Tag: widow

Navigating Dating as a Senior: A Widower’s Perspective


Ok, Whats new is alwaysa question for me. Since I am a widower and single and 69, I try to find different things to do. Walking is always big for me, as is bowling at least twicea week when I can. I lik eplaying billards once a week where I live. Other than that I am usually hunting an dlooking for things to do.

Some say go to the Senior Center and hang out and you will meet people, thats true. And I don’t knock the Senior Center at all, but, I do feel like I don’t really belong when there. Maybe I am just not there yet, so I feel out of place. Nothing against the Center itself believe me.

I do like to bowl which keeps me active at least. I do read some and try to stay up to date on the news too and tv. I like movies but haven’t been to one in ages, cause it is not fun alone.

Drinking and Clubs and Taverns, are not my thing really. I will go to one, once in a while here in Westborough, just to get out, havea meal and a drink and to look around. Usuaually, most in the Bars, Tavern around wetsborough are people in their 30’s to 50’s who are dating or already have a partner they are dating. So fora single widower my age of 69, it gets to feel like I am a fifth wheel so to say.

As to the dating scene as I see it today here in Westborough, I know many have fears, especially the ladies. I respect their fears and I am never aggressive nor do I chase them. I don’t need a place tos tay, I own, I don’t need someone’s money ladies, I am fine on my own. I do not abuse women either never have and never will wasn’t raised that wya and I do not have a agressive or anger problem. I do tend to stay away from trouble and I do get the fact that not everyone is your cup of tea or mine so to speak. I try to be honest, I try to be fair, and I always try to be respectful and kind. It’s just my nature I think.

So when I do go Bowling, or to a mall or something, even a tavern or bar, I am me. I don’t like talking politics in public it causes wars and fights these days.Sports I love and it’s NFL time once more, with The NBA is coming back soon enough. I am a Celtics fan and hope their rebuild wil be great an dthey have a great season. some ask me about MLB, while I am a Red sox fan, I can’t sit through a game on tv, it puts me to sleep too long. Football I watch, Basketball I watch. But hey, I like sports.

So Anyway life goes on. As a single widower, I find it slow and hard to find someone to match with or date. Age does play a factor for sure, as well as what to do each day when retired. So, I go day to day, and hope, is all. The hardest part of being a widower my age of 69, is the fact of being alone. I have to say I had a total of 40 years of marriage in my life of 69 years. One was 12 years, the second 28 years. So I think I did fine, and I was very lucky. When I look around and see the single , divorced or widowed women, I also see fears and anger in many. Some believe a man wants them just for one thing or another. Let me say this, I don’t wnat someone’s home, or money, or just for their body. I do like companionship, I do love women for their sense of humor, intelligence and to be with. But, dating at 69, is like being interviewed for a job, or something. A million questions, a million different views, and then even if you get through them, you still have to find attraction and chemistry. It’s liek having a job just to get a date, the search, the asking, the dating, the interview and the response can be fun, and rejection can be big. so, what does one do, well, I know what I do, I just go day to day, and hope is all. being positive helps, folks.

Dating for us Seniors is like a trek down a mystery highway, for you know not what the next corner or turn will be. So, one day at a time is all one can do. I will say this, I never dod learn to flirt properly, some are good at it, me I am clumsy and don’t get it. But, I must of done something right, for two marriages totaled 40 years for me. LOL

Grief, Dealing with it


Today is December 6th, 2023, the year has been flying by for all of us and time stops for no one and we age as it does. We go through life and we never stop to think that, we may depart it at any moment, and those we care about may do so too. Now, I was watching CNN this am and Anderson Cooper was talking about his podcast he did regarding grief and loss and how one handles it in life. He even hada conversation with President Joe Biden regarding it all. Grief drives many of us, but, it also holds some of us back, from being the best we can be. It is a two edged sword in it’s own way. One one side, we miss those we have lost and we get quiet, sad and depressed. Some go to the other side and use their loss, of one they loved to drive them forward inlife and to do good. Each of us are different of that much I am sure.

I have lost my wife of 28 years in 2021 to cancer, and I know about grief for I live with it daily. I find myself, remembering her daily, and even at times talking to her, wishing she were still here with me. I have to say, I lost my grandfather to cancer, my father to cancer, my mother to cancer, even my stepfather to cancer also. And yes eaxh affected me differently in my life when it happened. For you have different relationships with each member of your family and no two can be the same. But, one thing is common in all of them and the loss for each, it does, remind me of my own humanity, my own vunerabilty and depressed me, because I miss the one I lost. Depression, isa natural part of grief I am told, and how you handle the loss and grief is vital to your life. Some of us withdraw and hide from society, and I have done that for the past over two years since my wife passed. I have questioned could I have kept her alive longer, was there something I could have done for her. COuld I have stopped her from dying? I was even accussed of killingh her by someone because I gave her morphine as instructed by the Hospice NUrses and Doctors to kill her pain. All of it affects me daily, as Is it and wonder, and think of how much I miss her.

I know, the depression and the missing of her has stopped me from venturing out and being open to asking another woman to be a part of my life or to date. Fear the intimacy and closeness and losing someone again, that I would be so close with. The commitment it takes to be in such a relationship is big and in the end, no two are the same. So when you lose someone you were with for a long period of time, that relationship, has shaped your life, your thoughts, your emotional makeup and so much more. You suddenly find yourself adrift, lost, alone and tend to aimlessly, try to find a way to hold on, and move forward alone. Then you do not wish to put that depression or feelings on anyone else to burden then, or to impose on them or to have them feeling sorry for you either. So you stand alone, and try o move forward on your own, and find yourself thinking about the missing one you lost, and end up at times staring at their photos, or at times talking to them, when you know they are gone. So, what does one do, to face depression and these emotions and feelings that happen in loss.

My thought on how to overcome all of it is not simple. For grief is something all have to go through at sometime in their life. SO I look at others, I try to talk to others, and in the end, many do not wish to hear it. Some go enough, get over it, move on, let it go. Yet, I can’t, because Iw as so involved and attached to her. Then I come to realize, I am not doing anymore for her, I can’t elp her anymore, I can’t save her anymore, I can’t bring her back and I cry. Then I hide for days on end, embarrassed by showing the emotion or tears and don’t want anyone to see it. It takes time, for those tears to dry up and stop folks. It takes time to make peacxe with yourself, and all you can do, is try to calm down and put it in perspective in your own heart and mind, and try to open up again. Am I wrong if I try to find someone else to be with, am I wrong for wanting to be with a partner again, and to try to find some more joy in my life? I don’t know yet, and it’s now been since August of 2021. I know I miss her, but, how do I stop, myself from comparing her to someone else, of stopping the memories of her from coming up again. Is there a way trough this grief?

I thank Anderson Cooper for his podcast and his thoughts and his discussion with The President of the United States Joe Biden. I think, if both of them can talk about it and give us some direction on to handle it and to deal with it, they have both done us a favor. They have opened up a flood gate for those of us dealing with grief that shows we are not alone in dealing with it all. There are many of us, dealing with it, and in the end, i think all of us, must help one another in someway, even, if it means, finally finding a way to move on and find someone else. It’s the how, that is hard for sure. Yet we all know we must, for we are still lhere and they are gone.