Wednesday has arrived and last night I got to watch the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the Wild Card Game. Now, I am always happy to see the Red Sox win, always have been my baseball team. My step-father and I while I was growing up, used to watch them together, it reminds me of good times with him.
October is moving along and today is already the sixth, amazingly, time marchs on and life seems to, too, for me. At 65, I wonder what I am still doing here, I always thought I would be gone by 40 years old, with the type of life, I lived. But, I have survived till 65 so far and I should be grateful of that.
As the world continues to turn so to say, I stop and remember my wife each day. I loved her more than anyone knew or would know. I do miss her in all ways, but I also know, life goes on and I have to keep living until my time comes. Yesterday I talked to the man who is doing the grave stone for my wife and I. I approved it and paid the cemetary to place it. Hopefully it will be in place soon enough and, I am doing all that is right, by her.
Lawyers are on the job of course for me. Cost is crazy when people die, plots cost money, burial costs money, cremation costs money, headstones cost money and more. The cost of a person dying is a killer unless your rich of course. I never realized how much all of it cost to get done properly in today’s economy. I do now!
As all of the above is being done and paid for, I still have the house to finish cleaning out and to sell before I can move on. It is at times daunting to even think about, yet alone, do. Each step can be agonizing and painful, for you run dead into memories, in everyway. I loved my wife and our marriage lasted, we were together 28 years, the memories tend to come back to me, so I go thru up and downs of course. I try to remember just the good times, which for me is easy, because we didnt have many bad ones.
What does a widower or widow do when a spouse dies, and it is over? Well, if anyone has been thru it all they should know you pay bills, you make plans to move on, because staying will get you in the end. So, that is what I am trying to do, it will take time that is for sure. So many things to settle are here. You can’t settle it all alone, you need a lawyer these days and they cost too.
Once all of the above is done, I can then sell the house and move on. Then, there is estate taxes and finding a new place to live. So many things in the way of moving on and living again. It can be daunting and emotionally draining all at once.
OK, searching for a new place to live must be put on hold also, because in order to move and get a new place, the old one must be sold and gone. One step at a time is what I am being told and yes, it is all one, can do. I know, there is no reason to stay in a big house and pay for the oil and electric and more to keep it going. Smaller would be better for me.
How to start over or keep going is always a question? I only know I must, so I search and look at properties and places to go. I won’t stay in the same place I spent my life with my wife in. It will tear me down emotionally and I have already suffered depression once, I dont want it twice.
My hope is a simple one, I want a small place for myself, a dependable vehicle, and a simple life. I want decent, comfortable and safe is all, I am not young, anymore. Hopefully I can live out the remaining years I have left, in that way.
Fate and destiny it seems drives my life in many ways. I know it will be so in the near future also, it always has. What the Good Lord has in store for me and how I shall go on, is all fate and destiny,not controlled by me now, in many ways. I have always been a firm believer that we are put upon this earth to accomplish certain tasks set out for us by the good lord. When you complete those tasks, although you know not what they are, you are called back to his side. That is how life goes I believe folks and I can only believe what I believe.
As to the news and politics in the world today, people need to learn to compromise and get along and in the end do what is right for all. You can agree to disagree, but in the end, you can look at the world in a new light each day, and find ways to get along and compromise, if ,you really want to. Do what is right for all, morally, ethically, legally and it will work out in the end.