Thoughts run through me.


October 14rh, has arrived the chill is in the air and it is around 6:30 am now. The sun here has not risen fully as of yet, it peaks over the horizon just a bit right now. I awoke just a bit ago, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my mind and body would not, let me, today. Seems awake is what I am bound to be right now.

Memories come back in my dreams to me when I sleep, and of course they are vivid at my age. I know they are just memories for once you open your eyes or I mine they disappear like the winds of time blowing through. So many years of memories and times that were good, very few really bad for me. I spent many years doing all I could for my wife who I miss dearly and now she is no longer here to do for. I wish she were, but, I can not change it, can I?

I am preparing to move on alone in life now. The process is slow due to court requirements for Probate for my wife who died. Yet I go forward by cleaning out the house and selling the belongings I can not keep or want with me in the future. It only makes sense to me, to do so. I had never thought, I would be a widower at 65 years old, but, I am now.

Anyway, the world continues to go round and life still exists daily on it. People rush to and fro, working and doing everything and everyday things. It is a world that ceases for no one, or anything it seems. Science is warning mankind though that our atmosphere and oxygen content is depleting now. We basically know, how many planets are in our solar system these days, we are not 100 percent sure we know them all, but, as it goes we are on the one planet that supports human life. Unless mankind can find another planet we can reach that will support human life we are in trouble. We are depleting the oxygen content and minerals in earth at a rate that spells doom for all of mankind soon enough. We should be working overtime to stop pollution and save the world we live on.

Next, the political climate in the USA sucks period. If people are going to try to push Donald Trump for President again in 2024, then America will be headed toward a autocratic governement and in the end it’s demise and fall to being a third world country. Why anyone who is American would vote for Donald J. Trump is beyond me! He failed at everything he touched or attempted to do, and in the end he was Impeached Twice and incited an insurrection in America that no one needed. It would be Anti-American, to even think of voting for him.

That brings me to the murders of women in America and the attacks by these men on them. Violnce it seems is an integrel part of America these days. Domestic Violence is wrong period no matter which sex is doing it, and the majority is the male of our species who lose control in anger. It needs to be ceased and people need to gather themselves and protect themselves. The Gabby Petitino, case is only one example folks, she was 20 years old and now strangled to death! So young and so sad in my mind for innocent she may not have been totally, but no one deserves to be strangled to death.

Where is Brian Laundrie, well, I have my opinion of course and it involves his parents in one way only. Did they give him a head start, so he can stay free and hide? Maybe? We don’t know for sure. There has been some thoughts of him being in Mexico, others say the Bermudas, and some say he is in Florida still. Fact is in my opinion first off, if he is innocent why run and hide? Second, how long will he live with himself if he did strangle her, before it gets to him? Thirdly, my opinion is he may be dead, sucide actually in guilt over killing Gabby. Which is true I don’t know, but, to strangle someone is a personal type attack and you have to see the person die as you do so. It must affect him in someway for sure mentally and emotionally. Time shall tell of course. I hope they find him alive, but I have my doubts they will.

Lately, I have listened to many opinions on relationships between couples and friends. I don’t agree with all of them of course because I come from the old school of relationships, men and women so to say. I am old school and beleive a man’s place is to take care of his wife if he marries her. I am not physically violent nor do I believe in mental torture in any relationship. If you dont get along with someone get away from them, let them be. Don’t hit people, don’t yell and shout and torture them or stalk them, leave. The world is full of different types of people, move on period. Or stay alone if you are happier that way. Don’t get physical, don’t mentally torture anyone, seriously, don’t due to others, that which you should not do to thyself or want done to yourself.

Each of us do relationships different, we each have our wants, our needs, our desires and our dreams. We reach for them, and we want to share them with others. Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way for people, period. Listen folks, if your relationship is not what you seek and your not getting what you believe you think you should from it, they make laws and divorce proceedings just for that purpose. Get away legally, not violent, please!

Let me say this for all who read my blogs, or may read them. I believe I will be ok, but time will tell, especially since my wife died in August of 2021. I struggle with it, went into depression over it all and got help from many sources, thank god. I will always miss my wife for she was very close to me and I to her, the loss is rough on me emotionally and mentally. I find myself sometimes, wishing she were here to answer my questions, or for advice and she is no longer here. I think all who lose their spouse go through the same things I am experiencing, right now. I go through moments of calling her name or looking for her, but she is no longer here. It happens, believe me folks. As life goes on, I will slowly realize, she is not here and it will change, I am sure.

I personally know, I did all I could for my wife and have done all I can, now that she is passed and laid to rest. Some have tried to guilt me into doing things, by saying she wouldn’t want it, the way I am doing it, that is false and has no effect on me at all. I have no guilt over my wife’s death or anything I have done since it. I did all I could for her when she was alive, and as she died too, there was nothing else I could do, she deserved it done correctly and politely. I did all of it,that way. I will always honor my wife’s wishes and always have, once i am done doing so, I have a life I am still living and will live on. God Bless my Wife!

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