Thirty days before my operation to take a lobe off my right lung and it gets a little scarier each day, knowing I am carrying cancer in me. I wonder if one I will survive the operation, two if I do what shape I will be in after it, three will I withstand the chemo and radiation afterwards? No way to tell until I go thru it is there?

One day at a time is all one can do at a time, honestly! Each day bring coughs, wheezing and hacking at times, and tiredness. But I keep on hoping it will get better in 30 days, once they operate on me.

My blogs will be all I will be doing from now on, it seems my little books, stories or poems are not good enough to sell much of. I may ramble on too much in them, or not be correct in english or grammar or whatever it takes. Maybe it’s the fact that I confuse first person and third person, or tell my stories from my own view and never really edit them properly, because I am not made of money to hire an editor. Whatever it is, sales are extremely slow and people get angry when I show them the links to them and ask them to buy them. So I will stop giving the links out in Second Life, Facebook and Google Plus and let them die online, like I may slowly in real life.

I want to thanks anyone who bought one of my stories, or little books and who believed in me for the support and time they took to show it. As I go forward, I will try to not bother anyone with the links on Second Life or FaceBook, Twitter or Google Plus again. I never intended to anger anyone or to push anyone to do anything, I apologize if I did make anyone uncomfortable

As I go forward toward my surgery, if anyone in Second Life asks I will inform them only of how I am doing. I don’t want to bother people who don’t care. I hope all will forgive me for passing out links to my books in Second Life, in Wildcats, BlackHorse, or any where else I did so. Apology made and I hope accepted by anyone I bothered or who complained of me doing so. 

Finding by Scans/ Whats next?/Regrets!.

       Definite Tumor approximately 5 cnt mtrs in right lung. Removal of said tumor scheduled for Sept. 3rd, 2013. Followed by chemo and possible radiation treatments. Hope ya all understand!

       As I go through the process of lung cancer and the removal of a lung or part of one, I do think back over past memories, what i did right, wrong or indifferent and if I have any regrets. And as I do I do know I have regrets, but sometimes we all can not accomplish exactly what we want, the way we want it. So, no matter what I think I have lived a decent life, and that most will remember me if I die in a positive light!

                                    Regrets Yes I have a Few!

          As you grow older, you also tend to reflect on your life and the things you wished happened or didn’t happen and try to balance it before you die. You live with regrets, and you live with what may have been and then you live with the decisions that you made, you have to or you may go insane, it’s a matter of accepting yourself!.

          Some things we can’t regret, yet I hear many people disagree with me and still regret their own births, and then the suicide rate grows in the world sad, huh! It’s a fact and it shall never change, people have regrets on what they did in their lives or didn’t do, and learn not only to live with them, but also how to avoid making the same mistakes twice. We use the past experience we accumulate, to make judgments and decisions on our present situation, and then make them instantly without ever looking back till decades later, some never look back. Well, if you do look back and wonder, what you regret this may be the story you may want to see, my regrets, is me, what I feel I failed to do, or felt I could have done differently to make my life and those lives around me a better place and life.

               Regrets go back as far as your memory may be able to take you, in your own life. When you sit back, take a very deep breath, and in the quiet of the time you relax, you can feel your own mind wander and relax with you. Snippets, images, thoughts race through the human mind and you can actually gather these thoughts if you do so carefully, and evaluate them and your own life. It’s like doing a what if book, or story, only, you know all the real facts, all the real instances and people too, even the time frames and vivid pictures of what happened, can come back to boggle and confuse and amaze you. The human mind is a wonderful and vital piece of humanity; it stores data, faster than a computer, retains it as long as you need it and then, lets you retrieve it when really needed.

              Regretting is being sorry you did something, being sorry you allowed something to happen you could have changed, or making the wrong decision at the wrong time and you paid a price and can’t change it, even if you wanted to. As one man told me, time marches forward, you can’t change anything in the past it is over and done, but you can change the present and affect what may come. This reflecting, regretting, makes us human and makes us capable of changing only the present or future but never the past, so regretting what happened is all one can do.

              What would you list if you stopped to list your regrets and think them over? What kind of incidents would you come up with in your own life, that you regretted and would change is you could? I bet like myself they would cover many of the same items, events and ideas my do and that would prove all human being are the same, no matter what we look like or where we come from, or what color we be, would it folks?

              We can’t really regret being born, because it was not a choice of ours, nor can we regret what economic condition we grew up in either. But we can regret, our reactions to events that started young in our lives, and try to deal with them in the present, can’t we? Regrets my friends we all have them, what are yours? I cannot say, I can only voice mine from yesterday. So when you get a chance in time and in your own space, examine your life and see if your regrets are the same as mine or not, and I think you will find many the same, but, a few different based on priorities and time is all.

               My biggest and first regret many will ask, is what? Well, as a child I was hyperactive and had attention deficit disorder, I regret not having enough self-control over myself at all times. I know children are rambunctious, but I was twice as hard on my parents.

               Rebellion was my next biggest regret, for if I had not rebelled the way I did, life would have been so much easier for me as a kid.

             For a child with problems, I regret the way I shut people out and didn’t listen to them or their advice, I regret being the hard headed little bastard I was.  Yet I still survived it all, amazing huh?

             I regret the first 6 years in Elementary School, I didn’t pay attention or do anything right, I fought and fought is all, it messed up my learning process all the way, but in the end I overcame anyway.

            I regret rebelling so hard and running away, I regret stones I threw and things I did say. They cost me two years of my life being put away.

           I regret not being closer to my older brother, but he never regretted that about me, he just walked away and let me be.

           I regret the fact my family life as a kid wasn’t a family life it was a disaster with pain and hurt, but I refuse to wear it as a shirt.

            I regret, not being able to tell the first girl I loved I loved her and not knowing what to do or say.

           I regret letting the one love I had in my teen years, get away.

           I regret not telling my parents I did love them enough. These are the regrets that get so tough.

           I regret not staying in High School and Graduating, yet, I made it ok anyway.

           I regret the choices I made to be different and independent and do it all my own way, for if I had gone with the entire crowd, in the end, I knew I would not be accepted or allowed.

            I regret mistakes in choices I made, like jobs I lost and things for which I was not paid.

             I regret not staying a world away, to be with my daughters each and every day.

              I regret not slowing down to explain, what went wrong when to my children and why back then.

             But in the end, when I look back, it is from these regrets I learned to live and attack, and not give slack.

             Regrets my friends are what makes us who we are, it matters not color, what race, what nationality or from what star! It matters only that regrets are humanity by far and we all have them!

      August 1, 2013, a new month has arrived and a new day has too, lucky for both me and you! As time goes on day by day and night by night I sleep, I pray for my soul to keep, as I face the same harsh road of family members before me now. Cancer doesn’t know age, color, race, sex, or any other damn thing we humans seem to argue about, it just knows it found a breeding ground in your body and can grow there, unless you remove it. Tomorrow morning at ten am my doctors will tell me if they can save my live and remove the cancer from me and the lung it has infected.  I won’t know much else until after they biopsy it on the 8th of August 2013, not the kind, or the stage or how long it’s been in me.  So the Longest Journey and the hardest lays in front of me, the fight to survive!

       I have written many short stories in my life and posted them online on KIndle e-Books, some will help children and adults deal with Hyperactivity, and Attention Deficit Disorder and emotional Instability too. Some will give entertainment as Murder Mysteries and are written just for fun. Many are stories of ex-loves and romances and even poems.  But, all were written with a purpose and a reason, to protect the children of the world, to release what was inside of me bottled up for decades before my time ends and there may indeed be more to come. I honestly don’t know yet what I will feel as time goes along, but writing helps me deal with the good, the bad and the indifferent in it’s own way.

      For many years in my life, I have tried and tried to bring family together, friends together and help others, but, no one man is a rescue team and no one person can change what others believe or want to believe. So I do what i can to aim at the hearts and minds of those important to me in my life and times. I try to reach out say hello, let them know I know they are here and that I remember them all and care. It doesn’t always work, but all one can do is try.

      Last but never least folks are the written words I have produced and I hope will go on long after I die, and help others. In the end it is not what we do so much in life that makes us special it is what we leave behind when we die that helps others that makes us special! It never is the material things, it’s the things you did for others, or helped others with, always remember that!

       Finally the latest writings I have done are here for all to read :

       “Open Letter to Daughter I Never Knew”—http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E7SMC2U

       “Bea”—http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E674TIM

      “Disappearing Hams”—–  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DZPFKYS

     “False Accusations”—- http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DYAID6G

      “The Importance of Christmas”—http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DS5LUNA

      Each tells stories I think someone would enjoy! I hope you all like them, and thanks        for  reading my blogs and hopefully my stories.

      Good Morning world! Today is a new day and I awoke once more and of that I am happy, and content to see one more day!  Each night brings a fear of not awakening the next morning and seeing the sun again or those I love again. Cancer has that effect on people who have it, we tend to hope we see those we love more often.

      Yes, like many other sin the world I will continue my battle with Cancer until either it wins, or I die of natural causes or something else. Can’t just surrender it’s not my nature anymore then it was in the nature of my predecessors  like my grandfather, father, mother and my step-father. They all fought it and lost and if I go the way they did, at least I know they are waiting on the other side. Yes it is sad to have cancer and face your own mortality as you have it, but, if you’re like me, and can look back and say I did all I could to correct any mistakes I made and tried to treat all with respect, love and caring, you take it easier, yet ya still will cry having it.

     AnyWay, Life shall go on and the world is one mkess any way. Americans need to stop fighting over skin color, race and sex, and join together to fight off the evils of the world. Wake up please, the end of the American  Empire or Dynasty or Civilization can be at hand if we allow it to be, by stupidity and infighting. Nowhere in this world, will there ever be another America, a Republic that was an experiment that worked and produced democracy, acceptance and equality to the best of it’s ability and grew in riches because of the mixture we accepted in it.  It doesn’t matter if you are Caucasian,  African American, Hispanic, Asian or any other race or color, America accepted you and gave you a chance to live in peace and get by well and eat and sleep in peace. No other country has been able to accomplish what America did and does each day, don’t forget it!

     Simple Pleasures in life make it worth it when ya live a life. The simple pleasure of a hug between a child and a parent, a kiss between a husband and wife, a grandchild who hugs ya and says I love ya grandpa or grandma. These are simple pleasures in life, the fishing hole ya went to as a kid with dad, the sharing of tears, fears and laughter with mom, the ability to play with a brother, a  sister or a friend and to run and play, laugh and smile. Simple pleasures indeed and no where in the world is there more of it then here in America. Never forget it folks!

       As my battle continues against cancer it all starts on Friday with a consult with Doctors I have never met before. I await the consult and meeting for the information they can provide on my condition and what to do about it. If I don’t make it and survive what I have, I know I have tried to do all I thought was right for all I knewa nd loved and that is all I can do.

       Try my Poems folks; ya may like em:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D5L684I
“Adult Poems of Romance and Lust”

“The Poems of W.M.M.”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CHQPNQQ

A Collection of Poems by me in Book form on KIndle E Books on Amazon for sale.

Diagnosis, action next and my Stories live! Thanks.