Life is not wishful thinking, it is not waiting for something to happen by itself, for nothing changes or moves unless a moveable forces moves it to start it in motion. Scientific fact proves an object will not move or change without some outside influence, and that includes people, items, materials and even chemicals will lay dormant unless an outside forces applies pressure. The only question really is what kind of pressure is needed to move things in the direction needed by the individual person or force in question. We all life is the same wherever we come from, and no matter what color, race, religion or anything else we may be. Energy is needed to move things in the right direction for reasons we needed them to.
Relationships happen for the same reason and other reasons too. What attracts two people to one another, what makes it work between them and then doesn’t between others? I will tell many what I have learned over my 62 years of life now, and see if you the people, can get the gist of what I am saying.
Lets start at a young teeenage and see for instance what I am referring to. Do you remember that first person you were attracted to and needed to be in their life, to satisfy a need in your own. It doesn’t matter if your straight, gay, male, female it all adds up the same, we grow attracted to someone at a point in our teens. It becomes not only a physical attraction but an emotional one too, doesn’t it? The two seem interlocked and you can bet it always will be, for mankind was made that way folks, it’s not our fault, but what is our fault is how we all react to the needs we face at this point.
Do you remember your first attraction to another person and why it happened? Was it physical or mental or emotional? What drew you to the person? many of us don’t remember what did it,some of will just say, it just happens, it does but for reasons we as humans do not fully understand. We have physical attractions, we have mental attractions and yes even emotional attractions and any of us are unaware of these three forces working in our minds, hearts and bodies, because we are too young in our teens to figured it all out. So we let them take over and lead us to where we think they should take us. Other get cautious and hold back, while other rush in, and it is usually the later that gets hurt. For we are young, innocent and just letting the emotions of the moment make us rush in, and we get burned by the situation because it is all new and different to us and the exploring stage. It’s natural folks, but knowing when to pursue it all and when to pull back makes us also who we are everyday, in life from that point on.
I choose to pull back from my first attraction, because I was scared of it all and had no idea why I was even looking at them, so I choose a distance. Some were kissing and groping one another at a lot younger age than I ever even thought about it. I remember seeing it happening in elementary school for many and I just watched and stayed to myself. I wandered thinking of other things kids think of none of it was attraction or sex for sure, that wouldn’t happen to me till my sophomore year in High School. I didn’t really notice it until the summer before my second year of High School and when I did notice it I still had no idea how to handle it or what to say of do. I was lost believe me. I know it sounds silly and why am I mentioning all of this, here is the answer we all go through it, yet for each of us, no matter male or female, it is not at the same time, it’s in the same age ranges mostly but not the same exact times so it can’t be pinpointed can it.
Here’s the thing for all to understand since we all go through it, we have regrets later on, because we didn’t do a thing about that first one or one of the first ones we believe we should have. We end up holding on to the memory of the one we didn’t get involved with or pursue because we felt awkward over it. I know I went through it too, but I also know that first attraction to that first girl ever went away and it is now many decades later. It made my choices in life as to finding partners, different then most. For in the back of my mind and heart she was the one all other shad to measure up to.
I never asked a woman out until I was 24 years old and she became my first wife that didn’t last because of unseen circumstances not controlled by me. The point being this I didn’t know how to pursue the opposite sex, because I was more scared then attracted. Does that make sense to anyone? I saw many females that were pretty, sexy and attractive to me, but, I did not chase them or approach them, why I didn’t have a father to show me how or to instruct me in anyway. I fumbled through it all for many years. Even my first wife was not my choice she was introduced to me but a woman who I found fun and attractive but couldn’t have. and I went out with her as a favor to the girl I couldn’t have.
Before I would actually ask another woman out I was 35 years old and she was 16 years my senior. And I married her after 7 years of living together. I have been with hr now 25 years and never ever thought of leaving her or giving up on what we have. At least with her I am the one who started it and asked her to dance and asked her out. So, I choose her, and for me that was big, and it made my doing so vital to me.
Ok I know what your thinking I am ugly, I am stupid or awkward right, wrong, I am cautious and intelligent have a college degree and a disabled Veteran now who served his country for 16 years. I have been married now twice, the first time lasted 12 years and produced two daughters, the second is still ongoing at the 25 year mark. I stand five feet eight, 200 lbs. brown hair and eyes and speak well and write well. I am not the best looking man in the world but I am far from ugly or homely. So why did it all take so long, well it’s easy folks, when growing up there are those kids who are accepted by everyone and happy go lucky, I was an introvert who read books and ran through the woods exploring nature. I was no sports hero, I read comic books and dreamed of being superheroes, I didn’t care what others did, I wasn’t raised the way normal kids were. I was the black sheep of my family and when I couldn’t find a way to survive in my own family I went to other families and was basically guided by other parents, it was like a surrogate situation, just they didn’t know they were doing it. So I found a way to survive through others and with their help, GOD BLESS Them for being there for me! SO when people tell me I a different from them and easy to get along with, there is a reason, for I had to find a way to survive and be me, and I did through open communication with others, if not for the open communication, I would never have made it to today.