Tag: love

From Connection to Loneliness: The Shift in Dating Culture


Lets discuss, the currect state of the dating world folks. First off the younger crowd has the advantage of course, due to their youthfullness. As we age and marry and the divorce of become widows and widowers things change.

The dating world or scene as I call it is now all online apps, like Match, Our Time, Bumble bee and such. As a senior at 69, and heading todard 70, dating is non-exsistant for me. I tired dating apps and ran into the problems many do not get or understand. 1) Dating apps are not free for anyone, they cost money to join and search. 2) Half of the people on them, do not use their current picture and doll up their profile to attract others anyway. 3) Distances come into effect, and you either drive or you don’t. 4) who wants to drive for an hour or more to meet someone, and then have to do so, everytime you see them. Gas prices and time and wear and tear on your vehicle then come into the process too.4) People tend to make up profiles that are not realistic and they act when you meet them, you don’t get the real person. I have looked at all of the dating apps believe me, from Zoosk, to Match, to Our Time and Senior sites too. What I found is, simple, it’s like a game is beimg played and it is not one for really meeting someone.

When I grew up, you meet your mate or spouse at events, dances,outside playing when young or in school. Or if you went to a park or playground, also. Today these things do not exist anymore. They are no Singles Dances, there are no just talking to anyone you meet, people judge far too fast. So what does one do, when you reach my age? I am 69 going on 70 now.

As a widower, I am alone constantly. I stay alone for many reasons, which are the same reasons the dating scene sucks these days. Trust is an issue for many, money, and holding onto it counts. Honesty is hard to find. People tend to talk, but, they don’t tend to cross the line into your personal space these days. Too many fears come into play. I don’t wnat someone to take my money, or use me or abuse me. I don’t want, someone who has the attitude of me, me, me, and screw you. In orde rto even think of having a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is honesty, then respect, and loyality. Also, are we on the same wave length on many things or not. I would never date a person who is into Trump or his MAgA World, sorry folks, but, I don’t go there.

I see anger in the world, I see fear of opening up in the world, I see people dodging relationships and hiding in all ways. The world is not an open one these days. Interaction is frowned upon as I see it, except for events like bowling or public concerts and show or ball games. Even then, people tend to avoid interacting with others, for fear of being abused, or used, or stolen from. The world is a mean place these days.

Prices are rising on all items, a simple lunch date wil cost a man a good 40 to 50 bucks at least. Everything costs folks. I own my condo, and no I don’t want anyone moving in with me either. And I don’t want to move in with any woan either, and get told I am trying to take her for money. I find that interacting in this day and age is a constant process of being exteremely careful, of what you say or do. Anger is everywhere in America these days.

Look I miss my wife who passed in 2021 and it now 2025. She was apositive person, smiling, laughing and smart asa whip and I miss that. I didn’t marry her for money or belongings, I didn’t treat her wrong, or cheat on her. What I did was stay with her till she passed. Loyality goes a lone way folks. Honesty is vital in any relationship. Being positive helps. Truth goes a long way too folks. Open communication with each othe ris vital, even if you can’t agree on everything. Compromise is a word seldom heard these days folks. But, if you don’t learn to compromise and accept the differences in the relationship your in, will die out. Compromising is vital not only in relationships, but in life in ggeneral folks, never forget that. No one is 100 percent correct all the time. Accept that for yourself and don’t set the bar too high for someone else to be in your life. If you can laugh at yourself, be yourself at all times, you stand a better chance at surving happily in the end.

I am not a relationship guru so to say, I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think anyone does. What I do is go day by day and accept what happens around me and roll with it. I don’t like people who try to change me for their own reasons, and I hate forcing myself on anyone. I also do not believe in being a burden to anyone in anyway. I don’t impose on people, I don’t need to lie to people, I only trust the ones I know. Maybe it is the wrong way of looking at life, but, it is the safe way.

So, as I go along I gave up dating apps, cost too much and they don’t work. I am now trying to just me be, more than anyother thing in life. I like to read, I like puzzles, I like pool, I like bowling. I like going out for lunch now and then and I like walking some for exercise. As I age, I have learned to just do me, do what I like, be me and have fun the best I can, I am old now an dgetting older by the second, minute, hour and days that roll by. I just want to enjoy life, have fun, and I like to help others now and then also. I have basically, become like a coach for pool, or bowling when I go. I know I am not perfect at either sport, but I have fun is all.

Life in Modern America is getting rougher and more lonely than ever. What I am doing is learning, I force nothing, I come and go, I talk to whoever talks to me. I laugh, I even cry when needed. I am human, and no one should be alone all the time. I do have memories, I do have feelings, if you cut me I do bleed folks. If you slander me, or if you attack me, I disappear totally. I don’t need to put up with taht stuff, I am too old for it. America is a divided nation now, republicans and democrats fight it out constantly. MAGA forces are everywhere, and our country is slowly dying from it all. Instea dof a we society folks, we have gone toa me society and screw you, as long as I get my fair share as they say.

America was so much better when we were a We society than we are now. We all were for good things back then, caring for our seniors, being friendly, helping one another. What happened to that folks, where did it go? I shall say this one more time, America, was and can bea better place for all. If We accept each other, help each other, interact with each other.Sadly America has gone the me. me. me society approach now. What is needed in America now, is for all to start living in a We Society once more. IT’s the biggest problem Americans may ever face, because we are stubborn, arrogent, angry, and foolish. We can’t see that the me, me, me society is not working for all of us. What I am saying folks, America is at it’s best when we are honest, opem, friendly and working together. It is time, to end this me. me.me society and go back toa we,we,we society. If we don’t America will crumble and fall. Think about it folks and i think you will agree.

A Break from Politics: Enjoy Some Poetry


IT’s Saturday March 8th, 2025. It’s Sunny out and 30 degrees right now, and I wish all a fun filled day!

I am always spouting on politics, and it seems it won’t change no matter what one man says. So, instead of doing that today once more, I figured I will try something different.

I write these blogs as all know, and I also do short stories and poems. So, how about a couple of poems today?

Shinning Star

By: William McCurrach

January 14th, 2025

I have loved many from afar,

Like a person staring up at a star.

To dream of what could be,

If i had just one of those I loved from afar,

With me.

The thoughts of a long journey with someone you love,

Is never lost, while there is a star in the sky up above.

So, if you are like me, and have loved,

Someone from a far, and looked up at night and seen a shinning star,

Know, what I have learned over time,

You can try and try, even sometimes cry,

But, the dream of the one you loved from afar,

Will always be represented by that shinning star.

Each night you look up and see that star looking back,

Remember, there is someone who loves you from afar,

And I will always remember you, as my shinning star!

December 23, 2021

Stunning Woman

By: William McCurrach

The room was dusky and not bright,

The Music was loud and not always right,

The company was fun and to get it done,

Yes I continued to hang on.

I stood alone on my own and watched the people go by,

So many faces in such small spaces.

And you could see their feelings on their faces.

The music came on and the people began to sing,

In you walked and the oh and ahs and sighs, began.

Yes indeed a stunning woman you be.

A stunning woman who knows not what she is,

A woman who is au naturale,

Yes your a stunning woman and do not know.

Yes Stunning to me is what you be,

You take my breath away,

I know you would never see me,

I know your, on a higher level than I,

Yet no matter where I be,

When you walk in your stunning to me.

A stunning woman of beauty and smiles,

A stunning woman who is herself,

Thats special, you stunning woman believe me.

Your just stunning and special to see.

I know someday a man will come,

He may be handsome, He may be strong,

He will scoop you up and take you away.

I hope he makes you happy and gay,

and he makes you content each night and day.

A woman with a smile and style and so stunning,

Yes the men will come running!

Just be you and you shall be fine,

Don’t pay attention to those who don’t treat you right,

Be the stunning woman you are, and you shall win the fight,

You will find your happiness one night!

Oh Stunning Womannnnnnnnnnn!

A New Page

October 8th, 2024

By: William M. McCurrach

Another evening all alone,

The days fly by,

The nights do come,

It seems to me,

No matter what, life goes on.

Time heals many things,

Battles, fights, divorces,

And broken rings.

As we age we laugh, we cry,

We live and we die,

While here on this earth,

How many times,

Can romance be born,

Even after one you lose, is gone?

Can one find romance again,

Or is life now too short,

And the chance is gone ?

Just because, we age,

Doesn’t mean,

There can ‘t be a new page !

That’s what, I hope,

As I age.

Let me close with that one today! I hope all enjoy some of the poems I wrote. I basically got tired of the same political blogs and complaints. So, something refreshing and different I hope for all!

Understanding Senior Dating and Loneliness Syndrome


Good Morning all, it is Sunday Feb. 23rd, 2025. It’s a whole 35 degrees outside and sunny today here, in Westborough, Massachusetts. Usually most people who read my blogs, think all I do is politics in them. Well, this one is on a different subject, to consider for most.

I am doing this one on what the Government, has publicly stated, is the Loneliness Syndrome. That is real in America. My take on this subject, will be based on 55 plus, Seniors and the dating world today.

I live as many know in a 55 plus community. Now according to all people who know the population here. The women out number the men by at least 3 to 1. Which makes the men living here, basically the minority. So, that said, if like i have been told, there are 40 Single men living here. That makes, a whole lot more single women living here. 3 to 1 means at least 120 women to the 40 men, currently.

Senior dating in such a community among community members, is not well looked upon. At least that is what I was told when I moved in or shortly after. So, I made a decision not to date anyone living here. I thought well it is better that way and safer. Is it really, I don’t know.

Now in general, I hear women complain about men not approaching them on a daily basis. I know women are taught at a young age as girls, not to approach men. They are taught that men should do the approaching period. So they do not attempt, to do so. Now, this is fine, until you realize, the men are not doing it for some reason.

Ever wonder why ladies? So lets break a few myths, or ideas or thoughts here. You may, find the answers you seek in this, for I have viewed it all.

  1. Women set very high standards for the men they date. And men, get the feeling they are not wanted because of that.
  2. Men have some of the same worries that women have, in the dating world.
  3. Like women, men like to be respected, and they worry about finances too, both sexes do.
  4. Men do not like to be taken for money, any more then a woman does.
  5. Men do not like being used anymore than women do.
  6. Women expect men to be able to read signals and understand when they are interested. It not necessarily so, ladies.
  7. Men hesitate to approach a woman for many reasons. As the same applies in return.
  8. One unsure, lack of confidence.
  9. Two, scared of rejection and not sure if they can handle it.
  10. Three is simple, they aren’t sure of how to do so. Either due to lack of experience or what would work.
  11. We sometimes, know we will end up in the friendship bin, so we don’t go there.
  12. Let me say this, in todays society. Men are frowned upon if they approach too fast, too slow or in the wrong way. We know we can be ignored or worse.
  13. Senior Dating while it should be fun, can be rough. men and women both know, we are taking a chance, if we put ourselves out there.
  14. So, what do you do, if your lonely, and want a relationship? Good question right!
  15. I have looked into this and what I got back from many women is the following:
  16. Volunteer in an Organization in town.
  17. Join The Senior Center
  18. Join The library
  19. Get involved in Politics and Town business.
  20. All good ideas, but, not a good way to find someone really.
  21. Join a Gym or Health Club, at 69 not sure that would work.
  22. Dating Apps, like Zoosk, Match, and others. Cost and not always honest.

Now, I have tried some dating apps, like Zoosk, Match, Plenty of Fish, and such. Let me give you my results and see what you think.

A) The first one i met was a woman, who was very healthy and loved to walk miles a day. Took three dates to go no thank you. She didn’t match her profile, in my book, And not my type.

B) The second one I met I took to lunch in her town at a diner. What I found was, she didn’t look like her profile pic first off. Secondly, she was far too busy to be dating.

C) The third woman I met was a nice person and we went to dinner together. We enjoyed a fine meal chatted, but there was no chemistry there. Common right, happens. we even paid dutch.

D) The fourth woman I met off a dating App was kind, polite and a good person. we had a meal on me, chatted and laughed and said goodbye. I am not a religious man and she is religious. So, matching is a problem.

As you can see, the other problem with Senior Dating is matching, age, interests and more. All of us want to date or be with someone we can like, enjoy and do things with. By doing that we all, tend, to get to know each other better and go forward. if we have nothing in common, no physical chemistry or attraction, well, it doesn’t work.

I talked to one woman, I met, and she told me she is in her 60’s, never married. When I asked why, she told me she was too fussy, and wouldn’t go there. we laughed when she said it, but, I could, tell, it bothered her. Sadly, many people of both genders do this. What no one gets is even in today’s world, one answer comes to mind. Compromise! We don’t want to, so we end up alone.

Any good relationship, takes compromise folks, and that is on both sides. some of us will go to Church, even if we don’t now. Some of us will accept a smoker and some won’t. Some will take a drinker and some won’t. The problem isn’t what we won’t take or accept, it is making it clear up front and being honest. Some things many will accept, like pets, children, and more. Others will stand firm, and state they won’t. It’s rough in America, in the dating scene, but even rougher, when your a Senior. Why, because you are set in your ways, you do not wish to change. Until you do and compromise in someway, loneliness will be your companion.

For me I may, have made a mistake in saying I wouldn’t date anyone, in my condo complex. But, if I back up, and change that how will it affect me and those around me? There are many factors one has to consider. Mainly is it worth it to try, and secondly, what happens if it fails? Then, I have to face the backlash that can happen, where I live. I have always thought if a relationship breaks up, it is always blamed on the man. If that happens, then it spreads through the female population quickly, and bam, your an outcast. Maybe I am wrong, time shall tell.

Embracing Life After Loss: Lessons Learned at 68


December 15th, 2024, it is chilly and cold outside today, the sun is shinning bright here, in Westborourgh, Mass. The day began for me at a lil after 6 am. Each day is different for sure and it doesn’t matter, who your neighbors may be or where you live. Time seems to move right along at a steady pace. I have now loved alone, basically since my wife died, and it is now over 3 years, since she passed. And yes I still think of her constantly, especially when someone or something reminds me of her. But, I also have learned she is not coming back and to look ahead, for I am still here. I have learned to live each day for myself, do the best I can, and have the most fun I can.

Well, sometimes, things happen, and you can’t change them, nor, did you intend them, but, wham they smack ya upside the head. Or someone thinks you did something and you didn’t, and wham again, it’s another smack at ya. I really, don’t care which it is, I just wish it would stop happening to me, these stupid things. I was leaving yesterday to go to the store and as I passed through the lobby on my way out, a lady was bending over and picking up some packages she ordered. As I was going out the door I looked back and she told me I was looking at her ass! I wasn’t of course but, she accused me of that. I told her, I did nothing wrong and she was the one bent over, not my fault, lol. I didn’t want to say what I was going to, which was, Lady I don’t give two cents about your ass! But, as usual I am too polite to do that, so I just left it and went to the store. Afterwards, I thought of seeking her out and telling her, I wasn’t looking, but, she wouldn’t believe me anyway, so I said fuck it. Silly shit happens all the time, when you live in a 55 plus community like I do. I could care less about her assor any other women’s to be honest, at 68 soon to be 69, seen enough of em. lol

Onward I go, throat was scratchy and sore this am, so I got some ice cream and cough drops for it and some chicken for the NFL games later. In the meantime, I wonder if I am doing the right thing, by trying to get out more and interact with others or not. Seems, some people don’t like me period, and because of that I usually stay at home. I don’t like people who think their shit don’t stink, or think they are better than everyone else, or smarter than all. Their not really, they just have this big ego and big mouth they use to say stupid things without thinking first. But, hey, as mom told me as a child, engage brain before you speak, is the only advice I can give these folks. Some accuse other of doing things they never did, and some accuse others of things they think we did, when in fact they do them themselves. It’s a crazy world ya know, and humanity itself, is not really stable in all ways. I know I am not loved by many, who live here and as far as I am concerned I am not worried about it, anymore. I used to worry about it, but then, I figured out, no one is going to love everybody and no will get along with everyone either, so why force it. I am me, and that is who I be, if you don’t like me avoid me and I shall return the favor for you. I think that makes better sense then hiding, or fighting with someone verbally, mentally or physically. So that is how I live, so if I don’t talk to you, much, please understand, it’s either you made it clear by your actions and replies you don’t like me, or I just don’t care for you either. I hope that makes sense. I know it does for me.

In my life, I have many different friends, and I still have some from when I was 14 years old and guess I always will, at least I hope so. I still have friends from my service days too, and my two marriages actually. I am not that difficult to get along with really. Yet, for some strange reason, some misread me, or don’t like my sense of humor or style, whatever. I can only say what I always say to some, I am me, who else can I be! So, as life goes on, I have learned I don’t like stuck up people, I don’t like people who think they are better than I. I don’t like people who think you said or did something when you didn’t, and who never stop to ask, if you did. I am not in love with liars, or thieves, I hate violence also. I think live should be live peacefully, and it should be fun. I had enough pressure situations in my life, in my childhood, my teenage years and as an adult who was married twice and in the service for 16 years. all I want is some peace, and happiness, some laughter, a way to relax. Is that too much to ask folks?

Now being 68 and turning 69 in a lil over one month, I cam honestly say, I never hurt anyone on purpose. I never was a physical person, nor did I torture or bother anyone mentally. I am not a vengeful soul either, I usually just walk away. No sense trying to change anyone else, the only time I hit anyone was to protect myself, period. Time does not change my nature or who I be, I shall always be just me.

Since moving here, I have seen many different types of people, both male and female. The stuck up woman, or the macho man images come to mind for some. Then there is the intellectual types, or those who rely on an attempt at humor to fit in. Then, there is the sarcastic ones too, they are sarcastic about everything they say to anyone and try to hide it behind a giggle, or a laugh, saying they didn’t mean it when they did. people are funny, and you can usually read it, if your patient, and smart enough to. You learn, you see, and you react appropriately, to avoid problems. That’s my way anyway. I never judge a book by it’s cover, I learned long ago, what’s inside a person may be totally different than the cover they show. All, have a way of protecting themselves in place they have learned to do, as they go along.

After two marriages, Two of everything for 40 years, I am now back to just me. No woman in my life, no children to pay for, no big homes to care for, just a decent condo, in a 55 plus community in a small Massachusetts town. A small car and all I need to survive. I read a lot these days, some politics, some murder stories, some biographies. I build puzzles, Walk when the weather is good. I play on the internet, and watch television. It is one day at a time for me now. Shop one day for food, do my laundry as needed, cook for myself and thats my way of life, simple is all. No I do not chase the women here and never will, just so that is known by those who thought otherwise.

I decided after I was asked to try to start a Single’s Group here in my community. To be honest, I have no interest in any kind of relationship. I am doing so, to help Widows and Widowers, but, I am not qualified as a grief counselor, so I had to expand it to all singles. So I did, and will see how it goes. I know at 68 going on 69, no woman wants an old man like me, and I never was a handsome person lol. Hopefully, it will help the ladies and gents here.

The other thing that has my interest, is Veterans and what we need. Many towns have places for Veterans to go and be with others and to entertain them, as well as to provide for their care. So, I was told there was a position open on The Veteran’s Board for the town, so I thought it over. I applied in the hope I may be of assistance to the town and the Veterans. I hope in my own way I can, but time shall tell.

In January, I turn 69 years old, and I have now outlived my father, mother and step-father as well as my mother. All died between 55 and 60 years old. I have one brother is older by a few years I never see, a sister I see now and then and a younger brother who I never see also. One of the five of us died at 30 years old many years ago now. My grandfathers died in their early 70’s, one at 72 and the other at 74, as far as I know. So how long I have left is a question for me, considering I have PTSD, 6 herniated discs in my spine, and more aliments. Pain is like a second constant for me, and I survive. I had Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyper-Activity as a child. I still overcame. I am the only one in my family with a college degree I believe, so I did ok. I write a lot or poetry, short stories and this blog. I do have short stories online and poems. Life hasn’t always been a bowl of jello for me, yet I never surrender or give up. As my life goes forward, I just hope, I can live it out in peace and some happiness.

That my friends is life in a cup or tea.


I woke this AM at 5:30, and of course I stubled out of bed, like many of others, thankful at 68 years old, my eyes still open and my body still works. Like many before me, I have my bodily aches and pains and even mental angishes too. I have phyical aliments that would stop most I think, six herniated discs in my spine is a killer. Then, I add in what I grew up with, and I have adjusted to and no one sees, PTSD, Attention Deficiet Disorder, Hyper-Activity and Depression. from loes of people of I loved. IT’s been a roller coaster over the last 3 years and some months, since my wife passed, from cancer and I survived lung cancer also.

Yet, here I am at 68, when I thought I would have been dead and gone by now. Never figured on living past 40 years old due to all of it above, but here I am. Life changes over the periods of time we are alive folks. As little kids we are raised and taught what to do and not to do. Then we reach an age where we want to do what all the adults do, but can’t, we be too young right? Then we reach the age suddenly where puberty comes into affect and we notice the opposite gender and the race for, the settling down period begins. And we date, and at some point if we are lucky, we find a partner and create a relationship. We all wish for families of our own then, as we march down the wedding aisle and get married and have kids of our own.

Then, for some of us, we make it till our kids are grown and on their own. For others we end up divorced or never married. And suddenly after some years, we once again find ourselves alone due to the death or passing os the one we love. So we flounderm we run some of us, others of us handle it differently, and we isolate ourselves. In the end we come to realize, 1) We are still here, yet alone. 2) Life doesn’t stop because our partners died, it is still chugging along for us at a slower and more lonely pace, but it is. We grow tired of the loneliness, we end up watching others laugh and others enjoying life and we go why can’t I. Finally after, realizing, all of this, we go I need to live, like mankind is supposed to do. I can still have fun if I try, I can still interact with others if I wish and even if I can’t find a new partner to replace who I lost, I can still carryon and try. Life is a roller coaster folks, it has it’s ups and downs and spin arounds built into it for each of us. The question is not will it happen this way, only at what stage it will happen in our lives.

I have seen people in my life die at young ages, I have seen some go in many ways. Some drug related, some suicidal, some from cancer and more. We all see it and pray it does not happen to someone we love, but it does, and we pray also it doesn’t hit us, and for some of us it does that too. Who knows for sure what the eternal peace of death brings, no one knows what is on the other side, do we?

I sometimes reflect on my own life and wonder how I got this far. I than think of me wandering through the woods as a little boy exploring nature and more. Then I stop to think of my parents who raised me and all they did to keep me alive. Did I repay them enough for all they did, I think I did. I spent my youth, taking care of my younger siblings, helping dad rebuild a house they bought for cheap. never complained just did. I felt it was my place, to be there for my family. Of course we all grow up and as I did I slowly moved on, and helped friends in life too. When the economy went bad, jobs dried up, I couldn’t jump from job to job anymore, I joined the military. First the US Army, then the Army National Guard and finally the US Navy. That lasted for me for 16 years, but it brought me injuries, and I still carried on. I was married twice, first time 12 years, the second 28 till my wife passed. Two daughters, four grandchildren, two step grandchildren two, yet satisfaction is hard to find. Your children move on and have their own lives, you lose the money and time to see them and life still progresses on.

Then one day after your spouse and lover is gone, you wake up and realize time has moved on. Your alone, staring at the world and going once again, how do I fit in? We can’t change how it happens, we are dealt it you see, it is all fate and destiny. Some make bad decisions, and take their own lives, some do drugs and get involved in vice. In desperation mankind will do anything to try to survive and fit in to a society that can be at times cruel and evil. Most avoid it, but there will always be some who fall into it all and never recover or come out of it. We can’t change people, even if we love them, demons can be hidden inside mankind we can not see.

Now I sit back at 68 and reflect on what I have lived thru, and some would be amazed if they knew. yet, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, of the human mind. So, I go on, and one each day, dealing with my own inner demons, emotions, feeling and thoughts, like many others around me do too. We just do and makeit work for ourselves and try to be kind to everyone else. It’s called life folks and dealing with it, we do so daily. So, I continue to waddle along, laughing, talking or even singing a song. Not everyone will like you, not everyone will want you around or near, but, you have every right just like them to be here. So we choose, who we talk to, we choose who we like, we make friends with some, and with others we fight. In the end as we go on, we come to realize, we don’t all look like a movie star and thats no surprise. we deal with who we are individually, and we gravitate to where we fit in eventually. That my friends is life in a cup or tea.

Behind The Cover


Behind The Cover

September 24, 2024

William M. McCurrach

We all believe in what we see,

But, are we really seeing the real you or me.

How many are hurt inside,

How many have too much pride,

To show the pain they feel,

How many of us go beyond the surface and tell others how we feel?

Yes we look happy, we smile, we talk, and interact,

We don’t tell all about ourselves,

That is a fact.

Like a book with a fancy cover,

We look so good as our pain and hurts,

Can not be discovered.

Physically we hide the fact we are in braces and pain,

We winch at times when someone misuses our name,

We hide the real things that are wrong,

For we do not want pity,

We want to seem strong.

We stand tall even when our spines do hurt,

We fight back when people, drag our name through the dirt,

We have our pride,

But we hide our pains deep inside.

Do not judge someone by the way they look,

Don’t think because they stand tall, or walk well that they don’t hurt,

For if you do, you misjudge, you see,

It’s like looking at a books cover,

All pretty and nice,

When inside there may be someone hard as ice, or a hot mess,

You will never know, if the surface is how you judge,

So, be careful especially if the book cover,

Wont budge !

You never know, what is behind the cover !

Final Blog, MacAttack56


Ok, my subscription to Word Press.com is coming down to it’s end soon. So I want to say, blogging has been a pleasure for me, and I have covered many subjects over the years I have done so. It has helped me through some sad times, some depressing times, some time of writing of stories and books and poems. Through the times of ups and downs, attempts to recover some things of my past, healing some hurts and pains and even creating others. Blogging to me has been a blessing in many ways and I am happy and proud of what I have said or done with it.

Times are changing and I am getting older now and each day brings me closer to the elderly ages of many in America and the world and makes me think twice about continuing in it. The energy level is not the same for me, since my wife passed in 2021. I miss her and he input as well as her caring and loving feelings, she gave me and her encouragement for it all. The Period from March 2021 to her passing on August 1oth 2021, wa sthe roughest period I have faced in my life and yes I miss her dearly and always will till the day I join her.

Blogging has helped me to find my daughters, to know them some and to feel like I told them the full truth and I hope they understand it now. That said, I still get depressed about all the years I missed of their growing up, and the time I wanted to spend with them and the things and moments I missed with them. I wish I could have spent more time with them both, their spouses and of course, my grandchildren. Yet, I am not rich, nor am I able to overcome the fact to travel the over 500 miles to see all of them when I wish or they wish me to. Life, my friends and family is a journey, through which we must pass alone, and make the best of we can, and I have tried. I have laughed, I have cried, I have been up and been down, I have seen highs and lows of which few have experienced. I have seen the world in my days in the services of America from Connecticut, to New York, to New Mexico, to all over the world with the Navy. I accomplished things I never thought I would, my life was filled with 2 marriages, 2 daughters, numerous homes and more.

I have commented on numerous things, of political nature, of news, of life, love and beliefs I have had. I have commented on friends, events, views of where I lived, and even my wife and her fight with cancer and my own. The hardest part of my life has been the years from 2006 to 2021. I stood by, assisted, helped and took care of my second wife, Melinda for those years in all ways I could. While in the middle 2013, I suffered my own bout of cancer and lost a lobe and a third of my right lung and survived it. And continued on taking care of my Melinda, until her passing in August of 2021.

I thank my sister, who helped me through all of it, for without her I would have been lost and frozen in time God Bless her for being there for me, and supporting me in all the ways she has. There is nothing better in life than, to have a sibling who is close to you all the time. A sister rs a blessing, I hope all, can have in life.

As. this is my final blog, more than likely, because, I basically can’t see how I can stay at it, at 68 years old, I want to say one thing to all who ever read my blogs, Thank You for doing so! We may not have agreed on many subjects or ideas I blogged about, but, I thank all who read them. We may not agree on politics or what we believe about some politicians or laws, or things that happened in the world, but at least, I was able to voice them by blogging so thank you WordPress.com also.

In closing let me say this, it has been an adventure and a honor to be able to blog to the world, and to have a small part of it hear my voice and what I believed in and more. Thank you to ALL !!! I did write many poems, that are out there now in the ether of the internet, on Amazon.com, small stories and books, I never claimed to be a real writer, I did them with encouragement of my now deceased wife, at her asking me to. They will remain out there for who ever reads them or likes them or even those who don’t. I tried only because of my deceased wife wo said, I had stories to tell, and I should tell them.

Be well all, and as time marches on, I hope, you all, stay healthy, happy, get wealthy and live a life you love ! God Bless !

I hope so, wish me luck!


As we get older, we also, tend to get smarter about life and avoid the mistakes of our own past. We tend to stop before we leap and think first and go wait a second, been here, done this before an dnot doing it again. It happens in daily things we do, it happens in jobs we take on and relationships we have and so much more. The fact is, we all use our past experiences in life to make present day and ongoing decisions every moment we are awake. Just stop and think about it fora few moments and you shall know, what I am talking about.

We all of us can’t all be Einstiens, nor can we all be dumb, we all tend to be in the middle, some of us are polite, some of us are rude too. Some are kind, some are cruel and this is not sexist in anyway, it is just human. Humanity is not perfect in anyway, from looks to habits, to likes and dislikes, we all tend to adjust to what we like or don’t like. Some of us are stubborn and hard headed, some of us are kind and gulliable, some us laugh easy and some of us cry easy. Why we do so is based on what we have experienced and lived through in our own lives so to say. Some have had the easy life, things handed to us on a platter so to say, and other shave had to struggle through in all we do. We don’t have full control over life, it sometimes controls us. Fates, destinies, at times can not be changed and at othe rtimes we tend to realize something that touches us personally, or is unigue to us alone, and it changes how we react and what we do next. Thats the fascination of life, it’s unpredicability daily. Life is indeed a mystery to even me, and I be 68 years old now.

I have learned lately though that you can’t force anything, you can’t search too hard, and make things happen, and that you must take it as it comes to you. I tried hard many times to force things and be something I am not, and in the end learned, people see through anything that is phoney or acting. I also learned it doesn’t matter if you dress uppretty, or dye your hair, or try to fit in by beingl like all the rest, it only makes you look and feel like you don’t fit in. Just be you, and i guess that will always be what works best.

I have friends from my younger days I have known now for over 50 years. One female and one male, and each seem to have advise for me in my current situation and age and I have given each of them advise in our younger days. I recently thought outloud on a blog and Facebook post, how I thought I had grown old and wa slike one of the Old Men in that old Movie Grumpy Old Men. Well, my female friend from all those years ago told me I amnot that way, she knows it, and that I am not too old and done in life, and more than she is and she is my age too. So, that makes one think.

Male friend, wa sthe best man at my second marriage and I have known him since i was 14. We ran the streets of our old home rown together, we fished and camped and hiked together. I knew his wife and his children in his first marriage. So he knows me well as I know him. One day, many years ago I walked into his apartment to find him surrounded by letters hew as writing to numerous women, from a magazine. He wanted a date and to meet a new woman in his life after his divorce. I was going through similar circumstances at the time. I told him to stop writing letters, he was wasting money and time. He looked at me and asked what I meant. I said look, the only way your going to get anywhere in life is to be yourself, do the job you have, do what you love to do, and they will find you. Women want men who are happy, content and who do their own things. Well, he said ok, and then I took him to singles dances and showed him. We walked into one and I just did my thing, ignoring all the ladies and being myself and he followed. Within 10 minutes two women walked upto us and started talking to us and neither of us had said a word. All I did was carry myself with pride and decently and smile. It wasn’t the look, it was the attitude and the confidence I explained to him later. Now, I met my second wife at those dances, and it went 28 years for us, untill she passed from cancer. For him the dances didn’t work, but the advise did when I tiold him to be himself and they will find him, he and his wife have now been married for 30 years now. All he did was go to work and be himself, thats all he had to do really.

Au Naturale, does not mean naked folks alone, it means authenicate, real, being you ! Don’t ever try to be something you are not, don’t try to act like all the rest, it is being comfortable with who you are and accepting yourself first, thats make sit easy for someone else to accept you. I have given up trying to hunt and peck through Dating sites, and web sites now and I have given up looking forfemale companionship, because I learned I can’t keep crying ove rit, nor can I force it, I just have to be me and enjoy life, even as a single man again anda widower. I can’t replace the one I lost and I shouldn’t compare anyone to her, just be me and accept others fro who they are too. It isa two way street, but, forcing anything doesn’t work.

So, I walk, I go out and eat on my own, I may stop in a bar or tavern, and do a movie alone. Doesn’t matter anymore what I do, I may fish, or bowl or play pool, I may just go for a ride. But, I am no longer gonna be playing the searching games, the hoping game, the wishing game of looking. It doesn’t work, the more your push or search or try the less you find it seems to me. So, I shall do what I advised my friend many years ago to do, do me, have fun and just carry on and let nature take it’s course. Thats what life is all about, I believe, and just use my own experiences and feelings and thoughts to make my own decisions as I go along in life. Pretty simple right, I hope so, wish me luck!

Aging,Processes!


 Lets talk about aging, we all do it of course until we don’t, lol ! Now as we age, we tend to get smarter, and know more, but, we also, tend to either lose the physical abilities due to age and injuries, or the mental abilities due to age or disease, or some of us lose the emotional abilities we were born with, and get old and cold so to say. It is funny how it happens without us actually realizing it, but it does.

 As We age we get set in our ways and thoughts and beliefs and refuse to open up to other ideas. We learn what works for us and we stick with it, all. And that in and of itself, makes life a little easier for us as we age. Our bodies get weaker, unless we are exercise freaks and do it daily. And our minds get weaker because we are less depended on and more isolated, because of the age we reached. We get discarded in a way, for the newer generations that are behind us and when they catch up, they get the same treatment and don’t realize it is coming at them, anymore than we did at their age. It is a cycle of life we all must live through. It’s natural true, but not pleasant if you get my drift.

 When we reach a certain age, doesn’t matter which sex we be, we are set in our ways and we frown on those who are different for sure. Ever find yourself wishing you were younger or able to be more active, physically or sexually, or emotionally, and then going wow I remember that stuff? I know I do !

 I may be 68, but I am not dead yet, I still can move, I still can interact and I still can feel emotion and care, and attraction and fears. It’s just that, as we age we are more careful, we have seen and heard and done so much, we know where to avoid, dodge, run and duck so to say. Experience counts in life folks, whether it’s in games, sports, love or just laughs. We tend to know and feel what is right for ourselves and avoid those and things that aren’t, don’t we? Just because we learn, doesn’t mean we are dead and don’t want to be noticed, loved or held, or are not sexual in actions or thoughts. It just means we are not as easy and free caring as we were in our youth so to say. I hope some agree, but even if you don’t, remember we are all human we all feel and we all can be hurt ! We don’t enjoy being put down or ignored for being older either, we just want to be excepted and be included is all, we get lonely too.

 I have heard many say they like their lonely periods, they can think better, they can relax better, alone. We all get to that point in life, believe me folks. But, excessive isolation, causes problems with the human soul, and mind and being. Thats why, we always seek out things to do, places to go so we are never truley alone ? Evne the elderly, tend to end up together in Senior Centers, Concerts, resturants and more. Even if we don’t know one another personally we find the gathering and make it work somehow so we fit in, we adapt to whats there, don’t we? The human ability to adapt, is amazing really, and it works for all of us. Thank God for that at least right?

 We can’t all be rich and well to do as we age, some of us don’t reach the independent platuea so to say, We depend on our children to care for us, or end up in nursing homes or convalesent homes. Sadly, as our lives wind down, our relatives and families carry on their lives, and place us in such situations and we end up with no choice, we need to be cared for. Time stops for no one thats for sure, it’s amazing how it just keeps marching on. Yes, it’s true, The only one who messes with Father Time is Mother Nature folks, and they have one hell of a lengthy and long affair. We just live through it and watch it go by daily and happen. We benefit from it weather wise, but the constant is that time moves forward and we cycle down with age. We can’t avoid it, there is no miricle fountain of youth or elixer folks, we all face the passing of time and older age. If we survive and avoid all the pratt falls, mistakes and accidents along the way and of course we are fortunite enough to keep our sanity too. So many pratt falls and dangers in life, physically and mentally exist. I have seen then up close and personal, cancer, suicides, fires, guns, violence, accidental deaths on the roads or at events. So many things take people out, we are not super human and invinceable folks, no supermen or superwomen exist on this planet. I wish sometimes I were super, and I bet you do too, but, in the end, we must face old age and the fact we are human.

  If your lucky in life, you have at least two loves, you have had at least two special relationships, and you enjoy being with others. If your lucky you get your fair share of hapiness and love and material things you need. But, some just aren’t that lucky and they get by with less and are happy still. Remember as you age, and head down the ending slope, that it’s the interactions and the people you had them with, that makes you happy that counts, as long as they were happy too. It’s nice to be a single person, who had it all, but it all falls away if you have no one as you age. Believe me I know, I am a widower and have been now for 3 years almost, you fear involvement, you don’t want to compare someone to the one you lost or hurt them, you fear rejection, you fear the fact your aging and don’t look as good as you used to, your wrinkles show, your hair falls out, the jolt and jumps in your steps stop, and you slow to a walk then to a crawl before you fall. Gravity gets ya, anger can eat you up, inside, depression comes on and you realize at some point you have to cast it all aside and drive toward your own finish line at your own rate. It’s just a fact of humanity that we all must face, don’t we? Doesn’t matter if we are the president, or a peasant on the street, it is a fate and destiny that we all do meet, it’s called death.

 So, yes aging, is a process we all face, knowing and learning we are limited in life’s length, is just a fact we all must face. So we prepare, we save money, we buy insurance,and plots to rest. we try to make sure, we are not a burden on anyone as we age, nor do we want to impose on anyone or interfear in their lives either. So, we learn to live alone again, once we lose the one we loved. If we get divorced or our partner passes, most of us, do not rush into a new relationship for many reasons. We don’t want to compare others to the one we lost, we don’t want to be hurt emotionally, or financially, physically or mentally either. We are cautious, we are slow, to engage or open up. For once we do, we are taking a chance someone will hurt or damage or take from us, and we can’t replace or repair it. It is like a cautionary tale, in an old book or movie, me I am like one of those Grumpy Old Men from that old movie, that starred Jack Lemon and Walter Matheau lol. I putter along, I notice things, I carry on, with what brings, But, I watch from afar, and I don’t get involved, and no one notices me you see, for that is how it should be. And I am not stupid enough to think anyone would care either, all are too busy living and doing their own things. Life goes on.

  I used to think we are like the ants beneath our feet, We scurry all over the world, collecting food and what we need to survive. And below us the ants do the same. We do not know what our purpse here is anymore than they do beneath us. They have their drives and motivations and processes and we have ours. It is indeed a endless cycle of life is it not folks, you tell me !

 

 

Fates and destiny.


 Good Morning to all, who may read this, it is Friday 9 Feb. 2024. Right now it is 5;40 am and I got out of bed ten minutes ago. Mornings for me are slow and silent for I live alone, since my wife passed in August of 2021. I will say this, it takes time to adjust to being alone again after spending 28 years in a relationship. My wife, whom I miss dearly, was 16 years my senior, and many will say, how did I end up with her. For me it was after a divorce from my first wife. That divorce, made me rethink life and how cruel it can be to anyone, of either sex. Relationships are good for your health both mentally and physically actually, and keep you emotionally balanced also at times. But, when they go astray, or end, it hurts you mentally and emotionally for sure. All takes time to pull yourself back together as a person and to reassembly emotionally and mentally, I know I have lived it now, twice as far as marriage goes. The seperation, the losses can accumulate fiancially, and emotional and you tend to live on the cheap and avoid any involvement.

 I can’t say it is good or bad, that all depends on each case and the cause of it all, and how each individual really handles it. Even the best people whether male or female, who bounce back fast, realize once they do, just how hurtful they may be these divorces, or losing a lifetime partner to disease. In my case I have gone through both of the above. The hardest thing is realizing, you are not to blame in reality, but you still have suffered the losses.

We tend to pick ourselves up and move on, out of pure need and natural desires. There is the need for companionship, there is the need for physical affection and sex, there is the need in wanting to belong and caring for someone else. Some people avoid all of the above the rest of their lives and they become like me, an elder, who is ok with being a single and fear any involvement, so, we stay home alone and hide. Fears and anxieties run us basically, we fear being dumped or discarded, we fear involvement or attachment, and in today’s america, it makes us stand out.

  Once we rationalize and realize it is cheaper alone, and start doing things on our own, we begin to understand, we can do it. It isn’t neccessarily what we really want, but, we begin to accept it all. Isolating ourselves from all around us, is not being off-standish, or, being a loner or drifter, it’s self-preservation really. We do so, because we fear getting involved once more. My first marriage went 12 years ending in divorce. it took me two years before I even ventured out on my own. My Second marriage went a total of 28 years with the same woman I loved dearly, who passed from cancer. I think of her daily, miss her dearly and basically stay alone. My fears are not the same as many maybe but they exist. I fear the emotional commitment it would take to get involved again, I fear being discarded or ignored or being used by someone. I fear doing comparrisons to my deceased wife and hurting a woman, emotionally due to it. Then you add in age, I am 68, loss of looks and hair, illnesses, and you can inderstand it, if you listen. I never was Mr. Handsome, or Mr. romantic, or a giggilo, or anything along those lines. I do not have talents of singing or playing music, nor am I a physical sportsman type. So, being your average, 68 year old man with physical limitations due to disability, I basically putter along. It doesn’t mean, I do not have wants, desires and needs, it does mean, I know my own limits and difficulties in life. I have never and shall never, impose or burden another person, I do not force myself on anyone either, so, as I see it, if I feel I am not accepted, I move on. I do not force myself in groups or events, I am not invited to and usually I avoid crowds.

 It;s now been since August of 2021 I am alone in the world. I have slowly adapted to that status and accept it. Doesn’t mean I like it or enjoy it, just means you accept what life has dealt you. With age, comes medical conditions and you learn to deal with that as you can of course. In my case time shall tell what is next for me. I have lost my grandfathers to cancer, my step-father to cancer, and my mother too, and my second wife. As I was carrying for my second wife in her 16 year struggle with cancer I myself had it too, I suffered lung cancer in 2013, and lost a lobe and one third of my right lung to it. Yet I still survive today, why, I am still trying to figure out. I remember my second wife telling me I would be ok to my face, and behind my back to my sister, she said I would probally not make it. But I did, why, I do not know, yet here I be and she is gone from me. All, I have is sadness and I live through it daily the best I can and make the best I can of my life. If you lose someone, you would understand, your here, they are gone and the best you can do is carry on. Because you do not control your own fate or destiny, that belongs to someone or something of a greater power than you or me.

 I have seen people and watched people and heard of people who have taken their own lives. Depression, illness, both mentally and physically can lead to emotional breakdowns and suicides. So, I tell many the best thing you can do is stay busy, walk, find hobbies, write like me, read, try to keep busy. For when you stop, is when you are in the most danger,from depression. A busy mind and heart will keep ticking, I am not saying it is easy to do, for I know it is not. I also know the alternative is not a choice I accept at this point, so I try to push forward and hope for the best each day. Yet I also know, my own cancer can come back, and take me too. If it does, I know I have lived a pretty full life, in my own way.

  I have had a life filled with physical pain, mental pain, and emotional pain too. I have overcome and carried on through it all. I spent my childhood trying to fit in, I spent years helping my family I grew up in, even though my mother tried to cast me away. I spent my teen and formative years taking care of my younger siblings. Then I spent my 20’a and into my 30’s serving my country in three branches of service. I married and divoced and had two of everything you can think of while in service. I think I did ok, for a kid who didn’t graduate high school. I got a GED. I went on from service and divorce and having rwo children to a lonely three year period. Then I found my second wife and returned to college thanks to the Veterans administration. I got an associates degree at 40 years old folks, became a member of Honor Societies also. Won, Honors in college and an Award. Yes I did ok.

 I was a factory worker,a serviveman, did military service and more. I taught people to draw when I was younger and learn to write. I have short stories and poems I wrote online and of course my blogs I do here. Someone asked me what kind of a leagacy I may leave behind when I go, my writtings may be that, for sure. I was a father, a husband, and a friend to some. I still have two friends I met when I was 14 to this day. Life is a mystery, but, if you work at it, it can be worth the suffering, and you may enjoy it too. Always remember, we know not why we are put upon this earth or what our purpose is, but, I firmly believe, we are here for a mission or purpose we do not understand, or know of, but when we complete that unknown mission, we are recalled to where from whence we came. We just do not know, when or what that mission may be. But, it is the only logical conclusion, for me. So, I write my blogs and do my things daily that I can, it’s all part of life, as we who live it, can be, we go on to our fates and destiny.