December 5th, 2023 hs begun for me, it started at 5 am, when I awoke. I have lived now in Westborough, Massachuetts since March of 2022, and find the town a decent place tolive, yet, at 67 years old myself, and being a widower, I do not see any place to meet, any single or widowed women to date or enjoy their company with.

I have looked at bars/ taverns in the area, Red Heat Tavern, JP’s, Central House and even have gone around the corner to the Neighborhood Tavern in Northboro, next door. It seems to me, there is a lack of places for seniors, tpo find or make friends of the opposite sex, just to enjoy their company and no I am not looking for the right now thing. I mean just making friends and getting to know someone, yet, Massachuetts I believe suffers from the nationwide loneliness syndrome that is at large.

I am a widower, and I fear a few things that many men, willnot admit to. 1) is Rejection if I approach a woman, 2) I have anxieties and fears, of course because Iw as married for 28 years and have no idea how to even approacha woman in this day and age. 3) I am not confident, nor do I have a highopinion of my own looks. So, you add it all together and it is rough, living in Westborough, Massachuetts, asa widower and single man, who wants a companion and partrner.

I have a thing on drinking and bars as it is anyway, I grew up not liking it, because I saw too much violence from it. I will drink socially, but, never get drunk I control myself. One drink will last me, a long time. While bars are a place many go to try to find someone, and I understand it, I have never been overly comfortable in them. I am not saying they are horrible,or wrong to exist, just, that, there is always an age factor in them. It’s hard to find one that caters to the elderly crowd that are 60 and up.

Otherwise, Westborough has numerous things the town I grewupin Connecticut had. Numerous bars/ taverns, banks and of course churches. It has many resturants also and people love to eat for sure. It is built around Route 9 here in Massachuetts, and has access to highways all around. BUt, if your new to the area like i am, you know not where to go or what to do here. Aimlessly, searching anddriving around really doesn’t help either in my opinion, becuase if like me your newto the area, you have no idea where anything is happening.

I walk alot outside as I can weather permitting of course, I go to Salomon Pond Mall to walk also when cold. Shopping is plentyful of course here, but, expensive in thelong run, if your on a budget. I went bowling some and we had a group for that but it broke up. Playing billards once a week is fine, and fun. I had hoped to find a female companion here, but so far no luck. It seems, peoplehere stay to their own cliques and keep others out as much as they can. I get the feeling they want nothing to do with anyone new, and they seem to me,be either snobby, or not welcoming of newcommers. Why I do not know, is it me, or is it the area?

Searching for answers to these questions in this area where I live, Westborough, I find no answers. Asking for advice on where to go to meet people, I get answers, like bars/ taverns, breakfast diners, or the all time favorite answer here, The Senior Center. I have gone to the Senior Center twice and not one or nothing is there. So, I find myself flaying about, bored and lonely, which is the opposite of what I expected to be at this point and moving here.

What to do next or how to, I have no real idea now. I wish I had the answers and a way to move forward or meet someone. 1)The problem with being a senior, at 67, and a widower is, we get set in our ways with the partner we had, who passed away. 2) We are no longer as physically able or want to be, we retired. 3) We are not as pretty or handsome as we once were. 4) The dating scene in America is no longer the same as it was in my era, it is now all online, dating sites it seems. 5) I don’t see dances for singles or elders or any type of gathering being held, for my age. 6) In my case I never did learn how to flirt, I was always just me, take me o rleave me, and happy. So, the bottom line comes to this, what doesa senior 67 year old,widower do to find a partner, companion, or female friend and have fun once more in life? Especially here in Westborough, Massachuetts? Anyone have any answers? Let me know, hereon this blog or e-mail me if you wish, wmccurrach20@gmail.com, I would appreciate advice and ideas !.

Thanks, for reading this !

December 1st, 2023, clear skies outside and was 26 degrees when I awoke at 6:00 am. It’s a friday folks and for most it is the end of a work week and the beggining of the weekend when the work day is done. It is now past Thanksgiving and Christmas lights began before the turkey day came by. I never have looked forward to the holiday season, because it only depresses me, I am alone and when my wife was alive we would prepare together for all of it. Now I have no reason, to do any of it, the decorating, the present buying, the wrapping all just reminds me of her. So I stay to myself and hide in my 596 square foot condo I call my cell. I am old so, I guess, being 67, and with no one to share, anything or to converse with, gets to one for sure. I may be a member of the loneliness syndrome that is in America these days, and I believe there is no way out of it at my age.

As December starts today, I find myself, scarred to venture out to find anyone to be with. Age is one factor for sure, and then you add in the missing of my deceased wife and the life we lived for 28 years and wala, it’s just depresses me, to think she is gone. I miss the warmth of her near me, the touch of her hand and smile, I miss her laughter and her style. I miss the quiet moments and the caring and sharing times, and I think back and talk to her in my mind. I find myself staring at her picture, and talking to her, like she is still here. Even though I know she has been gone for over 2 years. Am I crazy or losing it, I do not know, but, I am alone and no place to go.

I find myself at times just laying around and suddenly I wake up after laying down. I stare at a tv, or out my windows, and watch people going to and fro, and I still know, I have no where or one with whuch to go. I am like a Grumpy Old Man from that old movie, shuttling back and forth to stores and Doctors and Dentists, is all I do. I say hello to people as I go by, smile and laugh and talk like I am a happy guy. Under it all, I just do it to, get back to my condo cell, to be true. I feel out of place, like I do not belong, knowing nothing will happen and no love will come along. You can’t find someone to share life with, if your anxieties and fears stop you and shit. You can’t get pass the memories you see, and fear you will lose again, so you stay free. grief gets you down and you struggle on through, knowing each day is taking more out of you. The struggle to just wake up is one thing, the struggle to try to do anything. I try to walk when I can for air and exercise you see, but even now that energy is leaving me. I don’t have the motivation to be or do anymore, without her with me. The pain is inside the tears I do cry, eat away at me. I hide them from all I pass by, I smile and laugh and sometimes I sigh, yet inside my spirit hurts so, and I know I shall never be whole.

So I write these days on these blogs you see, just to express what is inside me. The pain and loneliness, have a hold on me. I can’t escape it don’t you see. I avoid everyone I can, I refuse to be a burden or impose on any woman or man. I know I am far from perfect you see, I see all my flaws in me, I know I can be rude and crude, and mean, at times you see, I know I am not a pretty man to see. My age is showing each day more and more, my face is old and I am sore. I know I am old and grey, I guess I know I shall die someday. We all know we can not be here on earth forever you see, and I wonder how soon, God shall come for me. Will it be in daylight, or will it be at night, will I feel it hit me, or or not I think, then I think, it won’t matter you see, for no one here, will ever miss me.

When I was young, I used to run, the air in my hair and do so for fun. Now, I walk at a slow pace, and know I am slowly losing life’s race. I don’t worry any more about dying, I only care to stop crying. I find myself praying to join my wife, in the place they call the after life. All is arranged, in all ways I can, to join her in the eternal sleep and grave, we shall share. Instructions are written to place me with her, I hope it will happen, the way I request, for eternity is forever you see, and with her is where I want to be. My eyes water up, the tears do form, even as I wtite this and I go on. I think no matter where I go, or what I do, I shall always be missing her, every moment I live. For she gave me so much love and the will to live.

So as I face the December of my life, I know now, I miss my wife. December is the darkess time, of cold and winter and memories in my mind. The Holiday Season for many is Joy and Happiness and it was once for me. But now without her, it all depresses me. So I hide and stay far away, from all around me each day, I do not wish to drag anyone down, or impose or be a burden to those around. I know, for me, I could not bear, harming, hurting or dragging anyone down, so I stay alone and just watch all go by, all around. Welcome to December all, I hope your Holidays are a ball ! Be well, be happy, after all !

November 30th, 2023 has arrived, it’s 27 degrees outside and clear skies. An announcement has come across the media air waves of the death of Henry Kissinger the Secretary of State for The United States under Richard Nixon’s Presidency. Kissinger was brillant and negeotiated many peace plans in the middle east and advised many Presidents. His imput and knowledge will bear a imprint on American policies for many decades to come, amazingly he lived to 100 years old. The world should mourn his passing, for such a man did all he knew how to keep peace.

Be prepared next for the possible passing of James Earl ( Jimmy) Carter next. He has just buried his wife of 77 years, and the love of his life and he himself is 99 years old and in poor shape. He came out of hospice to be at her services, and he will miss her immemsely I am sure. President Carter was right about so many things during his Presidency, yet he was overlooked and ignored since he left office politically of course, but his humanitarian ways, help millions upon millions. The homes he built for people who would never have had them, are unbelieveable and his giving and caring is immense and a great tribute to him as a human being. I hope many Americans and people of the world will realize the loss, it will be when he passes and the loss of his wife was to the world too.

Thats said, as we go forward, the wars shall continue in Gaza and in Ukraine too. Evil knows no bounds folks, the Russians and Putin are just greedy and as all know Hamas’s attack on Israel was insane, and should never have happened. None they cry for relief Hamas and are giving back the people they kidnapped to try to reset themselves and hide themselves to survive. But I am with Israel, they want their people back and to destroy Hamas and I agree, anytime such a political party becomes a rogue group of terriorist and attacks innocent people who are peaceful, they deserve to be eradiacated. No one should have to live with such people next to themand have to worry about such attacks again.

As life goes on in the world, we face so many hurdles to overcome, so many roads to walk down and so many decisions, as to how the world will survive, enviromentally, and how humanity can get along and keep peace. The biggest question mankind must face is whether we as human beings can get along, live in peace and prevent the destruction of our planets enviroment. Mankind I remind all, is the only species, that kills itself off, by using up the resources it has and need to survive and by wars which destroy and kill it’s own kind. It is a sad fact, is what I say. I wish at some point mankind would realize it has to get along and take care of the world instead of heading toward it’s destruction by pollution, wars and more. Are we that blind, not to see, what we are doing?

We are currently at place in history as human neings, where we think, we can do as we please, with the world and it’s climate. I remind all, climate change is a fact, changes are happening, the oceans shall rise, the land masses will reduce as the iceburgs melt. The climate is shifting, and science has proven it to be so, we have polluted our own enviroment and caused what is coming, will we as a species end ourselves?

Politically, I watch America as it heads towards a major decision on it’s own fate. If at sometime America does not stop Donald J. Trump, America will fall from a democracy and a republic, into a status ripe for takeover by the communist party and autocratic societies of the world. DOnald J. trump is the biggest threat to America, since Adolf Hitler. He wants to attack his opponents and use our military to do so. He wants to get the Presidency and cause what he did in his term in office, ten times over and get revenge for an election lose he can not accept. He lost period, he should have accepted that lose, conceded and walked away, instead he incited a major riot,an insurrection, and attacked Congress. This is not the way a President should have acted, nor is it acceptable in my opinion. Sadly, some Americans are backing and supporting this man again, as he attempts to run for office once more. It is like a bunch of Hitler Youths following Hitler in my opinion, they are being led by a demogue down a path of destruction, and destroying what is a republic and democracy in the greatest country the world has seen, America. I remind all, Donald J. Trump could not sell trump Water, trump Steaks, he could not create his so called Trump University and took people for millions in New York not just using fraud, but also in cheating contractors also. He failed to build his so called wall between America and Mexico, he told Americans to drink bleach to kill covid, I remind you bleach is poisonious to mankind. This is a man who passed a tax plan yes, but it wasn’t for you or I, it was for him an dhis rich friends only, you didn’t benefit from it I am sure. He didn’t want to turn ove rthe White House Denied he lost the election, and incited violence against his own country. He then slunk out of office, and took with him Top Secret Documents to his home residence in Mar A Lago, and showed them to people without any clearance to see them, our enemies. He then refused to give them back, why? What do you think he was doing with them and why would he have them, if not for a purpose that is not legal, and personal gain. He has been sued now many times over for sexual harrassment, found libel for it and brags about it. He currently hasa record of 2 Impeachmenst in one Presidential Term, 4 indictments since, 91 charges of felonies, and people still believe he is innocent, come on folks, be real. Yet, republicans still back this man, I remind them age difference between Trump and Biden is 3 years, it matters not in 2024. Trump is mentally unstable in my opinion and he should be removed from all ballots. There are 7 states out there where Trump attempted to throw out the people’s votes, by creating false electors and fake elector ballots to overturn BIden’s win ! DO they realize if Trump got away with this the election process in America would be gone now, and we would not have a say in how out governement and country is run today? Are we about to become a dictatorship, or a autocratic nation, or a communist nation, because that is where we are headed if Trump wins in 2024, stop him now! Be smart, keep out Democracy and Republic, I remind all what Benjamin Franklin said immediately following the signing of our Constitution, “We now have a republic and a democracy, we shall only keep it as long as we protect it and defend it !”

Let me close this blog with this: What do you think Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Adams, Washington, would have done to a man who did what Trump has done to America ? Do you think Washinton, Jefferson, Adams, and the Founding Fathers would allow Trump to survive what he did ? I remind all Benedict Arnold gave plans to The Brttish and was banned from America and would have been hung if captured, Trump has done ten times the damage to America and still is running for the Presidency? If this were the 1700’s, 1800’s, Trump would have been arrested, jailed and hung by now, in my opinion, no way the founding fathers would allow this ! DO me a favor Americans. wake up, and stop Trump, Lock Trump Up and throw away the key ! He is the biggest danger to this country, since Benedict Arnold, and deserves to be handled in the same way as Arnold was or worse !

Hello world, as the world prepares here in America to celebrate Thanksgiving and heads towards the Christmas Holiday Season and New Year, I won’t be celebrating any of them. When your a widower, 67 years old and alone, there is no sense in celebrating them and spending money for people you never see, or talk to. Plus at 67, you learn the holiday season is just a money making season for stores. The only person I would buy for on the Holidays was my wife who passed in 2021. Otherwise she would make me buy for her daughter and her grandkids, and her family. As to my family, never been that close to any of them and when I did buy for them, it was to go along with what my wife wanted me to do. I don’t want coffee cups or key chains, or shirts, or gloves and hats I have them. And I definitely do not decorate or bother to. I stay off the roads as much as possible and at 67, I don’t care who likes me or don’t anymore. I go day by day, and do only what I need to do, I walk, I build puzzles, I read, I write, and watch tv. I shop for groceries, or whatI need period. I go to Doctors and medical tests when ordered and in the end dentist too. Reality tells me it is worthless to spend money I don’t have, and to travel to places I really do not wish to be. I wish my wife was here, is all and she has now been gone since August 10th, 2021. I avoid crowds, in all possible ways, I tend to cringe around too many people.

I have spent too many holidays sitting in the back of a room, listening to others laugh and chat or complain, and recieving bullshit presents I don’t need and throw away, anyway. Christmas Decorations are now going up in October, it is too commercial and too silly, for reality. I have had and done my holidays, I cooked for Thanksgivings, and decorated for Xmas for my deceased wife, not for me. Alone, I can care less.

I moved into a 55 plus community in March of 2022, and have been alone since. I see people rushing to and fro and doing all the events they can get into here in the community, I stay home. I don’t knock what they are doing, but I have come to realize I don’t really fit in here. The community is 55 and up, and it is slow, boring and I get depressed living here. Depression is a state I live in these days, I look at things and go so what, doesn’t mean anything to me. I have surrendered to some plain facts I am facing.

I am old, and getting older daily. My back is bad, my eyes are going, and my inners are not good anymore. I live on coffee and junk food mostly, eating a decent meal maybe once a day. I do my own cleaning and laundry and drive only as needed. I walk for exercise is all, and avoid people as much as possible. People can be rude, uncaring, and unintelligent at times, plus, I avoid any involvement in relationships. I believe I am at the stage now, where I know, I moved here to live out the end of my life, is all. I accept the coming fate and destiny, I face daily. Some people will say, I should never give up, but, when you have nothing really left to live for, you don’t live each day, you exist and hope for that to end as soon as possible. Existence is not living, just because you open your eyes daily and crawl out of a bed, doesn’t mean you are living, it mean you exist period. I have had a decent life and believe me, I have thought many times, of just ending it. Suicide is a thought I have entertained more then a few times, I just haven’t done so, as of yet. I have faced many things in life that, I have disliked, not enjoyed, been hurt by, and kept going. Yet, as time goes on, I have no purpose in being here, in my opinion. When you lose the only person you cared for and about, and have to go on alone, well this is how you begin to feel like. It’s ok though, I know when I do pass, I will not be missed by anyone, I will be taken care of I am sure by a family member , creamated and put to rest next to my wife I miss so much. I am fine with that, and if the family member will not do it, the United States Government will, for I am a Disabled Vet and they have already approved a grave site for me. So one way or another, I shall be buried properly.

What ever I have as to money or belongings, wil be given to the only person, I have as a relative, in anyway. Other than that I believe I have prepared things in a proper way. Destiny and Fate run hand and hand and we control neither of them, they control us. I have always been a firm believer that, we are brought upon this planet at birth for missions we do not know or understand fully. as we complete them one by one, we get one more step closer to returning to where we came from. we know not what missions or mission we are here to complete, yet we do complete them, we are recalled, to that from whence we have come. We don’t know exactly what we are here to complete or get done, for we are not allowed to know. Yet, it does happen. So, if we are smart enough, we prepare and accept it all.

I don’t want pity, and I don’t need help, I am fine with all of the above. I don’t need people calling police or doctors or mental health experts. I just state the facts, and as my deceased told her daughter, about one year before she passed, I am a realist, I will be fine. We look down upon the planet we stand and sit and walk on, and see the ant crawling below us daily. They scurry to and from and do the tasks they must complete. we humans are much the same in many ways. We scurry upon the globe we call the earth doing our things too. So, when we complete tjhem we get recalled, as i said. So, I know I am prepared for it all.

Life is not just existing, or having material things, or a home of your own, or a car. Living is more than that, to me. Life is interacting, with others, having people to talk to and live with that, you can get along with, and having a special someone to come home to. I have a condo worth money, a car that is almost brand new, computers, tvs, furniture and more, does it make me happy and keep me, happy? No it doesn’t, you have to have more than money or material things, you can’t stay upbeat and happy otherwise. I have lived now 67 years and soon enough I will turn 68, in January of 2024. My life has always been a steady flow of course, I have had a decent one I believe. Yet, as I age and after the passing of my wife in 2021, I find myself, depressed, and I stay away from people mostly. I am not stuck on my wife passing or in a grieving stage either as some would say I am. I am at a stage now, where the grieving has been done.

Did I make the right choice when I moved here to Westborough,Massachusetts? I am beggining to believe I didn’t, no matter if I choose a 55 plus community in a decent town. The town is a nice one of course, but it is not geared to hold a community of 55 plus people. While the City of Westborough has tried and is trying to help it’s senior population, more of us are here and the city knows it.

Westborough, has many banks, bars, and stores in it, and is located off the highways that lead to Boston, 33 miles away. That to me doesn’t mean much at 67 years old, I am not interested in going there. Too much driving for me and a big city is not for me either. It’s nice to visit of course, but, I don’t do so, why would a single man my age want to, I am 67 and a disabled veteran. The city of Westborough has a Senior Center and I have been there once or twice in the year and a half I have lived here, but, I havent seen anything to do there to meet anyone, it is usually very quiet.

I don’t do bars alone and never have really, I am not a drinker except for social occassions. I don’t smoke either. Bars make me feel uncomfortable at my age, especially if I attempt to go alone. I end up sitting alone and talking to no one, I may eat something, and have a drink, but, I was taught to mind my own, so I don’t interact well. So what do I do, right, well, in my case, I walk alot, I read a lot, I use my computers and tv, basically. I don’t go to many events here at the condos I live in either, because again, I feel uncomfortable at them. As a widower, I am alone and probally will be till I die. I know I am old, I am 67, I am not a handsmome man, nor am I a great communicator, or a social butterfly so to say. I am average in all ways, when it comes to looks. Otherwise, I will not, get in any relationships with any women who live here either. It is stupid to do so and take that chance, why, simple, once you step over that line and something doesn’t work out, it is always the man, who is wrong and that would mean, in the end selling and moving. So, it is a no, no, for me.

I have honestly been thinking of selling and moving from Chauncy Lake here. The only question is where to go, I am alone. I would have no idea actually, for I think it would be the same anywhere I go, why, simple because I won’t take a chance of approaching any woman. No woman wants a man my age of 67, set in my ways, they all want younger men. Plus, I am not handsome in my opinion, I am not a person who ever learned to flirt, or has the confidence to approach any woman, I walk away, I don’t know how to approach, never have. Women want men to approach them, and to take the lead, at 67 I don’t. Anyway, there is no place in Westborough geared toward people my age.

So, I go day by day, watch the news, walk, build puzzles, read books, write some like in this blog, I even have an XBox for video games, but that got boring too. I do my grocery shopping on my own I cook on my own when I want, I go to Doctors as needed and Dentist too. But, I am always alone, my guess is that is my fate and destiny, at least for me. Life will move along for me, like everyone else as far as the clock and calander go, but thats all that changes for me.

Ok, Sunday is upon us all, the sun is up and it is a chilly November 12th, 2023.

The mess that is the political climate in America gets worse daily as we close in on another possible government shutdown. I think if Americans get tired of this happening, we should stop the pay checks and benefits of the members of the House and Senate, if it shuts down too. They wouldn’t pay us if we didnt do our jobs, so why pay them when they don’t either. !

Next, The Trump fiasco that has been going on since 2015 must stop. Lets face it, Trump failed in his businesses, he failed to sell water, steaks, a college and more, and he stiff the contractorsw ho worked for him. He lies about his self fortune and on hos taxes and more. He has been Impeached twic ein one term as President, historic by the way, and now is Indicted 4 times with 91 charges and has lost many libel suites too. Now he wants to get Elected again as President and turn us into a autocratis country bordering on cummunism, nope in my book, Lock Him Up!

Now all of the above issues go on daily in America, and our economy needs to be repaired and fixed. I am sure it will be in due time, as long as we stay a democracy and a republic as our forefathers said we should.

Last subject for me this Sunday, November 12th, 2023. I am 67 years old now and will be 68 in January of 2024 if i make it there. I am a Widower, and I live alone in a condo in Westborough, Mass here. No I do not have a woman in my life at this time and date. Some would ask why, others don’t bother, but thats fine with me either way. My life is indeed a lonely one, in a 55 plus community and I stay to myself, so I am not judged by others, and I do not get involved with any widowed, or divorced women who live here. Why is simple, because anytime a relationship goes sore between a woman and a man, the man is normally blamed no matter what. In a closed society and complex like a 55 plus community that is very dangerous for a man period. In no time at all, a man would be forced to move to survive, period. So I don’t go there, momma didn’t raise any idiots or fools sorry.

Do I want to stay alone as a single man who is widowed, not really! I would prefer female companionship of course. So I do what many do, I look at dating apps on the internet, and scan or swipe through pictures and profiles, hoping to find someone, no luck for me now in over 2 years doing so.

I have tried Zoosk, I have looked at Match, and more. Senior Dating apps also, but no luck so far. Plus I have noticed they all cost money to go on and chat with women. The apps for dating for seniors cost money to get into and even try. So I don’t want to keep putting money into dating apps and getting turned down, ignored, and overlooked the way it happens now. I wonder if there is a dating app for people my age out there, that actually works, but I doubt it mostly. I had a grandson tell me to try Tinder, I laughed it doesn’t work when your my age, son.

We age, and as one man said we get married, and then we are not married anymore and have no idea what to do next. Marriage as the man said ends in two ways, divorce or death, and neither one is a good ending is it? Then which ever way it ends, you get set in your ways and you stay set in them, because your comfortable there. Then ya have to deal with the anxieties and fears and scares of the dating scene if you attempt to enter it again! Am I too old, am I too ugly, am I too mean, or grouchy or grumpy or whatever you ask yourself and then you just go ok, I will stay alone. You don’t want to put yourself out there, just to be shot down, again and again and again. So I just surrendered and gave up on dating apps, I don’t drink so bars don’t work for me either. Besides how many 67 and up men do you really think are wanted by women, none I would say, they all want someone younger, more active, is all. They don’t want a homebody type, who cooks, cleans and takes care of themself, they want adventure. lol

So I wonder where to look and what to do in today’s society here, when all I seek is a decent woman, who wants a companion to spend time with and to enjoy life, laughter and fun? Plus I know the dating apps cost money and time and effort, and women are suspisious and scarred also, using them. Or you run into ones who talk a good time or a decent meeting but don’t show up, the no shows. Happens all the time out there, so why take a chance when your safe as you are now? I surrendered basically, and just accept the fact, I am 67, alone, my wife passed, made me a widower, and I have to accept it and live with it. So, I do.

There is no answer to the situation, when your a widower, you just have to learn to be alone and accept it. So, I am doing just that. I know for me, I shall probally, never meet another woman to date or be with, ageism is a factor, and since I don’t drink, or party in anyway, and dating apps don’t work for me, this is life. I walk, I read, I build puzzles, I chat online, I watch tv and movies, I play billards once a week when available. Life goes on, but, for me, it will always be a lonely time and probally a lonely ending too. I accept what the fates and destiny bring me, and I deal with it daily.

It’s life as you get older is all, so I do what I can. I like to fish now and then also, but not a lot any more. Life is indeed a problem as you age, the loneliness syndrome in america as a societial problem is real. We fear involvement with others and are scarred of being taken for money or used and abused, so we stay alone. American Society is not what it used to be anymore, it is scarry and nasty out there, people get cruel. So, as to what to do about it all, I am lost, but the days tick by anyway.

November is rolling along now, Today is the 11th, Thanksgiving and other Holidays will be coming up, and I will do what I have always done in the past, stay home. Even when my wife was alive, we only went to her daughters because she wanted to, and I would sit alone an dmind my own in the background. I do not like holidays, and i am not a social animal or person. been that wya, since i wasa kid, never got into family gatherings or parties.

As the Holidays begin soon enough, I shall do what I do daily, walk, builda puzzle read, chat online and read. I watch NFL games and the Celtics play when they are on for entertainment. I do have Max, NetFlix and prime for movies if i want and UtubeTV. I watch the news and some shows is all. I cook if I get bored, thats all.

I miss my wife, and the life i had when she was alive and well enough to do things with. I spent 28 years with her, so I am set in my ways of course. The last 16 years, I spent with her, taking her where she wished to go on holidays, her daughters, her sisters, and I sat in the background and played on my cell phone. I never got involved with anyone period, I did chat with folks of course but, that was it, to be polite.

I am a loner by nature, always was and always will be. I know some are trying to draw me out, get me involved in the 55 plus community I live in now, and I just don’t go there really. I don’t want to be judged, looked at, or told I am doing something I shouldn’t or didn’t do. On top of it, living in a 55 plus community is not as much fun as i was told it would be, before i moved here. People tend to judge others pretty quickly living in such a community, and they talk a lot. I talk to very few here, I say hello, goodbye and hold short conversations, usually to be polite or to straighten out misconceptions about me, or things I know about that happen here. Other wise I walk, read, build my puzzles, chat online a bit when able and once a week I play billards at the Clubhouse. I may go walk the mall, for exercise of just to get out now and then. As time rolls on, I just go day by day is all. Life is not a bowl of roses, but, it is not a brair patch either. I go to Doctors as required or needed and dentist for work to be done. I shop at Stop and Shop and Walmart basically and maybe ya may find me in the bookstore around the corner. Thats my life now a days.

I do write blogs like this or on politics or ederly living or on the loneliness syndrome in America and in Massachuetts here. Although I live in a 55 plus community in Westborough, Mass. I know there is no relationship possibilities here for me. So I don’t attempt to get involved with anyone here, except to say hello or goodbye really. Someone brought that up once and my reply was a simple one, you don’t datre people who live in the same complex as you. If you do, if something goes wrong, it is always the man who will get blamed and if that happens you may as well sell your condo an dmove else where. It’s just a fact of life folks.

I do blog on politics, and the curerct state of affairs regarding Donald J. Trump, Joe Biden and the economy, and more. They are opinions and my feelings and beliefs is all, and I do not argue when others defend a certain view or not, I state mine and shut up. I don’t want to get into a physical confrontation or even a verbal one, it’s not what I am interested in at all, I avoid it. I am not akid in my teens or 20’s anymore and I am not and never have been rowdy or mean, I am just honest and I speak my mind and move on. I have not defended anyone on any point here where i live, because people than say you are taking sides or defending someone you shouldn’t. Not my place folks, have fun ok.

Yes it is a lonely life, no I am not happy about it, but I deal with what I have been dealt and I do ok. How long shallI be around and be alive I do not know, none of us do. The truth is we are brought into life, and know not the reason why. but we are here. We do day by day the things we believe we must, and i havea firm belief that we are put upon this earth to complete missions we really have no idea of. We do not set our destiny, we do not know who we may run into or why, nor do we know exactly who we should affect or not affect. destiny, faith, belief, cause and effect or something we do not know, leads us to where we must go to complete the missions we are here on the earth to do. My belief is when we complete the missions we are set here for, we are recalled back to from which we came. If that is heaven fine, if it is another plane of existance it is fine too. No one knows for sure, where we come from andno one has been able to tell us, where we go when finished, it just happens. Thats the way I see it folks.

My purpose is one day ata time, one encouter at a time, one conversaqtion at a time, each interaction is not practiced or planned, but they do have purpose in life and how I live. I don’t change fate, or destiny, nor do I control them, but I do live through it all and do the best I can. I think that is how we all react to what happens around us, to us and to others we know. Again just my beliefs, my opinions and how I feel in general. I hope, when my missions are fullfilled and I pass, I get to see the ones I loved who passed before me, is all. If I do I shall be happy, if I don’t I can’t control that. God Bless is all I can say.

As we age, sometimes we stop and think back on our lives. I believe all do it, because, we determine what to do in the present based on what has happened in the past to us. We reflect, we think back, we compare and we determine what to do each day and situation we are in, based on what has happened in our past. I know some will say, I have no idea what I am saying here, but, in fact I believe others do not realize that is what they are doing.

Men do not admit to doing so as much as women do. For instance, women openly state what they don’t like in men, up front and honestly and they make decisions on what men to date or get in a relationship based on their past relationships and what they have already seen and dislike or hate. Men do it also, but, not as much as women do, why, the vunerbility factor of the female sex, so to say. Now of course there is the women’s movements of different types and their members who will never admit that, this is true. Yet, in the end, isn’t it, stop and think.

Now lets discuss today’s reality in the dating world of straight individuals. I say that because i know nothing of the reality of the gay world for either sex. So I avoid it so, I do not starta war with the gay, communitty in anyway and allow them to speak theior own truths and thoughts.

Men and women, in todays world, are having a hard time dating, period in 2023. Why, well, that my friends is a good question is it not? Even the younger people in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s are going through it. They end up in online dating apps, trying to find matches through them, answering questions and being grilled on what they like or don’t like period. It costs money, time and effort of course to do these dating apps and 8 out of 10 times they do not work. Why is that so, simple it is a system of long distance love finding and match making that is scary, and ugly at times. People stand people up and don’t meet in person, why, fears, anxieties, come into play. Will they like how I look, will they say I am too old or too young, will they think I am desperate, or will they think I am trying to take them for money, or abuse them? Who knows for sure which fear or anxiety gets to them, the fact is they refuse to meet, or they say they will and don’t and you get with no shows. It happens everyday folks, and on the news and television and in newspapers and more, are articles of how Americans are suffering through a loneliness syndrome, it is real believe it or not.

In my case it is easy to explain, I am a widower, and 67 years old. The older generation has it rougher than the younger ones, why, because we have more fears, and anxieties and we get scarred, why because we know what can happen. We understand the embarrassment of no shows, of refusals, of nos. we know the denials of the appraoches we make or being shot down. I am one of those who does not, have this high opinion of myself, I old, I am set in my ways and I shy away from asking any woman out or for a date. There is no such thing as a dating site that workd for the 55 and up crowd, not in my opinion and I have looked at andtried many.I looked at Zoosk, Match, Our Time and more, in the end it is texting back and forth and each text or message you send is not replied to unless the other person decides to. It becomesa money game then, costing senior a lot to get nothing.

The we get told to try things like Meet-up, which is probally a decent app, because it shows events and happening you can attend for fun times. The problem with this metheod is simple, you have to be brave enough to go and attend these events in order to meet anyone.In my case I went to two sucj Meetups and I walked in, looked around and walked out, alone within a few minutes. Why, scarred, shy, wouldn’t know what to say. Same reason why I don’t do bars or taverns, I sit alone and talk to no one, for I am afraid of approaching any woman out there. I do not think myself to be good enough for any of them, even if i wa smarried twice and now a widower. We age, we get set in our ways, our looks age with us and some of us have no idea what flirting is and never did, like me. So, I gather, I shall probally, end up spending the rest of my life, no matter how long it may be as a single person, alone.

Do I regret anything in my life, that has to do with this dating subject, sure I do. I think each of us, as we got through life, regret the ones we missed out on, so to say. I call them, the ones that got away, and I shouldn’t have let get away and i know it. Yet, as i said at the beggining, there is no changing the past, you can’t go back to do so, and now you are too set in your ways, to be able to admit the regrets or to attempt to do anything about it. People move on in life, we grow, we get married, we get divorced and we age and change. I can tell someone I regret not saying something, or doing something about how I felt, but, once the moment passes, you can’t go back and do it differently, can you? Your older, your smarter, you safety systems are in place, and in the end so are they. Your not the same person and nor are they, in reality. So there ya go. This is not Friends, andI am not Ross and no one is Rachel either. I don’t think anyone lives that reality in todays world or has the ability to go back in that way and try to fix it. It doesn’t work, circumstances change, as we age.

So, my question is what isa single widower or widow, or divorcee, supposed to do these days? Is there a solution that works, that doesn’t cause pain, anxiety, or cost money? Someone tell me. or try to anyway !

Good day America, I hope the war stops in Gaza, I hope all can get along and allow each other to live, well and freely.

Lets discuss a subject that is now being brought forward and to the public’s attention, the lonelyness syndrome that exists in America. I say this because before my wife passing in 2021 I had not noticed it of course, Since her passing, I have come face to face with it daily it seems. Men and women, are single or widowed in America and they are alone out of fear, anxieties, and the inability to socially interact. People avoid one another, hide in fear of rejection, or determine they prefer to stay alone, before taking a chance with someone new, to be in their lives. As we age, we lose touch with the dating scene and how it is happening in the world around us. It has changed in so many ways now and it has switched almost entirely to online dating sites to meet someone. It has become a digital world in too many ways. People lose their morals, ethics, common sense and logic, tryingt o impress each other on the internet with write ups and descriptions and pictures. In the end they fail, because some lie, some cheat, some use fake phots and more. Plus it is harder to meet someone from off the internetin a dating site, than in person actually. ONline you have to work overtime to convince someone to meet you in public and the chance you could be meeting a pervert, fool, asshole or worse is bigger than in person meetings in a bar. It actually says alot about American Society, because people have more fear and anxieties, then others realize and it shows up, as people no show after making a date for a meeting. It happens daily to thousands or more in America daily. Few, gather up the nerve and guts to actually meet this way, and few actually pull it off.

Dating sites online are filled with fake profiles, fake photos, and men faking being women and vice versa, as they play mental games with one another. It becomes a game of who can fool who and get away with it, and then they disappear online for a while and come back under a new identiy to do it all again. It becomesa game to them to dupe people out of their credit card numbers or cash as these sites charge for their services but produce no results. Elderly, and desperate people dump their money online to try to find a companion or partner or Friend with benefits on adults ites and just lose their money. It has become an industry for the hackers and more these days. Americans are lonely and not finding a way to meet one another and get together online and in person ot of fear and anxieties like losing their money, credit card information, or being abused. So, most get no where doing it.

So Americans, tell me how do we overcome the above, say we are single and over 55, or 60, or 70? Tell me what do yopu do please, for i myself fit this category for sure and I find myself lost, and alone like many others. If you have suggestions, ideas or more, speak up, give us an answer to what to do to meet others in our own age groups without being taken for money or more in todays world? What do you do to find a compatable partner in this world, under these circumstances in America, where do you look, and how?