Passing On
“ Ahhhhhhh…….. , the long road of life has been so nice, but the bumps along the way, they push one through each day!” said, I to my youngest grandson.
Sitting back in my rocker on my porch in the warm spring air I realize it is really me, and how fast life does pass by. The sun glows this spring morning as the dew slowly slips from the trees and flowers. I stare out at a world that has been good to me but, bad to me too and wonder how I got this far, so soon.
The struggles one has to go through to survive and be alive can be unbelievable for some and for others no struggles really exist. Maybe it is just the luck of the draw to have rich parents and get everything for free? The better half of the equation may be to have poor parents and to grow up with less so you learn how to get what you want and need? The thought rests in my mind as I take a breath of the morning air and look down at the youngest grandson. Wonder, what do I have to pass to you little one. What is the most important thing a grandfather can leave to his grandchild? Is it money, is it materials, is it writings and books, old photographs maybe. I think not as I watch him play in the morning sunlight, the sun bouncing off his golden blonde hair. I think the best is to teach you to share! Share who you are with the world little one, and they will share what they are with you.
Leaning back in my rocker, I watch the little one play with his trucks and cars, dreaming in his way of reaching for the stars. I can remember when that was me so many years ago. Now I watch him playing, and hope for his own good he takes it slow. Enjoy life little one, take your time and have fun. Make the most from each moment you are here, but always remember to care and share.
My grandson looks up at me and asks, Grandpa, “What makes the world go round?” Laughing I rock back in my chair and tell him” Son, the world goes round due to forces of nature and science, but what really causes it to spin?” Well, that comes from all of us deep within.”” Without the lives we live and without the interacting of take and give, the world might stop”, take it from your old Grand Pop!
Back to play , cars zooming across the porch, his smile bright as a ray of sunshine, yes grandson keep having fun! I watch and think back and know, he already has had it better than me, or my children had it too.
Teaching a child how to play or do something is vital to their life, and you pass on what you know and did to your grandkid. We all do it sooner or later I think to myself, leaning back in my chair, as I hold my pipe by its bowl and strike a match.
Lighting up slowly I inhale the taste of cherry tobacco and relax again. The smoke wafts across the porch over my grandsons head, bringing a smell of cherry tinge to the air. Ah yes I think, little one you have to be taught to share, to care and most of all for you to be there for family.
He rolls his truck over the boards and stops suddenly and grabs the next little car and catches it up and then the next, lining them all up in a row. Yes little one that’s how life shall go, line it all up in a row. Iif something falls out of line, make it up and carry on for all time. If pain shall come as it does for all, stand up and be counted and stand tall. A little pain will make you stronger little one, it did my father, and it did me and even my son you see. Each of us suffers in some ways I think to myself puffing on my pipe and watching him play. Yes, a little suffering happens to everyone, someday, you will have to be prepared for that too.
Smoking my pipe I hear the birds chirp around me and feel the air growing warmer now in the spring. Birds start to sing and it warms a bit, the flowers are out now and the leaves all green.
Ah, looking at my grandson, I know what you need to be taught, that life is not always what it seems. Knowing he will learn as I did too, that not all kinds of good things just keep happening to you. There will be times you will have to do without little one, you will have times when you have to fight and run, and there will be times when you fear all or no one. These things happen to all of us, I think to myself, I hope your prepared for them little one.
Puffing on my pipe, I smile as he keeps his line of cars and trucks all in line and drives them like he has a lot of time. It makes me think he will have to learn that time stops for no one and the world keeps on turning too. Taking, another puff I think on this one, how do you tell a child so young that someday his time shall also come? Do you tell him about life and death or comings and goings? Do you tell him how people you love disappear suddenly and don’t return, how do you tell one so young that which he must learn?
I stop and think of all the lessons I learned as a child, but I can’t pass those on, The world has changed and they will have to be passed on in a new way. Rocking slowly back and forth I watch the little guy play, he hums and laughs and smiles so bright, and makes me as his grandpa feel so right. I want only good for him and his cousins and all the family. I hope the lessons he learns will be good for him, instead of the bad ones like I had learned.
I stop and stare, ah the bad ones, yes more than one for sure. Thinking back I think of my first vivid memory of my mother, her slapping me across the room at five, for not holding still for her to dress me for school. Ah no he won’t get that I am sure, or how my father told me, he would shoot me and bury me in the ground and not care one bit, no I know he won’t get that for sure.
My mind wanders back as I watch him play, I hope you get taught and brought up a better way. You don’t need your feet burnt on a stove to learn not to steal cookies; I pray you never get woken at night and beat senseless without any reason why! I pray you will have it better my grandson, for I worked all these years trying to stop the cycle of violence, so my grandkids would never see it or feel it.
Rocking slowly I think about how the holidays were never holidays but fights, how the silverware flew and the Christmas trees too, I close my eyes, the smoke slowly releasing from my lungs, and pray, Dear God Protect him, for they do not know.
Looking at the littlest guy he’s the youngest, he plays and laughs and giggles and then makes roaring sounds for his truck. I pray he will have siblings who share and who care and watch him closely too. Unlike the siblings I had, who never gave a damn about me or you. Off they ran doing their own things, and leaving me behind, I hope and pray for his young sake, his siblings will be closer and better than mine.
Rocking back and forth slowly I chuckle at his play and happiness and hope he will always be that way. I know it can’t always stay that way, as I learned. Will he be ok when he finds his first love as I was, or will he have trouble? I won’t know I am sure, but I am hoping he will have friends and siblings to discuss it all with. Will he know what love really is and lose it; will he have what he needs?
All I can do is rock and remember my first love and what she meant to me. I hope his will be gentle and kind and have those quiet talks and loving times, when the sweet caresses that are shared are innocent and pure, and two young people find their way, to share a blessed moment one night.
Will his first kiss be a memorable one, like the one I had, way back in time? Will he kiss his first girl and know it is right, will he be patient and do it all right? I don’t know for I may not be here, but what is it that I must share?
Do I tell him what my father said to me, be ready, save and watch for anything that can happen. The warnings my father taught me to watch for the money flow that slows, the wife that pulls away, the car that can break down almost any day. Will he know and be taught to save his money and be ready for a season, like the bears who store honey? I know not for I am growing old, but I do know even now, he will always be bold.
Rocking slowly now, I smoke my pipe; ah I do hope you do have a better life.
A door swings open and out they come now all seven grandkids start, to run. They spread across the yard yelling and screaming to one another, ah they are sister and brother.
My daughters have done a better job then I and my wife at the time, did, for these are children, who enjoy being a kid. They laugh, they play and they love, you can see as I stand here on my porch watching them from above.
What a pleasure it is to be so young, all that energy and nothing to really get done. I do remember those days myself, as I watch the littlest one join them all like an elf. He chases ,he runs , he laughs and smiles, but watching them all, I see each kid has their own style, They dress all a little different yet the same, and but never once do they leave anyone out of their game. They all play together in happiness and joy; I wish it were that way for me, when I was a boy.
Back to my rocker I go to sit, lighting my pipe as I feel the pain from my hip. Leaning back I watch as they all play, my breathing getting slower in a way. Relaxing and smiling at all I can see, when suddenly a feeling of contentment overcomes me. I smile and eye each child in turn, and hope that each one will grow and learn. I lean back in my rocker now, and feel it all inside. With a sigh and a smile, I drop my pipe to the porch, and lean back breathing harder. My time has come and I must go, but I hope as I do, that each grandchild knows, I love them so.
My lungs hurt so and the pressure in my chest gets worse and I sigh out loud, slumping in my rocker. Opening my eyes in pain, I see the little guy, looking up at me as he starts to yell and scream. Suddenly I see him no more, I can hear his cries, and want to wipe his eyes. but my body doesn’t respond, my breath is ragged and the pain severe.
My daughters, I can hear them screaming, but it is all I hear, I think well at least now I know they care. My body aches now and I can’t move all I can do is hear the screams and crying.
The last thing I hear is my oldest daughter, her cries seem loudest to me, but I can’t reply, but I can hear the fear in her voice, as she says, Daddy goodbye!
Time has passed I awaken in a hospital bed. There surrounding me are my daughters and their children. Unable to talk, I look around the stroke has taken my voice away.
Looking once more, I see the littlest one, his eyes red and full of tears. He is crying, then suddenly he turns to his brother and hugs him close and I can hear him, he whispers to his brother, “it will be ok, grandpa is fine’.
I turn as a nurse comes in and I see and hear her say “it is time for more tests”. I look back as they wheel me down the hallway and there is the little guy, comforting his siblings and yes even his mother! I am rushed down the corridor and all flies by in a blur, I think I did it right he shares and cares and shows it. I did pass on what I wanted to most! The sharing and caring for his family and being there is all intact. I drift off to sleep in the operating room, as the mask is put over my face.
The next day, I awoke in pain but alive. Waiting for me as I did, were my daughters, and my youngest grandson. I manage a smile and wave hello, thinking to myself, I did pass on the caring and sharing and the sense of family, it worked. And I didn’t have to pass on in another way Thank God.
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