Thoughts on Upcoming Holidays!

It is now 8 days before Christmas of 2017. I live in Disability payments from the military and social security unable to work after serving my country for 16 years and getting a back injury and ptsd to live with. Each Christmas Season I stop and think back on the lonely days of Christmas’s Past aboard Naval Ships sailing the oceans to protect my country.

I think back on things stolen from me, by others like my first wife who lied and killed our marriage and our family we once had. She got the kids and I got jailed for four months for a crime I never committed and had to wait to be cleared before released. She lied on the witness stand and convince my eldest daughter to do so too, almost putting e away for 20 years. but I was lucky a prosecutor was smart enough to double check and clear me. After four months of my life in a jail cell and 16 years later my daughter admitted the truth and stated it, she told what to say by her mother and grandmother, who were both sexually abused by their husband/ father who is now dead today.

Christmas for me has always been a quiet time, to reflect and hope for better times and being joined to my daughters once again, yet I have no money to visit them or see them and had to fight for fourteen years before I could even talk to then freely, Now, I live quietly with my second wife battling her breast cancer turned to bone cancer and my own ailments such as slipped discs, Ptsd and yes lung cancer myself that I survived. We carry on, taking care of one another and I wrote little books to try to sell my stories to others, to make a few cents here and there.

I don’t own fancy cars or party, nor do I go crazy shopping and shipping gifts anymore, I don’t have the cash to play that game as a father or grandfather anymore, but my thoughts are always the same each Christmas Season. I stop and think of my daughters when they were young, yelling happily each christmas in front of a tree loaded with presents under it. I stop and think of their smiles, their laughter and wonder where i went wrong, but I shall never change it all and neither could i given the circumstances  of my life. Look, if my daughters read this I know their reaction will be Dad is in a pity party for himself again, but that’s not the case girls. I still have your photos I look at all the time on my computer and mantle and bookcases. I still look at FaceBook pages of my grandchildren and you all the times I can. IT’s not easy being a Father, Grandfather, to daughters and grandchildren who never once said merry Christmas to you, or sent you a card on a holiday, birthday or anything else. I didn’t ask for what I got girls, I was handed it and have to deal with it daily, and do. I do the best I can under the sad circumstances I was given, the best I can do is say, I will due loving my daughters, my grandchildren and my wife, and when it ends for my wife, it will more than likely be my end also. I don’t have the time, the money or energy anymore to keep trying, and I know why I am ignored, but I will say this girls, your mother will never tell you the truth I have, it wasn’t my fault. it wasn’t her fault, but the results are simple and you and I both will live the rest of our days apart and thinking of what could have been.

So as Christmas 2017 descends on me, I stop once more to think of my daughters and how much I love them and miss them and l always have. I stop to think of my grandchildren far away, Kayla, Alyssa, Chase and Ethan, and think of those closely who are my step-grandchildren Zachary and Jordan.

Wishing All the Warmest and Best Wishes for a Very Merry Christmas and The Best New Year for 2018.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.