A new day has dawned once more it is now about 7:50 am here. I am now on my second cup of coffee to wakeup. The day starts out ok so far and we shall see what it brings.
Each day I wake up, I consider a blessing, and yes, I miss my wife, but, I will not give up. Life is precious folks we all cling to it each day, and I am no exception to that rule. Although when my wife passed on August 10th, I seriously considered ending my own life and going with her. Depression hit me and I almost succumbed to it, but, I reached out in the end and got help.
Now, I am facing rebuilding and trying to get ahead in life once more and settling all of her probate and matters. It is not easy to clean out a life you led for 28 years with someone you loved and who was your spouse. The memories come back and they flood you, but, you can remember the good, and forget the bad and then carry on, as you go along. It is not easy to do, but, as the survivor you must.
Steps one has to take when a spouse dies are not fun, nor is there any pleasure in being alone again, suddenly. Yet, many people experience it daily and survive to go on with their own lives and it is what I must do now. At 65, I have leda full life now in my opinion. I have had two of everything it seems, two marriages, two children, and even had two cats. I have seen cancer up close and personal and fought it myself and with my second wife who passed August 10th, 2021. They say experience is the best teacher in life, maybe so, but when dealing with cancer, it is a lesson I wish I never experienced or witnessed. They say, there isa reason for everything, I keep searching for the reason for all I have witnessed and experienced, and find it hard to find.
My life is divided into sections in many ways. Each section or period of time has affected me differently and combined to make me who I am now. I have learned there rae things in life we can not control ourselves as human beings. We try and do all we can to do so, but in the end it is fate and destiny that controls it all not us as human beings, or the Good Lord who steps in.
Anyway, October is moving along now, the leaves are changing outside, and there is a chill in the New England air now. Decisions i had to make have been made now, such as my wife’s burial, her headstone and mine combined, the process of cleaning out and selling the home is well underway also. There is not much more left to do really, except for selling all I can to survive and moving on from a marriage and life I loved. Missing a spouse is rough in all ways, for you live with the memories daily and you never know when they will hit you. Yet, knowing, she is now at rest and in no pain gives a manner of comfort at least. I know she is no longer suffering pain or discomfort, and that to me is important to realize.
Onward is what they say and so it must be. Time waits for no one and it passes quicker than we would like it seems. Time is indeed a precise commodity that we have very little of, if we stop to realize it. It passes much too fast for any of us!. I used to smile and laugh at people who would say the same in reference to their children growing up, but once you realize it, you tend to go, it’s so true.
As to the current state of affairs in America and the world, human kind has too many peoblems for one man to figure it all out. America find sitself in a sorry state, prices rise for the cost of living and Congress acts likea bunch of childen arguing overa candy bar and we all suffer for it all. The American Governement, especially Congress needs a change over folks, those who have been in office for too long need replaced, they are stagnant in their ways and opinions. Because they have the comfort of the Office they hold and the benefits they have, they tend to just stay in one position and arge among themselves, ignoring what we, the people, really need. We need to tell them in a not polite way, it’s time to act and pass a damn budget and plan to help us all, or get the hell out of the way. I know I am tired of it all, by now, act, do something god damn it. Don’t allow America to go bankrupt or default, if you do you lower us into a third world state status.
As life goes now, we have too much violence and too many murders, kidnappings and more happening inthe world and here at home in the U.S.. We havea societial problem with anger and frustrations and mental illness in America that needs faced and helped. Each day newscasts show the violence, the disappearances and deaths of innocent people women and children, black and white and hispanic and more. A wave of violence exists for a reason in america, it is fostered by too many people with predijuce and discrimantion built into them. You wnat to stop racial violence, or violence period, it starts in the American Home, parenst need to teach equality, parenst need to teach all of us bleed red, we all have the same needs and wants and desires, period. If we don’t the racial divides and violence will tear America and the world apart causing wars. We need to wake up!
Ok in the end let me say this, I am 65 now, I wonder, how long I shall live and i seek just a comfy place to live, a place to enjoy the ending years of my life. I have no idea how long I shall live, but, I know I served Uncle Sam for 16 years and did my duty. I know, I spent the last 16 years fighting a cancer battle with my second wife, who I miss dearly. I know, I survived lung cancer, myself also. Unless you have been down the same road, well, you get the drift, don’t judge me. I only look for peace, comfort and a way to live out my life in a decent manner, is that too much to ask? I hope not, time shall tell now.
Life so they say is just a game and they let it drift away! Seals and Crofts sang it years ago, and it applies daily to all of us. Live life fully, enjoy it while you can, do what you really want while you can, be with who you care for and love and in the end, live fully. Life is too short not to, folks!