Tag: outcast

Wakes/ Funerals, Families and Me


      Families, some are close, some are apart and some estranged, but let someone die and everyone comes out of the wood work. It’s amazing if you have a family member die, how many people who you haven’t seen in decades suddenly show up. It doesn’t matter if your religious, or not or what religion you are lost relatives tend to pop out of the wood work.

      No one likes wakes and funerals and i am no exception at all. I hate the fact people want displayed after their death, for all the family and friends to see. I hate having to pretend to know someone you really don’t because it is family, but many in the religions of the world perform this rituals and ceremonies because it is what they were taught by their churches and parents. I understand the traditions and reasons, I don’t understand the real purpose of doing it all except the cost and hours the immediate family must sit there and greet strangers not really known to them.

       The American way of life promotes family and it promotes traditions , but this wake , funeral thing is one i will never understand or want for myself. I am a man who was outcast and a lone wolf for at least 24  my life, never wanted or cared for by my immediate family, just taken care of because I was theirs. I was beaten, harassed, thrown around and abused and mentally tortured in ways by my whole family as a kid. Then I was used to do work and rebuild a home with my step-father who, beat me with boards, shovels, lead pipes and more to keep me inline. In the meantime I never knew what a hug or a kiss from a mother was, she was too busy taking care of the only child she did care about her first. The rest of us, of which there were four more, were after thoughts is all. Yes she performed the protective angel part in front of friends and family, but let me tell you mom was not a loving woman. As her second husband said for all the years they were married, she had no motherly instinct at all.   Family is not necessarily, blood and flesh, nor are they always the ones you live with. But they are the ones who show up, assist you and care for you when you are down and out, or hurting in any way. That is the way family is supposed to be, not what was given to me as a child and son.

      Wakes and funerals even for a full-grown man are scary, and dark and sad. To stand there and greet people as my dead one lies there is not my thing, greeting people who may have known them but not us is rough too.  In the end I just couldn’t force anyone to go through that when I die. So for me I will have no part of wakes and funerals, but I will have The Service I honorably served in for my country, cremate my body and take my body to sea and bury me there. It is cleaner, less of a scene and I don’t have to worry who shall cry over me or not, or show up or not, I will be at eternal rest in the ocean from which all life came from in the beginning.

 

We didn’t Ask for This!


      Sadly across the world there are many people like me, who never asked to be born, yet are here and suffer because they were born into the wrong parents or family. They feel outcast, ignored,or angry, or they know they were born different, yet blame for what they were born with. Yes, across the world every second of every day, is born a child with Attention Deficit Disorder and Hyper-Activity.

        We are standouts because we can’t understand why we are different, we can’t control why we are different and in the end we can’t change it either. Parents, Doctors and siblings try to handle us and don’t understand why we don’t respond or why we run or shy away or cry or laugh suddenly. Many of us are bothered by small things within our own families, or in schools or churches even and all anyone does is point at us and make us stand out more as a sore thumb or bad piece of cake. We don’t need that attention either, do we ADD/HD people, we run from it and just want to be treated normal I know.

      

Whats even worse than all of the above problems a child with ADD/HD may have, is the fact that parents misdiagnosed us, bring attention to us and press us for things at times we can not do, or want to do, they don’t understand the speed our brain may be running at! We run at a different speed then most, and people need to know that later in life we do slow down and match others around us.

       We have been treated with different drugs and medications of all kinds,analyzed to hell by mental doctors and MDs and more. Yet in the end they can do no more than ritilan us or medicate us with drugs and slow us down. We persist because we are ADD/HD children it matters not why we have it or how, we only need to learn how we as individuals can learn to control ourselves, and use it for good.

        I know we are looked at as outcasts, strange, indifferent individuals, some call us bastards or bitches without a conscience, others call us mental patients, none of that is true. One main thing that is not true is we didn’t ask to be born this way, yet we must learn to deal with it ourselves to fit into normal society in the world and not be stared at or abused. It’s not easy when your body won’t sit still, your mind is racing ahead of people your own age and size. Yet we learn through seeing, watching and  doing, and from patient individuals who understand we are indeed perking at a higher speed so to say. We tend to get engrossed  in books, biographies, history, or arts mostly. Basically we like solving puzzles and reading and writing and such. Creative juices flow heavily in ADD/HD people.

         Direct an ADD/HD child in a good direction and let them loose they can become a great individual if guided correctly. You guide or direct one in the wrong way by beating them, harassing them, or mentally punishing them they will rebel and get even in one way or another, and even go to the point of getting obsessive about getting even. It’s all in how ADD/HD children are taught, handled and talked to and allowed to explore and learn at their own rate. A forced rate of learning or discipline will drive them to rebel, fight back, or even isolate themselves, depending on their age, current status of condition, severity, and treatment.  It doesn’t mean, ADD/HD people can’t fit into society or the world we do, just as the chemical imbalances in our brains ultimately balance out and cause us to slow down and react normally, we get there.

        So, people of the world, please remember, just because a child has ADD/HD, and seems to not fit in, you need to recognize the illness, get it diagnosed and get advised on how to handle your child who has it. In the end one of the most important things to remember about people who have ADD/HD is it can lead to PTSD in later life and more. Lastly, please remember a basic thing about these children, we didn’t ask to be born but were brought into the world anyway, we didn’t know we weren’t average or totally normal until after we grew old enough to feel and see the difference, and we don’t ask to suffer with this, we do learn to deal with it though. So please respect us, let us speak, let us help you understand us and be patient. Childhood is rough enough when one is normal, adulthood is the same when normal in this world, but it is so much harder when you have ADD/HD, you can’t slow down till your chemical imbalance comes back to normal, your always ahead of others and pinging. It takes time to adapt and try to control it all.