What does the future have in store for me?


September 16th, 2021, a day has dawned again and rain is here where I am. I got a cup of coffee so far and have settled into a chair to drink it so far. I took a look at my Facebook page and CNN to see what is happening in the world. It seems not much happens that is any good these days.

Anyway, today would have been our Anniversary, but, my wife as all know did not make it this far. Yes I miss her and there is not much more I can say, I shall love her till I die, but, I can’t join her till my time comes. Each day I awake, I know in my mind there is something I am supposed to do still left in this world or I wouldnt be here still. so I go on day by day.

Life is a mystery for sure as the heavens open and rain falls upon the planet. Why are we here, what is our purpose in being here has always been a question I have asked. I will never know for sure, but, I do know that we are here for some purpose each of us. Call it fate, call it destiny, or what you wish, once we do what we were intended to do here on earth, I believe we are recalled by the Good Lord.

Our bodies, are shells that house our spirits only and we use them to do what we need to daily when awake or asleep. They are not made to last forever, but the design of them is such that we last long enough to touch others in many ways. Age becomes a factor of course, then you throw in diseases and well, I didn’t design the world or us, but you can get my thoughts on the matter, I am sure.

I never thought once in my life, I would end up a widower at 65 years old. Yet here I am. I miss her dearly and always will, till I die. Yet I also know she is better off where she is, no more pain from her cancer, no more needles, IVs, chemos or radiations, no more cat scans, MRIs, no more Immunio theraphy. Her pain is now gone like she is, to me.

I know in my heart and mind and soul I did what was right by my wife. Yet it does not take away the feeling of loss I feel or how much I miss her. For those of us, who have lost spouses, or loved ones, we understand the memories come and affect us and we understand it all.

As time marches forward as I said before so must I now without her. Her legacy to me, is me. We made a promise when we married all those years ago, to learn and grow from each other and to love till we died or one of us did. I have held to that promise and she did too. Her legacy lives on in, spirit, in me and her daughter and grandchildren too. Each of us have a part of her in us, in our own way.

Life is a mystery as the song says folks. We know not why we are here on earth, why we interact with whom we do, or what our real purpose is, but, we manage to find our way. Each of us is unigue, different and in the end yet the same, no matter what color, race, nationality, we may be. For in the end, we all laugh, we all cry, we all hurt, we all sigh, we all bleed and it is red for all of us, for we are mankind. I tire of racist and bigots and fools who fight wars for no real reason other than greed. I tire at times of news reports of animals who call themselves human beings, yet have lost their humanity by doing deeds, that no one should do.

Humanity is far from perfect folks! All of us have our faults, all of us have our problems or difficulties in life. Yet, in the end, are we not all the same in all ways? We are humans, we feel, we hurt, we laugh, we act out of reason, we try to do what is right we don’t always, but we try. Humanity is far from perfect, and in the end so am I. I hurt, I cry and in the end I am still here for some reason I do not know or understand. Whether it is God’s wishes, destiny, fate or another reason, I do not know or undertand. What I do undertand is I am still here, so the future is in front of me still, no matter my age or conditions.

What does the future have in store for me? I do not know, but I am determined to go on, and make a fresh start. I can’t live in the past, I can’t stay in the big house we had and I can’t stay in the area where she died. I must move away, so I can slowly recover and move on for myself. I know, what I said before, is true folks, Time waits for no one and we must do all we can while here, for time will keep ticking, once we are gone too. So, do all we can do while here, enjoy life, do what you want, as long as you don’t hurt someone else. Peace is something we all deserve and should have folks.

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