Life Lessons from a 69-Year-Old Widower

Hello all, today is June 9th, 2025, and I have now lived in Westborough, Ma. 01581 for the last 3 years. As a resident, I have learned that the people of Westborough can be helpful, kind and polite when they wish to, but when upset or something is bothering them, well, you get the idea.

I am not a bar/ tavern type of person mainly because I don’t drink a lot, and crowds bother me. I frequent grocery stores as needed, I bowl when I wish, and I play billards once a week. I walk if I feel up to it, I read, and write as I want and basically, mind my own business. Not complicated for sure, I believe in taking it easy at 69 years old.

As a widower, who lost his wife in 2021, I basically stay alone. Never was Mr. handsome or Mr. Social Butterfly. I am just me, and like many, I havea belief, that, I am not everyone’s cup of tea so to say. But as I told one person, isn’t that why they make so many different flavors of tea?

Each day is different, yet the same in many ways. Can’t control the weather, the political climate, the economy, but I can control me. Some may think that is not good enough in today’s world and they may be right. There is far too much violence, anger and more in today’s world. I don’t fully comprehend why, but it does exist. For instance I stopped in a Tavern one day just for one beer and a sandwhich and started talking to a couple next to me. The conversation went on about the different generations I have lived through and the decades. I stated I thought the 1970’s were the best years I loved through, we had the best cars, they were still steel, the best music, from rock and roll to country and motown and the best economy of the time. Plus, people were more friendly, polite and nicer, and working well. Well, I had no idea such a conversation would upset anyone. The man went off on me, arguing the 1980’s were better, and when we disagreed, he got upset and mad. His girlfriend had to tell him to calm down more than once. so, I stopped talking and walked away once I ate. never went back there due to such behavior.

I don’t take to violent people, angry people or unkind people. I don’t enjoy being told to shut up, or behave either, especially if I don’t believe I did anything wrong. if you havea bug up your ass folks, do me a favor, keep it there, don’t spit it out in anger all over the place. I understand all of us have our bad days or times, but, swallow it some and remember, the whole world did not do a thing to you. Aim that anger where it belongd or swallow it and move on, life is too damn short.

Next, I have found since my wife passed in 2021, that the dating scene in America sucks. Yes, I know there are a million dating sites online, on the internet for people to use. I also know, many of them, work at time sif used correctly they say. What I found is people post pictures that don’t look like them, they build fake profiles also. I also have found women and men are all afraid of dating these days. I hear the complaints daily, of how people are angry, or how they try to take advantage of others, go after your money, or use or abuse people. It’s sad to see and admit, but, if your like me, you know what I am saying is true.

Did a few dating sites for those my age, Match.com., Senior Sites of different kinds too. While they do work, I find it is not a way that works for me. I do not post naked pics of myself, I do not chase women, constantly, and if I like someone I usually say so. But, online dating is more like a meat market, and so many are already married, or running from a relationship that harmed them. So it becomes a minefield of problems using them.

So what do I do now, many ask me? well asa Senior citizen nowadays, I have given up on any hope of finding a female companion or partner. as many know, each of us, who are widowers or widows, are set in our ways. I find many, look for what they had in their lost one, in others. That comparision process, works against the process, you are trying to do. No two people, wheithe rmen or women, are the same folks, we each have our personalities, our attitudes, our styles and our ways. so in the end, if your stuck on just one of those, you stand zero chance of finding someone. Attitude is everything, willingness is everything, openess is everything, and so is the ability to openly communicate honestly. LOng ago and far away, many years ago, i told a very old friend, who was looking for a lover to slow down. stop writing letters and posts to women you don’t know. So he said what do I do. I said be you, have fun, work your job, laugh and do what you love on your own. if you are you and natural, and having fun, someone will join in and notice you. It worked! Today he is married now over 30 years, to the woman he met doing what I said to do and very happy. As long as you learn to be you and learn to openly communicate and compromise your fine. It’s when you don’t, that you lose out.

I can tell people not what to do, better than I can what to do. I am not perfect, far from it. But, I can say this for me, I am 69 years old now, I had one marriage that went 12 years, a second that went 28 years. I think I did ok, considering I am now 69 and alone. 40 years of marriage in a 69 year life span is pretty good in my book, I don’t know if ya agree, but, thats my opinion, lol.

Don’t be selfish, don’t be foolish, don’t act like someone you are not. be honest, be clean, be neat and be you. Don’t fake anything in life folks, but learn to openly communicate, shut up when needed, laugh when something is funny and try to compromise with those you want to be around or like. Friendships are important, as are belonging. as to me, I find myself, in the same position as many do, scarred, fearful of being abised or used, fearful of someone coming after my finances,. I didn’t get to 69 by being ignorant or stupid folks, ever hear that old saying, don’t mess with the elderly, because we didn’t get here, without knowing things we learned. LoL

As I go forward in time and age I have learned, don’t piss people off, don’t take your anger out on someone else, you don’t like someone for whatever reason, move on, move away, let them be. who they are and what they do, does not affect me or you, unless it does, and we always have the option to need engage again. Thats life folks!

Just some simple opinions of mine above and some simple opinions of the dating scene an dlife as I age here in Westborough, Ma. I grew up in Connecticut folks, in the days of the 1960’s amd 1970’s, we played outside, we engage with other children, we ran, jumped and laughed. We fought to survive and mom always said you get home before the street lights come on. we ate what we were fed, we wore what we were given, and we went to school when told. We didn’t have gaming consoles, computers and the internet. So in those days, we had no choice but to learn to engage and get along with others, or else you were an outcast. Times have changed. We went from a world of we, we, we toa world of me, me, me and in my opinion, it sucks. As a very old black woman told me when I was a child stung by a bee, a lilttle kindness goes a long way ypou see. She put a mud pack onm y hand, and drew the stinger out. She smiled at me and said take care. Those kind of people are very rare, these days. Life has changed, I don’t care about color or race, or where your from, if any place. I care, how we get along, and that my friends should be a happy song.