Only time will tell!


For the past few days, I have felt like something is wrong with me. I am not sure what exactly it may be, but, I know whatever it is, is not letting up.

I went to the bathroom a day or so ago and had a bowel movement, all looked fine then. Now, a few days later I am feeling like there is a gas build-up, or something else each time I move or sit. It feels like there is something there but it is not coming out in gas or stools.

What it may be I know not, but I do know cancer runs in my family and I am already a lung cancer survivor since 20113. If it is rectal or colon cancer I wouldn’t know as of yet, I will have to see a Doctor, probably soon. As to when well I am not sure at all, because I have a wife with breast cancer that’s metastasized to her bones. Life is really a short ride folks, in my family on both sides we average around 68 to 71 years old, through the generations and I am well aware of it in all ways.

I know this much and this is what counts for me. I have never ever hurt anyone intentionally in my life, either physically or mentally. I have never committed any crimes, or acts, offensive or dangerous to another person.

I served my family growing up by helping my step-father rebuild a home for us all. I helped friends in high school and after wherever I could. I served my country as a Soldier and a Sailor in three branches and was Honorably discharged at least four times. I gave my back and neck to Uncle Sam and my life to trying to keep America free and safe for all.

I did my job as a man, married twice and two kids and two of everything. I have lived a pretty full life folks. I will leave a legacy of stories and poems and blogs if I go tomorrow. I will leave my sister and my wife with the knowledge I loved them both well and my daughters know I love them also.

I have had a few very trusted and true friends in my life, and very few loves. Yet I regret nothing I did in my life, I did it all for the right purposes, at least thats what I believe.

I am the only one of my mother’s five children to serve his country, and I am also the only one to graduate college of any sort, I did get a Associates Degree in Hotel Management, even if I had to go back after and didn’t graduate till I was 41. I still did it.

I was known as a troubled kid, an emotionally damaged child they called me, and my mother gave me to the State of Connecticut at 12 years old. I didn’t return home till fourteen years old after they finally figured out I was normal.

I came a long way in life folks and if I die tomorrow or in the near future, I always made choices based on logic and honesty and on my feelings about each situation and each person I knew. Did I do right? Was I decent to all? I hope so, for when I do die, I just want to die knowing I did what I could for all, that I could.

I don’t have much of an idea as to exactly what may be wrong with me, for I don’t have time to slow down and find out as of yet. I have my wife to care for , as best as I can and make comfortable toward her ending as it comes.

I have never really worried about myself, always about others.

Recently I was shocked to see an article on the death of a man I served with and who was 5 years my senior and a Chief Petty Officer in the Navy, for many years. It made me think for myself, how short life really is and how vulnerable we all really are. Life is short folks, believe me, ask anyone who has lived to their 60’s and you will hear tales and stories of those who have passed before they did, that they knew, and suddenly went.

The good Lord Giveth and The Good Lord Taketh also. We never know when we shall be recalled by the Lord, but, the good Lord has all of our tickets, and recalls us when he thinks we are done serving all we can on earth. Only time will tell!

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