October 11th, 2021, New England, In the United States, at this time of year becomes a colorful ride up and down our streets and highways. The leaves turn their colors and begin to fall, the reds and golden yellows and oranges, brighten the countryside as you drive through. One of the most magical things about New England is the fall foliage and it’s changing colors this time of year, it is magical to see.
I awoke around 7;20 am today, I have a sore throat for sure and a head cold to go with it, it seems. I will survive it I am sure, but I hate when my throat is sore like this, it is like little needles in it when I swallow or talk, scratchy and all. I am hoping all it is, is a cold and sore throat that will disappear in a few days, time shall tell.
In the meantime the world is still spinning around and I am still kicking here on it. The news never seems to be good for anything when I hear it on television, it is always bad news of course. I tire of the bad news, of this one killed that one, or this politician did this or that. Why, simply put, I expect that garbage daily and that is what the american public eats up as a whole. Americans seem in my opinion to feed off of bad news daily and many get up and the first thing they do is watch the news and I go why?
Now there is a watch type situation going on on the Trump front, as Donald Trump holds rallies and gives speeches filled with lies and bullshit. People fall for it all and go Trump 2024, and I go I dont think so folks, he was twice Impeached in one term and never accomplished a damn thing in office and in the end caused an insurrection against our own government. So I know I will watch and see what happens, but I won’t ever vote for a man like him and never did. Just my opinion is all and no I am not going to argue with Trump Supporters out there.
Next up for me, the search has been on for this Laudrie guy for a while now, going on three weeks, I think. Now, let me say this, a man can last in the wilds for a while of course if experienced. Yet I doubt very much if he is in the Nature Preserve in Florida, I believe it is a distraction by his parents to protect their boy. The area in question has animals in it, and those animals can kill a human being, so, unless he has some protection, a weapon of some kind or a great way to get off the ground at nite or into a covering, he is in serious trouble trying to survive in there. I personally think he is not in there, but my opinion is just that ,my opinion.
Baseball in October is magical folks to watch on television. Last night I caught the end of the Red Sox vs the Rays on tv that went 13 innings. The Red Sox won and it was a crazy game for sure. One of the few pleasures I have these days is watching sports on tv, and the Red Sox are my team and always have been win or lose. I am a loyal Red Sox fan as always.
I am also a major NFL fan. Sports seems to distract me and help me to handle all I am going through these days. I love the NFL and Baseball too. I can get involved in a game on TV and forget the world for hours, by watching them.I don’t ignore all around me, but, I like watching.
Final thought for today. I miss my wife and always will, we had a close relationship and her absence since her death affects all I do these days. I do what needs to be done, by paying the bills I must, starting with her probate with a lawyer and cleaning out the house we lived in and then selling it. I will always have the memories of her and our time together will always be fondly remembered. I do it, because I can’t bear to stay in the same house we had together her memory is instilled in it and it affects me. Now, emotionally we all suffer when a spouse or loved one dies, the serverity depends on the emotional and mental attachments we have had with them. So yes I get depressed, yes I still do cry over her death. Yet, I also know I need to pull myself together, do what I must to settle it all and move on, I am still alive. Some have expected me to reach out to them and talk to them about it all, and I am not doing that. I never have and never will I guess, I am a realist in all ways. I understand that when someone dies they are gone forever and there is no bringing them back. I also understand that the families are not always tight or as close as some believe. I am far from stupid or ignorant when it comes to this fact. I know, the survivors want belongings and memories of her, and that is what they seek here. I am not stupid and i also undertand once that happens and the items are handed over, it is over period. I am not dumb enough or ignorant enough to not know, I am not liked, by them. So, I made decisions based on what I need to do in my life without them being there. It will have to do, and once they get what they want I will never hear from them again I am sure.
Time they say heals all wounds folks, don’t believe it. It may heal and scab them, it may leave scars, but the past doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger. You become less senistive to many things as you get older and gain experience. As Joe Biden our President today once said, “Folks, this is not my first rodeo here!” I have dealt with people with hidden agendas before and people who are two faced before and so much more, many of us ,have in America. We survive for a reason folks, why because resiliencey is built into us, the ability to overcome exists. I really don’t care what people think of me, I do what is right and move on is all. I know, who is who in my life and why they were there, I also know what their opinions of me were over the years. So, I just do what I can and do it proper and try to do the right thing and move on. No matter what others may think of me, or their opinions, I loved my wife, I stood by my wife and I stayed till she died with her and cared for her. If that didnt tell the people watching, waiting and who left it all to me, how much I loved her and cared for her, than nothing, ever will, will it?
To close today, let me say this, no spouse can do anything alone if married and my wife and I did all together. Someday, all will know that and understand, I am not the bad guy, I am not evil or unthinking or uncaring at all. Just because I understand the future and the facts, does not mean, I don’t care or won’t do what is right. It means I am not able to confront and debate and argue and refuse to is all, why should I? My wife died with two people by her side on August 10th, 2021, myself and my sister, no one else. I did what was right by her then, and since, and will continue to.