A friend and I had a conversation recently that I found very interesting. I was trying to get someone to change their mind regarding a decision they made that had to do with me. Each day I would get up and go, will this be the day they say yes, instead of no. Is there anything I can say or do to make them change their mind? So, I would sit and do other things, always thinking about the situation, and what happened and how to correct or change it back so this person would accept me. What did I find out doing this for days and then weeks, simple folks, it’s not worth the effort to bang your head against a wall and get nowhere, all you do is hurt yourself, and get nowhere? It’s an endless battle with yourself, not with those you want to accept you, for they don’t care.
You can’t change the past, nor can you force someone to understand you! It doesn’t matter what happened, who is responsible or who isn’t, all that matters to them is they don’t want you around because you disagree.
The other thing one has to realize, it’s best to move on and forget and forgive, then to keep up a hopeless battle. Why fight a war you can’t win?
What I did was first was try to explain in plain English what happened and why it happened. That didn’t work because of the opinions and gossip and rumors of others, already in this person’s ear. It sets him in his ways and will remain that way, because it keeps him happy, and he gets what he wants from the way he does things. Sadly, he loses people who can help him and what he is doing, because he looks at everything like: “Been this way for 12 years and it works for me and my people, no sense changing, we like it this way, it’s a proven way to work it.”
When you run up against such people, you can try to suggest changes, you can try to help them, or others, but they don’t change a thing and lose ground without realizing it. Apologizing won’t get you anywhere with these people either, I found, they are not interested in hearing it; they become ignorant, stubborn and selfish. Sadly, all one can do is go, ok I did all I can to help you and walk away.
The experience taught me about people and what makes some of them tick. The emotional reasons and lack of logic and common sense in these people, is dangerous. You can’t instill common sense, logic, or an education in anyone who doesn’t want it. It doesn’t work, all you do when you try to is come up against massive resistance and it becomes a fight, you will never win. Like, all logical people you figure out there is no longer any sense in beating your head against the wall. Walk away.
As my parents used to say, ” You can’t fix ignorance, nor can you fix stupid!” And as my friend said recently, she was correct, ” A square Peg will never fit a round hole, stop trying to force what doesn’t fit!”