Each day brings me closer to a point of no return. I know at some point I will have to make decisions regarding my own health and my wife’s also. Under The current conditions, I struggle to keep going myself, with my Melinda. I have had to figure out how to pay the bill son my own, how to separate and pack up belongings and clean the house.Cleaning up left behind messes by my wife before her injuries in her fall. Then calling her daily and finding out I can’t see her because covid-19 has restricted access to her in the facility she is in.
I try to prepare for what I am sure is coming, which will probably be the fact she may not return to the home, she left, when she fell. Life will not be the same as it was before her fall I am sure. she may need a wheelchair and not be able to walk again. We may need changes in where we live and have to reduce what we have and move. These things flash their my mind as I clean up the house we live in or I do at least for now and pay the necessary bills to keep it going.
I have to also deal with my own medical problems on top of all of the above, medical appointments are coming up for me at the Veterans Hospital. I need to be seen for my neck and back spinal injuries from my service time the discs are out of alignment and herniated, my spine is full of stenosis and arthritis. I ache and live in pain daily as I try to continue on with life. The only thing I have is the two cats I feed and water daily and pet when I can. TV brings no release for me these days, even though I pay for cable, so I may reduce the service to a basic one and get rid of the DVR I have. I am thinking basic cable will be fine for the evenings I am alone. I will keep internet access I am sure. I use it to chat with friends in Second Life and in Facebook and such. And For e-mails.
As to where we go from here and what happens next I can not be sure. I awake each day and I don’t feel normal at all my neck throbs, my lower back throbs and half of my head feels different then the other half, most of the time. But, I carry on and hope she can come home again and life can go back to normal.
As to what’s next I have no idea, anymore, I just carry-on to carry-on, because life just keeps on, whether I like it or not! When it will end, I have no idea, but I do think for me it may end suddenly, due to my physical conditions and whatever is going on with my head and brain.
Time they say, is a solution to all things, I shall have to see, for the Good Lord controls how long we live and how, so I shall rely on him and his decisions.
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