Thoughts on October 4, 2021


Monday has arrived again, it is damp and dark here today, I guess it will be one of those days again. Weather is looking like a full rainy day to me. October is the time of year in New England when everything changes it seems, the weather gets colder, the leaves change too and begin to fall. Memories come and go and the day sometimes seem longer than others and sometimes shorter. I don’t usually notice it much, but, now that I am alone and my wife has passed I notice things I never did before.

Anyway, the house I have to empty is getting there now. Slowly but surely progress has been made and the sale of all items will happen soon enough and the house itself I will sell also as soon as I can. As I have said before and will say again, no reason for a single person to keep a four bedroom home by themselves, it must go.

Each day that dawns for me is a slow starter now, coffee, read online news and e-mails and then I have my coffee as I do it all. Each day comes and goes slowly when your alone, so you try to accomplish chores, or clean or just do anything you can to make the day go by. It’s hard when your alone for your thoughts and emotions come to the surface and unless you find something to do or go to, you end up talking to yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but, you try living with someone for 28 years and then poof they are gone, and see if it doesn;t happen to you too!

I can’t change the fact she passed away, nor can I get rid of the memories and I wouldn’t do that one, but, I have to push through to survive now, for I am still here and she is not. Life will go on, no matter what, and I am still alive and I have to live it. I used to be knocked and teased by my wife, that I was a realist, and that she knew it too and knew I would have to carry on.She was right in that sense, I know I can’t stop living and I have to go on alone now, I am not happy about it of course and I do miss her, but, I have no choice do I?

Anyway, enough wallowing in self-pity and memories for now. Life is still ahead of me to live and each day makes it clearer to me, that ,that is so. I have already done so much that needs to be done and so much more has to be handled yet. Like I said the house must go and all in it too. Then once that happens and gets done as the Lawyers settle her probate and paperwork finishes, I have to sell all I can to survive. Then, it will be time to move on and leave the area where we lived for 21 years and start over fresh.

Each day, I write these blogs and listen to the news. So many things happening, but they seem so far away from my micro-world of troubles and things to do. Yet, I know they will affect not only me, but all others too. Covid, the fight against a deadly virus rages on, fights over who gets vaccinated and who doesn’t, budget battles in Washington, DC., people killing others and no one knows why, all in the news. I wonder if there is such thing as good news in the world today, as countries fall to oppressors and we all watch it together.

America faces some very tough decisions now, Budgets must be set, elderly and disabled people must be provided for, as social security and disability payments are threatened now. Congress needs to stop threatening the elderly and disabled and start going after the rich people. They have the money to pay higher taxes not us poor ones.

Someone needs to find a medical coverage plan for all americans too. I see medicare and medicaid and they don’t do the job folks, I know it now. If Canada and other nations can give medical coverage to all on a national basis why can’t America do the same for it’s citizens? I wonder did anyone ever think of the simple solution of sending a team of people to these nations and finding out how they do it all and bringing it back for implentation here in the USA? They should! And here is another question, why is it when someone dies, it cost the survivors 10 grand to bury them in the USA? Shouldn’t that be more affordable also?

Medicare has limits, Medicaid has requirements to even qualify for it! So when someone has a deadly disease or is seriously ill, neither covers all of the costs and in most cases Medicaid does not kick in at all, because people have assests that disqualifies them. It is a sad story for sure in America.

Well, enough of the bitching and complaining I do daily. I know it sounds like I am just bitching and complaining, but if you stop to think about it all, I am honest. Today, gas prices rise again, food costs goes up again, and in the end the price of living rises daily. Recessions, depressions, and in the end revamping the economy never ends does it? We struggle to survive and the ones who have it all, multiple homes, lots of money, don’t help anyone else. The world is not the same as when I grew up for sure.

I’ve said this many times and I think very few understand it, maybe because they are not of the generation I am of. I was born in the 1950’s, and grew up in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Now, back then America was a all for one and one for all country. When you were driving down the road back then and got a flat tire or your car broke down, and were stuck, people would stop and offer you a ride to the gas station, or to help you change a tire or to call someone for you. We lived in the age of we, we, we, in America. Today, the country is now a me, me, me nation, I am gonna get mine and screw you. People don’t help anyone anymore unless they are family. Stranger dangers arise and haunt us as warped minds and souls roam the country. Anger is on the rise, violence is on the rise, and people sit back and go, look at that, and point and talk about it is all. Then, we all hide in our own protective shells so we don’t get hurt and do nothing to stop the killings, death threats and bombings. We sit home and watch it all on tv, like it is just a show, it isn’t folks it is real and it is sad. America is going down a path of self-destruction and no one is paying attention to it!

Well, I can’t change how all of America feels or reacts to anything, I only have control over myself. So, I go day by day, and hope for the best, but stay prepared for the worse. Isn’t that what all of us are doing these days?

I know life is not perfect, the world has it’s problems, and not everyone can get along, but is it really necessary to live life like, angry individuals who want to kill one another? Seriously, life is about compromise folks, and we all must do it, or not survive.

I was with the same woman for 28 years, I was happy with compromising and had enough and so did she. Isn’t that what life is, compromising, getting along, being civil to one another? Stop and think about it and I believe you will see it. When we allow greed to drive us, hate to drive us, fear to drive us, we head to a place of destruction for all mankind!

Let me say one other thing also here, I see racial divides and anger in America. Races, creed, color, or nationality has nothing to do with a thing. For it matters not, for we all have the same needs, the same color blood, and in the end we all want the same things, peace, and to get our fair share for our families and ourselves. We all bleed red, we all deficate and urinate and we all like to stay clean. We all need homes to live in and food to eat and in the end we are no different from one another as many want us to think, we are. Tell you what, you want to know the truth, go serve your country in any military branch in America, you will learn, all are equal, you will work with all and learn from all. There is no barriers in war, or even peace time in the military, you are one and you will know it too.

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