Passing on…………………… [Kindle Edition]
William McCurrach (Author)
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Author: macattack56
Age 69
Navy Veteran- 16 years military, three branches
Writing is my thing!
Do Poems and stories and Blogs
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MyYearBook-Domct2002
Twitter-@BillMcCurrach
My Lament to DAD!
The weekend is getting ready to begin folks, it is Friday! I hope all had a great week at work and home and got done what they needed done! Life will go on no matter what folks believe me, I know, I have heard it all before, and was told it by a special man in my life, years ago, before he died!
Yes, as my Step-father laid on a hospital bed dying of cancer, he spoke to me, his words were clear concise and he knew what he was saying. He said the following to me: Son, don’t cry for me, don’t let life go by, don’t waste time. I know when I die you will cry, you will grieve for me, but, I want you to carry on! Be the best you can be son, and remember long after I am gone, the world will continue to spin, the clocks will still tick and life will go on. Minutes will turn to hours, hours to days and days to weeks and, months and finally years. You will overcome your grief, and move on and so will the world, just remember me and that I loved ya! He then turned his head and vomited all over the place and died! I remember Dad I do, so I moved on and so has life and time as you said, now I am almost your age when you died and moms too and soon, who knows I may come see you again. Lets hope for the best, I will live to be the best and do as ya said, waste no time and do my thing, make my mark. I owe you that much Dad for raising me, for clothing me, housing me, feeding me and so much more, Love Your Son!
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September Rolls, Premonitions, Writing, Television
September rolls on for 2014, a year I never figured on living to but I have. Each day brings a mystery to how i survive and why, but here I be. So while I am still kicking lets talk about, premonitions. I have had them all my life so to say, when I was a small child, I saw things coming and avoided them,. I would dream of something happening and wake up upset, and it would stick with me all day and when I ran across anything the looked like the dream I would avoid it and walk away. It worked for I am still here and I have avoided the worse things I ever dreamed of.
Premonitions, took me to school, away from drugs, towards arts and writing, towards lovers and away from enemies. They gave me direction, like joining the service, marrying whom I did and divorcing one I did too. I knew so many things were coming do to dreams I had and remembered and that included births of my daughters and much more. Life is not always a question mark for me, sometimes I just go toward what I have seen in my dreams and it keeps me going and gives me hope and much more. It is not always that way and I find when that is so, bad things will catch up to me, like old enemies or a lose will happen. But then it is usually because I choose to ignore what my dreams told me, funny how that works.
As we all know I write little stories, blogs and poems, for I try to sell them and get people to read them every chance I can. I made many into little books on Amazon’s Kindle E-Book Publishing, where my wife took and published them. I was amazed that people would ever read them, never mind pay for them, but some did. My only problem in this field is what to write about next to produce more, for I took many stories from my life and did them up. I made some up like my murder mystery books so I am capable of that too. The only question is what the public is reading these days, and what kind of stories they would like period. Ya never know what people really like do you?
I want to thank television and the Networks for starting the Fall Season too, new shows and returning ones are alway interesting and fun. But I think instead of a 13 week season it should be expanded to twice as much, that way it lasts longer and more to see what happens in favorite shows and with the characters. But that’s me, certain shows I love and will watch all the time, NCIS, Castle,The Voice are some I love, Scandal,Chicago Fire and PD are a few others. Then when all else fails me for a program to watch I find the History Channel, Discovery, Fox and Sci-Fi to fill the gaps. All good programming and more, but I am now getting into Public Television these days and CPTV comes to mind. They always have something interesting to watch and it’s educational or pure entertaining.
Past+Choice=Future
The first day of Fall has arrived folks, and a chill hits the air and the muggy air still sits on top of us. But the year proceeds along as usual doesn’t it, time waits for no one that is for sure! The past is dead and gone they say, but the truth is every moment in ones past is what is built upon to live the future your going to. All we were taught when young carries us forward in life and we used these past experiences and lessons to make decisions in our current day-to-day lives. We build upon each experience we had in the past and use the results to make the choices we do for today and the lives we live.
You hear people mention it all the time without realizing it, like whew glad I didn’t do that one, did it before and know what that is like, and phrases like that. The miracle is no one realizes it consciously, nor do you pay attention to the fact you’re doing it, you just do, funny huh? It’s called automatic responses, and we are all programmed with them, someone sneezes, God Bless ya comes out, someone is sick, we all react the same, we are sorry, hope ya feel better, auto-responses, these days for sure. Nothing wrong with them, just no one stops to notice!
We breath on automatic response, our hearts beat on automatic response, our body moves on auto response during our sleep. So what do we really control, our education, our choices in life are which direction we go in and how we handle the pressures that life can put upon us, and how we choose to do so, also controls what we do for a living and who we pair up with in life, as well as friends we have. We don’t choose our parents, some who mistreat us and beat us, swear at us and not care for us, yet we deal with all they do to us and with us to survive and we run from home if we have to survive. As children we are more resilient and flexible than adults and we do get fed up and ultimately fight back, and leave to form our own relationships and carry on.Amazing isn’t it when ya stop to think about it!
All a thought I had this morning, as I looked back on the lives of my own siblings and I. we all suffered abuse up and until the death of our parents in one way or another, yet each of us became different in our own ways. My elder brother was a sports hero who ran, and played and escaped home and the family through that avenue. He is now an introvert, who has been married twice, and had twos ons, one who is dead now and he runs and hides from most to survive. I am different, I am the extrovert, the one who will talk up, the one who gives advice, the one who helps other to a fault, married twice also, I have two daughters, who’s mother took them from me years ago, in her own way, turning them on me. I fought back and refused to give in and told the truth ultimately they understood and we can now talk and get along. Amazing huh? My Younger brother the 3rd one grew up fighting for attention from his parents and all around him. He fought back against his violent father and his mother who didn’t belong being a mom. In the end he rebelled so well, he wiped his father out, fought him and got thrown out of the house. He went on to become a con-man, and a drug user and died ultimately at 30 years in California and got himself buried under a name not his own, to hide. My sister was protected by her father as a child and growing up, and mom hated that. So mom mistreated her by never showing her love or caring and rejecting her in the end when mom died and handed her rings to a stranger. Sad ya ask me, really. The baby boy is a stranger to all of us these days, he’s been married twice, I don’t know if he has any children and I haven’t seen him since 1994. He is an artist, a gamer, a worker for sure, but he is also a man with a problem of mistrust and lack of showing emotion. so of five of us, no one came out perfect, did we?
I said this before and I will say it once more here, we are born to what ever parents we have at the time, and we cannot choose our parents. we learn from them, we become them in many ways and reject some of their ways as we grow up and form our own selves. we didn’t ask for the parents we had, yet we survive them normally, and make our own choices based on our own reactions, and morals and ethics as we grow up. Choices in the end make us the men or women we are today in the world and past family experiences. In The end what we find out as we grow older and deal with it all is this, we were all put on this planet to complete some mission the Lord sent us here to do, we know not what it really is, but we survive until we reach and complete it and then we return to from which we came.
Unintentional Pregnancies and Results and Truths!
Ladies, you abound and outnumber men across the USA and World at least three to one, and you can choose and pick who you love and care for and much more, men can too to a degree, yet we can’t determine who a child’s father should or should not be, you do. You choose whom you will have sex, with, get pregnant by and marry in the end, and when things don’t go the way, you want in a relationship, you say the word DIVORCE, and soon there is single mother raising a child on her own and no explanation given to the child. Then you panic and look for a father to help raise that child and when you do get one, the child is named to be that man’s not the real father’s, sad isn’t it. The real story is out there women and sooner or later that child will go looking for the real father whether you like it or not and eventually, if that father is alive, they will get the truth of what happened, won’t they!
My mother did the above, without thinking twice to make her eldest son legitimate and to give him a last name and he never knew it, he is now in his 60s when he finally found out. Yes he found out, because he finally asked after so many years and decades and it was too late to ask her, she was dead and gone and so were the men involved, sad isn’t it, he now flounders around and calls himself a bastard child, due to it all and doesn’t know what to do, to prove who his real father is or isn’t. This is what can destroy a person, it’s called secrets held back and the truth never being told, and yes it allows the mother to control the child and lead them where they want them, but in the end, it leads to a lost adult unsure of anything.
My mother was in her early days and young when she dated a man out of New York City she met down there for a short time. During that relationship she got pregnant with her first son, but the relationship did not work out and it was the 1950s, and frowned upon for a unwedded roman catholic girl to get pregnant. So after the man left her denying it was his child, my mother went and found my father , while pregnant and married him to give her son a last name. Then she got pregnant with me and I got the same last name because it was my real father. Nine Months after my birth the story got more complicated for all involved and grew worse.
My Parents were living in a home with my father’s parents at the time and i was nine months old. My real life Grandmother looked at us two boys, pointed at the eldest one, one day and told my mother he was not my father’s son. An argument ensued that evening and when my mother called my father downstairs to tell his mother we were both his sons, he refused. The Next thing that happened was, my mother took us two boys and left the New Jersey home of my grandparents with us and went home to Connecticut with us, and her parents home.
My father followed her to Connecticut and got a job in a factory called Chase Brass and Copper, and at that factory he met the next man my mother married. Between her and this man she hid us boys from my father for two years as my father struggled to find us eating hot dogs, hamburgers and whatever he could to stay and look. Finally he surrendered and went home to his parents in New Jersey, and gave up period.
My step-father raised us two boys along with three more children he had with mom and my elder brother hated him for the punishments and beatings he gave out to us all.
As a child I knew my step-father was not my real father and argued with mom over it bigtime, so bad by my 10th year she put me away in an institution for two years saying I was emotionally disturbed. In the end of those two years I returned home and restarted my life over again. By 18 years old I was determined to find my real father and I did. With help from friends I got on a bus and went to see my father face to face and get the real story of all that happened. he told me the above story, which I at first thought was crap, but it was the truth. I found out it was true by returning home, and being told the same by my step-father, my Aunt, my mother’s sister and my Uncles. No one told my elder brother though and he grew up believing he was my father’s son and nothing was wrong, he was mom’s lil boy her favorite and spoiled rotten and became self-centered and selfish, as he grew up.
My real father died of lung cancer in November 1984 and I went to his wake and funeral. As we were sitting in the Funeral Home listening to the speeches about him, a voice rang out at the back of the room. My elder brother had come to the wake at the insistence of our mother and disrupted the service with his big mouth. I was asked by my father’s sister who he was and if I could remove him please, I did and sent him home.
Our Mother died October 1991, of cancer also, as did my step-father in October of 1990 the year before. After their deaths my sister and I and my youngest brother buried them side by side in a grave both cremated under one headstone. My elder brother refused to pay a penny for the grave or headstone.
2012, I received a phone call while I was working in my yard, my wife answered the phone. My wife explained to me, it was my elder brother he wanted to come see me, he was coming to Connecticut. I said ok, tell him he can come and she did.
He arrived one day on a motorcycle, bald-headed with earrings in and in leathers, and dark sunglasses and a helmet. He stayed two nighst and left and in those two days, we said less than, ten words to one another for we were never close. Yet, the second day we were sitting on my deck outside, he, I and my wife, when he suddenly looked at me and said, I wish mom were here so I could ask her some questions. So I asked him what question he would ask her, he said he would ask her who his real father was. I was shocked and so was my wife who already knew the story from me. I looked at my wife and went what now. She said tell him, so I did. he was shocked, befuddled, baffled and asked how long I had known I told him since 1974. and I explained how I found out and from who. He shook his head and couldn’t let it go, up until he left that night on his bike.
I hadn’t spoken to my elder brother from the 1970s to the 1990s when mom died, and after she died from 1990 to 20122 either. He claimed he did not want to die estranged from me. well he left that day and he hasn’t returned since and I do not call him or vice versa. It is now 2014 and going into the final stages of the year.
So Women, when you go out and have sex , unprotected and your young and get pregnant, please give the correct father’s name to your child and let them meet him. Otherwise you will end up with a confused, emotionally damaged child, who doesn’t know what to do with themselves for their beginnings are not known to them, and who knows what they may do or become when they find the truth.
A Few of My Favorite Things!!!!!
The flowers of life I call them, Roses bushes,,Weeping cherry tree and og course the christmas plant. All flowers we love and hold dearly as life goes by and we water as needed. They bring a sweet perfume, a beauty and relaxation.
The Little cat I call Missy Foo Foo, we adopted her from a shelter and she has brought warmth, joy and love to our home! Each night as I watch Television she climbs into my lap in my recliner and keeps me company.
My Backyard at sunset, the sky turns colors and the glow opens your eyes to a sight no one can deny or beauty!
A few of my Favorite Things is what I call them, and you can see why just looking at them!
The teams I follow and Love, they may not always win, but I stand by them!
My Daughters whom I love no matter what and will till the day I die! No Matter what happened they are still my daughters!
In The end These are my Favorite Things in life , not money or belongings, but people dear to me in all ways!
Family
Alex, my brother’s Birthday!
Alex A. Sali, was my younger brother, who was the first son of my step-father Abraham. Alex was born with gifts few knew he had because he never used them, he knew music, art, and hard work. He had the gift of gab, and could talk you into buying a pair of used underwear, if he tried hard enough. He was a fighter, a con man, a thief and much more, He was a father, a lover to his women, a traveler of the United states and a Gambler too. Alex was beaten as a child by his father so much so, he rebelled against Abraham and stole his father’s belongings and jewelry and tools and sold them to pawn shops or anyone else he could to make some bucks. Alex had so many sides to him few of us knew him at all, including me, but he was my younger brother, who ran far and wide to get away from his father, his mother and his parental family, sad isn’t it?
My younger brother ran hard and far after a confrontation with his father Abraham, in the basement of a home we lived in Naugatuck, Connecticut. Seems after I left home to join the military, Alex rebelled more so than before, and he and Abraham had a falling out. They ended up in the basement of the house face to face arguing and fighting it out, as Abraham beat Alex with a two by four, Alex, finally had enough and he was now big enough to fight back, he was 16. He grabbed a lead pipe and cold cocked his father across his skull and caused the older man to bleed well. Abraham with blood pouring down his face, told his son to pack his stuff and get out of his house that day and never return. Alex did and that is how it really went no story intended folks.
Alex would return in the future once or twice maybe three times from his travels around the United States. He came back to sell a greyhound dog to a dog track one year, another time, to steal more from his father and leave again. But in the end Alex was never to enter his parents home or see his family again, for he hated each and everyone one of us, for what happened to him. It was not his siblings though who bore the responsibility of what happened to him, it was his father and mother. As they aged and he did, they wondered where he had gone and what happened to him, and grew older and hit their 50s as he hit 30. In the end his parents both contacted cancer, his father got cancer of the pancreas and his mother cancer of the lungs, they died one year and one day apart, in 1990 and 1991. While dying Abraham and his wife went looking for Alex and tried to trace him down using his social security number. They found him, before dying, and sent him a message they were dying, Alex, never replied at all, he refused.
My sister and i buried Abraham and our mother side by side in one cemetery, after our mother died, bringing them together for eternity. They never heard a word from Alex! Alex died in California after moving from state to state and leaving behind a wife in son in Texas. and headed west. He died a sad, lonely man at age 30, in a nursing home in California, and didn’t want to be buried under his real name of Sali. He was buried under Alex Sali Martenelli, and he died of aids from drug use. The sad part is he was so talented as a child and so smart he could have done anything he set his mind to, his father drove him to the dark side with beatings and mistreatment. It is Alex’s birthday today September 19th, he was born in 1963. God Bless you Alex and may you sleep peacefully and rest in peace in heaven!.
Three disturbances, that bother us all!
Good Thursday Morning America!
There are three things that disturb and concern me today as I wake up slowly and look at the news this am!
1) Terror Organizations and the existence of such groups. They are abundant in the Mid-East part of the world and wish to threaten everyone they can for either political or religious reasons. They say the Koran tells them to attack and terrorize people and eliminate people and races. Wrong no where in your Koran does it say that! Part two, why are you attacking countries who want nothing to do with you? Leave them be! Thirdly as a British citizen told me, and a Canadian too agreed, it is time the USA, Canada, Britain and other Democratic republics stop policing the world and take care of our own. We can not continue to police the world and then feed our own poor, homeless and ill can we? I also noticed that those who object to my way of thinking on this subject, never served in the military and never will or could, due to choice or laziness or illness. So that is why they think it is easy to do, it is not their asses on a ship, plane, climbing or hiking across a country full of people who hate them, it’s an honorable man or woman doing it. So if you never served, don’t speak about military missions ok, you don’t know jack about being shot at, or trying to survive in hostile territory.
2) Veteran Hospitals, I am tired of CNN, and all the major news agencies on television reporting on the accidents or malpractice of these hospitals. The truth is these hospitals save veterans and keep them alive each day, a lot more than they make mistakes or cause anyone’s death. leave them be you want to help and are concerned, then give them more money and equipment and hire more medical professionals to man them. They are under manned by Doctors, Nurses and Technicians, why because Uncle Sam pays so much less than civilian hospitals do. Wake up! While on this subject, I go to the Veteran’s Hospital in West Haven Connecticut for all my care, last year they saved my life, by first finding cancer in my lungs, in a survey they did of people with cancer history in families. My primary care provider found the cancer and one month later they took a lobe and one-third of my right lung, removing the cancer and saving my life. They follow me and have been watching me and will be for at least five years. So, don’t tell me about Veteran’ Hospitals and their faults or problems, if it is misuse of funding ok, as to performance of the Doctors, Nurses, Technicians, no way you can say they don’t do their jobs. Leave them be and give them more money and help, don’t knock them down.
3)Final subject for today; The National Football League and its interference, in the personal lives of its players. Listen closely now to what I am about to say folks, I am a NFL Fan for sure and have been all my life ok. And I firmly believe no woman or child should be hit or physically or mentally harmed period, but do we really need to be in each players personal life? I understand if a player is arrested or picked up on a warrant for harming a child or woman, they need to be prosecuted to the fullest and not allowed to play football in the league, but, if not convicted in a court of law of said crimes, one must remember this is America they are innocent until proven guilty. And to sit them down or remove them from their jobs and not letting them work or provide for their families during the charges or trial is wrong. Until convicted by a jury of their peers folks , they are innocent until it’s proven. Now, that said and done I admire The NFL for doing it’s job to the fullest in these cases and reacting, but they have taken too long to do so really, these domestic violence cases abound in the NFL and the world. It’s time, they stop! Violence toward women or children is wrong period and we know it, we are not stupid, so wake up folks, this is a disease of the world’s society and is abundant in it, We need to stop it fast and hard and make penalties more severe regarding it all.
My closer here today is a link to my latest little effort in writing, produced by my wife on Amazon’s e-books:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N1W3J5M- The Blogs On Life
If you like my Blogs, my wife assembled some in book form, please check it out!
Modern Parent’s Faults
The faults of parents, is why we have destructive, vindictive, obsessive children with no care for anyone else but themselves, they are spoiled. They are given everything and then asked to behave, and what they do is any damn thing they want and become drug abusers, drunks,stalkers, and more some even become murderers, sad isn’t it.
Back when I grew up in the 1960’s, there was an old saying from parents and grandparents, spare the rod, spoil the child! It’s true in more ways then one, these children who are spoiled and who have never been spanked or punished for what they do, become animals in the human race when they grow up. Too much leeway, too many gangster movies, too many war games and video games instill violence in our children, why do we allow it? It’s easy really, one word comes to mind and one phase, freedom of speech and choice. But before we give that right to our children don’t you think we should teach these kids, yes our kids, respect, discipline,honesty, and caring for others. When I grew up there would be no talking back to parents, there was a bar of soap and a tough man to make ya eat it if ya swore or talked back, he was called father. back then, the mothers didn’t take it, they smacked ya good, in a store, a mall anywhere if ya got out of control. you were their child, their responsibility no one elses. What has happened to core values of raising a child? what happened to teaching morals and ethics and beliefs that will guide and protect them all their lives and making them the best they can be? I guess the permissive parents of today don’t get it or remember it either.
Instead of teaching your children to read, you give them televisions and video games, ah anyone remember a good book? Anyone bother to teach them to count, spell, or how to compromise to get along? Any of you parents ever think of saying no to your child, and telling them they have to do what is right, instead of letting them go on their own? Don’t blame the child when they grow up and become adults if they walk away from the family or you as parents because you didn’t instill basic values and beliefs in them, it’s the parent not the child to blame! Wake UP!
Now for all those anti-violence and child abuse types who will say I am wrong, I did not say kill your kid or beat them to death here, I did not say abuse them, I did say punish them, discipline them and don’t spoil them, teach them respect, morals and ethics, manners and respect. Thats what i am saying, and don’t let your child drift into the wrong crowds, don’t let your child quit school, don’t take care of your child till 30 either, teach em to stand on their own two feet. It works with proper parental guidance and discipline, it did for generations and generations and it still will today! Save The Children and make them your own as parents, teach them the honesty they need to survive in the world as well as rights and wrongs to do and not do. Sadly, it’s lacking in today’s children, I see it everyday in stores, on the streets, in home sof people with children, wake up, your the parent not them.
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