Category: Survival

Whats the deal folks here, in Massachuetts, Westboro, Worcester County,and area?


When I moved to Mass, from Connecticut after my wife passed, I thought it would be easy to meet others, talk to people and find a relationship, even at my age. I am 67, but not dead and I thought well, shouldn’t be too hard, to find a partner or companion here in Mass. I thought by moving here to Westboro, and a 55 plus community it would be fun and simple and there would be plenty to do.

Turns out it isn’t! Mass and Westboro and even this 55 plus community I live in, is filled with cliques and is boring. Now do not misinderstand me folks. The Condos I live in have a lifestyle Director, and events they plan monthly, including clubs for things to do. While playing billards is fun, as was being a part ofa bowling leagur/group, the rest seems to meto be built around cards, dominos and machong and things like that. Fun for many I am sure as is the Bingo once a month many attend, but, those are not for me and seem boring as hell.

So, I try to look for things to do outside of the condos I live in, around Westboro, but the town is not geared for those of us over 55. It reminds of a town I grew up in Connecticut here, it has banks, bars and churches, lol. Banks are good to have and i am not knocking them, churches are not my thing, I am not a religious man, and the bars/ taverns are not geared to the 55 plus crowd for sure all are young in the good ones. In many ways, I thought it would easy to find things to do, but, that is not the case.

It is a very clique area, and it is like being in high school once again. In many ways you need to fight to become a part of any group around here, or they ignore you. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true and i am not alone in thinking that. Others think that who live here too.

Now, let me clarrify something before people start saying it’s my own fault, it isn’t. Condo life is not geared to what many think it is before they move in here. There are all the stories of condo relationships happening and people jumping from one to another and having fun, not true. Here is something to consider for all who live in 55 plus condos like i do. 1) The ratio of women to men is approxiamately 65 percent to 35 percent. Now while that is nice to know it does not help the situation for me. Of the 35 percent of men who live here, most are married and in relationships already. That leaves few like myself who are single as men, due to divorce or being a widower. Second problem is that if you date one woman in such a situation, as this, and it does not work out, the man always gets blamed and it spreads like wildfire among the residents and women. If that happens then, you might as well sell the condo you bought here and find a new location to live, you will be cast out and ignored by all. I know it sound pessimistic and sad and negative, but you can’t argue with the truth of it.

Then, you find yourself in what I call a catch 22 situation here. For you, can’t cross the above mentioned line, so you turn to online dating sites. First they cost, second it’s hard to get someone through typing online. Most are reluctant, or fearful of meeting in person. If you do meet, the odds of finding a match you want to see again or get into a relationship is slim to none.

At 67 not many want to go sit in a pub, tavern or bar, to try to meet someone in my age range. Most in the pubs/bars. taverns are of the younger age ranges and ageism comes into effect, all the time. So, you do what I do, you mind your own, walk alot, read, watch tv and build puzzles and try to find hobbies to do. Lets face the facts, I know i do, the older you get the less people want you around,so you come to realize, there is no way to overcome it all. The real question becomes what to do, at times I walk the grounds and then the malls. I have driven around the area and, when you know nothing much you, find not much either. Basically, you end up, surrendering and just not trying anymore because you are lost and alone and feel stuck in that status and can’t get out of it.

So, I ask, all, is Msssachuetts a state filled with cligues, is it a state that is built just for the younger generations, and am I right and others who say it is boring here in Westboro and around here? Is Massachuetts a state that ageism is a factor in, where people are ignored and cast aside as they age? Whats the deal folks here, in Massachuetts, Westboro, Worcester County,and area?

I also wish to mention there is a loneliness syndrome happening in the State of Massachuetts, and it gets worse as you get closer to Boston. How do you break through all of the above?

Life so They Say!


A day begins once more for me, it is now October 25th, 2021. I awoke around 6;30 am today, it is still dark out here, pitch darkness. The silence here is deafening in and of itself right now, but I have to get used to silence now, my wife passed and I had to give away both cats we had to a new home. I have learned now, life will change as it goes along and there is no way for me to change that at all. Life is about what you do while here, and about helping others, it is not about just helping yourself. I think many do not realize, the facts is we are remembered when we pass, for what we did for others while we lived.

Well, one day at a time is all I can do. I struggle at times to stay emotionally stable, for tears form in my eyes when I think of mywife being gone now. I can’t bring her back, so I realize it and go one day at a time now. I have come to realize, life is a process we are put on the planet to go through, we do not control it much, and we are not here for our own purposes, but to achieve whatever the Good Lord sent us here to do. When I say that, some look at me like i am crazy or sick, I am not either folks. If mankind was to knowour true purpose in being on earth, the supreme being, God, the Good Lord or whoever you refer to in that vein wanted us to know, we would.

I stop and I think sometime as I examine the world, what is our purpose on it. I looked down one day and found myself staring at an ant hill, a sthe ants scurried to and from gathering food and building a nest. They have patterns and a purpose they serve on the planet and there are billions of them world wide of all types and sizes too, like mankind. I stopped to compare us to the ants one day and realized, are are basically just like them. The only difference we really have from the ants is we are able to function alone longer than they can. We3 build our own nests and feed our own just like they do, and we travel near and far to get food too. Are we all a part of system of beings created to do the samebasic things over and over again? I do wonderif that is so at times.

As time goes on so does life in it’s own ways. We tend to go daily as long as our eyes still open and we brerathe. We may be injuried or hurt, or emotionally damaged or mentally ill, but in someway we serve a function on the planet until we don’t anymore. Someone recently told me, things work until they don’t, same is true with human beings. Mankind also hasa tendency to kill itself off inm any ways, we invented wars, we have sicknesses, and diseases, and then the world we live on, tends to balance itself by eliminating mankind as needed for it to survive. It is a cycle I believe, a cycle noneof us control, is mother earth the control point or operator or is there a supreme being guiding it all? Do we know for sure folks? I think not. I don’t think we are to know our purpose or control our time on the planet, if we were, we would be able to predict it all, wouldn’t we?

OK, enough of that thinking for now! The sun is slowly rising here now in Massachusecutts, on the United States east coast side. What the weathe ror day will bring I am not sure for i have not looked as of yet. According to the weathermen on my cell phone it is nopw 48 degrees and will rain today. Mother nature controls our enviroment and father time controls how long it lasts or we do. Fates, destinies all come into play also I am sure. What we are fated to do or not do, or what our destinies may be we have no idea as we go along, we may look like we are doing things aimlessly, or without purpose, but if you stop and look for yourself there is a reason for each thing we do. No I am not a prognasitor, or a predictor of anything, I am like everyone else going one day ata a time and making observations and decisions as i go along is all.

Now a days, without my wife here anymore, I get lonely at times, and find myself even talking to myself. It happens folks believe me, when your are marrieda long time and lose your spouse. People look at you like your crazy when you do it if they see it, so we tend to do so in private when no one is around. We cry ove rour loss and we gather ourselves for public times and carryon. It is what one does, because you can’t do much else can you, they are gone.

As I empty the house and items go, it is one step at a rime is all for me. I have to finish cleaning the hous eout, eliminate all the things I can not sell by donating them, and then do a cleaning of the house itself. We are getting close to the end, there are items left people did not buy, and items i have not removed as of yet, but will shortly.

Once all is cleared out I will sell the house and move on, for i have no choice, I can’t keep it and all costs too much to run fora single man now. The price of everything in America is rising from food to gas to clothing, and in the end, we all have to do what is needed to survive, I am still here. I keep looking at rreal estate listings myself here and hope i can find a place to start over and live the rest of my life in peace is all. I am not rich so it will all be on a budget like everyone else in life, that I know.

The kicker o flife is this in my book folks, we tend as humans to find a partner we get along well with, and love and we end up settling into a relationship. We then, move in with one another or get married and we settle into the way we live daily, we get in a routine. Each day we do the same things, we get used to what we do and how we do it with the partner we love. Then suddenly that partner is gone and we are lost and alone and find it hard to go on alone, we have to learn to do the things they did for us both, by ourselves once more. We have to learn to pay our own bills, make our own beds again and clean our own homes again and much more. Whatever our spouse or bette rhalf did, we must now assume ourselves if we want to survive, we adapt to it all slowly over time. We have no choice, do we? Some may run out and try to finda replacement person for who they lost as fast as possible and then some may not, I personally am of the second nature. I know I can not replace my wife who passed with anyone else easily or quickly, she was special inmy mind and eyes.

Reflections and memories always come to the surviving spouses of those who died like my wife did. Cancer is a nasty disease to get and have. It strips us of those we love and we end up alone, flaying about trying to find our way without our loving spouse or partner. We tend to find our way slowly, but we do find it folks. At least I am trying to right now. We make plans and we move along, and do what is necessary, we may take some financial losses or have to have patienance to carryon, but we manage somehow. I do not know why my wife had to die when she did, I only know she is now gone an dthere is a gap in my life due to it all. I took care of her in all ways i could for 28 years, and she was my life, now I find myself floundering around and hoping to find my way to survive until my time comes. It is aprocess I have no choice in, maybe it is something God intended for me, for some reason, although I can not see it, at this time. Maybe one day I will.

I am currently in a status of just trying to suvive and carry on the best I can without my wife. I am hoping I can do so! Life so they say is just a game and they let it slip away, it isa line from a Seals and Crofts song, it seems to apply to my life these days.

What did you do, what would you do, and how did you face it all?


I have grown old really, in many ways, my back is bad, my neck is bad, I have PTSD, and my teeth are going. I am almost totally bald and I have outlived all my parents by many years now. I have done at least two of everything a man can do in life, yet, I know, my time is coming probaly soon enough. I am now 65, a Disabled Veteran and Cancer survivor myself.

My wife is hurt, ill and cancer ridden, and not with me now, I have a big four bedroom, three and a half bath home to clean out and I am alone to do so. I know she can’t come home, unless by some miracle they can shrink a growth or mass in her head without damaging her brain further. Her cognitive functions are lost, and she can not walk or stand now. They can’t even biopsy the mass, it is too deep in her brain to reach without damaging her. I don’t think even radiation can do it without hurting her worse.

My days now, are started by coffee and then feeding her cats, checking her plants, cleaning myself, then getting dressed to go see her and sit with her for 3 or 4 hours a day, till she gets tired, run down and falls asleep or is being worked by Physical, Occuptional and Speech specialists in a Rehabilitation Facility down the road from me. I remind her each day I see her, she has to stay in bed and she can’t walk, so she won’t fall again and hit her head.

28 Years of being together, 7 living together and 21 married and now I face this alone, really. Her Daughter and sister don’t fully understand or want to believe she won’t come home again or that she can’t come home, they hope beyond hope that she can, as do I, but I also have to face the reality of said situation and her said conditions, and know it is now time to be real and start to break down and clean up the home we built and get ready to move to a smaller place for myself. So much to go through, so much to get rid of or sell, or throw out, where, can I begin?

I guess I should start with lowering the cost to live. So the first things to do will be eliminating bills, and costly items of any kind. The cats will have to go, they cost food and time and in the end veternarian costs too. Then I have to eliminate bills, by cancelling what I can and saving money there. Then, I have to start in one place, go through box after box, in each room, pack up what is necessary and then dump what is garbage, I can’t use. Yet I hesitate to do so, because she is still alive, and if by some chance she wants something or needs something or gets to come home, even for a minute, do I want to have her see it all gone? So, I wait for official medical word on her conditions, before I can do anything, it is like being frozen, in time.

I hate growing old, I hate my predictament and hers too. Fate and God is now in charge not me. It is up to the Doctors, the Rehab Facility and in the end her body and mind if she can recover or not. I don’t want to remove her hope, or will to live, or tell her. What am I to do?

As we age we face impossible occurrences and situations as we go along, but none is more impossible, scarey, or frightening, then, this one. I have an inability to tell her, or mention it to her or even deal with it, even though I know, the facts, here. If I remove the cats, or her plants, throw stuff out and start the clean up phase, then I have to go through what stuff will her daughter want, her grandchildren, her sister too. And I have to go through what memories do I keep with me for the rest of my life if she can’t come home or the ultimate happens and she passes on?

It is hard to believe someone you love so much, care for so much, been with so much, depended on and who depended on you, is in such shape! I know it is not my fault she is in this condition and that what has happened to her has happened, now. I know that much, I also know I did all I could for 28 years for her, through her cancer, and so much more.

I find myself rewinding in my mind what I could have done better, what I could have done differently, did I do enough, did i make the right decisions? Did I do right by calling ambulances, hospitalizing her, putting her in Rehab and then bringing her home and then having to call 911 once more 60 days later, because it all, reoccurred?

Did I make the right choice in trying to keep her alive, or am I prolonging her pain and being selfish now? Am I hurting her more, than helping her, just to keep her alive, when I should let, her go? I don’t know, no one is giving me odds, or possibilities yet, so I hang on and replay all in my mind daily, wondering what to do next.

If I move forward and clean up the house, pack up all thats hers, and sell the house and move to a smaller place, I wil be saying goodbye to my last 28 years of marriage and my home and wife all at once. Can I do it and move on and how long do I wait to decide, I am afraid of doing it while she is still alive?

I call this Impossible decisions, sad times, I cry by myself behind closed doors, I show a brave face in public of course and around her. But, inside I am dying with her!

So I ask, those who have faced this with a dying spouse, those who have been in my position, what did you do, what would you do, and how did you face it all?

Survivial at it’s Best


  At 57 soon to be 58 years old it is hard to believe that 2013 is slipping away one day at a time now. I have seen 57 years of life, strife, laughter and work, and it seems no matter how you look at it, there is  still a purpose to my being here, what it is I have yet to realize.

        I believe that all of us are put here on this planet for a reason, a mission so to say we must accomplish in our lifetimes, in order to return from whence we came. Some missions are simple and given to people who die young and they accomplish them without knowing why and head back to their maker in a hurry. Others, take longer to get there is all, like me and billions more across the globe we live on. Amazingly, we do find that mission at some point complete it and then suddenly we are gone from the planet, because we did what we came here to do. So, who knows when I shall be recalled and what I must get done to get to rest again, but I do know I am trying to do and be my best.

          I survived so far, 199 seizures as a baby boy in the first nine months of my life, till I was dropped on my head and they stopped. I survived a step-father who beat myself and my siblings senseless many times over, I survived being the outcast in school, institutionalized as a 10-year-old for two years and returning home. I survived being bullied in Elementary School, High School and more in my teens. I survived puberty which is amazing in itself to me and then went on to survive more. I survived 16 years of Military Life that gave me in the end depression, anxieties, PTSD, six herniated discs in my spine and sleep apnea. I survived a divorce and a lost of my children and fought to see them again and won. Now the latest survival for me, was cancer.  I have survived Lung Cancer Surgery, they took my middle lobe of my right lung and the small cell cancer out in September 2013 and here I be still alive. Why I still don’t know, but here I am.

         My mission in my book these days is to try to straighten out the mess that occurred around and during my divorce from my first wife. Vindictive people who lie should be arrested for ruining too many people’s lives. Sexual Abuse of any kind is nasty and it is even nastier if you are falsely accused of it and have to fight your way out of it over decades. I know I survived that false accusation also and fought to get to the truth and get it revealed and did. Again it is surprising I am still here, trying to straighten out a mess my ex-inlaws caused with their children and then to me and my children too. Will it be solved, probably not, but I know I worked to clear my name and got a admittance from the daughter who accused me, that she was told to say what she did. So I went on in life and do what all men do, take it one day at a time and Survive!