Tag: introvert

I hope you enjoy it and understand it !


Time as we all know, marches on no matter what we do, as we also know we can not affect Mother Nature either. We can only affect the things near to us and that we have the ability to reach, either in nature or in humananity. The truth is mankind is actually limited in many ways, like mental abilities and physical abilities folks. We can only run so fast, we can only calculate so fast, and we can not change nature or time, but we also understand we are limited in our time on this planet. Where we come from, how we act, all depends on those who raise us and then, they depart from the earth. We learn through watching, attempting, and being. We do not have osmosis, or strange new abilities that others don’t, for if you did, you would be cast out of human societies, because people would fear you.

As we grow up in the world some of us like being alone and only enter society as needed. Otherwise we only do so, because we have no choice. We learn in schools of others from kindergarten to college levels, some of us get degrees and use them and some get them and fail to use them for any purpose. Some are labors, some are educators, some politicians, scientists. computer nerds, programmers and more. Others go into medicine, whether nursing or as doctors. There is a vast range of employments, arts, music come into play also.

A few, become special due to high intellect, or physical abilities and they are lucky, for they out show the rest of us who are ordinary in most ways. Very few, remember all that happens in their lives or all they have met or done. Why, because humanity does not like the painful, depressing or injury periods of our lives when they happen, or we have to deal with loses we have experienced in our lives, like when parents die, spouses, die or siblings. These become major changes in how we feel, act and react to others around us and any situation we may find ourselves in. We adapt to it slowly and it takes time to do so, there are many stages when one is recovering from loses, and we all know them I believe, denial, then acceptance, then,depression, then a slow recovery where we realize we can’t change what has happened or bring that loved one back, but we are still here and must carry on. Some when they lose someone special in their lives find a way to just move forward and never look back, but, in my experience and from what I have seen, if someone does not grieve long enough and get through it, they never are the same, nor do they recover, well enough to get involved in others lives, or have anyone in their own.

How we recover and carry on and why is the question here isn’t it? We all need some companionship or friendships in our lives, few are true loners. The Loners as I call them, love to hide from public events, they avoid large crowds, they have lower opinions of themselves, low esteem, and shy from people. Loners like myself, may attend an event, a social function now and then, just to be seen, or to feel like we belong, but then, we know we don’t really, do we? We make weak attempts to fit in, and get along with all around us, because we know we have to to survive. We all have our own personality faults, we all have our own emotional difficulties and we all have feelings we hide, from others. Some of us do so greater than others, and know better then to reveal the truth, of ourselves.

I know, many who are extroverts, who get along with all and will say or do anything I fit in. I also know introverts, they shy from all, but, still when approached, get along with most. So what’s the real difference here, an extrovert has lil fear, can talk to anyone and control their emotions and what they say or do, all the time, except when excited beyond control. A introvert, will not act out, has some difficulty with fitting in, feels awkward and out of place, and unwanted. Introverts have low esteem, and feel themselves below others in many ways. While a extrovert has great pride and burst forth because of their high esteem, an introvert is the complete opposite and hides. Otherwise both have different ways of handling societial norms on a daily basis, so to say. At 68, years old I have witnessed much of what I am speaking, I have lived it and experienced it, and acknowledged it, and accepted it. And if you as an individual stop and examine yourself you will find, you are either one or the other yourself.

What causes us to be either depends on how we were raised, by whom we were raised, what, they have taught us, how they have treated us as we grow up. The importance of parents in this world is vital, for anyone and everyone. Yet, there must be a balance in how we raise our children. We can’t give them everything they want, that’s just spoiling them, we can’t deny all they want either. We can’t not discipline our children and teach them right from wrong, for without discipline we have chaos, and our children end up in prisons as adults. There is a delicate balance to raising a child, that one must keep a close eye on at all times. It’s the job of a parent to make sure their child is safe, cared for and taught correctly, which means you need to teach them manners, respect, how to be honest and caring. Other wise they shall be cast out of society or end up on the lowest tier of said society as we know it. Do, all of us get this delicate balance from our parents as we grow up, no, if we did society would be a perfect thing and it is not. Human Kind is not perfect, society is not perfect nothing is, is it? So, as we raise our children in the world today, we must not only teach them well, discipline them well, and educate them well, we must also make sure we teach them how to care for themselves and the ones they love also. Yes, it’s a complicated scheme to do, and no it is not easy, yet, it can be done.

Stop putting your children down, stopped hitting them or screaming at them. For it is the abuse you put up on them, that makes them not fit in. They rebel, they fight back, they strike out at humanity, if you raise them wrong, for they lack the attention they need growing up, from their parents. If given that attention when they need it, they can overcome anything, positive reinforcement works, teaching works, emotional support works, being there watching them, guiding them, works folks. And let me say this to all, it matters not what color your skin, what background you come from, what nationality, we all want the same things in life, to be loved, to be respected to be heard, and to live in peace, among humanity. So, do yourself a favor, I don’t care what your color, race, or nationality may be, what country you live in, remember, your children are the future for mankind on this planet we call earth, take the time to raise them right, take the time to listen to them, communicate with them, help them emotionally and physically if needed. For you are making mankind better if you do !

You may not agree with all I have said here, but, my opinion is just that my opinion. And in the world today, and especially here in America, we all still have a right to our opinions and to voice them as necessary, as long as we do not harm anyone else. So, this is my opinion and thought for today, made into a blog post !. I hope you enjoy it and understand it !

Happy Holidays From Me !


Friday December 8th, 2023 started for me at 4:30 am, I awoke and went what the hell am I doing up? But, when I tried to go back to sleep my body and mind said no, so I crawled out of bed, got a coffee and here I am now. I know what most would say was go back to bed stupid, but, I can’t my mind won’t let me.

Many have tried to understand me, in my life, my first wife, the Navy, My daughters who know nothing of me and my own family that raised me. I have always been the one, they just never understood or have gotten, it’s just me. I have been called crazy, emotionally unstable, nutty, a loner, a drifter and so much more. If people knew me, better they would understand me better. I am no loner, or drifter, but when, I am hurt, tired and lonely, I do wander, and stay by myself, it’s my way of not hurting or harming anyone else. I shut down and lock myself away and wander on my own. I am a widower now for over 2 years, and I still talk to my deceased wife and wish she was with me in my own home. But, I know i am not alone in this, kind of grief process many suffer it too. So I try to handle it alone, so it does not spill over into others lives around me.

Some have no idea about who I am, what is happening in my mind and my heart or what I may be affected by. I was born with hyperactivity and attention disorder. Easily distracted and unable to pay full attention, in school or at home. I fought my way through it all, no medications or medical help and ended up sent a way for two years for what they called emotionaly instability in the 1960s. It wasn’t though it was ADHD, misdiagnoises happened plenty back then, medicine did not understand it all yet. Yet I persisted and overcame anyway.

As I grew up, it did cause many problems at home and in schools for me, ultimately it caused me to dropped out of high school, so I went to work and in the end went in the service. I served 16 years in three branches and was married and had two of everything, until I was discharged medically for an accident aboard ship that gave me herniated discs. At the sametime that was determined, I was all of a sudden in a divorce from lack of being able to support my family.

I overcame and moved on anyway, doing odd jobs and living off of unemployment, until, I found my second wife. She helped me deal with it all and helped me find a way to go forward. In return I helped her, and we ended up loving one another and living together. it would be a 28 year relationship, that I can never and will never forget, I still love her today over two years after she passed and left me due to cancer. One thing she told me and others before she passed was, that I am a realist, I will survive her passing and be fine. Well surviving is one thing being fine is another for sure I have found out. You can not replace the unreplaceable folks, the memories get you and you break down in private at times and then, pull yourself together in public and carry on. I know I am doing it these days, every day I live. I suffer from loneliness of course and not having someone in my life, because I shut down and refuse to reach out or allow any woman in. I know it is wrong to do, but, I do it on reflex, and to protect myself, I doubt I could handle losing another lover like that.

Living alone in a 596 square foot condo, in a 55 plus community, for me is not easy. I call my condo my 956 sq.ft. cell and cave I hide in. To me it’s true, I venture out to walk, put on a good face, smile and talk and kept moving never getting involved any where with anyone. Yes I shop, yes i go to doctors and dentists and medical appointments. No I do not go to bars. taverns, or social events alone. I feel out of place when I do, and I avoid that feeling everytime i can.

What to do, where to go, how to handle it all is a daily challenge for me. Yet, I struggle through and make it work, because I am still here. Yes there are times I think what the hell am I here for and I shouldn’t be here, I have no purpose in life anymore. I have considered suicide, and just haven’t found the courage to do so and can’t see myself doing so. I have seen numerous others die young and take their own lives, and end up shaking my head when I think of them.

Whats next for me I do not know, I only know I am here and it seems I have a way to go. I have always believed that we are put upon this world for a reason, we just don’t know what it really is. Each of us is born to accomplish some missions in our life time, and until you complete those unknown missions you are here, when you complete them, the Good Lord recalls you to his side and it ends. Is there a heaven or hell, I do not know, no one does, all we know is it ends for us, the beyond is not answerable is it? The Great Houdini, told his wife, he would come back from the dead, he couldn’t no one can, so we shall never know whats on the other side. We can only guess folks !

It’s the month of December of 2023, The Holiday Season is here and people are rushing to and fro, as Santa’s pop up laughing HO, Ho ,Ho. The Shopping is happening even though the economy sucks, but it shall go on, because it must. Church Bells will ring and people will smile, food will get cooked and served for a while. The joy of the Season comes every year, we all get so busy, we overlook those who cry a tear. Yet life goes on even for those who cry, for those who did die, and spirits get lifted you see. The sad part is after they do and all the smiling and laughter is done, what happens to those who are alone and just one. We shall never know, as long as they don’t affect us so and they are not apart of our lives, for all it all changes, when they become our children, relatives, husbands or wives. For the loss takes away the reason for Joy, and then we wonder why, we lost that husband, wife, girl or boy. It depresses and it messes with our will to live, and we think we do not have anything left to give. The truth be known and I am not alone, is that each of us, man, woman or child have something we can give and that is how we all live. So, I don’t surrender, but I do try to move on, to see whats next and what I must do, not for me, but for each of you. We all contribute in someway in our lifetime, there is a reason we are here, no matter if it is to teach a lesson, to take the pain, to, live in happiness or in shame. We shall not know, when it is time to go, it’s just a fact don’t you see. For in the end, all we can be, is who we are, and do what we can. wheither we be a woman or man.

I wish all The Best Of Holidays no matter your faith or belief, and I hope all will be strong, healthy and not suffer grief. We do at some point in our lifetime, as one friend said, depression is in your mind, Find a way to hol don to the good memories, and that will be so much better for you and for me, in time.

Happy Holidays to ALL !