I have seen too much in my 65 years I think at times. At other times my body and my mind says to me enough, and I shut down, both mentally and physically too. IT isn’t anyone’s fault, it is age and time adding up against me right now.
I find at age 65, the body starts to fail, my neck and back injuries have started to affect all my life and what I can or can not do. Mentally I am aware of all happening just not able to jump on it all in the morning early to get started anymore. My head is spinning as I wake up and it keeps spinning for quite a while as I start my day. The left side of my head feels different then the right, my left side of my spine feels like it is slightly out of alignment. In the end I have to slow down, to get out of bed, to walk downstairs and to even stand in my kitchen as my coffee is being made.
My wife is in a nursing/ rehab facility down the road from me. She is 80 years old and I believe in better shape then me, right now even after she had a fall and brain bleed and can’t walk much. She is now giving me the honey do list daily when I see her. Even after all she has been through she still comes back and fights at 80 years old, I find her resilience and energy and determination to come home strong and surprising as hell. How she does it is beyond me.
Currently, as time moves forward I have called to have a Acorn Stair Chair Lift put in and I am in contact with a man for ramps in my house and on my front door for wheelchair access. The cost is atrocitus really for both really, when you charge 3200 dollars for the chair lift and then the ramps cost ya another 3500 dollars and your retired, injured a disabled veteran with a injured wife. I get that nothing is cheap folks, but, is there ever a company that will discount these things and still meet our needs and the ADA standards in an affordable way? I don’t see that happening now, so we have to dig into savings to stay alive now.
Each day is a new challenge for me folks, each day brings a new feeling of dizziness, a new feeling of lightheadedness on my left side. But, I will push through I always do. Slow the dizziness will disappear as I try to relax to do so. It’s what we do as humans each day, I know I see the daily on television,hear it on radio and news, so many die from coronavirus, so many get shot, so much violence happening in America and we the people suffer because as we get older, we are more vulnerable.
I care not what color a person is, what naturality they may be, or where they come from. I keep to myself, I mind my own business and i move along in life, quietly. My wife and I took the time and effort ove rthe years to help others out also. We have had numerous people live in out home over 20 years, an dhelped them survive and live well. We can’t do it anymore of course due to injuries and age, those people who we helped are now long gone from us. Our families are too busy taking care of their own, they have no time or effort to give to us.
The children are far away, they roam and have fun where they live, the grandchildren too. All too busy to stop, and try to help. Life has it’s cycles ladies and gentlemen, and when you hit our age, you tend to excuse the fact they don’t show up when needed because they are too busy at homes of their own.
I struggle through because i have to, one day, I may not be struggling anymore as i see it. There will come a morning or day, when I can’t anymore and I will go down like a ton of bricks. I can feel it coming each morning a little more than the day before. The imbalance, the dizziness persist, a little more each morning and doesn’t let up easy. I sit and write this and the world spins in my head as I do. Yet I refuse to give in, I have a wife who is older than I and who needs to see me dailly and who I Love in worse shape than I. she comes first for me, I go to see her as much as they allow me to. She barks orders at me, I make calls and try to get things done and hope she is right that she will come home. Some think I am crazy and she persists, even if she can’t walk yet. Who knows for sure, money is just money as long as I can eat and pay my household bills, to keep going we shall, when she comes home. No one knows more than I right now, how it feels to really be alone.
I served my family growing up, I served my country as a young man, I served my wives one for 12 years, and now one for 28 going on 29 if we make it that far. I served and served and gave and gave and we helped and helped others. Now all we have to help is one another as time moves forward. Can we, will we survive and if we do, will we be broke, and destitute next?