I fear what is coming! 2018

2018 is gonna bring many changes in the United States and in the world, but most of all for me in my own life I know for sure. I am currently witnessing the destruction of the United States by Donald Trump in such a way as never before in American History, he is isolating America from the world,, destroying pacts and treaties and agreements and he is working in collusion with Russia and putin who has bought and paid for his Presidency, it’s sad.

As Americans struggle to pay medical costs, due to his killing Obamacare, many struggle to survive and the medical industry comes under strain of eating the cost for many patients out there. At home in my home my wife struggles to survive, as she has gone from being a breast cancer patient in 2006 to a bone cancer patient in 2016 and now  in 2018 her struggle to survive is getting greater as she is weaker it seems to me each day. Sleeping more and awake very few hours a day leaving me to take care of her in anyway I possibly can. I don’t know how long a woman of 77 can last filled with bone cancer and not eating much and sleeping three quarters of her day away as well as all night. It is apparent to me, the end may be near for my Melinda and I shall fall apart when it does happen and I know it. Yet I refuse to let her go, but work overtime to keep her comfortable as humanly possible. It’s what you do for those you love in life, you stay with them through everything and anything.

Each day I know brings us closer to what will happen and I try to prepare myself for it mentally and emotionally, but I know when it happens I shall crumble. I can’t control, life or destiny or fate folks, so like everyone else I know, I continue on the best I can, dealing the best I can.

Anyway, I am slowly recovering myself now from a bout of Colitis, that I felt took a lot out of me. Four days of pure misery in a hospital and at home. I lost weight and energy I never realized I ever had and move slower now a days. I am not the Bill I was in my younger days for sure, too many medical issues and mental issues plague me. PTSD, back problems from herniated discs in my spine, recent hernia operation I recovered fro and of course my Lung Cancer in 2013. Although, seem normal to the average set of eyes and those who know me I am not. I am in constant pain from the back and the nightmares that roam my mind. Yet persist is what I will do and take care of my Melinda the best I can.

Soon enough I will be 62 years old, the 25th of this month to be exact. I have outlived my real father who died at 55 from lung cancer, my mother who went at 60 of lung cancer and my step-father who went at 59 of cancer also. I  done my duty as a man and produced two children in my first marriage which did not work out for me, and I have lost them to their mothers anger. I fought to get them back and did for a while and met my grandchildren also, I came a long way from where my first wife tried to dump me in a jail cell for a crime I never did but her father did to her.

I came back well, in the 1990’s, by getting help from the Veterans Administration and the Veteran’s Hospital, to go back to school and get a  Associates Degree in Hospitality Management, becoming an Assistant Manager in restaurants and a Hotel Manager in my own right. Then saw my mental and physical health go south slowly on me and ending up retiring at a young age.  Yet I still persist and survive, and we have paid off our home and cars and owe very little except for medical bills and utilities these days. Each day now is survival and taking care of my Melinda and trying to stay alive and keep going.

Each day I wake up and wonder is my Melinda going to wake up, is she breathing and I check her chest to see if she is breathing. It’s not an easy way to live, but it is what I will do to keep her safe, secure and alive as long as I can. And there you have my fears folks, and they gt worse each day, but the alternative is way worse and I am thankful for what I do have.

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