As time goes on, when dealing with a cancer patient who is my spouse, I watch as she weakens slowly and sleeps more and more hours. Her timing is off for meals, her ability to get around weakens and her mind is starting to slow down too.
I have watched her since 2006 when her breast cancer first hit her, and stood by her side for numerous chemo and radiation treatments, seen her go down some and come back again. she amazes me how hard she fights, to live, to be with humanity and our family at all times.
I have sen her lose her hair, lose weight, and come back now twice, and then been there to feed her, help her wash herself and to make her as comfortable as I humanly can. Taking her to Doctors and bringing her home so she can rest and pass out repeatedly. Each time a little more is sapped from her in her effort she makes. Her energy is slowly diminishing and I or any Doctor she has can do nothing to stop the process.
She has gone from Taxol and Radiation treatments to now Imminio Therapy Treatments also holding her head high, always fighting back and never surrendering. I say this because we are now in 2019, November folks, count the years of her battle and how long she has been at it. 13 years of constant struggle, fighting back, and never giving up, she rages a battle few women could, for she is only a shell of the healthy woman she once once when I married her.
Her mind is clear and precise and she can talk and acknowledge everything and hold conversations, even is at times she gets a little forgetful or stumbles. She struggles to get around now a days, she hasn’t taken a shower in a while now, due to the fact it is upstairs and she doesn’t want to climb the stairs much.
Her days consist of her lounge chair I bought her, a small recliner to fit her size and make her comfortable, doing a honey do list for me and doing the mail and paying the bills we need paid. she playing cards and puzzle games on her computer al day and take sit as easy as she can and I never object.
I feed her her eggs and cheese for breakfast, a sandwhich, for lunch and cook a supper for her daily. Then in the evening we retire around 7 pm to watch tv in our living room as we watch our favorite programs that make her smile. The Voice, The Chicago Programs and other sbring a smile and an interest from her. she love mysteries also so Date LIne is a big one too. we laugh, we talk and we watch her in one recliner and me in mine.
Bed time comes around 9 to 10 pm now for her, or she falls asleep watching the shows now and then and I will make sure she is covered and comfortable, by making her go back in the chair so she doesn’t hurt her neck and if needed give her a heavier blanket to keep her warm. Each day ends with a goodnight and sweet dreams between us and we sleep through the night seperate now. she can’t sleep in abed anymore it seems.
I wonder each morning when I get up if she will be here still when I come down and check her to see if she is breathing in her recliner all covered up. I stand and watch her for a moment to see if her chest is moving and rises and falls. Once I see that, I know she is still with me, and then I head to my kitchen and make coffee and start my own day.
Fighting her cancer with her, I also fought my own in 2013 when I had lung cancer, I had it removed by an operation that took a lobe and a third of my right lung from me. I survived and care for her still.
Recently, my blood pressure has given me a scare and her too as it made me pass out in the VA Hospital Parking lot and go face down. My Blood pressure rose to 229. 105 and I was hospitalized for a week, to get it under control. They got it there by increasing and changing my medications and stabilized me after 7 days.
I came home again and immediately went right back to taking care of my wife. I would have it no other way folks.
We have now been married 19 years and together for 26. I wouldn’t trade one second of it for anything else in the world. For she is my everything!