024 rolls now closer to it’s ending and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I shall keep going forward. I spend my holidays alone these days, and it doesn’t matter which holiday it is. I do not wish to impose, on or burden anyone in any way and I don’t. Alone is fine with me, I have my television, my internet and books and puzzles to keep me going and busy. I believe I am better off alone, than being taken advantage of by someone else in any way. As Christmas Eve gets underway, and tomorrow is Christmas Day, I Wish all a Very Merry Christmas! Remember, it is not about the material things you give or receive, it is about the time you spend with those who love you and that you love in return. And last but not least, I Wish all who read this, A Very Happy New Year, as 2025 comes rolling at us very soon. Happy Holidays to All !

Embracing New Beginnings in 2025


December 22nd, 2024, is upon us all. We have a few days left till Christmas Day, and people are rushing to the stores I say. As they do, I pray for you, that you all don’t get in each other’s way. Drive carefully out there will you please, and make it safely home, for the holidays.

I have been asked why, I stay alone on the holidays, it simple really you see, the holidays mean nothing to me. I have lost my grandparents, my parents and my wife to cancer, my children live over 500 miles away and so do my grandchildren. My sister God Bless her, is doing her things with friends, and personally I shall never impose on anyone or be a burden to anyone on a holiday or otherwise. Simple right, many don’t understand it though, but that’s ok with me.

I keep to myself, and I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and heat. I have all the lil electronic toys I need to play with too. I build puzzles, read books, watch television and movies and play on the internet is all. In my mind and heart, my children and grandchildren and sister are all better off without me to drag them down. So, by myself I shall stay, until my dying day.

As Christmas gets closer each day, I use the NFL and NBA to watch and keep my mind busy, I read books and relax. I have food and heat and a place of my own, my 956 square feet condo is my home. I moved here, so I must accept what I choose to do. The Complex is ok, the people are too, I ignore the rude and crude, the impolite and I shall survive well past New Year’s night. I turn 69 in January, of 2025, and I face my health problems as most my age do. I suffer from a bad back, PTSD, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes too. yet, I still march on in life and do what I can do.

I feel I have had a full life so far, my service years, my two marriages. all kept me going. Homes I had to care for, and people too, I think I did my best, can you say that too? It’s been a decent life for me really. I am a lucky man in many ways, I just know I miss my wife and our happier days. It’s not unusual for a man who is a widower at almost 69 to say so, it is hard for some to hear. But for me, I say, do not worry or cray a tear, for soon we all shall face the New Year. 8 days left to 2024, and onward I go to a New Year once more. I shall be fine, I shall be well, and if I am not, oh well. I did my thing, and did it my way, I have no fear or worry about yesterday. I did what was right for those I loved, I cared when I should and now they are all up above. I am alone and on my own, but, I know I shall survive, no matter what, for now, it’s a feeling in my gut. Full life i have lived and I have always found a way to smile and give.

I am working on building a Singles Group for the Condo complex here and at the same time, trying to get on The Veteran’s Board for the town too. The idea is simple for the Single’s Group, I figured many single women here and some single men, see if I can make them at least mingle and have fun. As to the Veteran’s Board position, as a 16 year disabled Veteran I believe i can help them understand what the Veteran’s need in town, and as someone else said, we need to be represented on the board for our complex. Time shall tell if it works out for me.

My thoughts on 2025 are simple. A new year, a new beginning and onward we go. As to politics, I can’t change the election results, and have to live with it. I pray we survive the next four years, I am sure we shall, we survived it before. I hope for no wars, help for the poor, and health for all mankind. I try to keep a hopeful outlook on all I see, and hope it all works out for you and me.

Merry Christmas to All and To ALL A Happy and Prosperous New Year!

My Thoughts,On The Holiday Season !


The last Christmas, I had with my wife, I took her to her daughters and sat in the background as she talked, and chatted with her ex-husband’s widow and her own daughter and her grandkids. I sat in the livingroom on the couch, and played video games on my cell phone is all. The same took place when we went to her sister’s across the state from where we lived in Connecticut, for the 28 years I was with her. On Christmas Eve I would go to my sisters and exchange presents with her and her man. Watch a movie and pack it in and go home. So Holidays to me, never were fun and never will be, but, since she passed in 2021, I find it hard to celebrate at all.

 It has now been 28 months since she passed from cancer and I hospiced her. I worked overtime, selling all I owned when she passed, and sold the home we had also. I moved north to Massachusetts, and bought a condo up here. I thought it wasa good iswa because i would be closer to my sister. Yet, that changed fast, once she found a new man in her life and moved away. I have been alone now for a pretty good amount of time, no one to really talk to, or be with, just me. I play billards oncea week with some people here at the condos I live in on Monday evenings. Other than that, I am alone, and walk, or read, build puzzles and watch television or movies as I go. I walk a mall near me some days, just to get out of my condo for a while. I shop for food as needed and go to doctors or dentists is all, otherwise. Meeting someone is not apossibility for me, as far as romance goes, because i do not like bars or taverns, so I stay home. At 67 going on 68 I have no plans to join a gym either. So at times, I wonder what I can do, to keep going, day, by day. As I see it, I would go stir crazy if it were not for the NFL, NBA, on tv, or the Billards Club on Monday evenings once a week.

 I don’t do resturants on my own, some people do, but, alone is uncomfortable for me. I tried doing breakfast alone this past week and ended up eating, alone and basically coming home. I find the people in Westborough, Mass here, very cold toward people my age. Ageism in modern america is a large factor, but, it seems even more so here. I am not sure, anyway, if I am able to handle it, if i did meet someone. I shy away and avoid talking to most, I am very aware of my age, and know most women are married and taken, in my age group. Finding a woman in my age range is impossible here in Westborough, Mass. all are younger or married it seems, or I have no idea where to find any to meet and talk to. I am lost in attempting it. When you were married for 28 years, you get set in your ways, and the whole dating scene has changed to, dating sites anyway. It’s a different world out there for sure. Dating sites cost money and most don’t work anyway, women are scarred in todays society and personally, I am too.

 So my Christmas will be one alone, at home, reading, watching tv, walking, building a puzzle and playing either video games or writing blogs like this one. New Year’s wil be the same too, there are going to be events at the clubhouse here where i live in my condos, but I do not attend them, for I feel out of place and strange when I do. It’s very uncomfortable for me, so I stay home alone. I am very aware of my age, my lack of looks and that many don’t like me here. So, I am better off alone. Whether i can keep going alone is the only question I face, and for how long I can last. There are times when I get depressed feel alone, and down, and think about what to do, I have even thought of ending it and joining my wife. Yet at the moments and times those thoughts hit me, I seem to be able to pass through it and survive. I know I am facing the hardest part of the year for me, right now, these Holidays. The hardest time is now upon me the final days of 2023 and New Years Day. I have to mak eit through alone now, and it will bea struggle. I will keep day by day, thinking one thing, survive.

 

 

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year


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        The snow has fallen this year already, the season of the Holidays is now upon us all. It is time for love, laughter, joy and giving and helping other to keep on living! Please remember what i always tell so many others, Christmas is about giving, loving and enjoying the ones you love, not about what you receive. The roads may get icey and the fields covered in white and the sun may set early all on Christmas Eve Night. But through it all comes a man in a  sleigh, he Ho Ho Hos almost all the way to bring children some delight. It’s all about the hugs and the kisses not the things one misses, it family and love you see. So as we all settle in for Christmas Holidays and soon to be the New Year, lets do it with laughter, lets do it with love, lets do it with care, for the ones of whom we share our loves.  

       From my home to yours I send these wishes, May your Holiday Season be filled with Joy, Peace and Love, and May each and everyone of you who read this remember, The Holiday Season of Christmas is about Faith, Beliefs, Caring and Sharing, and then it is followed by a New Years Beginning, 2014 is a coming fast, so Happy New Year to all and may your New Year beat the bad ones in your past!

Black Friday Sales/ Holidays/


       Black Friday the rush to buy things on sale is happening across America! People are shopping til they be dropping for Christmas Presents! It becomes a crazy time this Black Friday weekend. Yet some Americans like myself will not be spending as much as last year or anything at all this year. Times are rough, no jobs available, or no ability to work anymore like me, disabled in more than one way at a time. Yet, Christmas Season hits every year and I struggle on through it, because it is a Holiday and everyone else loves it, so I will never ruin someone else”s holiday. So I continue on, even after 57 years to do the Holidays for the loved ones in my family never for me. My Christmas times, have always depressed me, for it is when no one watches the poor or wretched or cares for them, they are too busy with family and friends, while some have no one. So to me, Christmas is no big deal, no big smiles, no big laughter or anything else, just a day people celebrate for the wrong reasons and it’s been monetized and commercialized so much it’s crazy. Does anyone really remember the real Christmas. the one where the simple present or visit would do? I guess not, for today it’s not the we society anymore, it the me society, me, me, me and the hell with you, I got mine! Sad huh!

        So to remember earlier, simpler times in my life, I wrote three Christmas tales as short stories for all to see and read and placed them on Amazon’s Kindle E-books for sale —–

“Three Christmas Tales for All!”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GOZO6XC

My Three Christmas Tales of Past Holidays for all to read and enjoy.

 

You can comment or review them when your done, Thank You for reading my blog!

PS: My latest story I am writing I have called it The Hanging is in progress and the name may change but I am working on it currently adding twists and more as I go along, now over 7 chapters long and 7,000 words long and growing!

 

My Religious Thoughts/ My Beliefs


      I received a comment today on a piece I wrote about Jesus and The Bible, claiming I only skirted the issue and know very little about religion or Jesus Christ. I never said I was an authority on this subject, just that I was expressing my views on it and why I chose not to be dedicated to it or attend church on a weekly basis or even holidays of the church. I find it interesting that a reader would send a comment such as the one, I got. It means to me, that someone was reading and it hit a sore spot in their beliefs and they decided to comment. Good for you!

       As I said before and I shall say again, religion is a choice, some choose to follow and dedicate themselves to and others do not. Religion to me is not the full commitment to a church or a certain religion, it is an internal belief you carry with you daily in your heart, mind and soul. ,yet you do not need a Paster, a Preacher, a Priest to tell you to believe, or to give penance or how to pray. Nor do you have to pay for a religion to build a church, please read your own Bibles if you think I am wrong, one of the first things it does say is, God sees and hears all, no matter where you are!

      Jesus is a figure in time, who was made into a Savior by the Disciples surrounding him and believing in the way he lived and wanted to live. Yet research will show you the man in mortal form had his own faults just like me and you. His story resounds the way it does, because of the portrayal put into pictures and words, not because it is the truth. If you create a church and want a pack of people to follow you, you must have a strong symbol they can worship and believe in.

        The Bible itself, with each chapter and verse is a long tale of creation, exodus, and saving. Each chapter or book is written by a different man, a human being, the imperfections of it can be found if you study it closely. Now I can not say if the events, people or places and times are correct, but I can say this, as a writer and story-teller it is easy to see how the story could be handed down generation to generation to get it completed and accepted by churches world-wide.  Ever wonder how or why we have two versions alone just in the Christian Faith, never mind what the Muslims have and believe, or the Hindus, or the Jews. Why is that so, and where did they all come from? So many stories are written on Jesus, and the times of his life. The stories alone of the creation of the world and the powers it took to create it, well, you can see what I am getting to.

       To the person or persons who made their comment on what I wrote I give you this as my answer, I lived the Catholic Faith from birth to the age of 12 years old. I was baptised, I made my Communion, and Confirmation and went to Sunday School and read my bible many times over. Religion is still a choice, not a forced item in world and American culture. We choose what we believe because it is indeed a constitutional right in America. I tire of people who believe and then force their religion on others or attempt to do so, it is wrong. So please don’t come in my direction telling me I don’t understand religion, Jesus or the Bible, because I do very well. Step back yourself and question your own beliefs and make sure you are right enough to believe them yourself, before you try to force them on another.

       The Catholic Church and many other Religions do not allow women Priest or Paster and that in and of itself is wrong also in my book. Mother Mary could have preached and I believe had her own book for the bible which the Catholic Church disallowed in theirs. Sadly, the simple act of not allowing female Priests or Preachers is wrong, for God Created all Men Equal and that includes women.

         Yes I know there are many different Religions, many different beliefs, all I ask is a right to choose what I want to believe in and not be forced to believe in something I don’t. I also reserve and protect my freedom of speech, whether in the verbal sense or written sense thank you. I shall write, talk and live free, in the Land of The Free !.

      One more note before I end, The Churches of the WOrld are hypocrital, in many ways, and childrena nd young adults have been molested and sexually abused by Priests, Preacher and more world over. They take the one with the accussations against them and swap them from one church to anothe rto hide them, but it doesn’t stop the abuse and molestations.  So if the Chjurch no matter what Religion, does not allow female Priests or Preachers, does not stop the sexual abuse and molestations of children and young adults that happens daily, why should i go to a hypocrital organization totpractice my faith or beliefs when I don’t believe in what it is doing itself.