Day ten without my wife began today with me sleeping a very little last nite. Then rising early about 4;30 am and then showering about 6;30 am. By 9;30 am I was dressed in my suit and waiting on my sister to go, bury her.
By 11;30 to 12 pm, the service, graveside was done, and her daughter and sister gave speaches about her. I was too emotional to do it, myself.
By 1:00 pm all was done and i retrurned home by 1;30 pm. Her death certificate in hand.
Now I am alone once more and wondering what to do with myself. I have applied for three apartments in Hud Related places, of course all have waiting times of up to 4 years, last I heard.
I will have to keep emptying the house so I can sell it as fast as I can and move on to somewhere else. Can I survive by myself again, it’s been 28 years, with her, and now she is gone.
Each day is a challenge to me to survive it, what does one do with themself? What do you do when your loved one is gone and your alone with no one left around that you know?
I was lucky, for I have a sister who cares and knows, and her boyfriend to help me through it all. Then an old friend came and he stayed with me too, at the reception afterwards. But once those affairs end, I am home alone again, talking to walls and wondering what, to do, next.
I watch television and binge shows constantly. Or unpack boxes in my garage when I feel up to it. Sleep is a big thing these days, I am not sure how much I can take, in being alone, so much.
I am debating with myself, as to what to do next now. Do I stay in Connecticut where I have a few friends left but no real family, or do I move to another state to be closer to family, like my sister in Mass. or my daughters in Pittsburgh, Pa.. I have no idea what exactly I will do next, I need to contact the Lawyers also for the estate taxes and how to pay them, I am sure the house must go for that. if I am not careful the loneliness alone can kill me, here.
I ask all who read this what do you do, when your loving partner, you married and now lost is gone and buried? What suggestions are there out there, to keep me going?
Any suggestions will be welcomed, and considered of course. Please feel free if you read this blog to send suggestions and ideas.