Living life as I have always done, I find myself wandering mentally since my wife’s death on August 10th, 2021. I am devastated by the loss and I have tried to recover by staying offline and alone. It didn’t work that way for me. All who lose a loved one of such magnatuide as your spouse, go thru depression and sadness and more, I am no exception to that.
I, now, must pull myself together, face the world and move forward. At no time can I, sit and do nothing or allow life to pass me by. I have to clear hurdles to survive. I have a house and more to take care of and get rid of and a life, I must keep going. I shall always have the fond memories and thoughts of my wife, and I am sure I will be emotional for along time to come.
I need to do what I need to do in my own way and as fast as possible to survive and to get out of the big house. All of it reminds me of my wife who died and it just drags me toward depression. So the House must go and all in it.
Next, I need to clear with the Lawyers what I need to do for my wife’s estate and any taxes to the state, for her death. When I do all of the above I will need to find a new place to live and start over slowly and with patienance. Old surroundings will be devastating to me and I need to stop and not, stay put anymore.
I know in my heart and mind that my wife would not want me to stop living due to her death. She told me she didn’t want to put me through what I have been thru for the last 16 years, but, we had no choice and I would not abandon her at any point. Sixteen years is a long time to fight a cancer battle for her and for me also, but we did it. I never wavered or left her side thru it all and I never even thought of it once. I fought with her and kept her with me as long as I could and she knew it. The last words she spoke to me were I love you, after I said ,the same to her for the final time. I know it sounds like I am making it up but I am not, it was her last words to me.
I did not care, that she didnt want me to go thru it all with her, I did it out of love and caring, and I stuck by my wedding vows to her. It is what till death do us part means folks! I did all I could to make her comfortable and happy for 28 years, not just her final days.
As I begin to move forward, I want to do it with a clear heart and soul and I know I am doing so, because there was nothing more I could do for her, in the end, I exhausted all, and myself.
I was blessed with 28 years with the woman I loved. I also am blessed with a sister who understood it all, and helped me through by being with me thru it all. We sat together as my wife died, a brother and sister united in the pain, the hurt, the devastation of a cancer patient dying in hospice. If not for my sister I would not be alive today to even write this. So, I thank my sister for all she did for me, for my wife and I love her for it all.