I have written before of what I call the Watch, it’s that period of time when you know something is coming and your waiting for it to happen, yet it doesn’t. That period of time when everything seems to slow down and become a part of you, as all you can do is stand by wait for eventual to happen. You know you can’t avoid the fatal moment when it will, you hope to avoid it, you don’t want it, you don’t need it, but you know there is no stopping it.When it hits or comes, you know you have prepared yourself for it mentally and you think emotionally, but, no matter how practical you may be, no matter how logical you may be, no matter how much you steel yourself for it, you know when it does hit, it will destroy you and make you crumble and that in the end it will make you have to rebuild and start again.
The watch comes for all of us, in our lives and the watch is usually about the end for the most important and most loved person in our lives. It happens, when Mom dies, or Dad and you can see it coming, and then suddenly it happens and you find yourself alone, adrift, and gathering your life and senses and building your own life after they are gone. You never get over them leaving you behind and you know, they are better and in less pain where they are now, then if they were still here suffering.
If you want to know what the watch is all about and how it is handled by people of all ages, sizes, colors, and races, just walk into a Cancer Hospital’s Oncology Wing. Sit with a cancer patient, watch them take their chemo and drugs, watch how they react, how each of them acts so bravely and takes it, and knows what it is doing to them. Watch as they get poked, and prodded and filled with the chemicals they believe will kill the cancer cells flowing through their blood streams. They all know that the chemicals are slowly killing them as much as the cancer, almost, but they also know they may get an extra month, or week or day, too, so they take it as long as their bodies can handle it.
You know when they are in trouble, it’s when that doctor says the cancer is back, that drug isn’t working anymore for you or the cancer your fighting. That moment when reality sets in, and you and the patient your caring for, the loved one you have been helping, standing by, feeding,dressing, washing, caring for, has no more questions for the doctor or you. That point when the Doctor says no more Taxial for you, your cancer is back, we have to change drugs. Your heart sinks with their as they know they have no choice but to prepare for the end that is coming. The ending moment, when the spirit gets crushed in them as the patient and person you know, begins to disappear into the pain realm, the area where existence becomes their only thing they can be and do. They are there, you can see it in their eyes, you can hear it in their voices, you can see the sag in their once proud stance and body. The slow down begins to hit them.
How long will they hold on, cancer filled, drug filled and struggle to stay on the planet and with you? That no one can answer folks, for the watch is what God intended for some of us to do and handle and we can’t predict when it will end for the ones we love. We pray, we hope, we watch and we care, we take them to the Doctors, the Hospitals, and we bring them back home until we can’t anymore. Then decisions come into play, how long can we keep them hope, how long until we can’t do it ourselves anymore, when we need to get help to either come in or we ship them out to a Nursing Home of some kind and pay till we see them leave us. It is all part of The Watch folks, it is all part of the Cancer Watch, the watch that always ends in the same damn way, with them leaving us behind to continue on our own, til our own ending time comes and someone else watches us, as we go next.
Ending of lives, is a natural process for all mankind,some are natural and die in their sleep, others die suddenly like heart attacks, they go quickly into the night not to return. A Cancer patient it seems always goes slow, why I don’t know. But The Watch will be with mankind till, we all find a way to beat Cancer and kill it in humanity.And all we can do, Watch!