Someone tell me. or try to anyway !

As we age, sometimes we stop and think back on our lives. I believe all do it, because, we determine what to do in the present based on what has happened in the past to us. We reflect, we think back, we compare and we determine what to do each day and situation we are in, based on what has happened in our past. I know some will say, I have no idea what I am saying here, but, in fact I believe others do not realize that is what they are doing.

Men do not admit to doing so as much as women do. For instance, women openly state what they don’t like in men, up front and honestly and they make decisions on what men to date or get in a relationship based on their past relationships and what they have already seen and dislike or hate. Men do it also, but, not as much as women do, why, the vunerbility factor of the female sex, so to say. Now of course there is the women’s movements of different types and their members who will never admit that, this is true. Yet, in the end, isn’t it, stop and think.

Now lets discuss today’s reality in the dating world of straight individuals. I say that because i know nothing of the reality of the gay world for either sex. So I avoid it so, I do not starta war with the gay, communitty in anyway and allow them to speak theior own truths and thoughts.

Men and women, in todays world, are having a hard time dating, period in 2023. Why, well, that my friends is a good question is it not? Even the younger people in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s are going through it. They end up in online dating apps, trying to find matches through them, answering questions and being grilled on what they like or don’t like period. It costs money, time and effort of course to do these dating apps and 8 out of 10 times they do not work. Why is that so, simple it is a system of long distance love finding and match making that is scary, and ugly at times. People stand people up and don’t meet in person, why, fears, anxieties, come into play. Will they like how I look, will they say I am too old or too young, will they think I am desperate, or will they think I am trying to take them for money, or abuse them? Who knows for sure which fear or anxiety gets to them, the fact is they refuse to meet, or they say they will and don’t and you get with no shows. It happens everyday folks, and on the news and television and in newspapers and more, are articles of how Americans are suffering through a loneliness syndrome, it is real believe it or not.

In my case it is easy to explain, I am a widower, and 67 years old. The older generation has it rougher than the younger ones, why, because we have more fears, and anxieties and we get scarred, why because we know what can happen. We understand the embarrassment of no shows, of refusals, of nos. we know the denials of the appraoches we make or being shot down. I am one of those who does not, have this high opinion of myself, I old, I am set in my ways and I shy away from asking any woman out or for a date. There is no such thing as a dating site that workd for the 55 and up crowd, not in my opinion and I have looked at andtried many.I looked at Zoosk, Match, Our Time and more, in the end it is texting back and forth and each text or message you send is not replied to unless the other person decides to. It becomesa money game then, costing senior a lot to get nothing.

The we get told to try things like Meet-up, which is probally a decent app, because it shows events and happening you can attend for fun times. The problem with this metheod is simple, you have to be brave enough to go and attend these events in order to meet anyone.In my case I went to two sucj Meetups and I walked in, looked around and walked out, alone within a few minutes. Why, scarred, shy, wouldn’t know what to say. Same reason why I don’t do bars or taverns, I sit alone and talk to no one, for I am afraid of approaching any woman out there. I do not think myself to be good enough for any of them, even if i wa smarried twice and now a widower. We age, we get set in our ways, our looks age with us and some of us have no idea what flirting is and never did, like me. So, I gather, I shall probally, end up spending the rest of my life, no matter how long it may be as a single person, alone.

Do I regret anything in my life, that has to do with this dating subject, sure I do. I think each of us, as we got through life, regret the ones we missed out on, so to say. I call them, the ones that got away, and I shouldn’t have let get away and i know it. Yet, as i said at the beggining, there is no changing the past, you can’t go back to do so, and now you are too set in your ways, to be able to admit the regrets or to attempt to do anything about it. People move on in life, we grow, we get married, we get divorced and we age and change. I can tell someone I regret not saying something, or doing something about how I felt, but, once the moment passes, you can’t go back and do it differently, can you? Your older, your smarter, you safety systems are in place, and in the end so are they. Your not the same person and nor are they, in reality. So there ya go. This is not Friends, andI am not Ross and no one is Rachel either. I don’t think anyone lives that reality in todays world or has the ability to go back in that way and try to fix it. It doesn’t work, circumstances change, as we age.

So, my question is what isa single widower or widow, or divorcee, supposed to do these days? Is there a solution that works, that doesn’t cause pain, anxiety, or cost money? Someone tell me. or try to anyway !