Notes and Thoughts on September 30th, 2021

September 30th, 2021, I awoke once more around 6:30 am, seems I never could get over the six am reverlly call in the service. So here I sit once more with a cup of coffee and my lap top, as I type away. Today, would have been my wife’s birthday if she had survived. As I look back and think of it, I also think of the fact she is now at rest in peace, and in no more pain. Still, I want to wish her a Happy Birthday, as she rests in peace now, for I shall love her, till I die.

That said and done now, life goes on here on the earthly plane we live on. I have made advances on the house after filling two 20 cu.ft dumpsters and having them picked up. The house is mostly cleaned out, an estate sale will be next, where I will sell, all I can. Once emptied and all sold, then the house itself, will go up for sale and I shall move on. No way a widowed man, can keep a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bath house and afford to run it alone and it makes no sense.

Proceeedures are underway or will be shortly, to clear probate court and then once that happens the house can be sold as well as any cars, I want to trade in. Then, it is on to a new location for me. I can’t sit in the same location we lived in and she died in for long, it would drive me into depression, once more and I don’t need that.

I want a small place for myself, in a decent neighborhood, and peace is all. A decent vehicle to get to Doctors and stores and a life where I can at least, enjoy it some, I hope that is not asking, for too much.

Once I find a place, I want to settle in and get to know new people and find a new life for myself. I won’t forget, but I will move on, for I have no choice in life. The world continues to rotate and life continues on this world each day, I am here. Life is a mystery indeed as is it’s begginings and endings. We know not why we are here, or our purpose for being here, nor when we shall be recalled to the Lord’s side. So, I intend to try to live it the best I can, and hope.

I know for 28 years all I ever did was do what my wife wanted, we went where she wanted, we did what she wanted and I cared for her in all ways I could, till she passed. I always figured the best way to keep her happy was to give her what she wanted most and do things her way, it worked it seems, for we had 28 years together. I guess I did something right, didn’t I?

Now, I know I need to move on, and not just quit in life. My wife would tell me so,if she were here to do so, I know that much. Now each day is an adventure and a process to stay alive for me, for I wanted to join her. I have figured out it is not my time yet, and I must go on.

I want to leave the house and the area we lived in behind now. I want a fresh location, a new life, a place where I can find some pleasure and live in peace is all. I figure a decent apartment or condo, and a life of adventure or of keeping busy. Busy is good for me, it keeps my mind off of all that happened to my wife, and lets me think of what I am doing instead.

Connecticut I was born and raised in and I must say has been good for me mostly, in my life. Yet, as good as it has been for me, I need to leave it behind and move on. I have numerous reasons for doing so besides selling the house. I am alone now and my closest family member is my sister, whom I love. I want to be near her. I need a new atmosphere and surroundings.

So, one day at a time and I will continue on slowly and at the best pace I can. All takes time, but life must go on, they say. The biggest problem for me it seems is being alone, I end up talking to myself and the walls or my dead wife. I need to be away from it all now and find a new place to be, so I can survive.

I figure a new state, a new location, a new apartment or condo of my own, But time shall tell I am sure. In the meantime, I go day by day, and try to hang onto hope, for the future, for myself. As to what it will contain or where exactly I will live, it is still up in the air.

News wise I watch as Congress battles over whether to pass a budget and keep seniors and the disabled like me going. I don’t understand why Congress, The Senate and House want to argue over keeping the government going! Each Senator and Representative makes more than enough and are well to do, off of our taxes, we pay. The least they can do is make sure, we the taxpayers are covered and cared for in the right way. So, in my opinion, they need to get off their asses, and pass a budget and cover those on social security and disability payments and keep the country going. Stop screwing around, period!

I listen to news daily, I hear all the reports of governement shutdowns and payments cut off for many. I listen to the murders happening, the deaths from covid and so much more and i wonder what the hell is wrong with the world. Well, I basically have come to a conclusion regarding the world and America, specifically.

The world at one time, especially in America, was in the 1950’s, 1960’s and 1970’s, a we, we, we society. Americans would stop if you had a flt tire on the road and offer to help you change it or give you a lift to a phone or gas station. Today it is a different world, people fly by those who have a flat tire and not think a thing about it. America and the world has now changed to a world of me, me, me and screw you! What has happened is greed has grown and generousity and helping others is gone! We are now more concerned with getting our fair share of everything and the hell with anyone else. It is the truth in this life, I know I have seen it, I am now 65 years old.

I watched it all change ove rthe years and thought what is causing this? I don’t know for sure, but a lack of discipline seems to be the cause.People raising children in the 1950s,60s and 70s, used to discipline their children and teach them right from wrong. Today’s new generation, doesn’t do it anymore. There are no spankings, there are no real punishment for children who misbehave. Parents today are too permissive and allow the kids to do as they please. I just want to say, todays parents need to control their children, discipline them and make them earn what they get. Too many are handed video games to play and not supervised or the games are used as babysitters. Parents today seem not to understand their role in raising their children, what happened to teaching manners, ethics, and more?

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