Signs come and you know they are there, yet you tend to ignore them, and deny them, yet they are there, what signs am I talking here, simply put old age, and for many the illness one has winning and the person losing, ground.
Illnesses come and go and so do we all folks, there is no denying this, our bodies don’t last forever, even though we try to will them to. We mentally push and push and push ourselves to overcome pain, failures, and more, but, how far can one truly push the human mind to overcome a human body ravaged with disease and overcome mental anguish also?
Pain comes as you age folks, you pain for your youth in your older age. There is the old mental injuries from childhood days of being abused mentally and emotional by parents who did ya wrong maybe, or physical injuries, you overcame in your younger days, come back to haunt you in your older ages. It is a natural process of course, except for those with cancer, and other debilitating diseases.
Cancer for instance, which is what, I am mostly familiar with, is deadly, persistent, unrelenting and destructive. It works in mysterious ways and Doctors and Scientist cant figure out how to stop it or kill it completely in most cases still.
Since 2005 I have stood by my wife as she fights breast cancer, in every way possible she can. Doctors, Scans, Radiation, and Chemo drugs have gone through her body. Then, recently, about two months ago her Doctor took her off her chemo, Taxial because it was giving her adverse effects now and not fighting the cancer anymore, The cancer came back and it was time for something new.
Now for the last two months, it has been Immunotherapy. A stronger drug, targeting her breast cancer that has now for over two years spread into her bones. I have watch her age faster lately and get slower and sleep more. I have seen the effects it has on her small frail body as she began to lose weight now, yet her hair for her is coming back really slow now. I watch her and dress her, try to help her stay clean and feed her daily, I am her husband and I have no money for Home Nursing, or a Nursing Home for her, the only money , or coverage we have for her is her Medicare. So, she stays home with me, and lives in the privacy of our home, and it’s a matter of off to the Doctors and Scans as soon as they are scheduled , the the treatments, then back home again.
I am not a cleaning person, I suck at house work but I do what I can to try to keep it decent here. I do the dishes, vacuum and, whatever I can, of course. We struggle through each day, and we try to laugh as much as possible so she is comfortable as possible and as happy as possible. Cancer is unrelentless folks, of this I am sure, and I am sure any Doctor who is an Oncologist will tell you the same. It doesn’t stop, it keeps coming and coming and killing it or putting it into remission is almost impossible.
Mentally all one can do is, stay positive and fight it in anyway possible, feed them right and take them in when and as needed. I awake each morning and I come downstairs, I walk by my wife who sleeps now in a recliner in my living room I bought her, because she can’t sleep in our bed no more. I check her as I go by, to see if her chest is moving, is she breathing is she still alive.
I know it will happen there will be a day she won’t wake up or will be gone when I check, and I know there is no way to stop the inevitable from happening. I pray it won’t yet I know it will. I have seen this before, with my relatives and friends. So I know cancer folks, it doesn’t change os quit! I wish it wasn’t in existence each day I live.
How many more, days does she have, how many more mornings will she be here, how many more nights will I wish her good night and sweet dreams?
I don’t know folks, but I do know this, I married her out of love and respect and caring, I will not walk away. In the end, I will do all I can to make her comfortable and keep her in a peaceful environment. After 26 years together, I will not and can not walk away and never would.
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